Chapter 5 #2
When we reach their destination, everything feels even more surreal.
The very fact that we’re at a tavern is strange enough, but we’re also surrounded by more NPCs.
The only thing normal about this situation is that being in a crowded building is causing my social anxiety to rile up.
Every time the NPCs lift their mugs and drink them in unison, it gets harder to breathe.
I thought I was doing a good job hiding it, but Joshua looks at me and then says, “They have outside seating where there are less NPCs. Let’s sit there.”
I’m incredibly thankful for his surprising kindness and sensitivity when, a minute later, there’s a wall between us and the rumble of pretend conversations. A barmaid takes our orders. Every time one of us tells her what we want, she responds with, “Coming right up!”
“Gimme some of that milk!” Joshua says and honks as he mimics squeezing her breasts from several feet away.
Was this the same guy who helped me out when he saw a panic attack coming for me?
“Coming right up!” the barmaid responds in her chipper tone. Joshua snorts as he laughs.
Cait smacks him on the arm. “Stop that! It’s stupid!”
Joshua laughs even harder at that. “She’s just an NPC! She doesn’t have feelings or anything.”
“How do you know?” Tara asks. “I mean, we’re in a video game. Nothing makes sense anymore. NPCs could have feelings, and we wouldn’t know because they’re stuck saying the same thing over and over.”
“Besides, we’re all a little tired of you being so pervy,” Cait says.
Joshua looks to the only other man in the group for support, but Guy looks back at him with a stone-cold expression.
“Oh, come on, Guy!” Joshua says. “It’s not like you’re innocent. I’ve seen you glancing at Lauren’s tits.”
Guy ducks his chin down as a blush spreads over his olive skin. “No, I haven’t.”
I cross my arms over my chest again.
“Can we move on from this?” Sylvia says. “We have a lot to tell Lauren.” She gives me a sympathetic smile. “Though, I think the first thing we need to do is figure out your class so we can get you something to cover yourself with.”
Cait half grunts, half laughs. “Better hope she’s not a bard like Joshua. The female version of that getup is pretty much what she’s wearing right now.”
“I don’t know what my class is,” I say.
Sylvia squints at me. “You don’t? You should have been assigned a class and deity on your first night here.”
“On the way here, you said you felt drugged last night,” Tara interjects. “Is it possible you thought you were dreaming or something?”
The previous night’s dream comes back to me, and I groan. “Fuck me,” I mutter.
Joshua smirks, and Cait smacks him on the arm again. He looks at her incredulously. “What was that for?” he asks.
“I think you know,” she says.
“But I didn’t say anything.”
Cait narrows her eyes at him. “But you thought it.”
Tara glares at them. “This is important. Let Lauren speak.”
“I’m a fucking cleric,” I say. “A Cleric of Aphrodite.”
The whole group brightens up.
“Thank God!” Guy cries out. “We’ve needed a healer so bad. I can barely make it out of a fight alive!”
“That’s a great class. Why do you look so sad?” Tara asks.
“I hate playing healers,” I explain. “I did it for a while in an MMO, and other players always treated me like absolute crap during raids. DPS is more my speed.”
“Well, we won’t be mean to you!” Sylvia says with a bright smile. “If you travel with us, we’d be really grateful.”
Cait looks at me with knowing eyes. “I know what you mean. Sometimes tanks pull way too much aggro and then there’s always some asshole who runs off and gets himself in hot water.
But I’m the tank of this group, and before I got here, I usually played a healer class, so I know how to work with clerics. ”
“Well, actually, I’m the tank,” Joshua interjects.
“Not this again,” Guy groans. “Joshua, you may have a sword, but you’re a bard. You’re support DPS. Cait’s a barbarian.”
I listen to the group squabble for a bit over their dynamics, while I sulk over my assignment. It’s not fair. I want to beat up bad guys, not be everyone’s nurse.
“How did I even get assigned this class?” I complain. “Why didn’t I get to choose?”
Tara shrugs. “Well, we don’t know for sure, but we have a pretty solid hypothesis.”
“Elaborate.”
Tara goes into a long, eye-opening explanation.
She thinks we went into the game without a class or deity, and our actions that first day determined our assignments.
On Tara’s first day, she’d stumbled into an area rife with monsters, so she hid for a long time until she could sneak out.
Once she made it to a village, she was starving but didn’t have any money.
So, she stole food from vendor stalls until she could get money with her first quest.
“So, on my first night, I was given the title Rogue of Hermes,” she says.
“Me next!” Sylvia says with a beaming smile. “I came through the woods, and there was this puppy cornered by wolves. I couldn’t just let the puppy get eaten up! So, I started throwing rocks at the wolves.”
I gasp. “How are you alive?”
“I have great aim. Of course, it only made them dizzy. So, I had to scoop up the puppy and run out of there before they could chase after us. Now I’m a Ranger of Artemis.”
“You really lucked out,” Cait says and then she sighs. “I didn’t. When I got here, I walked right into a giant wasp nest and got stung all over.”
I wince. “What did you do?”
“I screamed and beat the nest with a branch like it was a pi?ata.”
I stare at her open-mouthed.
“What? I wanted to make sure the wasps died,” Cait explains.
“I think I would have just run away.”
Cait nods. “Yeah, that’s probably what I should have done, but it seems I go with the fight instinct when it comes to fight or flight. Anyway, I’m an Axe of Ares.”
“The first people I saw here were a bunch of women warriors,” Joshua says.
“I thought they were LARPers, so I showed them my sick sword-fighting skills with a stick, thought maybe I’d get laid.
Anyway, they weren’t pretending like me; they were Amazonians.
They seemed to think I’m funny, though, so now I’m a Bard of Pan. ”
So far, every single one of them has a story that suits them perfectly. Especially Joshua.
I turn to Guy. “What about you?”
“Well, I don’t remember much,” Guy explains, his eyes fixed on his ale. “I…I was pretty drunk when I wound up here, so it’s all kind of a blur, but I’m a Mage of Dionysus.”
I can picture Guy being some kind of frat bro waking up after a keg party, not knowing what the fuck happened while a voice tells him he’s a Mage of Dionysus. It’s kind of a cute image for some reason.
“What was your first day like?” Tara asks me.
“Well, I was lost in the woods, and I hurt my ankle,” I answer. “So, I took some aspirin and used my shirt to wrap up my sprain.”
Tara nods. “Makes sense you’d be a cleric.
Not sure why for Aphrodite, though. I mean, Hermes makes sense for me because I tried to steal something.
Artemis makes sense for someone who could clock some wolves with rocks.
Ares chose Cait because she fought the wasps attacking her.
Pan chose Joshua because…well…probably because he’s horny.
And Guy was drunk, which is kind of Dionysus’s whole thing. ”
I think through the previous day’s experiences. All I’d done was wander around with a sprained ankle, swearing even more than usual. Then it hits me.
“Holy fuck,” I mutter.
“God, you really curse a lot,” Cait mutters.
At the same time, Guy chuckles and says, “You don’t hold back, do you?”