AUSTIN #3
A tear slips down her cheek, and she swipes it away, so much anguish hidden behind her expression.
“I don’t know. I’m just scared that we jumped into this thing without really thinking about what the future looks like.
Seeing how sad Rhys was today…” She blinks, sniffling as more tears spill over.
“If something happens and we don’t work out, we’re not the only ones at risk of being hurt.
I have to put them first. They’re counting on me to make the right decisions—to ensure that the people in their lives aren’t going to walk out after they’ve already become attached. ”
“Baby,” I say, shaking my head rapidly. “I’d never do that. I l—” I cut myself off, not wanting to blurt out such a life-changing confession during a moment of desperation. When I say them, I want her to know that they come from a place of purity and devotion, not distress.
“I don’t want to lose you.” Is what I go with instead, hoping like hell that she somehow hears the words I’ve chosen not to say, despite how badly I ache to.
I swallow the heavy lump in my throat, my eyes swimming with moisture as I feel her slip even further away.
I’m completely helpless, clutching onto the soft material of her robe so tightly that my knuckles shake, afraid that she’ll somehow disappear into thin air if I don’t.
“You’re not losing me. I’ll only ever belong to you,” she whispers, a tear falling from her cheek and splattering against the back of my hand.
“I just need you to take some time to think with a clear head, weighing the pros and cons of what it means to be with me—the good, the bad, and the ugly. If you don’t, I’ll spend every day waiting for the other shoe to drop and agonizing over how I’ll repair three broken little hearts for a second time.
I can’t go through that again, and they shouldn’t have to, either. ”
I get why she’s doing this—why she’s reluctant to get swept away in our whirlwind romance without thinking about how it’ll affect her children. She was with Braxton for years, truly believing that he could be the man they needed, only to realize years later that he never was.
But I am.
I see a future with all four of them in it.
Playing catch with the boys in the yard and teaching Lennon to ride a bike.
Dancing in the kitchen with Paris and kissing her by the pond until the fireflies come out.
Holding her hand through all the ups and downs of parenthood, and reminding her that no matter what, she’ll never have to do it alone.
I want it all more than anything in this world… I just need her to believe it.
That’s why I’m going to give her what she’s asking for, regardless of how wrong it feels, and how much it hurts.
My lids fall closed, my shoulders hinging forward as though they suddenly weigh a million pounds. A hollow knot sits heavy in my stomach, the single word feeling like a thousand knives slicing my throat as I force it out. “Okay.”
She lifts her puffy, tear-filled gaze to mine, her long, thick lashes stuck together with heavy dampness.
I hate that she’s going through such anguish, but the only way to the other side of this thing is to go directly through it.
All I can do is hope that after all is said and done, there isn’t a single doubt in her mind.
Paris Bellamy and her three beautiful children are it for me, and if she wants me to show her that no amount of time or space will ever change that, then that’s exactly what I’ll do.
I stand, my legs burning as I take her hands in mine and pull her to her feet.
Cupping her delicate face with gentle fingers, I lift until her gorgeous brown eyes meet mine.
The sparkle I’m used to seeing when she’s beneath my touch is nowhere to be found, but I know it’s not for long.
I’ll do whatever it takes to bring it back the moment she’s ready.
“I’m here, Paris,” I tell her, my thumbs rubbing back and forth across her wet cheeks. “No matter where I am, or how far apart we are physically, I’m here. I always will be.” I choke back a sob. “Please don’t forget about me while I’m proving it to you.”
She shakes her head, the space between her brows creasing with emotion as she flattens her palms over my breaking heart. “Never.”
Unable to leave without etching everything I can into my memory, I lean in, pressing my lips to hers.
She clutches onto the fabric of my T-shirt, holding me like a lifeline as I pull her close and slip my tongue into her mouth.
There’s no urgency—no desperation like there normally is when we kiss—just sadness and pain as we say goodbye to one another without words.
I breathe her in, hoping like hell that she can feel how in love I am with her. The next time we’re together like this, her knowing with absolute certainty that there’s nowhere else I’d rather be, I’ll tell her just that. Then, I’ll make her mine forever.
“I’ll see you later, Baby Girl,” I choke out as I pull away, already missing her the moment she’s no longer within my reach.
She doesn’t say a word, just nods her head, her delicate fingers pressing to her lips as though she’s trying to feel me there.
It all hurts so fucking bad, but I know that taking this time apart will make us stronger in the end.
It’s what she needs, and I’m doing the right thing by giving it to her.
At least that’s what I tell myself as I turn and walk away, leaving my battered, broken heart in the hands of the only woman it’ll ever belong to.