Chapter 43
Chapter Forty-Three
The beach is still as beautiful as before, with pink sand and waves that reach into the sunset. Mom used to call it a tie-dye sky when there were this many colors on the horizon. She would never want to leave this beach.
Aphrodite walks past swaying palm trees to reach me. Atop her head is a crown made of starlight that emanates raw power. Flickers of white magic cover every inch of her skin. She has the overwhelming aura of total authority, the most important god of them all.
Well, her promotion happened fast. Did Zeus even put up a fight?
“You won?” I ask.
“If by won, you mean the code gave me Zeus’s crown and control, yes,” Aphrodite answers. “But this isn’t a game or a war, so I don’t consider this a win.”
“Don’t give me that bullshit,” I say. “You literally made a video game for this.”
“I told you before,” she says. “The worshippers are the people playing the game in your original world. This world is where we live and where players who were about to die in the real world can live forever. What happens to you here isn’t a game; it’s life.”
I refrain from rolling my eyes. “None of that matters. I’ve brought you the offering you most desired.”
Tears well in Aphrodite’s eyes. “I never desired your sacrifice. It was just too dangerous to let Zeus keep control, not when he’s so quick to kill.
The reason the game Legends of Sacrifice exists is that this was the only way to get him to give up his crown.
I would have been happy for any other god to become our new ruler. ”
“But I’m sure you were really glad it was you,” I say and sigh. “Let me have my wish, please.”
Aphrodite wipes at her eyes and nods. “Of course, anything you want.”
“I have two wishes to choose from,” I say, “so I need to know something first. Now that you’re wearing the crown, can Zeus still attack any player he wants?”
“No, he’s lost any power outside of that which he uses with his own worshippers,” she says.
“Sucks to be them,” I mutter.
I consider wishing for Zeus’s death, but that might cause unforeseen problems. And this other wish? It’s what I really want.
“Okay, then I know what I want,” I say. I take a deep breath and then lock my eyes on Aphrodite’s. “Take me back to the day Mom died, right beforehand. Let me say goodbye and let me give her my last Kiss of Life.”
Aphrodite’s eyes widen. I can’t tell if it’s shock or terror.
“Please tell me you can do this,” I say. “Please tell me this wasn’t all for nothing.”
“I can do that,” Aphrodite says. “But are you sure that’s how you want to spend your last kiss?”
“It’s not like there will be any other opportunities to use it,” I say.
Aphrodite studies me for a moment. She opens her mouth to say something, then shuts it and shakes her head. “No, this is your choice. You deserve the wish you asked for.”
She waves her hand, and the beach disappears, revealing my city. I almost choke on the stink of gasoline in the polluted air. I guess my lungs got used to the pristine air and water in Peripeteia.
Across the street is the hospice where I last saw my mother. Aphrodite stands beside me still. She’s dressed like any woman would in my world. We both are. I guess she figures people can see us here.
“I can’t stay outside of the game for long,” she says. “The longer I’m here, the less power I have.”
“Okay, well, then go,” I tell her, not holding back a bit of the resentment I feel toward her.
Aphrodite purses her lips at my backtalk, but then her face softens with regret. “Lauren, I don’t let my worshippers die.”
“Then, I wish you’d let me stay on this side,” I say. “After all, it’s the players in front of the computer screen who are your true worshippers.”
“Lauren, please listen to—”
“Go!” I shout. “Let me be alone with my mom now.”
Without saying another word, Aphrodite walks away. With every step, she fades more and more, until she’s not there anymore.
I take a deep breath and cross the street, ready to get what I’ve wanted most for so long—a chance to say goodbye.
The hospice is exactly how I remember it. It has that same smell, a mixture of cleaning products, vanilla-scented wall plugins, and death. The reality of this building and these people is so clear that I’m tempted to believe I’m waking up from a dream about Peripeteia. I’m not, though.
There are two big reminders of where I come from. Even though I’m dressed like I was before I went to Peripeteia, I can still see the UI on the edges of my vision. I guess that’s part of the magic I need to give Mom the Kiss of Life.
“Hi, Mom,” I say the moment I enter her room. I’ve longed to say those words for so long that, when I finally get to, my heart threatens to burst through my ribcage.
It doesn’t even matter that she doesn’t say it back, that she continues to stare at the television. I sit in the chair beside her bed and look at what show is on.
“Ooh! Our favorite soap!”
I put her hand in mine and squeeze it. Her thumb brushes affectionately against the side of my pointer finger, and I try not to cry. I fail.
If there’s one thing I want everyone to know, it’s that you should hold hands with the people you love as often as possible. Their fingers may gnarl, and their skin may loosen, but it will still feel the same. I’ve missed Mom’s hands so much.
“I love you, Mom,” I say. “So much. I wish I could talk to you again. I wish…”
Wait. Maybe I can talk to her. I bring up my menu. All of my spells are there, including Restoration. Dementia isn’t a poison or hex, but it can’t hurt to try. I tap on the spell, close my menu, and hold my breath.
Mom blinks. The movement is slow and labored, like a rusty gear trying to click along. Then, without turning her head, she looks at me.
“Lauren,” she says.
A guttural sob tears from me. It’s loud, ugly, more like a scream than crying. I didn’t expect to respond like this. But she said my name. She remembers me.
“Are you okay?” she whispers as I fight to even my breathing.
Finally, I reach a state where I can talk again. Wiping away my tears, I give her my brightest, most genuine smile. “I’m okay. I’ve just really missed you.”
Mom turns her head toward me and grins. “I’ve missed you, too. You should visit more often. Let me get you a treat.”
She starts to sit up, but her IV pulls at her, and she winces and then breaks into a coughing fit.
Another bout of pneumonia. That must be what killed her.
That’s when she notices where she is. I watch her face shift from pleased to see me to the realization of what’s going on. “Oh, I’m…I’m dying. That’s right.”
“You don’t have to die,” I say. “Not really.”
Mom squints at me. “What do you mean?”
“This is going to sound like a big lie, but I have a spell,” I say. “It’s a gift from Aphrodite.”
I expect Mom to laugh, but she tilts her head to the side. “You met her?”
“You believe me?” I ask.
“When your father ran off, this beautiful woman came along,” she says.
“She had all these baby things and money. It was suspicious. What stranger just comes along and gives you all that stuff. I thought maybe she was his sister or wife or something. So, I asked.” Mom shakes her head.
“She told me point blank that she’s Aphrodite and your father is her son. ”
My jaw drops. “What? Why didn’t you ever tell me this?”
Laughing, Mom says, “You would have thought I was crazy. Besides, I never saw her again.” She strokes my cheek. “But you saw her.”
“Mom, I have this spell called the Kiss of Life. Aphrodite let me come back to this moment because soon you’re going to die, and if I kiss you, then you can come back.”
Mom gasps and tries to sit up again. She grimaces from the IV’s pull and lies back on the incline of her hospital bed. “You can do that?” she asks. “I can live, and we can watch our soaps and stuff? Maybe you could come live with me again!”
I shake my head. “I can’t do that, Mom.”
“Okay, I can live at your place, or we can just see each other more often,” she says.
Ugh, this is going to hurt so bad. I wish I could just lie, but that wouldn’t be fair to her. “No, you don’t understand. It’s not that I don’t want to. That would be lovely, actually.”
“Then why not?” she asks.
“Once I give you the Kiss of Life, I’m going to die.”
The faint color that was still in my mother’s pallid cheeks drains away. Her eyebrows press together, and her mouth hangs open. “No, Lauren,” she whispers. “I don’t want your Kiss of Life.”
“Please,” I say. “It’s my dying wish to do this for you. Please, let me have this.”
“I don’t want to be alive, missing you,” she says. “I can’t think of anything worse than outliving my precious baby.”
Mom shifts to sit up more. This time, she pushes through the pain until she can move the IV into a better position, then kisses me on the forehead.
I back away from her touch and shake my head. “If you die, then everything I did will be for nothing.”
“Lauren, I’m going to die,” she says. “Whether or not you give me the Kiss of Life. I’ve had multiple strokes.
I could have another one tomorrow or the next day or a few years down the road.
But I don’t have long to live, regardless of what you do today.
I would rather just spend the little time I have with you and then go wherever I’m meant to go when I die. ”
I want to scream. I want to have a full-on tantrum. No, Mommy! You will not die! You will stay here with me! But she’s right.
Cait and Guy respected my wishes enough to let me choose my death. I should give her the same thing. That’s what people do when they love you. So, I nod.
“Okay, Mom.”
“Promise me, you won’t give me that kiss.”
“I promise.” The words croak out of me, but she nods to show they’re sufficient.
Mom glances at the television. “Oh, look! It’s our favorite soap! Climb up here with me, and let’s watch it together.”
She scootches to one side. There’s a ridiculously narrow amount of bed next to her, but I force myself in anyway and lay my head on her chest while we watch. She and I badmouth the trashy and evil characters. We laugh at the jokes and swoon at the good-looking doctors.
The credits roll, and I reach for the remote. “Let’s see what’s on the other channels. What would you like to watch, Mom?”
Silence.
“Mom?”
I set the remote down and look at her. Her eyes are fixed on the television, but they don’t blink. There’s no life in them.
Oh, no. Not yet.
I can’t breathe. My heart pounds so hard that it’s all I can hear in my ears. Tears and snot flow from me. There aren’t enough tissues in the world for this.
There’s still a smile on her face, and I look at her lips. I could go back on my promise. All I have to do is press my lips to hers. This is the way she wanted to go, though: cuddling with me and watching our favorite show. Do I really want her to find my dead body and then die lonely someday soon?
Fuck.
This is so much harder than deciding to sacrifice myself—harder than anything I’ve ever had to do in my life. But I have to because I love her.
I lay my head against her chest again as I hold her limp hand in mine. “I love you, Mom. Goodbye.”
Then, like I used to do as a kid, just like a dreamed about in Peripeteia, I kiss our overlapping thumbs. It’s time to die now, so I squeeze my eyes closed, waiting for that final moment. It doesn’t come. I open my eyes again and look around.
“Um, I…I kinda got my wish, so…” I say to the sky, like that might be where Aphrodite is.
There’s no response at all.
“If this is about the Kiss of Life, she didn’t want me to give it to her,” I say.
Oh God. I have to, don’t I. Otherwise, I’ll be in this “almost dead” state forever. I sit up and look down at Mom. Will she understand? Goddamn it. I bring up my menu to see if there’s a way out of using the spell or something.
The spell isn’t there. What the fuck?
A disembodied voice says, “Cleric of Aphrodite: Level 6. Spell Gained: Speak to the Dead - one use before leaving the spell menu. Mage of Aphrodite: Level 2. Spell Gained: Portal - one use before leaving the spell menu. Skill Gained: Forgiveness. Favor Gained: Immortality.”