Chapter 3
Chapter Three
In my experience, fictional men are superior to real men.
They don’t stink up my couch with their farts or eat all my favorite snacks while I’m at work.
They certainly never call me a bitch while they pack up their stuff and leave.
Sure, I can’t have sex with the men from video games, but that’s what my toy drawer is for.
If anything, my sex life has improved since Doug left.
When it comes to sexy fictional men, Alexander is way up there. He’s a tortured Greek hero. He has a brooding allure, dark tousled hair, and mournful brown eyes that only light up when I talk to him. He’s also stacked.
One thing I’m definitely set on doing in this game is helping him get over Phoebe’s death so I can get in his digital pants.
Once I finished that super easy beginner harpy quest, I found new dialogue options with him.
He opened up about how much he loves dandelions because they remind him of his happy childhood.
So, last night, I found every dandelion I could and gave them to him. Yes, I’ve been looking forward to bashing baddies for months. However, there’s something heart-fluttering about a man with a tragic backstory and a chiseled jawline.
Before going to sleep, I looked him up on the Legends of Sacrifice wiki to find out all his likes and relationship-level events. Then I made a promise to myself that I’d do more than stick around in the starter zone flirting with a string of code. Quest first, seduce NPC second.
But this morning, I’m already thinking about how I’m halfway to the fourth-level relationship event where he calls the player “remarkable” while blushing.
I’m still only level two as a monk, which is pretty pathetic since I really only have to punch one more monster and I’ll be level three.
That doesn’t matter, though. I just want to have fun and forget about all the shit going on in the real world.
I sit down at my computer, take a big gulp of hot coffee from my “Mana Potion” mug, and click “Continue” on the Legends of Sacrifice menu. Then, I watch in horror as my screen becomes a solid expanse of bright blue before turning off completely.
“Fuck!” I shout.
I press my hand on the PC tower. Sure enough, it’s hot. I think back to last night, wondering if I noticed anything was up, but I was too distracted by Alexander’s puppy dog eyes to pay attention to anything else.
Since heat is the key symptom, I open up the PC tower and investigate. The first thing I check are the cooling fans. I need not go any further. It takes me no time to know they’re definitely the problem.
There’s a thick coat of cheese dust on the fan blades. It must have gotten moist at some point because it’s gunked up in some areas.
Doug. That fucking asshole!
It’s all those bags of my cheese puffs that he ate at my desk, leaving his mess for me to clean up. Even now, his slobbery is making my life miserable.
There’s only one thing I can do, and it’s the last thing I want to do right now. I need to go to the store and get new cooling fans.
I run a comb through my honey-blonde hair, brush my teeth, wash my face, and change out of my pajamas into the first t-shirt and leggings I see.
Getting ready is usually the hardest part about leaving the house, but I’m still dreading going to the store, where some dude will inevitably try to advise me on what parts to buy.
In those situations, I always want to channel my inner Ron Swanson and say, “I know more than you.” But that’s the kind of thing that Doug always told me makes me seem like a bitch, and I don’t want him to be right about anything.
I also don’t think I have the energy to do more than nod at people in reply, and not just because I stayed up too late playing last night.
My mind keeps jumping out of the fantasy and back to the reality where my mom’s life could end any day.
I decide to visit her after I go to the store. I don’t want to. I’d rather wrap myself up in a blanket and forget everything. But I’m going out anyway, and I’m going to hate myself if I don’t take every chance I have to see her before she’s gone for good.
I grab my purse and a water bottle on the way out the door. I have a feeling I may need to take a long gulp of something before heading to the hospice, and water is a better option than hard liquor since I’m driving.
When I arrive at the store’s parking lot, I reach behind my seat to grab my pink cat headset to deal with the overwhelming chaos of any store on a Saturday.
But it’s not there. Is it in my purse? I rifle around in the gigantic bag that I sling over my shoulder whenever I leave my house.
Sometimes, I feel like there’s a portal in here where I can find everything from a tarnished penny to a skyscraper.
They’re not in there either.
Fuck. I’ll just have to suffer through this trip.
This will be the “sacrifice” part of my experience with Legends of Sacrifice.
I take a long swig of water and tell myself I can do this.
Fortunately, there don’t seem to be many people milling about the store. I easily find the fans I need and head to the cash register. I sigh with relief, knowing that I can leave this store now, visit Mom, and get some gaming done when I get home. Maybe I’ll do more than pick dandelions this time.
“That will be $36.62,” the cashier says.
I dig around through my giant ass purse for my wallet, but it’s not there.
Jesus. It’s probably sitting somewhere like my kitchen counter. Oh wait! Maybe it fell out of my purse when I was trying to find my headset.
My cheeks burn with embarrassment as I say, “Sorry, I think my wallet must have fallen out into my car. Can you hold onto that while I look?”
The cashier nods and sets the cooling fans to the side so he can help the next customer.
I sprint out of the store, expecting to pop right in and out of my car. But I don’t see my car. I don’t even see a parking lot. All I see are trees—a lot of them.
Maybe I went out the wrong entrance?
I turn around to re-enter the store, but it’s not there anymore, just more trees. I’m in the middle of a forest.
“Fuck.”