Austin
SEVEN
“Thank you for driving me home,” Dr. Kessler—or Alanna, as she’s asked me to call her—says from my passenger seat, tucking a piece of blonde hair behind her ear. “I knew Stella was on call, but I really didn’t think they’d need her tonight. I’d have driven myself otherwise.”
I shrug nonchalantly. “I don’t mind at all. It’s on the way. I’m just a few miles from here, on Stonehaven.”
“Oh, okay,” she replies, and the moment she locks her eyes on mine, I know what’s coming. “Do you want to come in for a drink?”
Yep. There it is.
This woman is nice enough. Stella was spot-on when she told me that Alanna was drop-dead gorgeous.
She’s got this bright blue gaze that drew the attention of every guy in the restaurant the moment she walked in, and you can tell she really takes care of herself.
She’s smart, well-dressed, and insisted on adding an extra hundred dollars toward our server’s tip—all things that tell me she’s a lovely person.
But Emmett was also right when he said we weren’t a good match.
It sounds awful, but I didn’t feel that spark when we shook hands.
There was no skitter of electricity when her leg brushed mine under the table, or when the tips of our fingers touched as she reached over for the basket of bread.
She’ll make a wonderful partner for someone one day, but that someone isn’t me, and I really don’t want to lead her on in any way.
I smile, not wanting to come across as ungrateful for the offer.
Maybe I should just be honest and tell her that I don’t see a future here, which at my age is kind of important.
But I can’t bring myself to do it, too worried that it may hurt her feelings, so I take the easy way out, conjuring up an excuse.
“I’m sorry,” I say. “I have to run. Tomorrow is my first day coaching the Renegades Youth Football team, so I have to be up early. I appreciate the offer, though.”
It’s not a lie. Since accepting the position, things have kind of snowballed.
I went from coaching a single age group to essentially overseeing the entire staff, which means I’ll be the one responsible for getting them prepped before the players and their parents arrive.
I think part of it was Paul and his guys wanting to put a familiar face behind the program, but I also feel like he wants to see how much responsibility I can take on before deciding where he’s going to put me with the Renegades.
Right now, the rules state that I still have another four months before I’m officially allowed to sign a contract, but I’ve been shadowing some of the other coaches in the meantime.
I’d love it if they offered me the offensive coordinator job, since that hasn’t technically been filled since the last one retired.
Dan Flynn, the Renegades assistant coach, has stepped in in the interim, but I know Coach Hendricks needs him by his side before the regular season begins.
This is exactly why I have to show them how capable I am with the kids, and that I can handle whatever they want to throw my way.
“Totally understandable,” she replies. “To be honest, I’m kind of glad you said no.
” That has my ears perking up, and I listen intently as she continues.
“Hopefully, this doesn’t come across as rude because you’re such a nice guy, but I’m not really in a position to date seriously.
I’m happily married to my job right now—much to Stella’s dismay—so I’m really sorry if I seemed disconnected at dinner. ”
My brows shoot up, but internally, I’m fucking relieved.
The last thing I want to do is hurt a nice woman like Alanna by saying that I don’t think we’d work out, but she beat me to the punch.
Stella means well, wanting her friends to find the happiness she has with Emmett, but not all of us are open to it.
Dr. Kessler enjoys putting her work at the hospital first, and I’m still healing from all the hurt and embarrassment I experienced with Bianca.
If a day ever comes where I’m ready to go all in with someone, it won’t be forced.
It’ll happen organically because that’s how love is supposed to be.
“I appreciate you telling me that,” I reply, my eyes connecting with hers. “I admire the hell out of you for putting your dreams first. Your patients are lucky to have you.”
She smiles softly, grabbing the handle beside her and pushing the door open. “Thank you, Austin. I truly hope you find whatever it is you’re looking for.”
“Have a good night, Alanna.” Moments later, she’s safely inside, and I’m headed down the road that leads to my property. Quiet music fills the cab, my thoughts drowning it out as I drive.
When I retired, the future looked so different.
It wasn’t that long ago, but I had this illusion that I’d run into the love of my life shortly after and we’d rush to the altar, binding ourselves to one another for all eternity.
Kids would come shortly after, and the family I’d always longed for would turn my empty house into a home.
But here I am, over two years later, actively making it impossible because I’m waiting to feel a spark that may not even exist.
I’m pulling down my driveway less than ten minutes later, moonlight filtering through the trees overhead as the giant brick building comes into view.
It’s way too much for one person, but I knew it would be the last home I ever owned.
I figured I had a couple years of football left in me, and Cleveland seemed like the perfect place to finally set down roots after moving around for most of my career.
I didn’t expect that an injury would bring it to an abrupt and early end, but the outcome remains the same.
I love it here, and I definitely don’t want to leave.
It’s a lonely life, though, which is exactly why I need to get my shit together and stop waiting for the right person to fall into my lap. I’m too old to be wasting precious time the way I have been.
Vowing to do better, I ease into the garage and kill the engine.
The silence is loud, something I’ve been noticing more and more as the months pass by.
I long for the day that I can hear the commotion and laughter before I even walk through the door, my heart overflowing with excitement as I rush to get inside.
For now, I’ll settle for another quiet night in an empty bed, with the hope that someday, I’ll have everything I ever wanted.