Paris
THIRTY-EIGHT
I wake slowly, my chest filling with a deep, steady breath as I rise toward awareness.
My arms extend to my sides, my stiff muscles relieved from the stretch.
I cautiously open one eye just the smallest touch, expecting the sunlight to restart the pounding in my head, but the stabbing pain shockingly never comes.
Instead, I feel rested, as though the past twenty-four hours were a figment of my imagination, when I’m almost positive that they weren’t.
Memories flood my brain, my brows furrowing as I put the puzzle pieces together.
Austin showing up and carrying me to bed.
Stella taking my blood pressure and telling me that I needed rest. Being gently woken up in the middle of the night for pain medication and water while being told that Mr. Grant was aware of my situation and gave strict instructions to take the day off to relax.
Austin assured me that he had everything handled with the kids despite my very weak attempts to get up, promising that he’d let me know if anything changed throughout the night.
Oh my God! The kids!
I jackknife into a sitting position, my hand shooting to my forehead as a dull throb of discomfort comes and goes.
My hair is a mess from the pillow, the tangled strands pulling against one another as I quickly swing my legs over the edge of the mattress and stand to my full height.
A pang of dizziness washes over me for several seconds, so I pause, waiting until I’m steady on my feet before wiggling them into my slippers.
The clock on the nightstand tells me it’s nine in the morning, which means I slept for well over fifteen hours as if I don’t have a mountain of responsibilities to worry about.
Exiting the room, I make my way down the hall, passing Lennon’s empty nursery.
The boys’ space is also vacant, both of their beds made in a way that screams We did this with help from an adult.
The thought of Austin taking over while I wasn’t feeling well has anxiety settling like a brick in the pit of my stomach, causing me to come to a halt at the top of the staircase, afraid of how awkward things are going to be when I reach the main floor.
I’m not exactly sure how he ended up here, or why he felt compelled to care for me, even though I’ve taken him on an emotional roller coaster ride over the past week, but I’m sure he’s ready to leave by now.
The possibility hits me like a speeding train.
Initially, when I told him we needed to slow things down and take a break, I just wanted him to consider what a future with me would look like before we jumped into a legitimate relationship.
What if he already realized that he loves his life way too much to be tied down to a single mom, and he only came here out of obligation?
My brother is out of town, and it’s not like I have anyone else to take care of the kids when I’m unable to do it myself.
There’s a very strong possibility that he only did this to keep them safe, and the moment he sees me, he’ll be out the door.
If that’s the case, I only have myself to blame. I have no right to tell him that I miss him, or to ask him to stay a little bit longer so I can feel close to him one last time…not when I’m the reason he left in the first place. He deserves better than that.
He deserves the entire fucking universe.
Taking a deep breath—one that doesn’t seem to fully fill my lungs—I exhale through pursed lips, taking the stairs, one by one.
I expect to find Austin with his shoes on, just waiting for me to be awake, so he can get to whatever other plans he has for the day.
But when I round the corner, peering through the archway that leads to the kitchen, it feels like all the oxygen has been sucked from the room.
He’s here, no shoes to be found, a giant smile on his face like there’s nowhere else he’d rather be.
My hand darts up to cover my mouth, and I watch with tears in my eyes as he tosses a foam football across the island into Rhys’ waiting hands.
Lennon giggles from where she’s perched on his hip, and he turns to tickle her, just as Rowan comes out of nowhere and pretends to tackle his brother.
The smell of freshly cooked bacon hangs in the air, yet the kitchen is clean, save for a small stack of dishes that are drying next to the sink.
Upbeat music plays quietly through the Bluetooth speaker on the island, pulling me back to the morning after our first night together.
It’s like déjà vu, but with a completely different scene, both instances giving me a glimpse into what forever with him could look like.
Then, it was the two of us dancing like lovesick teenagers while breakfast cooked on the stove.
And now, it’s waking up to see my children enjoying a morning with a man who absolutely adores them.
I want this.
Him. Them. Us.
I want it more than anything in the world.
“Mom!” Rhys shouts, his ear-to-ear grin more contagious than ever as I meet it with an easy smile.
He wiggles out of his brother’s arms, his little feet slapping against the floor as he runs in my direction.
Wrapping his arms around my waist, he squeezes tightly before looking up at me with the most excited energy lighting up his features.
“Maddox Dane wants us to come over and play catch with him later! Can we? Please, Mom?”
My brows shoot up, and I peek over at Austin, who’s got a confirmatory expression plastered across his face, before returning my attention to Rhys. “I don’t see why not. I can probably bring you over there in a bit.”
“He’s coming to get us if you say it’s okay,” Rowan adds, taking his turn to hug me.
My heart swells in my chest, and I flatten my palm between his shoulder blades, pulling him in tight.
I breathe him in, so much emotion surging through me as he lifts his chin, his big brown eyes full of concern, just like always. “Are you feeling better?”
I nod, smiling gently. “Much better. I’m sorry if I scared you.”
He jerks one shoulder into a half shrug. “I was only scared until Coach got here. I knew he’d take care of you. Rhys and Len, too.”
“He’s a pretty good guy, isn’t he?” I ask, my gaze locking onto the deep blue one I missed so damn much as my little protector hums in agreement. The corners of Austin’s mouth turn up, and for the first time since I stupidly told him we needed space, everything seems so incredibly clear.
He didn’t run when we needed him like my brain convinced me he might.
Instead, he got here as fast as he could, showing me through the most selfless actions that I should’ve believed in him all along.
He could’ve written me off for messing with his heart, but that’s just not who he is. I’m a fool for thinking otherwise.
“Why don’t the two of you go upstairs and get dressed,” I say, both boys immediately taking off up the stairs like a herd of wild rhinos.
I’ll have to iron out the details of their playdate with Maddox in a bit, but first, I have some explaining—and heavy apologizing—to do before I beg this perfect man to forgive me.
I step into the kitchen, watching as Austin sets Lennon on her feet, pointing toward the toys on the chair in the corner.
“Go read to your bunny, Princess,” he says, causing a toothy grin to bloom across her face.
She toddles off, and he moves toward me, worry settled behind his eyes as he swallows.
“How are you?” The question is quiet and thoughtful, his eyes scanning my features.
He brings the back of his hand to my cheek ever so gently, then moves it to my forehead to see if I’m warm.
It takes everything in me not to lean into his touch, but I don’t know where we stand.
His concern may only be because he’s still in caretaker mode, and he’s making sure I’m well enough to do things on my own before he leaves.
But I can’t let him go without telling him exactly how I feel, even if he still chooses to walk away in the end.
“I’m good. Thank you,” I reply, blinking away the sting behind my eyes.
Pulling in a deep, centering breath, I let it out slowly, ready to tear my chest open for him to see all of me.
Our gazes collide, and in this moment, I realize just what’s at stake—what I put at risk by not doing this last week when I should’ve.
“Austin, I’m so sorry,” I tell him, tears immediately clouding my vision.
“I let the words and ideas of people who didn’t matter hold weight in my mind when I should’ve listened to my heart instead.
If I had, I’d have been able to see past the bullshit lies, and I wouldn’t have hurt you in the process.
I just couldn’t believe that somebody as amazing as you could be happy with a regular girl like me.
I was trying to protect my kids from being hurt by another one of my choices, but this whole thing made me realize how incredibly different you are from anyone I’ve ever met.
“I know it may be too late, and you may have already decided that you’re better off without me, but I can’t let you leave without telling you how sorry I am for all the ways that I caused you pain.
It was selfish of me to push you away instead of just telling you the truth—that I’m so ridiculously in love with you.
Even saying it now kind of freaks me out, but yeah. I love you.
“I know that’s a lot to hear, and I’m sorry if it’s even more selfish to tell you now instead of giving you the closure you deserve, bu—”
“Paris,” he says in an attempt to cut me off, but I keep going, afraid that he’s about to bolt before all my cards are on the table.
“I just wanted you to know that you changed my life, Austin. You changed our lives, and even if you don’t feel the same, I needed t—”
“Paris,” he repeats, this time taking my cheeks in his palms and tilting my head up, so I have no other choice but to focus on him.
My body goes stiff, the rest of the apology fading into silence as I prepare myself for what could be the end of us.
But when a devastating smile pulls at the corners of his mouth, his features softening in a way that sends warmth rushing through my limbs, every rioting emotion inside me settles.
I release a shaky exhale, covering his hands with mine as he utters the single most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard. “I love you too.”
I freeze, time coming to a grinding halt as my brain attempts to process his words.
Whatever I was expecting to happen at the end of my little outburst shatters, my stare bouncing from the sincerity in his smile to the million promises that hide behind his gorgeous blue eyes.
My heart skips, hammering erratically behind my rib cage for several moments, until I finally catch my breath and choke out a reply.
“You…really? You’re not mad at me for freaking out?”
He chuckles, shaking his head. “Not even a little bit. You have every right to feel your feelings, Paris. And I don’t blame you for reacting the way you did, when your intention all along was to protect the kids.
I’ll move at whatever pace you’re comfortable with, and I’ll never push you into anything you aren’t ready for.
But I need you to understand that—today, tomorrow, twenty years from now—I’m still going to be right here.
As long as it’s been made abundantly clear to you that I’m not going anywhere, you’re free to take all the time you need to believe it. ”
Tears fill my eyes, running down my cheeks and disappearing beneath our palms. If I didn’t already know it, I definitely do now, one-hundred percent certainty washing over me as my body relaxes and my mouth curves into a relieved grin.
I’ve got my hand wrapped around the back of his neck less than a second later, our lips crashing together as I kiss him with the force of a million apologies.
He swallows them eagerly, accepting each one and letting them disappear as though the hurt was forgiven long before today.
I vow in this moment to never cause him another ounce of pain, loving him as loudly and proudly as I can, so he never has to wonder where we stand.
His large hands find my hips, yanking me in until there isn’t a modicum of space between us.
Our tongues dance, licking and sucking like it’s been years since the last time we tasted one another.
I’ve never felt so completely consumed in my entire life, burning the kiss into my mind so that I can relive it a thousand times.
As if I’d even need the memory. It’s always like this with us—the all-encompassing emotion only getting stronger with every slide of his mouth and body against mine.
We get lost in it, trading quiet whimpers and moans as we kiss like nobody’s watching, until a tiny giggle from below has us plummeting back to earth, reminding us that someone definitely is.
I lower my chin, a sharp laugh bursting from my chest when I see Lennon at our feet, her chubby hand clutching onto the fabric of Austin’s pants. Her eyes are narrowed into soft crescents as she smiles, brightening the room just like she always does.
Dipping down, I lift her into my arms, pressing wild kisses all over her cheeks and eliciting even more of those adorable giggles I can’t get enough of.
She cuddles into me, and I relish the affection, but it doesn’t last long before she twists in my hold and lets me know that my time with her is officially over.
The move is totally predictable, since I’m almost positive that she likes Austin more than she likes me these days. What I don’t see coming, however, is the brand-new word that excitedly bursts from her pouty little lips as she leans out and reaches for him.
“Dada!”
Well, fuck.