29. June #2
"Oh, we are. There isn't a damn thing that could get between us.
But that doesn't mean we haven't gone through hell to get here.
We both kept secrets, some much darker and more dangerous than others.
Some I had no idea how we would ever overcome.
" Claire chews at her lip. "But there comes a point where you have to make a decision.
You have to decide if bearing it all is worth risking everything in hopes of making it work.
Love is more powerful than you think, J.
And if there's enough of it, there isn't anything you can't conquer. "
Claire glances over her shoulder at Johnny for a moment.
I consider her words, letting the weight of them sink in.
There is no lack of love when it comes to how I feel about my men, but what if I’m the only one pouring my heart into us?
I can’t do it on my own. Not when they push me away every chance they get, only to pull me close when I’m one foot out the door.
They hook me back in just enough to keep me on the line, letting me drift away until it’s time to do it again.
We can’t maintain a relationship like that.
And I can’t deal with the mental mind-fuckery it brings.
Simon is right—this situation has been impacting me in more ways than I let on.
I have lost weight. I have been more anxious and depressed than usual.
I have resorted to harming myself when I need to feel something.
And I’ve only felt relatively at peace when I’ve been inflicting pain on someone else.
There’s a darkness that’s settled over me, and I underestimated just how intense it was.
“Did Johnny ever doubt you?” I ask her. “Like question whether you had what it takes to be in this world.”
Claire nods. “Yep. Pissed me off, too. Especially when I proved myself more times than not.”
“Exactly.” I reach out and grab her forearm. “They do the same shit to me.”
“Oh, and I’m sure it’s even worse coming from four of them.”
I pull my arm away and tuck my hair behind my ear. “Three, more so. Simon and I aren’t together.”
“Could have fooled me. The guy is in love with you.”
My heart thuds wildly in my chest. “That obvious?”
“Pretty sure he’s trying to stare a hole through my head to get a look at you right now.” Claire chuckles and sets her bottle of water on the table, exposing Simon, who is doing exactly what she had said.
I reach up and graze my fingers along the necklace, skimming them over the scar on my chest, the one that matches the entry wound in my back from the night I was shot trying to kill Simon.
His men were only doing what they thought was right, but Coen and Simon made sure not a single person responsible for that near-death experience lived another day.
I didn't learn about Coen's rampage until after I had come out of surgery, and it was a few months before I heard Simon had eliminated the guy who actually pulled the trigger.
He had fled that night, sneaking out a back door when the commotion erupted in the council mansion. That man never should have had a gun to begin with, but he did. And when he saw me about to drive the dagger into Simon’s chest, he shot me in the back.
Luckily for me, his aim wasn’t the best. Had he been a hair farther to the left, he would have hit my lung straight through. He still nicked it, causing me to nearly bleed out, but the surgeon was able to repair the damage and patch me up before I could drown in my own blood.
“Hey,” I say to Claire. “Have you ever met the council wives?”
Claire rolls her eyes. “Stuck up bitches with too much money and ego if you ask me.”
“It’s like you’re reading my mind.”
“I’m so glad that’s just a west coast thing. Why they give power to those women, I will never know.”
I always thought it was a rather strange set-up they had.
To give the wives the power to make massive decisions for the organization the way they do.
Some of them don’t even have the knowledge of the inner workings more than just surface level.
It seemed flawed, but who was I to raise those concerns when I barely knew anything myself?
Claire hasn’t been in the life much longer than I have, but given her intimate relationship with the head of the east coast, she’s knowledgeable enough to have that kind of opinion.
“Supposedly,” Claire continues. “Franklin’s wife was the one who stuck her neck out for Johnny back in the day. But something always felt off about her. About her motives, you know?”
“I’m so sorry for what he did to you guys.” I shake my head. “I’ve heard stories, and I don’t know how much is true, but the shit he put you through. It’s terrible.”
Claire repositions herself. “Franklin was a sick man. The world is a better place without him.”
“June!” Someone calls out from across the way.
I scan the crowd to find the culprit and latch my sights on the beautiful blonde we came with. Cora raises her arms and waves aggressively at us and then motions for us to join her.
“We have been summoned,” Claire says while looking at our shared friend.
“You ready for this?” I ask her, rising to my feet.
She stands and adjusts her tightly fitted black bodysuit. “Born for it, baby.”
I pour tequila into a few of the glasses and top them with a splash of orange juice before digging through the rest of our selection to find something more my taste.
Simon walks over and plucks a bottle of Hawk’s Mark from under the table. “Is this what you’re looking for, love?”
Johnny comes over and wraps his arms around Claire’s waist and kisses her cheek from behind. “I love you,” he whispers, but loud enough for me to hear.
Her lips meet his and I steady my attention on the man in front of me.
“Yes. How did you know?” I stand and come face to face with him.
“Because I know you.” Simon pulls the top off and pours some of the golden liquid into my empty cup, his seductive stare making my heart pound harder.
“Do you want something?” I pause and then add, “To drink.”
He winks and shakes his head. “I’m good, love.”
I give Claire one of the tequila’s and offer another to Johnny. I take the last one for Cora and pinch it between my fingers with my drink, leaving my other hand free to latch onto Simon.
We walk as a group out of the roped-off area and into the throng of people crowding this place.
I've been in here countless times and never had any inclination that Simon owned part of it.
I just assumed everyone treated him the way they do because of who he is.
There isn't a place in this town where any of these men can go without them getting special attention.
Simon's hand weaves its way along mine as I lead us toward where Cora and Alec are standing along the edge of the dance floor.
She beams as we approach and gratefully takes the cup that I give her, a sheen covering her glowing face. Cora sips some of it and offers it to Alec. He flits his attention at Simon, who gives him a curt nod. Does he have to approve his every move with Simon before acting?
Alec hadn’t been part of the plan, but I’m glad he’s here to keep an eye on Cora. With Johnny focused on Claire, and Simon on me, it’s nice to have Alec here looking out for her.
With just one glass in my grasp, I sip the decadent bourbon.
“Come on!” Cora yells over the blaring music. She takes Alec’s hand and drags him through the crowd.
The rest of us follow her to a spot near the middle of the dance floor. The lights flicker and turn a shade of dark blue. I turn toward Simon, his body close to mine.
“Are you going to dance with me?” I shout at him.
“Do you want me to?” Simon raises a brow.
I take another drink of my bourbon and nod.
He grins and his strong grip finds my waist, tugging me close and swaying me to the beat.
It doesn’t take us long to find our rhythm, dancing like our bodies were made for each other.
I turn in his grasp, my backside pressing against his front.
I weave my hand up and around his neck, holding him close to me.
His hips move with mine, his cock only separated by the clothing that we’re both wearing.
His hands glide over my body, exploring cautiously.
We stay that way for a short infinity. Cora and Alec dance a few feet from us; Cora’s arms draped over Alec’s neck, his hands holding onto her waist. I spin, catching a glimpse of Johnny and Claire, who are moving to the beat, too.
Their mouths locked on each other’s, a fiery passion between them unlike any other couple in this place.
Their love is powerful enough to set this whole place ablaze.
I face Simon again and look up at him.
“What’s wrong, love?” he asks me, concern lining his brow.
I stare into his emerald eyes. “I don’t want to regret anything.”
Simon skims his knuckles along my cheek. “What could you possibly regret?”
"Not saying yes." I swallow and flit my attention to his lips for a brief second.
“Yes to what?”
“You.”
For a moment, the whole place quiets down, the sound muffles and fades into the background.
Everyone is gone, except for us. Just me and this beautiful man who has done everything for me since the moment I met him.
The one who declared that I would be his before I even knew his name.
The one that vowed to wait forever. And that gave up everything on the off chance that it could bring me back to life.
The guy everyone views as an arrogant fuck-boy happens to be one of the kindest and most considerate men I've ever come across. He puts my needs above his, and he’s been there for me when no one else was.
“What do you want, love?” Simon keeps moving our bodies together to the distant beat.
“You.” I stand taller. “I want you.” And right now, with the whole world watching, I refuse to miss this opportunity to finally take that step.
“Love…” Simon hesitates.
“We might not get another chance, Simon.” I hover my face closer.
He rests his forehead against mine. “I don’t want that to be the reason you kiss me.”