18. Conrad
CONRAD
Conrad already felt the soreness in his muscles by the time Keelan left the horses with the stablemaster and strode back to the house. Conrad glanced at Sage, who was irritably brushing horse hair off of his trousers.
“That was really very kind of you,” he said, his tone soft.
Sage waved a hand dismissively. “As I said, I wished to repay the kindness you had shown me.”
Conrad smiled at him. “You might be surprised how rarely kindnesses are repaid. Besides, you’ve shown me a great deal of kindness since I entered the house.
I’m not sure you were in my debt to begin with.
” Sage led them back to the house without a word.
Conrad continued, “I take it from what you’ve told me of your reputation, you are unaccustomed to people appreciating you for anything other than what pleasure you can provide them—and not even then, from the sounds of it—so I can understand why you are reluctant to accept my thanks.
But you have it. You’re a good man, Sage Ravenwing. ”
Sage made a face. “I wouldn’t go so far as to say that.”
Conrad laughed and Sage gave a small smile in return.
At dinner, Keelan was full of praise regarding Conrad’s lesson, and everyone else chimed in to compliment his speedy learning. Then the topic changed to where they would ride the following day and Roger and Wyndham both mused aloud the possible routes they could take.
They all retired early again, with the promise of a busy day ahead. As Conrad undressed in the bedroom, he stretched a little to ease some of the achiness. Sage paused in his nightly ritual of applying his fragrant oils to turn and look Conrad over.
“Are you all right?”
“Oh yes. A little sore.”
“We could order a bath for you.”
Conrad smiled. “That’s very kind of you. I think I’ll be fine. But it might not be a bad idea for me to take one tomorrow.”
Sage nodded as he returned to his task. “We shall be sure to order one before we leave so it’s ready for you upon our return.”
Conrad got into bed. “Thank you.” He heaved a sigh as he laid back against the pillow. “I must confess, I cannot decide which I like better—working on magic with Roger and Wyndham, or these little activities we’ve started doing as a group.”
Sage slipped out of his robe and into the bed. “Can it not be both?”
Conrad chuckled and then blew out his candle. “Yes, I suppose it can. This place really is spoiling me.”
The thought of what he would do after he left began to creep forward in his mind. He was always so busy now, he didn’t know when he’d work those details out.
Sage leaned closer and traced a fingertip across Conrad’s forehead. “It’s not quite a frown, but it’s the closest I’ve seen on your face since you arrived. You must be really upset about something.”
Conrad chuckled. “Just thinking about what happens when I leave. Nothing too upsetting. But I do need to figure it out. And soon.”
Sage hummed a little and then blew out his candle before curling up against Conrad’s chest. Conrad wrapped his arm around Sage’s shoulders. “Whatever it is, I’m sure you’ll have a solution before you leave.”
“I’ll certainly have to.”
He felt Sage shift to look at his face. “You really are worried.”
Conrad shrugged. “Not yet. But the worries are beginning to sink inward.”
“Hm. I can hear a smile in your voice now. You almost had me worried there for a moment.”
He chuckled and rubbed a hand over Sage’s shoulder. “Can’t have that.”
He felt Sage fall asleep against him, his weight getting heavier as he drifted off.
But Conrad stayed awake for a while after, thinking about what his options might be when he left, and consistently getting pulled back to the memory of Sage arranging a riding lesson for him so he wouldn’t be left behind.
Perhaps he really did need to take Torquil’s advice and let others take care of him for a change.
* * *
The next morning dawned bright and clear. Sage groaned when he woke and nuzzled against Conrad’s chest.
“I’m not sure why everyone is so bent on the idea of doing things here,” he mumbled.
Conrad laughed. “I seem to recall you complaining about being cooped up in this house not too long ago.”
“Well, if I’d known that I’d be victim to long and bracing walks, sitting on the ground and watching everyone in each other’s laps, and then go riding for goodness knows how long, I’d never have said anything about the rain.”
“When in the country…”
Sage made a disgusted sound. “I don’t much care for the country. It’s dull and it’s quiet.”
“You prefer London then?”
“Decidedly.”
Conrad thought of the way Sage had talked about his reputation in London, the way he hadn’t been able to meet Conrad’s eyes as he spoke about the way people treated him and spoke of him. He found it strange that the man would prefer the place that was home to his misery. “Interesting.”
Sage sat up a little to look at him. “What do you mean?”
“I just find it interesting how some people prefer London and others prefer the country. I’ve only ever experienced one place in my life and I can’t say I have any particular preference for it, other than the fact that my family lives there.”
Sage grunted and laid back down.
“So, what’s the plan for today? In terms of our scheme? More of the same from the day before yesterday?”
“Yes, I think so. Although it will be different, of course, with us riding.”
“Of course.”
* * *
As it turned out, it was very different when they were riding.
Conrad found himself unable to contribute much to the chatter around him as he focused on his posture and staying on the horse.
Thankfully, his new friends were encouraging.
Keelan provided compliments and advice, and Sage seemed to keep a close eye on him to ensure he was all right.
By the time they returned to the house, Conrad was desperately in need of the bath and was relieved to find it already being set up when he walked into the room.
He turned grateful eyes to Sage. “My savior.”
Sage huffed a laugh. “Your standards are low.”
“Nonsense. I have spent over half my life doing hard labor, and not once has anyone ever provided me with this sort of caretaking.”
Sage bunched his lips in a way that Conrad suspected was an attempt to hide a smile. “I rather think that has more to do with lack of funds than lack of care.”
“Perhaps,” Conrad said as he turned his attention to the servants filling the bath with water and preparing a heating spell for the tub. “But I’ve seen my share of people who have plenty of resources to spare, yet don’t use them to make others more comfortable. I don’t take it lightly.”
“You take everything I do with far more seriousness than it deserves.”
“Perhaps you’re the one with low standards, then.”
Sage’s lips pressed together more as he frowned.
The servants completed their task and closed the door as they left the room. Conrad made quick work of undressing. He couldn’t have stopped the moan of pleasure that escaped him as he slid into the hot water if he’d tried.
Sage laughed as he sat down on his ottoman. “More sounds like that will definitely help our scheme.”
Conrad grinned as he leaned back. “This is heaven.”
Sage turned to his vanity and began puttering with the various oils and creams on the surface.
Conrad watched him in silence for a moment. “May I ask you something personal?”
“If you’re wondering whether I really use all of these, the answer is yes. Perfection such as this takes work.”
Conrad chuckled.
Sage met his steady gaze in the reflection. “Yes, I suppose you may.”
“Why did you come to the house party when being around Roger and Wyndham is so painful for you?”
“Oh.”
His voice was so soft that Conrad hastened to add, “You needn’t answer. Forget I asked. It’s just something I’ve been wondering.”
“No, I can tell you. You probably deserve to know, considering the way we’re?—”
“You owe me no explanations, Sage, regardless of our arrangement.”
“Nevertheless, I think I’d like to tell you.
” Sage sighed and slowly turned back around to face him.
“Roger and Wyndham’s engagement was sudden and…
unexpected. One day I’m in Wyndham’s bed, and the next I’m reading that he’s to be married to someone else.
Or at least that’s how it felt at the time.
There had been no warning, no indication that the relationship was… ”
Conrad was deeply regretful of having asked the question. “I’m so sorry,” he said softly.
“I was angry. And…hurt.”
“Understandable.”
Sage gave a humorless huff and looked away from him. “Less understandable, perhaps, were my actions. I knew Wyndham was working on a project with Roger. It was all over the Tribune . But the two of them had never gotten along. I always thought Wyndham despised the man. And I told him so.”
Conrad slid the bar of soap between one hand and the other. “You told Roger that Wyndham despised him?”
“Yes. And when the engagement was announced, I was even less gracious to him.”
“You were still in love with Wyndham. I don’t know if graciousness was to be expected of you.”
“Cruelty wasn’t either. I was intentionally cutting.”
Conrad thought of the way Roger always seemed a little jumpy when discussing Sage and felt some of the pieces clicking together in his mind. “What happened next?”
Sage drummed his fingers on the vanity surface. “Wyndham found out about it, of course. And he told me that he wouldn’t speak to me again unless I apologized to Roger, and Roger accepted it.”
“Oh,” Conrad said, brightening. “That’s good then.”
Sage frowned at him. “I fail to see what’s good about it.”
“That’s why you’re here, isn’t it?”
“I have yet to apologize.”
“So you’re here to apologize and make things right again?”
“I’m here because Roger is giving me a chance to make things right.”
Conrad smiled warmly. “That is good.”
“It is more than I deserve, I’m sure. But I do not know if I have it in me to apologize to the man who stole the heart of the only person I’ve ever loved.”
Conrad hummed and slid the soap over his arms.
Sage looked up at him. “What?”
“I think if that were true, you wouldn’t have come in the first place, and you certainly wouldn’t still be here.”
“I suppose,” he said slowly.
“You want to be in Wyndham’s life again, in whatever way he’ll take you, because you still care for him, despite your hurt,” Conrad guessed.
“Yes,” Sage said on a sigh.
Conrad sat up and soaped his chest and neck.
“And Roger has clearly indicated that he will accept whatever apology you have to offer. He wouldn’t have invited you if he wasn’t inclined to forgive you.
” Sage looked away and didn’t respond, so Conrad continued, “And I expect that having a friendship with Roger, instead of a mixture of jealousy, hurt, and guilt, will go a long way toward healing your own heart.”
“I’m not convinced that friendship with Roger is something I deeply want.”
“Perhaps not. Then it’s friendship with Wyndham that you truly want. What would that look like?”
Sage looked pensive. “We never talked much. But I always wished we would.”
The sadness in Sage’s tone made Conrad’s chest constrict. “So you’d like more conversation with him?” Sage nodded. “What else?”
“I’ve always wanted to be the person that made him happy. I suppose if I could be a part of his happiness, that would be…something.”
“Well then,” Conrad said, returning his attention to his bath, “I guess you know what you need to do. I find it’s always easier to do a difficult thing if I know what I’m doing it for.”
“I suppose you’re right,” Sage murmured as he turned back to the vanity.
Conrad smiled at his back. If he could help soothe Sage’s pain half as well as Sage had soothed his, he would be very pleased.