Chapter 20
ROWAN
The rush. I don’t think I’ve ever felt anything like this. My nerves had been a tangled mess when Cade and I first walked out to greet the wolves—my palms cold, my thoughts scattered—but the moment I stood before them, something inside me aligned.
A click. A settling. A rightness spreading through my chest like warmth after a long winter.
It wasn’t NightShade I felt in that moment. It was the people. The wolves. The ones watching me with uncertainty, curiosity, and—whether they’ll admit it or not—a hint of hope.
They don’t know me yet. Some undoubtedly still fear what the Ashmark means for them. But looking into each of their eyes, feeling the tug of something ancient between us, I knew one thing with absolute certainty:
I will never harm them. I will never let myself become what they’ve been told.
That kind of destruction isn’t even an option. Not now that I finally understand who I am.
It’s one of the few things I can actually thank Malrik for, and what a twisted sentiment that is.
You’re going to be an incredible luna, Wolf murmurs, pride swelling through her voice.
What does luna mean? I ask her since it seems a normal term to the others.
It’s a respectful title for the alpha female, she replies. Like queen.
No pressure there, I think, only to realize that there isn’t any.
Every step I take toward my wolf-self feels like stepping into the peace I’ve been searching for over a year now. Like I’ve been out of rhythm and have finally found the beat again.
“I have to admit,” a voice drawls from my left, “I didn’t expect that from you.”
Stephanie saunters over with the confidence of a woman who’s never tripped a day in her life. She twists a dark strand of hair around her finger, golden eyes sly. Good to know she’s back to her regularly scheduled programming.
“Good job, luna,” she adds, and for her, I’m thinking that’s basically a standing ovation. “I wasn’t sure you had it in you, but congratulations. I’m thrilled to eat my doubt.”
I blink. “Is that your version of an apology?”
“Oh, no.” She smirks, full of wicked delight. “If I apologize, you’ll know. The earth will open, angels will descend, and Cade will pass out. This is just me being pleasantly surprised.”
A startled laugh escapes me, and she winks like we’re co-conspirators in a mischievous plot I was apparently signed up for.
Cade loops an arm around me after being briefly distracted by Elias. “Stephanie.” He nods at her, and her grin only deepens.
They exchange words, but I miss most of them as I’m distracted by the sight of Marius.
He stands at the tree line with his arms folded loosely across his chest, shoulders relaxed, expression open. His brown eyes aren’t clouded with judgment…or regret…or the complicated grief I halfway expected.
Instead, there’s something simpler and stronger.
Love and pride.
It hits me like a physical touch—gentle, bewildering, and strangely painful in the way new hope always is. A small ache spreads beneath my ribs, unfamiliar but not unwelcome.
I never thought I would have this.
A father looking at me like I’m someone to be proud of. Someone he sees not just as the daughter he had to leave behind, but as the woman I’ve become.
I offer a small smile, tentative but real.
A hope blooms within me that this isn’t the last time I get to see him look at me like that.
That there’s time to learn what it’s like to have a father, and not just the idea of one.
I loved my mother with everything I was, but something tells me being Marius’s daughter will be nothing like being Jocelyn’s.
I take a step toward him, but he shakes his head once. A quiet, gentle refusal.
Before I can question it, he turns toward the forest. His shift is fluid and fast—bones reshaping, fur rippling over skin in waves of dark gray. A heartbeat later, a steadfast wolf stands where the man had been.
He glances back only long enough for our eyes to meet, then he slips into the trees without a sound as if the shadows open themselves just for him.
And I can’t help wondering how many years he’s spent in those woods alone, torturing himself with distance, living with choices that broke him and protected me and Mom in equal measure.
Wolf hums in my mind. He’s a strong alpha. Don’t worry too much about him. He’s not going anywhere now.
Yeah. I feel that, too.
More so, there’s no sense of abandonment watching him go. Instead, I feel supported and seen. Like I’m finally standing in the middle of something bigger than myself—a web of people and wolves—who have chosen me and refuse to let me fall.
A fact that is going to be all I need to cling to in order to make sure I never become what Malrik is searching for.
“Ro.” Cade’s voice is low, warm, a tether pulling me back into the present. His hand slides over mine, thumb brushing a soothing line over my skin. “You okay?”
I blink, realizing the world has gone quiet around me—wolves dispersing, conversations fading, Stephanie strutting away like she owns the place. At some point, I’d drifted so far inside my own head that everything else blurred into background noise.
“I’m good,” I say, though it comes out softer than intended.
Cade studies me like he can read the fine print beneath my skin.
His gaze is pure, alert alpha attentiveness, wrapped in something gentle.
“You looked a million miles away,” he murmurs.
“For a second, I thought I needed to go drag Marius back here and force him to apologize for existing. You had a look like you were torn between crying and stabbing someone.”
A very undignified snort escapes me. “Me? Cry? Please. I’m a beacon of emotional stability.”
He raises one brow. A single, silent, deeply unamused brow.
“Okay, fine. Maybe a tiny bit overwhelmed,” I admit, nudging him with my shoulder.
“But in a good way. And Marius didn’t do anything wrong.
In fact, he’s been doing everything right.
It has made me a little introspective at the moment, especially after meeting with some of your pack for the first time. ”
“Our pack,” he corrects as his expression melts into something that makes my heart throb—devotion. “Just remember, you don’t have to carry any of this alone. Not anymore.”
I rest my head against his arm, looking up at him and enjoying the comforts of how easy it is to lean on him now. “I know.”
Before I can let myself fall deeper into the warmth that is our bond or ask what else we need to do, a voice sounds from behind us.
“Are you done playing wolf?”
Liz stands at the top of the stairs with the determination of someone who isn’t going to be told no, finally seeming to be back to normal after nearly freezing to death.
A braid falls over her shoulder, her fitted top and boots giving her the vibe of an assassin who occasionally enjoys brunch that includes a mug filled with the blood of her enemies.
Her hazel eyes flick between me and Cade, then settle on me with laser focus. “I need to talk to you,” she declares, nodding back toward the manor. “Alone.”
Cade tenses instantly. “About what?”
Liz waves him off. “Relax, Alpha Doom-and-Gloom. She’s not being kidnapped. Again.” She takes a few steps down and hooks her arm through mine, already tugging. “Rowan and I just need to catch up, debrief, maybe cry, maybe threaten people. I don’t know. It’s fluid.”
His jaw flexes, but he releases me with a reluctant nod. “If she’s not back to me within an hour, I’ll be coming to find her.”
She rolls her eyes. “Yes, very mate-protective, very adorable. We’ll be right upstairs. If she stubs her toe on the way, I’ll be sure to sound the alarm.”
Cade looks down at me with a grimace. “Just because she was your mother’s friend doesn’t mean she has to be yours.”
“I can hear you,” she snarls, showing off her fangs.
“You were meant to,” he fires back.
I squeeze Cade’s hand, reassuring him before letting Liz drag me up the manor steps. “She’s family. We don’t always get to choose family. But don’t worry, I’ll be fine.”
He kisses me briefly. “You better be.”
I offer him a sassy, but hopefully reassuring wink as I follow Liz inside. She was just with Iris, and I want to know how that went. I don’t like that she’s been so off since we returned. If something more happened while I was gone and nobody’s told me yet…
The thought has my steps quickening as we head toward Liz’s room.
She tugs me so fast and with so much purpose that I barely manage to keep my balance. I don’t even wait until we reach privacy before blurting, “Is Iris okay?”
“Maybe? Possibly? Hard to say. But that’s not all we have to talk about.”
Great. Because that answer definitely lowers my blood pressure.
Getting to the third floor has never taken this long. She drags me like I’m a misbehaving dog on a leash, refusing to answer a single follow-up question. She’s fully in Vampire Determination Mode—silent, fast, and vaguely terrifying.
The moment the door shuts behind us, she finally lets go. Then she crosses her arms, narrows her eyes, and looks me over like she’s expecting pieces of me to fall off any second.
“How,” she says slowly, “are you not falling apart right now?”
That makes me laugh so hard that I choke. “Uh, sorry? I didn’t realize I was supposed to be.”
“You were kidnapped, Rowan.” Her fear finally breaks through. The vampire has yelled at me, hugged me, and even joked with me, but this worry is new and probably overdue.
“I snuck into your room while you were sleeping and made Cade tell me everything,” she says, and I finally realize why nobody was questioning me at breakfast.
Cade must have warned them all off. Not surprising in the least.
“I hate that we couldn’t find you,” Liz continues with a grimace, “but I hate even more that Malrik made you stronger. Not because you don’t deserve it, but because there’s a reason and we don’t know why.”
She’s not alone in those thoughts.