Chapter 51
HANNAH
Frozen mid-step, I peek around the edge of the building, catching sight of a disheveled Noah, frantically checking his surroundings. He wears only his dress clothes, hands in his hair, tugging at the strands in frustration. Henry comes shortly after, halting his pacing.
“Noah,” he says calmly.
“I have to make sure she’s okay.” Noah is about to head toward the cabins, but is blocked by Henry.
“You need to be more careful,” he warns.
“Careful? I don’t give a shit about being careful anymore. Did you not see the look on her face when he made those comments? Don’t ever hold me back again.”
Henry has to grab Noah by the collar and force him to listen. “I get it. Why did you think I told him to shut the fuck up? Your career is on the goddamn line, and it’s my job not only as your personal assistant but your friend to remind you this shit can spread like wildfire if you’re not careful.”
“Good. I hope the whole fucking world burns to the ground.” He shoves Henry off him.
“Holy shit.” Henry doesn’t try to fight back. He stares at Noah in disbelief.
I’m finding myself inching closer, clearly exposing myself to eavesdropping, but it’s the way Henry is looking at Noah that has me on edge.
“What? Oh, don’t fucking look at me like that,” he snaps.
Henry is smiling now from ear to ear, all perfectly straight teeth showing, shaking his head. “For how long?”
“None of your damn business.”
Doors open, and voices drift over to where I stand, people pouring out from the main building while Noah and Henry get lost in the crowd.
What does Henry mean, how long? I’ll never get the chance to find out because Maya runs my way, my camera bag slung over her shoulder, catching sight of my stalker stance, and keeps us out of sight.
“Pulling that tablecloth down and watching Liam’s face react to the wine splashing on him was well worth it,” she laughs, proud of herself, handing me my bag.
“I wish it had been the hot meal instead, but thank you for distracting everyone.” I squeeze her hand, grateful to have a best friend like her.
“Anytime! Are you okay with taking pictures of the lighting ceremony?” she asks, swaying back and forth on her feet.
I can’t let what happened back there take away from what I’m about to do. Everyone is counting on me, and this is an important moment to document for the people I love. “Absolutely.”
We make our way over, shuffling through the already crowded front to get the best view.
Anthony and Jill are in the center, a microphone in hand, smiling at their guests.
I take out my camera and throw the strap over my head, adjusting a few settings and taking a few shots, getting them both at the microphone.
Jill taps the mic to make sure it works, then hands it to her husband.
“A few words, for our amazing guests. Thank you for returning, and thank you to the new ones as well. Snowy Peak has been a family business for over twenty years, and I’m truly grateful for the time we’ve had with this place.
From making family memories to our first official Olympic snowboarder event. ”
I whisper in Maya’s ear. “Why does it sound like he’s already saying goodbye?”
She bites her lip. “I don’t know. The event hasn’t happened yet.”
Jill now has the mic. “We wanted this season to be extra special, knowing how much our guests mean to us, for returning and telling your friends and family, Snowy Peak would be nothing without any of you.” Jill has tears in her eyes, smiling at Anthony.
Maya grips my arm. “Do they not think the event is going to work?”
Anthony is handed a big, red button, a grin so wide I wonder if his face hurts. “So, tonight, we celebrate our very first tree lighting ceremony!” He smashes down the button with his gloved fingers, and the crowd holds their breath as the tree from the bottom up lights the whole space.
Its soft, white glow illuminates guests' shadows on the snow, and blue ornaments twinkle, reflecting in a shimmery light.
Silver garland is strung through its branches, where an iridescent star sits on the very top.
Guests cheer and clap; others take pictures with their phones.
Children giggle and run around, some stare at it with wonder, and I capture it all through my lens.
More begin to gather, and I’m already looking for Noah in the crowd, a knee-jerk reaction to how strong his magnetic pull is. But who I spot him with almost rips me to shreds from the inside out.
Standing, beautiful as ever in a sleek, black winter coat, hair that reminds me of melted chocolate, is Cassy.
She takes center stage, angled toward him, speaking in a hushed voice, then flips her hair back away from her shoulder, casually running her fingers through Noah’s hair.
He pays little attention to her because he has his eyes directly on me.
My throat goes dry as anxiety comes in waves, rippling over the stone wall I’ve made.
He’s not stopping her from touching him, nor is he engaging.
He doesn’t move; he only continues to hold me in place with those captivating brown eyes.
Trying, unsuccessfully, to put my stupid camera back in my bag, I finally get it in, zipping it tight.
I'm edging away, Maya lets go automatically, probably seeing what I see.
Why is this affecting me?
Why am I even letting it get to this point?
We made a deal, no strings attached. Granted, I told him no other women because I refuse to contract any sexually transmitted diseases, and vice versa, but am I that much of a fool to trust him?
Or is it something else, something deeper I refuse to admit, because even now, as I blend into the crowd, the last thing I see is Cassy pulling Noah into a hug, forcing me to run away, back to my cabin.
My stupid heels make it unbearable to run, especially through the snow.
More starts to fall, heavier now, covering the shoveled path.
It smells fresh, and nostalgia sits on my chest, making it ache as I climb up the stairs to my cabin.
I drop my camera bag to the floor, huffing from exerting myself, then take off these stupid heels and chuck them aside.
Next is my jacket, shaking off any excess snow, watching it melt into the carpet.
I’m just about to undo my dress when my cabin door swings wide open, scaring me half to death.
Standing under the threshold is Noah, snow on his long, thick eyelashes, breathing hard.
“Red.” A stupid nickname he can’t seem to give up, but the nickname I never want to go away.
“I don’t want to talk right now, Noah, please just go.” Why can’t he see I’m literally drowning in my own tidal wave?
Noah gets on his knees, the door wide open, snow blowing in at his back.
I start to panic. “Noah, what are you doing?”
“Would it make you feel better if I crawl to you, Red? To show you that you’re the one who holds all the power here?” Snow starts to coat some of the floor, but Noah remains kneeling, waiting for my command.
“This is ridiculous!” I throw my hands up. I’m over this and over men in general.
“If you’re going to yell, yell at me. Throw all your hatred right here.” He points to his chest. “Yell, Red.”
The lid to my pressure cooker heart starts to rattle, the raging emotions boiling over, spilling out into the cabin, swallowing us whole.
“Do you know what I want? I want to be free of these goddamn shackles I put myself in just to please others. He hurt me, and he mentally abused me, because he couldn’t handle a girlfriend who wasn’t perfect in his eyes anymore.
I was blamed for something out of my control, something I have to constantly deal with on a daily basis, so I don’t succumb any further to the pain.
I just want someone to look at me for once, see everything, and accept who I am. WHY IS THAT SO FUCKING HARD?!”
I’m breathing heavily, and Noah continues to kneel on the floor. Snow is now covering parts of the furniture, even his hair. Gosh, that hair.
Somehow, he knows I have more left to say. “Are you done?”
I shake my head.
“Yell at me, Red.” He’s not giving me permission, he’s ordering me. He knows how he recently treated me wasn’t okay, and I have every right to knock him down from his pedestal.
“And you. You made a deal with me. Why? Why couldn’t you just let me train you and call it a day?
Huh? I have sworn off men since…since Liam, and then you come in and ruin everything!
And when I actually try to help, you shut me out, and you think you can just turn around and try to apologize?
After the shit you pulled with Coach? No, Noah, that’s not how that works, not with me.
Letting you in…” But I can’t say it, I won’t.
Because how I feel about him bulldozing through my life won’t matter after tonight.
My knees hit the floor before I realize I’m crying. Noah starts to crawl to me, kicking the door with his foot to keep out the cold. Snow coats his dark curls, and when he reaches me, he cups my face in the palm of his hands.
“Do you want to know why I call you Red?” he says gently.
My lips quiver, shrugging in response since my words have failed me.
“It’s because it was the first thing I noticed about you. How the color is nothing I’ve ever seen before, and when the light catches it? You caught me.” He stops a tear, swiping it away.
I smile through my tears. “So it wasn’t just my award-winning personality?”
He takes his thumb and skates it across my bottom lip. “Then it was this mouth. How could I find a way to touch it, if only for a few seconds? I’d pray to any god that would listen, just for that one chance.”
His words are so raw and honest, it’s crossing the line we drew in the snow, and I can’t let myself fall backward when I’ve come so far on my own.
But I’d be lying to myself if I claimed his words didn’t warm my heart, even if he said them just to make me feel better.
Our foreheads connect, and I keep my eyes closed, inhaling a shaky breath and counting backward from ten so my heart can catch up.
Then I remember seeing Cassy running her hands through his hair, stealing his attention. Jealousy is an ugly thing, toying with my mind.
I’ve sworn off men for good, and this is part of the reason. Somehow, Noah weaseled his way in.
Noah strokes my cheeks, then kisses my head. “How are you feeling now?”
“Cassy,” is all I say, watching his face change emotion.
His eyes narrow. “Whatever you saw, it’s not what you think.”
“I know we never agreed on any other partners, but if you’re getting tired—”
He shushes me with his finger. “We made an agreement. I’ll never go back on it.”
Relief hits me like a bus, all at once.
“Now, are you okay?” Noah asks again.
Taking another deep breath, I open my eyes to find him staring at me. The way he looks at me is so overwhelming at times, it’s enough to stop my heart. “I’m okay. I really just want to get out of this dress.”
“Good.”
“Good?”
He hooks the strap with his pointer finger and tugs it down my shoulder. “This dress almost sent me into cardiac arrest.”
“I want it off.” I stand, letting him remain on the floor, and walk over to my bedside table to remove my earrings. I check over my shoulder to find him stationary, in the same position. “Will you help me?”
Noah is suddenly behind me, fingers gently easing the zipper down. I don’t move, holding my breath, waiting to see what he’ll do next.
I want him to touch me, begging internally but too damn embarrassed to ask. Embarrassed because I yelled, because I brought up Cassy, because I’m tired of being judged. Why does he want to be around a girl like me who has crazy mood swings?
Maybe I am crazy. Maybe Liam is right.
No…no, Hannah, don’t go back there.
Soft lips brush my shoulder, fingers trailing the straps of my dress to hang off my arms. Noah’s nose glides along my skin, right up to my neck. I’m barely holding myself together, trying not to collapse from the anticipation.
I lean my head back against his chest, breathing as if I’ve just run a marathon, as he pushes my dress down, dropping it to my feet.
He hums in appreciation, his fingers tickling my skin, descending toward the clasp of my bra. “May I?”
One thing about Noah: he always asks permission, even when we've already established consent. He always asks.
I nod, hearing it snap off, dropping to the floor. Chest fully exposed, my nipples harden from the air and his proximity. He makes his way to my underwear, playing with the waistband, snapping it back a few times against my skin. I’m whimpering now, grinding my ass against his dress pants.
Wetness is already pooling between my legs, and I grip his thighs with my nails when he takes my underwear with two hands and rips it off my body.
Shreds of fabric are tossed across the room as I say goodbye to my favorite pair.
I hear him undress behind me, clothes dropping to the floor, my body on fire.
“You’re so beautiful from behind,” he muses.
I blush hard because no man has ever complimented me like him. I glance over my shoulder. “I think you might be blind. Or severely starved and seeing shit.”
“You want to get on the bed for me?”
“Why?”
“Because I’m going to show you exactly what I’ve been fucking craving.”