Chapter 27
JULIAN
“You look like hell,” my sister remarks honestly as she sits down to occupy the vacant stool next to me at the bar.
Nursing my second whiskey, I can’t disagree. Failure is hard to swallow. It’s what I’ve led myself into.
“I’m getting a glimpse of hell, thank you very much, Caroline.” I ignore her and look forward at the row of expensive bottles against the wall of this chic club where members conduct afternoon business meetings with alcohol on the side. Today, the meeting is just me.
In the corner of my eye, she indicates to the barman for the same drink. “I figured you might be here. We may not be close, but the few times we’ve run into one another unplanned, it’s usually here. Although under better circumstances.”
Lifting my glass in the air for a lazy cheer, I highlight the obvious. “Are you here out of guilt?” My gaze swings to her with loathing.
Her face falls, with guilt written plainly all over it. “Yes.” The candor surprises me. “This possible scenario never crossed my mind. How was I supposed to know who your assistant was? We don’t speak often. I definitely had no clue that you’re in a relationship with her,” she explains.
“Was. Was in a relationship with her. Something tells me ruining her aunt’s life kind of put a dart into that chance of a relationship.” Misery floods my tone, and I set my empty glass down on the napkin.
I’m a man who judges choices for successful gain, it’s second nature to me.
Even when intuition poked me, I failed at listening.
The warning was always present. Hell, I even warned Savannah that I’m not a man capable of a relationship.
Lo and behold, it didn’t take long for me to destroy everything into smithereens because I misstepped, stuck in my thirst for her to notice the finer details.
I didn’t protect her, and I’m not worthy of her.
All along, we knew the risk.
Still, my body feels hollow.
Caroline gently touches my elbow. “Despite this situation, where did you see yourself going with her?”
“The question of the hour.” I’ve been here for one, and my mind fixates on a vision of what a future with her would be. “We weren’t ready to end.” Was I always only going to see the present?
“The world has only ever known you as a man who dates. That isn’t the same as a relationship. It’s a first for you.”
“Aren’t you observant,” I say, cynical. “I’m older than Savannah yet lack the experience of being a man who gives it all to someone.”
She thanks the bartender softly for delivering her drink and continues our conversation. “What are you going to do? Let her go?”
“I said I would look for her until she’s mine again, but now I’m wondering if I will only end up hurting her more.”
My sister shakes her head fervently in disagreement. “You always figure it out. There has to be a way to win her back… if that’s what you want.”
Remaining silent, I give her an astute look. As much as I’ve been wallowing, I have weighed the pros and cons. Running away is tempting and easy. Chasing her as I promised? A battle that I have to be ready to conquer.
I answer her honestly. “I feel terrible, and I will say sorry a thousand times.”
“I’ll do whatever I can to help. That’s why I’m here, actually.”
“Humor me.”
“I can attempt to convince the board to kill any possible deal, but it won’t be easy. There has to be something more than business logic. They think in money and publicity.”
A button is pressed in my brain. “Publicity.”
She nods. “Bring me something to deliver to the board. I can’t think of what, but it needs to create a rift.”
Chuckling deep in my throat, a sinister thought comes to mind that definitely isn’t on the straight and narrow. “Blackmail, perhaps?” I’m only half-joking.
Judging by Caroline’s face, she doesn’t find it funny, nor is she showing distaste. “You’re serious?” She shrugs and lets out an audible breath. “Someone on that board must have skeletons in the closet.”
“Of course they do. What person with a seven-figure bank account doesn’t?” I pause as a theory begins to brew in my head. I tap the bar top as I consider the option. “But they don’t air their dirty laundry.”
“Exactly.”
I sure as hell can find it. There are questionable methods that are aboveboard but still devious all the same.
“Find it, and I’ll deliver it to them… only if you want. I mean, you really want to be with Savannah.”
We circle back to the root issue. Being with Savannah, or am I really a broken person unable to be in a relationship and give her a future?
Is missing her already a sign? Or is it the loss of lust? The unbearable feeling to want to end her pain? It’s overwhelming, because everything I’ve been doing lately is because I’m out of my depth, because my feelings are stronger than I ever planned, and I haven’t experienced it before, either.
It’s love.
This has to be it. It’s the only explanation.
I told her that I would chase her because my heart spoke before my mind could clear.
The only reason I would chase her is that there’s a future for us.
“You need something to solve this? Consider it done.”
Rubbing the back of my neck, it makes a slight cracking noise, which isn’t the best sign that my stress or deep fear is getting any less.
I’m pacing by the window with my cell phone lying on my desk on speaker and listening to the man on the other end of the line.
I vaguely hear his explanation as I look out on the cloudy late afternoon.
“Listen,” I say. “I don’t particularly care how low we need to go on this.
I need to ensure we get this done. You have my full permission to go in any direction that will help solve this issue.
If I need to throw money at it, no problem.
If I need to rip someone to shreds, consider it already done.
But speed this up because a lot is on the line,” I remind the independent investigator who better be worth his salt to help dig into any possible hole that could solve Savannah running away.
“I’ll need a bit of time. There are a few avenues we can possibly go, but it could get ugly.”
“I don’t fucking care. Get it done,” I growl before I jab the end button on my screen.
I’m still in misery and despair. Even when my dad made a power move to ruin a company that was supposed to be mine, it was something else: fury. This is not the same. One is utter disappointment and bitterness, and the other has me clinging to hope and fear.
It’s still no surprise that every message to Savannah and every attempted call has gone unanswered.
I decided yesterday that the best course of action was to stop trying.
After tossing and turning all night and considering my talk with Caroline, one possible solution to this mess came to me.
Now, I need to get the wheels turning on it.
Space, they say, can help solve situations. But right now? I need to know Savannah is okay, to touch her to make sure she won’t break, and to remind her that, deep down, she has to believe that my intentions are pure.
My fingers thrum on my desk that I tower over with my hands firmly planted. My mind isn’t racing because my body is numb. It’s different from a fine whiskey winding you down; this numb is purely heavy and dark.
It hits me, one way to solve a mystery. I check the time, and it’s approaching five. Immediately, I swing my suit jacket off the back of my chair and slide it on as I walk to my office door, briefly taking in the scene of an empty desk where Savannah should be on my rush to the elevator.
Three minutes later, I find myself where I never would have thought to be.
Awkwardly, I stand to the side outside the daycare and wince when I see a screaming toddler being carried in his father’s arms, followed by a mom holding her daughter’s hand and explaining that dinner will be fish sticks.
Both parents seem very invested in preventing further meltdowns, so they don’t even see me.
It’s not every day that their CEO shows up unannounced here.
Yeah. The company daycare was not on my list of places to voluntarily visit.
As confirmed when Elodie exits the daycare, carrying her daughter, and she instantly squinches her face when she notices me.
“Elodie, I need to talk to you.”
She approaches me with caution. “What are you doing here?”
“Stuck in anguish due to my predicament,” I state the obvious.
She side-eyes me. “Clearly. You are voluntarily showing up at the company daycare.”
I tilt my head to the side. “True.” Glancing around us, the after-work pickup is a zoo. “Can we go somewhere to talk?”
Elodie looks at her daughter, who she bounces on her hip. Admittedly, the kid seems to be the calmest of all of them. Elodie sighs. “Fine. But not for long. Lola will get cranky if she doesn’t have dinner soon.”
“Perfect. The café next door? We can get her a snack or something.”
Reluctantly, she agrees, and we walk together but say little. It must appear odd to some to see us together. We have no connection to one another in terms of work.
When we settle in a booth next door, Elodie excuses herself real quick to change Lola’s diaper. I order us a few things, all while my knee bounces under the table with nerves. This plan has to get me somewhere.
Elodie returns and still appraises me strangely as she sits Lola in the highchair, and she slides herself into the booth and hands Lola a book from her bag.
The waitress in an apron appears, sets down a piece of chocolate cake and two iced teas, and leaves.
Elodie swings her gaze to me and seems unimpressed. “Please tell me that you are not trying to feed my two-year-old chocolate cake two hours before her bedtime.”
“I mean, why not?”
She rubs her temples. “Oh my God, you are doomed if you ever have kids.”
“Well, that’s not going to happen if you don’t tell me how Savannah is doing.”
I swear I see sympathy shadowing her face. “I shouldn’t be here. But I am here to listen because nobody wants to see two people apart if they fit.”