20. Paris
TWENTY
PARIS
“That’s not even my man, and my ovaries are sobbing,” Sydney says, looking over the rim of her trendy sunglasses as Austin goes about practice with Lennon in tow.
He points downfield, saying something to Rowan, who listens intently to every word.
My oldest gives his coach a tight nod of understanding, hurries into the huddle, and relays the message to his team before they all line up for the snap.
“Right?” Finley replies. “I literally just popped one out, and I’m already about to ask Theo for another. There’s something about football players and babies that just does it for me, and apparently, that football player doesn’t even have to be my boyfriend.”
Bailey hums in agreement. “Austin was already hot, but this is on a whole other level. He’s like, a daddy daddy. I can’t imagine the inner struggle you’re dealing with over there, Paris.”
I huff a quiet laugh, my eyes glued to him as he bounces her up and down, her breathy squeals traveling across the field every time he tickles her belly.
Saying I’m having an inner struggle is the understatement of the century, but I try my best to play it cool.
It beats the alternative of telling them that I’m currently naming all twenty of the babies I want him to put inside me right this second.
Okay, that’s overkill. But the sight of him holding my little girl while he expertly coaches a group of rowdy kids has my entire reproductive system fighting for its life.
“The only man she really knows is my brother,” I tell them, a soft smile blooming across my face when Austin tries to show Len how to blow his whistle.
There’s not a chance she isn’t drooling all over it as she brings it to her mouth, but he doesn’t seem to mind in the least. “Every time I passed her to my ex-husband when we were together, she’d cry until he gave her back.
I doubt she’d even know who he was if he showed up here right now, let alone reach for him. ”
“His loss.” Stella shrugs. “He’s missing out on these little moments—ones he’ll never get back. She looks happy right where she is, though.”
“She definitely is.” For the first time since I left Braxton, I don’t feel like my kids are missing out.
Austin may not be their father, but he’s the type of role model I want for them, even if things between us don’t work.
He’s gentle and patient. Genuine and kind.
Every one of us is lucky to know him, and I’m grateful beyond measure that life brought us together the way it did.
“And you?” she asks. “How are you feeling? I know the two of you have been spending time together.”
I take a deep pull of the warm summer air, really considering the question.
It’s loaded, to say the least, especially since nobody but me and Austin knows the full extent of things.
But I really like these girls, and they seem to truly have each other’s backs.
That’s not something I’m used to, considering I haven’t had a real friend to confide in—not counting my brother and Oakley—since before Rowan was born.
Maybe I could just give them a little bit to go on, so I don’t have to sort all these big feelings out on my own.
“He’s been coming to the house and helping with chores. Mainly yardwork and stuff like that, but he’s also been around to play with the kids. They really like him—even Rowan has let him in a lot more than I ever imagined he would—which obviously complicates things for me.”
“How so?” Sydney asks, immediately flattening two cautious palms in front of her body.
“I mean, I get that you wouldn’t want them to know what’s going on between you and Austin, if anything, but he’s the boys’ coach, so they’re already pretty comfortable with him.
Also, you’re a Renegade now too, so they’ll be seeing all of us at random times.
That’s how this family works. We’re always there to help when someone is in need. ”
My heart squeezes, aching in the most unexpected way.
I knew when I walked away from my marriage, it would cost me.
I was fully prepared for not only Braxton’s family to turn their backs on me, but my own, as well.
My parents raised me to be an obedient wife, even in times when I felt as though I wasn’t being heard.
It didn’t surprise me at all when they gave me the ultimatum—that if I went through with the divorce, they’d cut ties until I was ready to return home and serve my husband the way I was taught.
But I knew the life we were living wasn’t good for me, and it damn sure wasn’t good for my children when their mother was so full of sadness and resentment.
I don’t regret what I did, but I hate that they became products of a broken home in the process.
I shrug, swallowing the lump of emotion that’s clogging my throat.
“I guess I just don’t want them to get attached, then all of a sudden not get to see him anymore if things go sideways.
I have a zero percent success rate when it comes to thriving romantic relationships.
How can I expect to keep someone like Austin Baker interested when he’s been with actresses and supermodels?
I’m a mess and have more baggage than I even know what to do with.
Add in the fact that my kids are my world, and I’ll always put them first. Who would willingly walk into that? ”
I hang my head, confused and defeated. I should be excited right now.
The sweetest, most gorgeous man I’ve ever met is putting in the effort to make me feel special, and all I can do is think about the ways I could potentially disappoint him.
If it were just me who would feel his absence if this thing between us didn’t work out, I’d probably be wide open to the possibility of seeing where it goes.
But there are three little humans who don’t deserve to have their hearts broken when another person stops coming around.
“Austin,” Finley says matter-of-factly. “Austin would willingly walk into that.”
Stella smiles. “Exactly. That man has yearned for a family since I’ve known him.
Hell, his whole reason for retiring was so he could be present when someone came along that he wanted to share his life with.
I’ve set him up on so many dates with amazing, successful women, but he always finds a reason as to why they wouldn’t work.
Yet, here he is, happier than I’ve ever seen him because of you and those kids.
He knows what he wants, Paris. Don’t punish him because your ex-husband didn’t realize what a good thing he had. ”
Damn. Talk about a truth bomb.
“You don’t have to jump into anything serious before you’re ready,” Bailey adds.
“Just let him show you how worthy you are, despite what your brain is telling you. If at the end, it doesn’t pan out, that’s okay, too.
To echo Sydney, you and your children are Renegades now, which means you’ll always have more love and support than you’ll know what to do with. ”
She’s right. There’s no pressure to make this into something it’s not.
Austin has already proven how supportive he is, not even flinching when I opened up to him about my past. Even when we were touching ourselves together, I never felt like he wanted more than I was ready to give, which honestly made me want to do it even more.
I need to get out of my head and enjoy the excitement of something new, even if that something may be fleeting.
My whole life, I’ve done what others said I should, losing so much of myself in the process.
It’s time to find the real Paris Bellamy and give her all the experiences she missed out on when she was busy trying to be everything to everyone.
I sigh, my eyes locking onto Austin across the field.
Lennon is now fast asleep with her head on his shoulder, but he doesn’t miss a beat, telling the kids to run through the previous play one more time.
I don’t know how it’s possible, but the entire scene only makes him more attractive as my ovaries join Sydney’s in their little sob fest.
“Okay, fine,” I relent. “But none of you better complain when I come to you in a panic because of how painfully inexperienced I am with everything.”
Sydney smirks. “If my assumptions about Austin are correct, which of course they are, you’ll want to direct most of your questions to our friend Bailey here.”
“Mhmmm,” Finley replies. “I clocked it from a million miles away.”
I cock my head in confusion, my nose scrunching. “Clocked what?” I look at Bailey. “And why am I bringing my questions to you, specifically?”
She lifts a knowing brow, chuckling. “Because Austin is a giver, Paris. And so is Jett. All I have to say is buckle up, babe. You’re in for one hell of a ride.”