Chapter 29
Chapter Twenty-Nine
It’s our second morning onboard the Argo, and if I squint really hard, I can make out a thin black line on the horizon that’s supposed to be land. According to Sylvia, my feet will be on it by late afternoon. I’m so ready to get off this fucking ship and make progress on my Thrace quests.
Until then, I need to hang out somewhere, and it’s too stuffy below deck and too cold above.
I take a while to choose, but I decide to idle away the hours where at least I can breathe, even if it means I’m trembling the entire time.
Fortunately for me, Guy is following me around like a lapdog and is eager to do whatever he can to keep me warm.
He’s sitting with his back against the outer wall of the captain’s cabin and I’m straddling his lap so that we’re comfortably face-to-face in the tight space.
I imagine that whoever designed this part of the game was like, “Screw Greek mythology! Let’s make Argo a pirate ship!
” Right now, I’m grateful for that flagrant disregard for accuracy because the structure of our little spot is blocking me from most of the winter wind.
It’s also giving Guy and me a little privacy, which we’re taking full advantage of.
Guy holds a lock of my hair to his lips and kisses it. “Tell me more,” he whispers. “What other classes did you take?”
I laugh. “I’m not sure we have that much time.”
“Well, just the best ones,” he says. “I’ve never known someone who almost had so many degrees.”
“You realize this makes me a flake, right?” I ask. “This isn’t an attractive quality.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. A thirst for knowledge is sexy as hell.” By the look on Guy’s face, he means what he’s saying. His dark brown eyes light with curiosity, and his mouth crooks into a wicked grin. “Besides, whenever I learn something new about you, I get to kiss you.”
“That was your rule, not mine,” I say. “If it were up to me, we’d break into the captain’s cabin and go to town.”
Guy lets a low moan escape in response to that but shakes his head. “No, I meant what I said. I want something real, even if…” He trails off, pain shadowing across his face.
He doesn’t need to finish that sentence because we both know my feelings for Cait. These moments might be all he gets with me. Sex is great, but he told me he was getting plenty of that before I came along with other Dionysus followers he met in cities all over Peripeteia.
“Studies of Arthurian legends was a fun one,” I say, directing our conversation back to his question. “I also really loved the class about the history of jazz.”
“Are you a musician?” Guy asks.
“God, no,” I say. “Just sounded like a fun class. My turn.”
“After I get my kiss,” he says.
I’m all too happy to comply. I cup his face in my hands and lick his lips, teasing them apart so I can do more clever things with my tongue.
He moans against me and bucks his hips a little beneath me so that I can feel how hard I’m making him.
I glory in the power I have with such a simple trick, one that I realized a few kisses ago works really well on him.
When I pull away from him, he takes a moment to open his eyes. “Ask your question,” he says breathlessly. “I need another one of those.”
“Well, I’m always telling you that you’re hot like Ryan Reynolds,” I say.
“Hot?” Guy responds. “I mean, you’ve told me I look like Ryan Reynolds, but I didn’t know you thought I was hot.”
“It was implied,” I say and continue, “When you all told me how I can change my appearance, you said you didn’t really change yours. Is that true?”
Guy nods but slowly. He’s hesitating a bit.
I lean away from him to get a better look at him. “Are you lying?”
“No!” Guy says. “I was telling the truth. I only changed one thing about myself. It…it made me look a little different, but…this is pretty much me. More me, really.”
“Okay, that’s not a good enough answer,” I say. “I need details.”
Guy looks down. His previous elation has darkened. He looks sad—scared, too.
“It’s pretty serious,” he says. “If you’re just looking for a fling before you move on to Cait, I think I’d rather keep it to myself. Even if that means we stop the kissing here.”
Oh, shit. I definitely hit something deep there.
“I didn’t know,” I say. “Honestly, I was just using this as an excuse to tell you that you’re sexy, but…”
“It’s okay, really,” he says, but he can’t look at me.
There’s nothing okay about this. I didn’t just touch a sore topic; I’d reminded him that this is likely a temporary situation.
Though, the more we talk and kiss, the less I want to end this.
Yes, I want Cait. I want her so bad. But Guy?
The more I learn about him, the more I care, and the more my heart flutters when he looks at me.
“You’re not disposable, you know,” I say. “Not even a little. If I wind up with Cait, what you and I are sharing right now matters to me, and it will always matter. You’re not just a distraction while I wait for someone else.”
Guy responds with a soft, sad smile. “Thanks.”
“You don’t have to tell me anything else about that situation,” I say. “In fact, three kisses for you because you put up with me just now.”
I press my lips gently to his, and he leans into it, but when I come in for a second kiss, he pulls back.
“No, I-I’ll tell you,” he says. “You told me about your mom. You deserve the same trust from me. But please don’t tell anyone else.”
We lock eyes, and I know whatever it is, I better wrap my heart around it and keep it safe. “If that’s what you want,” I say. “I’ll give you whatever you need.”
“Right before I came here, I was drinking. A lot,” he says. “I was in my bathroom, chugging down all the booze I could find in my liquor cabinet.”
I nod, remembering what he’d said about why he thinks Dionysus chose him.
“It wasn’t because I was partying or that I’m an alcoholic,” Guy says. “I just thought it would numb me when I…” His throat bobs. “I was going to kill myself.”
My fingers press against my lips instinctively as I gasp. “Oh, God, I’m so sorry.”
“There’s more,” he says. “There’s why.” He looks at me with pleading eyes. “Please, please don’t hate me. Please don’t think I’m gross or…”
“Of course, I won’t!” I say, shaking my head vigorously. I wipe his messy brown hair from his forehead so that I can see his face better. “Guy, you’ve been an absolute godsend to me ever since I met you.”
Guy offers me another smile that’s gone all too quickly when he returns to his explanation.
“My dad wasn’t a nice person,” he says. “He didn’t want kids.
My mom got pregnant and refused to abort me.
Instead of getting mad at her, he got mad at me.
One night I said something, I don’t even remember what, but he got so angry that he shoved me against the stove and pressed my face to the burner.
Every day, I noticed the way people winced at me, from clients to coworkers.
Even people I thought of as friends. I just couldn’t take it anymore. ”
“Guy…” I can’t think of anything else to say, but my heart hurts for him. How could anyone do that to their kid?
That must be all over my face because he strokes my cheek and says, “I’m okay now. Really. I’m here, where my face is my face again, and I’m around people I actually like. People like you.”
People like me…
Those words and this secret are an honor I don’t deserve to carry, but I will do so anyway because he needs me to.
I don’t wait for any more questions to exchange. This moment isn’t part of the cute little game he’s concocted for us. This is real, and that’s what he really wanted from me.
“Where did it burn you?” I ask.
Guy traces over the right side of his face. “From my scalp to my chin,” he says. “I actually didn’t have hair on that side until about an inch behind my ear.”
His hair. His beautiful hair. I comb it back delicately and then press a kiss to his forehead.
I tread a gentle path with my lips across his eyebrow to his temple and down his cheek and jawline.
At his chin, I leave a sweet, lingering kiss.
Then, I loosen his wizard robes at the collar so that I can kiss his heart because I’m sure there’s a scar there that hasn’t magically healed like the others.
As I do all of this, Guy responds with soft sighs and moans.
When my lips leave his chest, he grips the sides of my face and buries his fingers in my hair.
It’s a shock, but a pleasant one. He claims my mouth with his own, and oh God, I don’t think I’ve ever been kissed like this, like he’ll die if he can’t get more of me.
Guy pulls away, and tears spill down his cheeks. “God, Lauren,” he whispers. “What am I going to do when you leave me?”
My heart shatters at the question because I don’t want to leave him, but…Cait. When I look at her, I can’t even think straight. She’s so powerful and determined. My hero. But now, after all our time on the ship, something big has shifted between Guy and me.
Why Choose? That’s one of my quests. A question.
There are too many of those right now and not enough answers.
Why choose? Because of Cait, because she’s…
what? Uptight? Rigid? Until recently, I would have thought she was one hundred percent straight, but her gaze lingers on me more and more deliciously every time we come across each other.
“Let’s just think about what we have right now,” I whisper back and take one of his hands in mine. I think about how best to show him the depth of intimacy I want with him. I consider my breast, my ass, my pussy. None of those are good enough, not after what he’s shared.
I place Guy’s hand over my heart and say, “You’re special to me. Very, very special.”