Chapter Twenty-Four #3
“The universe is a comedian,” Quinton corrected.
“I need help,” I said.
“We know,” Nathan said. “That’s why we’re here.”
“I need to make a plan.”
“Obviously.”
“A comprehensive plan. Covering every possible scenario.”
“Naturally.”
“With backup plans.”
“Of course.”
“And contingencies for the backup plans.”
“We wouldn’t expect anything less,” Gabriel said, smiling.
I looked around the table at my colleagues, my best friends, and felt something loosen in my chest. “I’m going to need a lot of help,” I admitted.
“We know,” Winnie said gently.
“Like... a significant amount of help.”
“We’re aware.”
“I might have a breakdown.”
“You’re already having a breakdown,” Hayden pointed out. “We’re just here to manage it.”
“I’m not having a breakdown.”
“Your left eye is twitching.”
“That’s unrelated.”
“It’s absolutely related,” Fitz said. “But we’re still going to help you.”
“Why?” I asked.
“Because you’re our friend,” Nathan said simply. “And because this is going to be entertaining as hell.”
“And because we have a new betting pool,” Hayden added.
“Of course you do,” I muttered.
“Current odds are on you creating a spreadsheet within the next two hours,” Quinton said.
“I’ve already started one,” I admitted.
“CALLED IT!” Hayden shouted, fist-pumping the air.
“Pay up,” Fitz said to Nathan.
“You bet against me?” I asked Nathan.
“I bet you’d wait until tomorrow,” Nathan said. “I had faith in your self-control.”
“Misplaced faith,” Gabriel observed.
“Clearly.”
I pulled out my laptop and opened the spreadsheet I’d started in the parking lot.
“Okay,” I said. “Let’s do this.”
“Do what?” Winnie asked.
“Plan for three babies.”
“You can’t plan for three babies,” Hayden said. “That’s like trying to plan for a natural disaster.”
“I can and I will.”
“Julien—”
“The universe wants chaos? Fine. I’ll give it order. The universe wants to test me? Fine. I’ll pass. The universe thinks it can break me with three babies?” I looked around the table and smiled devilishly. “It’s wrong.”
“Oh boy,” Fitz muttered.
“Here we go,” Quinton said.
“He’s going full Julien,” Nathan observed.
“Is that good or bad?” Winnie asked.
“Yes,” everyone said in unison.
I ignored them and pulled up my spreadsheet. “Item one,” I said. “Nursery configuration.”
“Oh God,” Hayden said. “He’s serious.”
“Item two: feeding schedule.”
“He’s really serious.”
“Item three: diaper logistics.”
“Someone stop him,” Fitz groaned.
“Nobody’s stopping him,” Gabriel said, smiling. “This is too good.”
“Item four—”
“Julien,” Nathan interrupted gently. “Maybe we should start with something simpler?”
“Like what?”
“Like... breathing exercises?”
“I don’t need breathing exercises. I need a PLAN!”
“You need therapy,” Hayden said.
“I need help.”
“We are helping!” Quinton protested.
“By mocking me?”
“By being here,” Winnie said firmly. “By listening. By supporting you. Even if you are being completely insane about this.”
I stared at her. “I’m not insane.”
“You’re being a little insane,” Gabriel said kindly.
“I’m being prepared.”
“You’re being Julien,” Nathan said. “Which is the same thing.”
I closed my laptop and took a deep breath. “Okay,” I said. “You’re right. I’m spiraling.”
“You’re definitely spiraling,” Fitz agreed.
“But I need to spiral. Because if I don’t spiral now, I’ll spiral later, and later will be worse because the babies will be here and I won’t have time to spiral.”
“That’s actually logical,” Quinton said.
“Don’t encourage him,” Hayden said.
“I’m not encouraging. I’m observing.”
“Same thing.”
“It’s not—”
“FOCUS,” I snapped. “Please. I need you all to focus.”
They looked at me.
“I’m having three babies,” I said quietly. “Three. And I’m terrified. And I know you all think this is hilarious—”
“We do,” Hayden confirmed.
“—but I need help. Real help. Not just jokes and betting pools.”
Silence.
Then Nathan leaned forward.
“Okay,” he said. “Real help. What do you need?”
“I don’t know,” I admitted. “That’s the problem. I don’t know what I need. I don’t know how to prepare for this.”
“You need to stop trying to control everything,” Winnie whispered.
“I can’t.”
“You have to.”
“I can’t. Control is all I have. Control is how I function. Without control, I’m just—”
“Human?” Gabriel suggested.
I stared at him.
“You’re allowed to be scared,” he continued. “You’re allowed to not have all the answers. You’re allowed to need help.”
“I hate needing help.”
“We know,” Nathan said. “But you’re going to need it anyway. So you might as well accept it now.”
I looked around the table again. At my friends. My support system. My backup plan. “Okay,” I said finally. “Okay. I need help.”
“We know,” Fitz said, grinning.
“And I’m going to make a spreadsheet.”
“We know that too.”
“And contingency plans.”
“Obviously.”
“And—”
“Julien,” Quinton interrupted. “We get it. You’re going to Julien the hell out of this situation. But you’re also going to let us help. Right?”
I nodded slowly. “Right.”
“Good,” Nathan said. “Then let’s start with the basics. What’s the first thing you need to do?”
Despite everything, despite the terror and the chaos and the absolute certainty that my life was about to become completely unmanageable, I felt something settle in my chest.
I had help.
I had backup.
I had a plan.
Well, the beginning of a plan.
The universe wanted war?
Fine.
Bring it on!