Twenty-Two – Vail
I spent the next three days suspended between fury and frustration. Fury, because the king of the alphadouches had worked me into a heated mess, then lay down the law about who I could or couldn’t invite to his precious school. And frustration because as much as I tried, I couldn’t replicate that grumbly rumble I was certain was my wolf. I’d never been much of a reader, but that image of a black wolf with her paws in a trap didn’t need to come with a set of CliffsNotes. I knew she was trapped inside me. I just didn’t know how to get her out.
The idea she could only surface if I was pressed against Jasper Arras made me sick to my stomach. And hot down to my core. Which also made me want to tear my hair out one strand at a time. As if it wasn’t bad enough I was wearing his collar, now my wolf was under his freaking spell, too.
I spent all day trying to act normal and not bad-mouth him to the other omegas. And every night plagued with hot as hell dreams. Which might have let me work through some of my neediness, if I wasn’t stuck in a hall of mirrors and he wasn’t stripping my clothes off, one torturous button at a time. We never got further than that brief touch of his lips over my bra, but I woke up scorching hot and limp as a rag. Which put me firmly back on that see-saw between fury and frustration.
It wasn’t the best mood to be in for gym class on Thursday, since Reed was waiting for me in low-hanging sweats and a tight white tank. I’d always known he was built; from the first moment I’d met him and the other alphadouches I’d had him pegged as the enforcer of the group. His buzzcut and flat brown gaze made me think prison warden, and he hadn’t helped things by tossing me over his shoulder when I tried to run. But now I was looking at those muscles in a whole new light.
What the fuck, Vail?
As I dropped my bag in the corner and unwrapped my scarf, I remembered the way I’d reacted to his alpha voodoo. Shaky legs, sweaty palms, curling toes. Like he wasn’t just swiping his big palm across my forehead, but trailing those hard fingers down my spine…
Maybe my wolf was a whorebag for more than just alpha spit.
I paused, my hands on the bottom of my sweatshirt. Last lesson, I’d been worried about the effect of the collar on Reed, and kept my thick sweats on to minimize contact. But maybe that was a layer too many for my wolf. Is she’d given up her rumbly growl for a bit of Arras skin, maybe she’d do the same for Reed. Peeling the sweatshirt over my head, I tried to act nonchalant as I tossed it aside and turned to face him in my thin black halter. I’d worn something similar during wrestling matches at my old high school, but for some reason, this felt different. It didn’t help he was watching me with a new heat burning in his brown eyes.
I gulped, my throat already dry, and I hadn’t even begun my warm up. He seemed to take pity on me, because he quickly put me through a set of stretches and then moved on to the kicks and punches we’d covered last lesson. I tried to lose myself in the exercise. To sink into the movement of straining muscles and the sting of a well-placed jab. But I couldn’t get past the jittery feeling under my skin.
Reed called a halt after about ten minutes, and I grabbed my water bottle in an effort to dilute my frustration. “You’ve got two things on your side, Vail. You’re quick – slippery, even - and you’ve had some training.”
I tossed my bottle aside and pulled a face. “And no one will expect an omega to fight back.”
He scratched his neck and looked a bit shame-faced. “Yeah, that too, I guess. But every advantage needs to be honed. You’re quick, but a shifter is stronger. Even another omega. And that won’t change until you shift.”
I planted my hands on my hips. “Explain.”
“It’s simple biology. Well, not simple, but it boils down to muscle mass and bone density. Every time you shift back to your human form, you retain some of that extra bulk.” He looked me over and shook his head. “Bulk’s the wrong word. But you become a little stronger. Quicker. Your senses are sharper, too.” He shuffled his feet, looking like he wished he hadn’t started this conversation. “If you don’t believe me, try wrestling your Head Omega.”
I laughed. I couldn’t help it. But the thought of throwing down on the prim Penny made me hysterical. In fact, I laughed so hard my stomach ached. And then I was crying.
Fuck me.
Reed was instantly at my side, his hand on my sweaty back. “What is it, Vail? Shit. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“No.” I forced myself to suck back the sob in my throat. “I’m sorry. This is really stupid. I don’t even know where the tears came from…”
“I’ve an idea,” he said, and there was an edge to his voice that made me look up. His eyes were hard, his gaze burning into the metal at my throat. “He’s a fucking asshole.”
I scrubbed my hands over my wet cheeks. “No, it’s not that. I don’t even notice I’m wearing it, really. Well, not around you, anyway.” I walked over to my bag and grabbed my sweatshirt, pulling it on with an inward curse. Just when I was starting to prove I didn’t need claws to be tough, I melted into a pathetic mess. I turned back to him and blew out a breath. “I’m not some helpless female who can’t take care of herself. I’ve been doing that for years. Even before I moved in with my foster family, I went for weeks where I was alone. And it was remote. I couldn’t just call up a friend if I got sick or scared.” I rubbed my damp palms on my arms and lifted my chin. I wasn’t sure why I was trying so hard to convince him. “I’ve been through a lot worse than this, Reed.”
“I know you have.” That flash of pity I was hoping to avoid was suddenly there, and he took a step towards me. “I’m going to tell him to take it off. And if he won’t listen, I’ll go to my dad.”
I gave him a small smile. “It’s okay. I just… woke up on the wrong side of the bed.” I winced at how true that was. “Can we cut the lesson short?”
“Sure.” He watched as I grabbed my bag, and I could tell he wanted to say something else, but I was already hurrying to the door.
And the irony wasn’t lost on me that I was acting like he was radioactive, instead of the other way round.
***
I managed to pull myself together enough to get through my afternoon classes, although as I walked to my last period, I pulled my scarf so tight I felt light-headed. Biology was always a challenge, but finding out I was genetically inferior from other shifters just made it that much worse. To say nothing of my freshman classmates, and their new game of Who can touch the radioactive female?
But I’d just settled into my seat when Miss Fisher announced a special guest. My heart dropped. Was she really going to subject us to another show-and-tell session with Jasper and Pearl? I had zero interest in watching them dazzle the freshman class with their alphadoucheness, and felt myself twitch in my seat. But the familiar face that appeared in the doorway made me squirm for a different reason.
The last time I’d seen Alpha Turner had been in the pack lab. He’d been called in to try to reach my wolf with some Old Pack arousal technique, which had been the best part of a very bad experience. His technique had been gentle. His kisses enticing. And if I’d been anywhere other than paralyzed under the control of a freaking Dr. Frankenstein, I would have decided it was a therapy worth repeating.
Because Alpha Turner – with his vibrant red hair and chicory coffee eyes, minus the sweetener - was one very attractive shifter.
As he entered the classroom, he exchanged a few polite words with the teacher, then turned to the class with a friendly smile. It was probably his standard professional face, but it had quite the impact on the hormonal freshmen. The moon-eyed girl next to me gave a helpless whimper and melted into her seat, while more than one growl rose from the males in the room. It was only when he caught my gaze that his smile faltered, and I knew he’d recognized me from the lab.
“Back in your seat, Zack. Eli, enough with the growling!” Miss Fisher gave the freshmen an exasperated look. “Alpha Turner has kindly come to talk to us today about biology and dominance. But if you can’t control yourselves enough to listen politely, I have a pop quiz I’m happy to hand out instead.”
Alpha Turner shot some of his mega-watt charisma her way. “It’s really okay, Miss Fisher. This is actually a great way to start the class.” He turned back to us, his gaze skimming over me, before settling on the riled-up boys at the back. “What is dominance? Tell me what it means to you.”
A few answers, punctuated with growls, were offered by the males - mainly about kicking ass and lording their status over other wolves. Alpha Turner nodded. “It’s true dominant shifters demand the first choice of food, mates, and territory. But let’s think about non-shifting wolves for a moment. They live in packs, but for these traditional wolves, it is simply their family unit. Parents and pups, usually. The concept of dominance only really applies to roving wolf packs, and they are more of a myth than a reality. Until you introduce the human element into wolves – the part of us we think of as shifter. Why?”
“Because we have bigger packs,” someone called out. “And we mix more than wolves.”
“Correct. Your school unit isn’t a family unit, but a larger pack unit. Which is made up of different ranked wolves, from various bloodlines. You have a pack alpha, your parents, an alphason, your teachers, and other dominant influences. This setting is more like wolves in captivity than those in the wild. And it changes the nature of power in a pack.”
He paused, and when I looked down, I realized my notes were making sense for a change. But as the topic turned to submission, I felt that jittery feeling blooming in my belly. “In the wild, amongst those traditional wolf packs, the concept of submission doesn’t really apply. Why? Because the alpha and omega wolves co-dominate the pack. The simple reality is they are the parents of all the pups. And like your parents, they are both role models to their offspring. There are things your mothers give you that your fathers can’t, and vice versa.”
“But it’s real for us. It’s not like there are any omegas running shifter packs,” a boy said from the back of the class. “I’d like to see one of the cuties try to take on a Clan Alpha and his blood claw.”
More than one pair of eyes swung my way, but Alpha Turner kept his focus on the back of the room. “You’re thinking in terms of traditional shifter dominance again. But some of the strongest alphas only gained their true strength after they’d bonded with their mate. If Miss Fisher doesn’t mind me wandering a little into the History sphere, consider Nathaniel Marrow, the first of the blood claw alphas. We know he was a ruthless leader and a skilled fighter, but what else do we know about him?”
Alpha Turner looked my way, but I attempted to slide under my desk. Ignorance of wolf biology was bad enough; now I had to admit I knew nothing about my bloodline either. But I was saved by the moon-eyed girl next to me. “He was pair bonded with Estella, an omega from a southern clan.”
“Correct.” He gave her a smile that made her slide under her desk for different reasons. “Mating with Estella gave him a new sort of power. Something that married strength and aggression, with loyalty and compassion.”
“The Skin King?” One of the boys at the back laughed. “He was about as compassionate as a kick to the nuts.”
Miss Fisher winced, but Alpha Turner just laughed. “It’s true he still slaughtered our enemies on the battlefield, and ruled the clan with an iron fist. But the history books will tell you he changed after he bonded with Estella. And that was because the kind of bond they shared as mates was very powerful. Not just a pair bond, but a twain bond. An old word for two, and a concept we don’t really know a lot about. Except that between some rare shifters – like Nathaniel and Estella – there is an exchange that benefits both. Each mate is strengthened by the unique skills and abilities of the other. What was even more extraordinary in their case, was that the bond had an impact on every member of their clan . Alphas all developed blood claws, but there were other significant changes, too. Pair bonds became more common, more pups were born, feral or rogue wolves returned to the pack healthy and whole, and there was a period of peace within the different packs that lasted until their deaths. Not bad for a submissive omega, right?”
I wrote down twain bonds and underlined it twice. This was a part of my family history I wasn’t afraid to delve into a little deeper. But Alpha Turner’s take on power and rank obviously didn’t sit well with some of the alpha boys, one of whom called out, “Maybe, but the Skin King was one of a kind. That stuff doesn’t exist anymore. I mean, we’ve got one of his offspring right here, yeah?” My nape prickled as I felt their judgement settle there, especially where it touched the collar Jasper had put on me. “She’s not exactly turning the power structure on its head, is she?”
“Firstly, we’re talking about a biology shared by all of you, not singling our particular students. And you need to remember our human half is sometimes dominant over our wolf. Human logic – or lack of it – sometimes overshadows our instincts. But a positive influence can have an impact on even the most thick-headed wolf. How they respond to that stimulus says a lot about whether they’re a real leader, or just the most aggressive wolf in the pack.”
Whoa. Had Alpha Turner just called Jasper a thick-headed alphadouche? Miss Fisher definitely seemed to think so, because she quickly launched into a detailed lecture on dominant and submissive body language. I took a few notes, but my gaze was on Alpha Turner, and when the class ended, I was quick to follow him to the door.
He was headed towards the lobby, but I stopped him in the hallway, conscious of the way he flinched when I touched his arm. I quickly tucked my hand in my blazer pocket. “I just wanted to thank you for what you did at the lab, Alpha Turner,” I told him quietly, even as I felt the curious glances of the passing students. “I don’t like to think about it, but I know it would have got a lot worse if you didn’t get the session called off.”
He grimaced, and there was real regret in his eyes. “I’m sorry any of it happened. I should have acted sooner.”
I thought of the way he’d tried to talk Klein out of his more invasive tests and shuddered. “You did what you could. Are you still working there?”
“No, but I can’t talk to you about it.”
When he grimaced again, I put a hand to my throat and took a step back. “Oh, you mean the necklace? I’m sorry, I forgot I’m wearing it.”
“Not that… It’s just the lab is closed subject to an investigation. We’re all on administrative leave until the Clan Alpha determines its future.”
I stared at him in shock. In the back of my mind, the pack lab had been festering like a wound that wouldn’t heal. And when I wasn’t torturing myself with mirrored dance studios, the lab was the background to most of my nightmares. I could draw from memory the building with its blank, clinical exterior and describe the testing room down to the instruments on the tray Dr. Klein had used. And there’d always been this fear that I’d be dragged back there, especially since my wolf hadn’t shown herself yet. I rubbed my hands over my cold cheeks. “It’s really closed?”
He took my arm and gave it a gentle squeeze. “When I was talking about leadership and positive influences, I was thinking of you, Vail. Because despite repeated calls to look into the lab practices, Jasper Arras is the first to do so. And that’s at least partially because of what happened to you.”
It was my turn to pull a face. “I doubt he did that for me. Or if he did, it was only because he has this thing about other wolves touching me.”
I expected him to drop his hand and beat a retreat at this reminder, but instead he just smirked and gave me another squeeze. “ Well, like I said, a thick head can sometimes overpower the best instincts. But a good stimulus can usually get them back on track.”
I laughed, which felt a bit weird after all the tears, but nice, too. “I’ve been called a lot of things at this school, but never a stimulus.”
He was no doubt remembering the circumstances of our last meeting, because he suddenly grew thoughtful. “No luck on luring your wolf out? Excuse me for being so blunt, but it is part of my ability. I can sense when a wolf hasn’t shifted.”
“Nothing yet.” I fidgeted with my scarf. Given my recent see-sawing emotions I was trying really hard not to remember how helpful he’d been with my stubborn wolf. But that wasn’t easy, when he was right there with his soft, brown eyes and rich, brandied cherries breath… “Maybe I just need the right stimulus.”
I cringed at the way that sounded, but Alpha Turner just grinned over my head. “What do you think, Clan Alpha? Is there a particular stimulus you can think of that might help Miss Marrow draw out her wolf?”
If looks could kill, Alpha Turner would have been dead multiple times over, because when I turned I found Jasper accompanied by both of his lieutenants. But instead of acknowledging the question, Jasper didn’t look at me at all. “I have a couple questions about the lab, Turner.” He jerked his head towards the door. “I’ll walk you to your car.”
Alpha Turner set his jaw at Jasper’s tone, but there was still a twinkle in his eye as he said to the other two boys, “Then maybe one of you gentlemen can help Ms. Marrow out.”
The silence after their departure was so thick, it took me a moment to realize Baron and Felix were still there. Until they gave me matching glares and spat, in stereo:
“Fuck no.”
“Never freaking happening.”
So much for positive influences.