IVY
C lint dropped me off at his family’s home before he rode off with Elle, Rowdy, and Sabrina for a club errand. Earlier, I heard Rock say others would meet them near the highway. I sensed a dozen people were going with them. What kind of “errand” needed so much manpower?
“It’s best not to worry about the details,” Shay told me as I stood on her porch, holding the pink helmet. “I grew up rough. I was tough for a chick, I guess. But the shit Ford and Pax used to face was beyond me. When I fought scary assholes, I was reacting to danger. But the people in the club go looking for trouble. They track down monsters to make them pay. I couldn’t do that, and I assume you couldn’t, either. That’s why we shouldn’t think about it.”
“But don’t you want to fully understand Ford’s life?”
“I did in the beginning, sure. But there’s a burden carried by people like Ford and Clint. When Ford came home from whatever he faced, he wanted to leave all his pain, fear, and rage at the door. He had to be able to create a safe space away from everything bad in the world. He can never truly have that with Pax because they shared difficult childhoods and their jobs. But with me, my brothers, and his kids, Ford could be soft and vulnerable.”
Shay’s words seemed so obvious. Clint wanted me to know his people and feel a part of that world. But he also wanted a place where he could leave trouble at the door. He was a complex man with one eye always searching for danger, even when he was walking around with me and his tiny dog.
Shay took the helmet inside and got her purse ready to leave. Hobbs and Ford were chilling near the lake. Bebe would be here soon. I felt relaxed with my current situation, but couldn’t help worrying about Clint.
“I guess I thought by not asking questions that I was being weak,” I explained as we sat on the porch and waited for Bebe. “That might be my biggest fear. Weakness kept me locked in the mansion for my entire life. Most people would have rebelled and broken free.”
“Don’t be so sure,” Shay said, sitting next to me on the bench. “We’re all programmed by our upbringings. I put up with a lot of shit before coming to Little Memphis. It’s how women did things where I was from. The men in your life were the ones making the choices. A woman submitted to his scraps or got lucky with a good man who offered you the world. But you, the woman, had very little to say about how things turned out.”
Shay shrugged. “I tried to be tough when I got here. It was a different time in Little Memphis. More dangerous in a hundred different ways. The men who once controlled this town were cold inside. They didn’t care about what their people did unless it cost them money. I could have easily been swallowed up here, but I was lucky.”
When Shay smiled at her words, I knew she was talking about the man who brought her here.
“I was a moron to trust Lucky. Who’d think a man I met at a strip club wouldn’t be a creep? But without him, I’d never have any of this,” she said and gestured around at her home. “I met Darby because of him and found a home. The job he got me led to my friendship with Bebe. I was hanging out at the club’s bar when I met Ford and Pax. Without Lucky, you and I wouldn’t be sitting here now.”
There were still so many people in Clint’s life that I knew through stories, yet hadn’t met. Shaking my head, I realized it’d been less than two weeks since I jumped on the back of a motorcycle and rode away with a stranger. I felt like I’d lived a lifetime in that time.
“Some people get lucky and some don’t,” Shay continued. “You can’t always know if you’re making good choices. But here in Little Memphis, I found options and made the best of them. That’s what you’re doing now. But you also think you need to make up for the years you felt trapped. I can’t say you’re wrong to feel that way. But I do worry you’ll be so focused on making up for lost time that you’ll miss the fun.”
Sighing, I nodded. “I do have a million checklists in my head, telling me how I’m behind on living. I don’t know why I’m in such a hurry. A month ago, I was locked away at home, living through my shows, movies, and books. I’ve lived more in two weeks than in twenty-three years. I think I’m afraid that if I get too comfortable, I’ll stop pushing myself. Deep down, I worry Clint will find me boring and walk away.”
“But you keep forgetting how you’re his soulmate. He isn’t with you because you like one thing over another. He saw you and knew you belonged with him. That’s not the kind of magic that falls away because you decide to stop demanding so much from yourself.”
“I figured I’d won the lottery with Clint, so I needed to live up to the ideal me.”
“That’s all garbage in your head. You shouldn’t trust yourself yet. A week ago, you thought your heart meant you couldn’t have fun or a family. Imagine what next week will bring.”
Of course, Shay was right. Despite all her “proud ditz” talk, she was smart about a lot.
My problem was I didn’t know what to trust—my heart or my mind. They’d both steered me wrong. I was too trusting of my uncles. Hell, I should have stood up to my mom, too. Yet, I wanted to trust them, so I chose not to ask questions.
My mind wasn’t much more trustworthy. I was always overthinking things. That was why Clint and I hadn’t had sex yet. I kept chickening out about stripping down and revealing myself. We had fooled around so many times. I trusted him. He knew about my scars. I wanted to be with him. But my brain kept coming up with more “practice runs” rather than letting me have fun.
As we drove to Lula’s office in Bebe’s Escalade, I decided to trust my instincts. That was the reason I accepted the ride from Clint. My heart wanted to stay with Uncle Dwight. My mind told me to be wary of a strange man. But my instincts believed in Clint. The next time the noise in my head grew too loud, I needed to silence it by following my instincts.
That next time came quickly as Shay, Bebe, and I arrived at Lula’s office to go over information from Reno.
Lula looked extraordinary in lush, gray dress slacks, a stylish belt, and a burgundy sweater. Her dark hair was tied back in a tight ponytail. Lula was one of those women who looked as gorgeous in jeans and a T-shirt as in business wear.
In the past, I’d no doubt feel insecure around someone of Lula’s beauty. Right now, though, I viewed her as a friend more than an ideal I couldn’t live up to.
Also, I liked my quirky fashion style. My clothes fit me well. I wasn’t a doll to be dressed up, but a woman with ideas of her own. For the first time in my life, I had no reason to be jealous of anyone.
We sat in a bright office with a long meeting table. I wasn’t sure if Shay and Bebe would join us to talk about the legal issues. But Clint’s mom didn’t hesitate to get involved today, just like she had stuck close when I faced the doctors.
Lula walked me through how the trust was set up. Grandmother Abigail did her best to ensure I would always be taken care of while preventing my mom and uncles from blowing through their funds.
“I want to sell the house,” I told Lula, having talked through the issue with Clint, Elle, and Shay on different occasions.
Lula stared at me for a moment, clearly searching for the right words. Instead of easing me into her point of view, she asked, “What if you and Clint don’t work out? Wouldn’t you want a familiar place to return to?”
Without missing a beat, I replied, “If Clint dumped me tomorrow, and I had to leave Little Memphis, I could live in luxury anywhere in the world. I’d be starting over with no friends or family, whether I returned to Reno or moved to Barcelona. So, why not start over somewhere with no bad memories?”
“True, but I got the sense you were comfortable in the Reno house before the violent events orchestrated by your uncle.”
“My grandmother and mom both died in that house. I was attacked in that house. I don’t want to live there.”
“I worry you’re making a rash decision.”
“It’s a beautiful home, but it hasn’t been truly cared for since Grandmother Abigail died. I like the idea of someone new breathing life into a place that only holds bad memories for me. I know this decision seems rash, but I’d rather live in a dozen different places in the world than go back to Reno.”
“Wait, I’m confused. Are you leaving?” Shay asked and looked at Bebe for help.
Bebe shrugged and said, “Is Barcelona in Italy?”
“No, it’s in Spain,” Lula said quickly before smiling at me. “Ivy isn’t going anywhere. She only wants me to know she’s considered her options, and Reno isn’t one of them. Fair enough. We’ll need to evict your uncle, who is still living at the house.”
“Can we pay him off? I mean, if I have all this money, can’t we write him a check to get him to leave? Uncle Linus can feel happy, move out, and no longer be my problem. I also won’t feel guilty when he blows through that money and is in danger again.”
“Right now, most of your money is tied up in a trust with a representative who must approve anything beyond your monthly stipend. However, he should agree that the profits from the house sale will outweigh the cost of paying off Linus.”
“Is this representative the same one controlling my uncle’s trust?”
“Yes, and that’s why you’ve had issues with your uncles using your monthly income to pay for things they wanted. There are also funds specifically meant to be used on the mansion that were handed over to your uncles. I plan to use this fact to push the representative to give you what you want now. However, in the future, you should file to have a local person assigned.”
“Can I use that monthly income for anything I want?”
“There are stipulations, but there’s no way for the representative to control what the money is used for once it hits your account. That’s why your uncles blew theirs on playing the ponies and alcohol.”
I reached for Shay’s hand before asking, “What’s happened with Uncle Dwight’s body?”
“I believe he’s been cremated. You living uncle tried to use the death of his brother as a reason to drag out the court case. I guess he must have gotten a call from his loan shark friends because he changed his tune quickly.”
“I don’t know how much I’m supposed to get a month, but I want some of it to automatically go to the Sabine Women’s Center.”
Bebe made a little gasping noise and reached for Shay’s free hand. I knew the center was named after her murdered sister.
“I want to do more than live in Little Memphis,” I explained. “I saw how Shay got things done when I needed my tests. If I have the money to help pull strings and make things better, that’s where it should be spent.”
Lula watched me like she was shifting gears. I knew she wasn’t sure what to make of me. I cried a lot the first time we met. I was goofy when we talked at the Sorority House. Now, I seemed self-assured.
“Your uncle sent a video message. I wasn’t sure if I should show it to you. He likely hopes to manipulate you.”
This moment was when I chose to listen to my instinct. Of course, my heart wanted to hear Linus’s voice and hoped for an apology. Deep down, I wished to forgive him. We were always close. I had no other family left. I might be able to rebuild our relationship. Didn’t I remember all the times when he was nice to me? Could I be so cold as to turn my back on him?
My mind insisted I should listen to his video message because the pain of seeing him would make me stronger. Didn’t I want to face my fears? Could I be strong enough for Clint if I were afraid of a little video message? Was I choosing to be weak again?
My instincts weren’t swayed by either argument.
“I don’t want to see it right now,” I told Lula, holding her gaze. “What happened is too fresh. I also don’t trust I won’t fall for his bullshit. I would rather focus on detangling his life from mine. I need to become financially secure, so Clint will always know I’m choosing to stay with him.”
The words felt right. I’d probably second-guess myself later, wanting to keep that connection I had with my family. For now, I’d created a protective barrier between a man capable of manipulating me.
While Clint remained out of town handling his club errand, I enjoyed lunch out with Shay, Bebe, and Lula. We talked about how Shay was planning to teach me to drive.
“I barely ever crash into anything,” Shay assured me. “I have mad skills. Super talented.”
“You crashed into me once,” Bebe stated.
“That was on you. Why didn’t you move when you saw me coming at you?”
As they broke into their usual “who’s ditzier” game, I smiled at Lula and enjoyed our afternoon out.
By the time Shay and Bebe dropped me off at the condo, I felt confident. This was the first time I walked up to the unit alone.
Soon, I’d be driving. Last night, Clint talked about what kind of car might suit me since I said his truck was too big to handle. We discussed getting another assigned spot in the garage. Everything was coming together!
Entering the condo, I smiled at Hanzee running over to see me. I took him down to the courtyard to do his business. None of the Crimson Guard members were around, but I noticed Tricky with his dog. We’d met a few days earlier. Clint warned me afterward not to speak freely with Tricky despite his genial demeanor.
That was why I lied about Clint’s whereabouts when Tricky asked in passing. I looked right into his bright blue eyes and sold my bullshit about how Clint’s motorcycle needed to be fixed.
“I didn’t understand what he said was wrong with it,” I babbled like a dumb blonde.
Tricky smiled warmly, buying my bullshit. Returning upstairs with Hanzee, I decided the waiting was over.
I walked into the smaller bedroom and stripped out of my clothes. Hanzee sat nearby, providing moral support while I faced my fully naked body in the mirror.
“This is you,” I told my reflection. “It was you yesterday. It’ll be you tomorrow. It’s time to stop hiding from Clint and yourself.”
The words felt very empowering, but I still hated to look at myself with that long scar down my chest. The other scars weren’t as noticeable. I could get used to revealing them. And showing off the top of the scar—or even the bottom—wasn’t horrible. But to see the entire thing was jarring.
This was my body. For years, I pretended the chest scar had disappeared. Now, I looked at it with fresh eyes.
Soon, Clint would see me exactly like this, stripped bare with nowhere to hide. My gaze finally peeled away from the scar and noticed my perky B-sized breasts. My skin was pale but not wholly unappealing. My belly was reasonably tight from the kickboxing I got into years ago. Yeah, I wasn’t hideous.
Breathing easier, I started posing in front of the mirror. First was my pinup look with my ass tilted upward. Second was my strongman pose as I showed off my biceps.
Next, I tried a few nudie magazine stances. My tattoo looked really hot during those poses. I finally wore myself out after I danced through two Taylor Swift songs naked in front of the mirror.
Finally, I walked around the condo naked with Hanzee strutting behind me. My plan was to surprise Clint by welcoming him at the door naked.
Thank fucking God I decided against this plan since Clint entered with Rock!
Dressed in a baggy T-shirt and sweatpants, I stood by the couch and stared at Clint and Rock, who came to a stop when they saw me.
“What does that look mean?” Rock asked Clint.
“I think her meeting with Lula didn’t go well.”
“Is that what it means?” Rock asked me.
“I could use snuggles,” I mumbled like a moron. “But if you need to talk, I’ll wait in the other room until you’re done.”
Rock narrowed his gaze as if sensing I was full of shit. Clint either didn’t pick up on my lies, or he didn’t care because he wanted Rock to leave.
“We’ll talk later,” Clint said while Rock eyed me full of suspicion as he exited.
“I pity the woman who has to woo that man,” I told Clint before he dropped a kiss on my smiling lips.
After sliding his hands down my body, Clint freed his lips. “Rock plans to marry a woman from his senior center when he’s eighty. By then, I suspect he won’t be so intimidating.”
“Did he say that?” I asked as I guided his hand up my shirt.
“I approve of you going braless at home,” Clint said and kissed me softly. “But do you need cuddles? Was that a real thing, or did you just want him to go away?”
“I want to fool around.”
Clint smirked in that arrogant way he got whenever I begged for his hot touch.
“Let me shower up first. I smell like the road and shitty food.”
I followed Clint upstairs, where he disappeared into the bathroom for his shower. While he cleaned up, I stripped down. With the shades up and the late afternoon sun shining into the condo, I had nowhere to hide.
Crawling onto the bed, I worked through several poses. I considered sitting with my back facing the bathroom door since my tattoo was beautiful and I had a decent butt.
Except my heart surgery scar had been the sticking point to us having sex so far. There was no reason to pretend otherwise, so I faced the bathroom and sat on my knees while Clint finished up.
I was nervous. Not just about showing off my scar, but sex was all new. I wanted to relax and enjoy the ride, but I worried my brain wouldn’t get out of the way.
Once a damp Clint exited the bathroom with the towel dangling in front of his cock, I forgot all about my fears. Everything in the world dropped away, leaving only my burning lust behind.