Chapter 6 #3
“The limit is .08!”
“Well, that seems arbitrary.”
“It’s THE LAW!”
“Anyway,” Fitz continued, ignoring her, “I was walking home, minding my own business, when I saw a group of people gathered outside the police station. Naturally, I assumed they were having some kind of event.”
“It was a DUI checkpoint,” Winnie said.
“I didn’t know that!”
“There were signs.”
“I don’t read signs when I’m walking. That’s what peripheral vision is for.”
“Your peripheral vision was DRUNK.”
“So I walked up to the officers,” Fitz continued, “and I asked what was happening. And they said they were conducting sobriety tests. And I said, ‘Oh, how fun! I’ll participate!’”
I lost it. I actually lost it.
“You VOLUNTEERED for a sobriety test?” Gabriel asked, his voice strangled with laughter.
“I thought it would be entertaining!”
“And then what happened?” Nathan asked, wiping tears from his eyes.
“Well, I failed the test.”
“Obviously.”
“And they asked me to come inside the station to fill out some paperwork. And I said, ‘Of course, officers, I’m happy to help.’ And then I may have started singing.”
“May have?” Winnie’s voice was dangerously quiet.
“I definitely started singing.”
“You sang ‘God Save the Queen’ for TWENTY MINUTES.”
“It’s a very long song when you include all the verses.”
“There’s only ONE verse!”
“Well, I improvised.”
Hayden stood up. “I’m leaving.”
“You can’t leave,” Julien said. “We haven’t finished the schedule.”
“I don’t care about the schedule. I care about my blood pressure, which is currently at stroke levels.”
“That’s very dramatic, Hayden.”
“This entire situation is dramatic!”
“Sit down,” Julien said. “Please. I’m begging you. If I don’t finish this schedule, my spouse is going to make me sleep on the couch, and the couch is currently occupied by a tarot card reading station that I’m not allowed to disturb.”
Hayden sat down.
Winnie was still glaring at Fitz. “You owe me $500.”
“I’ll pay you back.”
“When?”
“Eventually.”
“WHEN IS EVENTUALLY?”
“When I have $500?”
“You’re a doctor. You have $500.”
“Not liquid. It’s all tied up in investments.”
“What investments?”
“Cryptocurrency.”
“Oh my GOD!”
“It’s a very sound financial strategy!”
“You bought DOGECOIN, didn’t you?”
“It’s a legitimate currency!”
“It’s a MEME!”
I was going to die. I was actually going to die from laughter.
My phone buzzed again as I glanced down.
Vivian: You free for lunch today?
My heart did something stupid. Something completely inappropriate for a man who had just bought two concert tickets. Something that suggested I was about to go in way deeper than I’d thought.
Me: Always. Break room at noon?
Vivian: Perfect. I need to vent.
Of course she did. Of course she needed to vent about the boyfriend.
Because that was what friends did. They vented about their terrible boyfriends to other friends.
This was fine. Everything was fine. I looked up.
Winnie and Fitz were still arguing. Julien looked as if he had given up on life.
Gabriel was recording the whole thing on his phone.
Nathan was eating popcorn that he had apparently smuggled into the meeting.
And Hayden was googling “early retirement options for doctors over 45.”
Just another Monday at Clinically Approved.
“Okay,” Julien said, his voice cutting through the chaos. “Here’s what’s going to happen. Fitz, you’re going to pay Winnie back by the end of the week.”
“That’s very aggressive.”
“End. Of. The. Week.”
“Fine.”
“Winnie, you’re going to go home, take a nap, and send me the receipt for the bail money so I can reimburse you from the clinic’s emergency fund.”
“We have an emergency fund for this?” Winnie asked.
“We do now.”
“And, Fitz,” Julien continued, “you’re going to write a formal apology to the New Haven Police Department.”
“For what?”
“For serenading them at two in the morning!”
“I thought they enjoyed it.”
“They ARRESTED you.”
“That doesn’t mean they didn’t enjoy it.”
Julien looked at me. “Quinton, please tell me you have nothing insane happening in your life right now.”
I thought about the concert tickets, then I thought about Vivian and simply replied, “Nope. Nothing insane at all.”
“Good. Because I can’t handle any more chaos this week.”
My phone buzzed again.
Vivian: Also, I had a really good time on Saturday. We should do it again sometime.
I stared at the message.
We should do it again sometime.
I had concert tickets. I had two months to figure out how to give them to her without making it weird. I had two months to figure out how to be her friend while also maintaining a respectable co-worker relationship, and for the love of God, not let Julien find out.
I was so screwed.
“Meeting adjourned,” Julien said, gathering his things. “Everyone, go do your jobs and try not to get arrested.”
“That was ONE time,” Fitz protested.
“It was THIS MORNING.”
We filed out of the conference room, and I checked my phone one more time.
Vivian: We should do it again sometime.
Yeah.
I was definitely going to hell.
But at least I would have good seats.