13. Izzy
IZZY
Clothes went flying, ripped off. Fast and dirty seemed all Myel and I could manage these days. It seemed like forever since the last time our bond had been settled enough for us to have some quality physical time together.
Once we were naked, our bodies mashed together, lips furiously seeking every aching inch of our partner’s flesh.
We didn’t even make it to the bed, or anywhere near the bed for that matter.
We’d been closer to the couch and when I turned to lead him to that softness, Myel couldn’t wait, bending me over the arm of the couch instead.
His raging erection found the sodden mess of my core and plunged into me from behind.
I opened my mouth to protest, finding our times more intimate when we were facing each other, but once he was thrusting, I lost all capacity for speech or coherent thought and bucked back against him, using my arms on the couch for leverage.
Who needed intimacy when you had raw, hot, steamy sex and a bond which demanded this physical connection?
Myel’s hands slid up my sides and under, finding my breasts and clasping on as he bent over behind me, lips kissing my spine and up into my hair as his thrusts grew more and more erratic.
A climax sang through me at the feel of his body curled around mine, his hardness so damned hot inside me, and the clutching need of his hands raking over my breasts.
During the times we were apart, I sometimes wondered if what we had was real, or if the bond was forcing us together.
But at times like this, when that was exactly what the bond was doing, I didn’t care.
My bondmate was perfect, everything I needed and more, filling my body and soul with bliss as we came crashing together.
Myel let out a long, desperate grunt as he plunged himself deep and stayed there, his cock swelling then pulsing with his release.
And feeling his heat explode inside me elevated my orgasm into the realm of heavenly ecstasy.
We both tensed as the pleasure seized us, locked together in a tableau of rapture.
My blood pounded so hard it drowned out everything else.
All I heard was the beating of my heart.
All I felt was the hammering of Myel’s pulse, mostly through his cock, but also vibrating his entire body, which was curled around mine.
He sank his teeth into my neck and drank hungrily.
Right. It had been a while since he’d fed, and he’d gone through a lot in that time.
I’d almost forgotten how good it felt, the renewed sense of bliss it sent through both of us.
I was about to tell him to leave a little blood for me, starting to feel lightheaded, when he stopped.
His lips softly kissed over my back as we slowly came down from that skin-tingling, body-clenching high.
And when our bodies finally did go slack, we fell onto the couch together, with him still holding me from behind, desperately.
“Maybe,” I whispered through my still panting breaths, “we could take it slow now?” I offered.
But a whirlwind of emotions swirled to life in Myel again as he sighed heavily against my back.
“I can’t. I have to go.”
“Go? Where?”
“Safir needs spies. And I’m one of the better shifters for that assignment. I’m headed to the capital.”
The capital?
“There has to be others Safir can send. I need you here, with me.” It was selfish, but I didn’t want Myel sent away, straining our bond yet again.
Myel sighed, heavier. “Safir and I haven’t agreed on much lately, but on this, he’s not wrong.
It’s night and I’m at home in the dark. If a dragon can get me close to the capital, I could make it into the palace with no one being the wiser.
There are few with my ability to move and hide in shadows. ”
Well fuck.
“Just return to me… soon, safe,” I whispered and grabbed one of his hands over my belly to hold and squeeze tightly in mine.
“I will,” he said, kissing my back again.
But… that hadn’t been all that had been bothering him. I still felt a heady dose of anger and resentment and uncertainty flowing through our bond. And I didn’t want him leaving on such a dangerous mission distracted by such strong emotions.
“I’m… sorry about Bayn,” I offered.
And yup… those same feelings flared.
This time he didn’t so much sigh, as huff out a long, hot breath.
“Another man,” he hissed. “Rook was understandable, Vyns — I am sorry I blew up about him at the time — but I’ve accepted him now.
Yet… it seems you’ve developed something with the dragon?
And now, this titan wants to drag you to his marriage bed? ”
I didn’t know if Bayn wanted to drag me to his marriage bed or just wanted the power that came from being king and general.
But yeah, Koar and I hadn’t really been a thing before Myel had been stolen away by Saldrea. I could see why he might seem upset about more men wanting to be with me.
But I’d come to accept that this was my life now, a growing harem of men supporting me. It felt… nice.
Until one of them got jealous…
Though oddly, I didn’t really feel much in the way of jealousy from Myel, more anger and frustration.
“You don’t really mind the men,” I whispered. “I feel what you do, remember? So, what’s really bothering you?”
Myel let out a long grunt. Even after that he didn’t speak. His emotions warred within him. He couldn’t speak his true fears, so I took a guess.
“You’re worried I won’t need you,” I said softly, gently. “You aren’t jealous of the men in my life, but worried they’ll edge you out of it? Am I right?”
“Yes,” he growled, the word torn out of him. Then, suddenly he exploded, ranting, the floodgates opened by that one word.
“You changed me, made me stronger, better, tougher, but somehow, I’m still the weakest of those around you. I’ll never be able to change the fact that I’m just a shifter. And you’ve got dragons and titans vying to be with you. I can’t compete with that!”
“You don’t need to compete—” I don’t think he heard my words as he rushed over me.
“With all these others to give you what you need, you don’t need me anymore. You won’t… want me… anymore.” He slowed down for that last bit, his true feelings finally coming out.
I stilled my own mounting frustration at having to go over this again, reminding myself Myel was dealing with thousands of years of indoctrination and societal oppression, telling him his kind were worthless.
This time I spoke over him as he tried to continue.
“Myel! No! Stop! I have no desire to break our bond. I want you in my life, period. Why do you keep thinking I don’t?
I’m not getting rid of you. You’re stuck with me, whether you want it or not!
I like having you in my life. I crave being close to you.
And sure, maybe that’s the bond speaking, but so what if it is?
The bond makes me feel so damned good when you’re near and I don’t want to give that up. Got it?”
He didn’t. His emotions were still unsettled, his forlorn mistrust weighing on him.
Maybe it was time for a different tactic.
“Let me be perfectly clear.” I wriggled out of his grip enough to turn around and face him, our noses so close they brushed each other.
This needed to be said eye to eye. “There is only one reason I’d ever consider breaking our bond, and that is if you asked me to.
If you wanted to be free to live your own life, then I’d respect and honor that and let you go. ”
“Is. That. What. You. Want?” I asked point blank, emphasizing every word.
“No, I—”
“Then you’re good. I’m not going anywhere.” And I kissed him to punctuate the point. “I like having you nearby. I like our hot, sweaty times together, and our slow and sensual times together, and our non-sexy, soothing times together. I want you in my life. End of discussion.”
Still his emotions weren’t settled.
Fuck this.
“Say it,” I said with a heavy sigh. “I know what you’re feeling, so say it, out loud!”
Myel flinched as if struck and the words spilled out. “I don’t believe you!” he shouted. Well, as much as he could shout at me, since we were so close.
I pushed him away, fed up. I sat on the edge of the couch and shook my head.
“Sure, fine, but that’s on you, not me,” I said firmly.
“I’ve told you how I feel, and you know I’m telling the truth because you can feel it through our bond.
And yeah, sure, Maybe I’m not at ‘love’ yet, but that doesn’t change the fact that I want you in my life. How many times do I have to say it?”
This is not how I’d hoped our time together would go.
Though, to be fair. Myel had been through hell lately. He’d died and been revived, then nearly killed again in a most gruesome way. I could understand him being upset about that, but not about me.
“I’m just…” Another sigh as he sat up next to me. “I don’t know what I am. After everything I’ve been through, I feel weak and useless. And I don’t know why you’d want me around.”
There, had that been so hard to say?
Though, given how tense he’d been while saying it… perhaps it had been difficult. Once he’d said it, most of his emotions drained away, leaving only a faint despair and a lot of amorphous anxiety.
“Even though I’m upset,” I whispered. “I still want you.” I looked over at him. “You can be angry at someone you care for. In fact, the ones we care for make us the angriest at times.”
He nodded.
“I hear you,” he said. “The rest… is for me to work out.”
It was really hard not to shout: hell yeah!
He leaned over and gave me a soft kiss on the cheek. “I should go. I’ll… be careful.”
And now a part of me worried that he wouldn’t be careful, that he’d push himself to prove he was worthy of me, or something stupid like that, and get himself killed.
“Just… come back,” I whispered as we both got up and went hunting for discarded clothes.
“I will.” He dressed quickly, then left.
I felt like shit.
So much for our time together making me feel better.
“Be safe,” I whispered to the air, even as my heart constricted at the thought of him lurking around the capital.