Chapter 3 CASSANDRA #2
He didn’t care that there was a chance I’d have to pay back my scholarships. And given the job market for history majors in Clifton Forge, I doubted the jobs I could get would be enough for me to afford anything extra besides rent, food and childcare.
“When?” He waved a hand toward my belly.
“I don’t know exactly. I haven’t been to the doctor yet. I literally found out three days ago. But my guess is March.”
He nodded and dropped his gaze to the carpet. Mom had vacuumed while I’d been at the coffee shop and Leo’s boots left footprints in the soft pile.
“Has this—” The question died on my lips. Why was it so hard to talk to him? It hadn’t been, that night at The Betsy. At first, I’d been nervous, but then as he’d started to flirt with me, seduce me, I’d relaxed and just been myself.
“Has this what?”
“Has this happened to you before?” I couldn’t bring myself to look at his face.
“You mean do I have kids?”
I nodded.
“No.”
“And a, um . . . wife?”
A low growl came from his throat. “No.”
The air rushed from my lungs. That was something positive. Not a lot, but something.
Leo shifted and crossed his arms over his chest. “Listen, there’s some trouble. That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.”
I sat up straighter. “What trouble?”
“With the Warriors.”
One word and my heart stopped. “What do you mean? I thought they were in jail.”
“Most of them are. Some of them aren’t. But even in jail, that doesn’t mean they aren’t a threat.”
“A threat to who? Me?”
“Maybe. There’s a long history of violence between the Kings and the Warriors.”
My stomach did a nasty somersault. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying that now you’re tied to me. Unless you want to get rid of . . .” He waved a hand at my belly.
Maybe I’d asked the wrong question. Maybe I shouldn’t have asked if he had kids or a wife but how many women had come to him with a pregnancy.
“If the Warriors find out you’re having my kid, it paints a target on your back.”
Was he threatening me? Was he trying to scare me into an abortion? “Is this trouble with the Warriors real or is it your way of pushing me toward the outcome that you want?”
“It’s real,” he clipped.
I opened my mouth, ready to argue, but then the image of Luke standing in his doorway earlier while Scarlett had come outside to talk to me popped in my head. “That’s why Luke was watching us.”
“What?”
“Earlier today, before the coffee shop, Scarlett came over. Luke watched us. I thought it was because she’s scared to be on the street alone, like I am, but that’s not the reason.” And he’d come with us to the coffee shop. He’d stayed outside, but he’d been there the whole time.
“You’re scared to be on the street alone?”
“Oh, um . . .” Damn it. I hadn’t meant to let that slip. I looked up, surprised by the concern on Leo’s face. “Okay, so the Warriors might come after me again. That’s what you’re here to talk about.”
“Yep.”
So much for discussing the baby. “Okay,” I drawled. “And . . .”
“And don’t go broadcasting the news.”
“Y-you don’t want me to tell anyone?” My heart actually cracked when he nodded.
Wow, I was a stupid, stupid woman. I’d never felt more insignificant in my life.
A surge of anger scorched my veins, and I fisted the comforter at my side, wringing it in my grip.
“Worried that I’ll ruin your chances with women if they find out you have a baby on the way with one of your one-night stands? ”
He flinched at the word baby and in that moment, I’d never wanted to slap a person more in my life. “That’s not what I’m saying.”
“Then what are you saying?”
“Be careful. Check the damn peephole.” He threw an arm toward the door. “Avoid going out on your own.”
“Consider your warning heard. Anything else?”
“Call me if you see something suspicious.”
“I would but I don’t have your number,” I said through gritted teeth, digging out my phone and when he rattled it off, I entered it in and sent his phone a text, hearing it ding in his pocket. “Should I plan to call you for anything else? You know, like when I have your child?”
Leo’s jaw ticked.
“You haven’t asked me yet if I’m keeping it. Why?”
“Because I figure I don’t have a damn say in the matter.”
“You don’t.”
He drew in a long breath. “What are you going to do?”
“I don’t know,” I answered, maybe out of habit.
Except I did know.
Since the moment I’d taken that pregnancy test, my mind had immediately jumped to changing my plans.
I wasn’t sure what those plans looked like yet, but not once had I considered an abortion.
That option hadn’t crossed my mind. Instead, I was a mess over how to bring a baby into this world and do a good job as a single mother.
“I’m going to keep it. The baby. Do you want to be involved?”
He didn’t answer.
And that was answer enough.
This was, hands down, the most painful experience of my life. Sitting there, I watched a man who I’d once fantasized about, who’d given me one unforgettable night, shrink before my very eyes.
All because of fear.
It rolled off his body in waves, pulsing between us. What I’d seen on his face at the coffee shop paled next to this expression. The crease between Leo’s eyebrows deepened. Worry lines marred his forehead. His perfect mouth turned down.
He stood, paralyzed, scared to death. Leo had been nothing but an asshole since I’d come back this weekend, but in this moment, all I wanted to do was hug him. To show him a little bit of comfort.
Before I could rationalize that need, I stood from the bed, crossed the floor in my bare feet and wrapped my arms around his waist.
He stiffened.
I didn’t let go.
Why? Why was I hugging him? The answer eluded me, but I held on tight regardless, drawing in his incredible scent.
I inhaled him, holding the wind, spice and cedar scent in my nose for a long moment.
I held him, pretending that we were back in his bed, weeks ago, with the moonlight streaming through the window.
Back when I was just a girl living a dream and he was the man making it come true.
Maybe this hug wasn’t about Leo at all.
“What are you doing?” He settled one hand on my hip, but he didn’t push me away.
“I’m scared too,” I confessed.
His body stiffened again, stringing impossibly tight. Then suddenly it sagged. His arms came around me, pulling me so hard into his chest that it was difficult to breathe.
It was like Leo was trying to envelop me. Like if he pulled hard enough, the two of us would be strong enough to turn back time.
I closed my eyes and held on harder, listening to his heart race beneath my ear.
We stood there, fused together, as the heartbeats passed until Leo finally loosened his hold.
It took an effort to unwrap my arms and inch my feet away.
Leo stared down at me, his pale-green eyes searching mine for answers I wished I could give him but simply didn’t have. He looked as vulnerable as I felt.
That was to be expected, right? All parents probably had a shock at the beginning. We had months to deal with this and come up with answers. To start, we needed to call a truce.
“I’m sorry for springing this on you,” I said. “At the barbeque yesterday. I didn’t expect to see you there and I could have done that better.”
My apology snapped him out of his own head. He blinked. Then the wall slammed down between us.
And I was the enemy again.
“You should finish school,” he said, clearing his throat. “Do your next semester. Leave Clifton Forge.”
I inched away. “You want me to leave?”
“Yeah, I do.” He might as well have punched me in the stomach. “Look, Cass, I’ve got nothing for you. For this kid. I was looking for a good time, not a commitment or responsibility.”
“You had sex with me. You realize how babies are made, right?”
He sighed. “I fucked up.”
“No, you fucked me.”
Leo faced the door, giving me his profile. Before he could make an excuse to bolt, I gave him the out he so clearly desired.
“Go,” I snapped. “Please. I don’t want my parents to see you here and they should be back soon.”
That got his attention. He turned to me with his eyes narrowed. “They don’t know.”
“They know I’m pregnant. They don’t know that you’re the father.” And with the way things were going, I doubted they ever would. The last thing I needed was my dad going into a rage and doing something stupid, like picking a fight with a former motorcycle club member.
Leo huffed. “Of course they don’t. Buttercup.”
He’d been listening to me talk to my parents. My temper raged and my God, it was refreshing. Because this was better. Hating Leo was so much better than feeling this deep, pathetic longing.
I was not the woman who’d tame the bad boy. This was not the fantasy where he realized the woman he’d been searching for all along was me.
This was real life and I hated . . . hate I could do.
“You don’t get to do that,” I said, my voice steady but full of fire. “You don’t get to mock a wonderful father for giving his daughter a nickname. Because as far as fathers go, you’re failing miserably.”
“I don’t want to be a father.”
“Then you won’t be.” I pointed to the door. “Goodbye, Leo.”
Without another word, he strode out of my room.
The front door slammed so loudly the entire house rattled. Then the windows shook with the rumble of Leo’s Harley as he thundered away from my house.
Out of my life.
Tears welled in my eyes and I swiped at my cheeks furiously trying to keep them from falling. Tears wouldn’t make Leo a better man. Tears wouldn’t fix the past. This baby—my baby—didn’t need tears. What he or she needed was a mother strong enough to stand on her own two feet.
Minutes later the garage door opened, and I hurried to the bathroom to splash water on my face. My cheeks were still splotchy but hopefully Mom and Dad would think I’d just woken up. I met my parents at the door with a forced smile and helped them haul in a load of groceries.
“I’ve been doing some thinking,” I said as we all bustled around the kitchen, putting things away.
“You wouldn’t be you if you weren’t thinking,” Dad teased.
“I’m going to head out. Drive back to Missoula.”
Mom froze beside the fridge, a gallon of milk in her hand. “Today?”
I nodded. “I have a class tomorrow morning.”
“But . . .” Mom looked to Dad.
“I need to finish school. It was an impulse to think I had to quit.” And shame.
There were seven of us in the program. I’d be the only pregnant one, and there would no doubt be questions and odd looks. Part of the reason I’d decided to quit was to save myself a bit of that embarrassment. But I’d rather deal with my classmates than be within fifty miles of Leo Winter.
“I haven’t told my advisor yet,” I said. “I’ll cancel my meeting with her and just go back to normal. Then I’ll work hard and do my thesis this fall. Graduate before the baby is born.”
“Are you sure, Cassie?” Dad asked. Normally, I was Buttercup. He only ever called me Cassie when he was worried or mad.
“I’m sure. I don’t know what will happen after next semester, but I’ve got time to figure it out.”
Mom unglued her feet and put the milk away. Then she came to me and pulled me into a hug. “Drive careful.”
No questions. No arguments. They trusted me behind the steering wheel of my own life.
Someday, sooner than I’d planned, I hoped to be a parent like them.
Only I’d be doing it alone.