Chapter 60
HANNAH
I exit my doctor’s office, trying to wipe away my tears, when I notice Noah sitting in the waiting room, elbows on his knees, legs bouncing.
He takes a good look at me and shoots up from his spot, rushing over. “Red, what’s going on?”
Why is he here?! “How did you know I’d be here?” Great, the last place I expect to see anyone, let alone him, has to be at my yearly checkup with my endocrinologist.
“Maya, and before you start shouting, I forced her to tell me.”
I dry my face with my jacket sleeve and push past him, ignoring the weird stares the others in the waiting room give me. “Well, it was a wasted effort. I don’t need you here, so just go, Noah.”
Although my heart is screaming for him to stay, seeing me like this is too much.
He tries to catch my arm, but I dodge his touch, keeping my pace, trying to find the nearest elevator to the parking garage. I know ignoring him is a wasted effort. His footsteps continue to shadow mine, and now we walk in silence, my anger simmering deep, my tears now dry, and my eyes sore.
Being angry is stupid, lashing out is stupid, and yet I can’t help it.
I find an elevator and try to sneak in with a group, only for Noah to cut off an old couple, taking the last spot. I drill my eyes into him from behind, watching his back as someone asked him to push the button for ground level.
Noah peeks over his shoulder, his left eye drilling into me. I look away, picking at my nails. We reach the parking garage, the elevator doors open, and we all pile out like sardines. I make haste, weaving through the bodies of strangers, pulling out my parking pass to locate my car.
Noah has no issue matching my frantic stride, trying to get away from him. “I’m just going to force myself in your car.”
“If you do, I’ll cut your dick off,” I threaten.
He chuckles behind me. “Red, we both know cutting my dick off ruins the real fun.”
I groan, tucking my jacket closer to my body. “Go away.”
Almost running now at this point, I spot my silver Hyundai and dash through the other cars, loud honks sounding in protest from almost getting hit, Noah right on my tail.
Clicking the unlock button, I try my hardest to jump inside the driver's seat, only to find Noah already sitting comfortably in the passenger side.
Son of a bitch is too fast.
I bang my hands on the steering wheel. “Please, just leave me alone, Noah.”
He stops my hands from hitting the wheel. “Red, stop, you’re hurting yourself.”
My heart pounds erratically in my chest, the sound pulsating in my eardrums. We stare at each other for a while, and slowly, he removes his hold from my wrists, testing to see if I’ll throw hands again at the steering wheel.
He reaches forward, cupping my cheek. “Hey, it’s just us, nobody else.”
“Noah… I’m…not perfect.” Tears sting the back of my eyes, threatening to spill over. Because no matter how much I want Noah, the odds of him accepting me for who I am, right down to my physical health, will always come between us.
Nobody wants tainted goods.
“I looked up your doctor’s office. Endocrinologists specialize in hormones, thyroid issues, diabetes… PCOS.” He now has both hands cupping my face, forcing me to fully look at him. “Is that why you hesitate when you take off your clothes? Why do you make comments about not feeling good enough?”
I want to turn away, to disappear forever. It’s all too raw and real, laying my insecurities all out on the table, or in this case, my car. Apparently, therapy is not the only place for it to happen. “I can’t…”
“Can I tell you a story then?” Noah asks, stroking my cheek with his calloused thumb.
His eyes, the color of amber with flecks of gold, warm my chest. Lips lush and pink, slightly parted as his breath mixes with mine.
He’s so beautiful. “Yes,” I shakily whisper.
“It’s about this arrogant son of a bitch who thought he had it all.
The girl, the career, everything. He felt so secure and loved that nothing could touch him.
At the height of his career, he trusted someone he thought was his anchor, who could ground him and keep his head on straight.
It turns out she loved someone else more.
” He pauses, gauging my reaction, continuing to stroke my cheeks.
“Go on,” I whisper.
“When it’s his turn to complete the halfpipe, all he could picture was the girl he thought he knew with the best friend he thought he could trust. He started to lash out and tried to find comfort with other bodies rather than face his own demons.
It changed him in ways he wasn’t sure he could come back from. ”
“At the end of the tour, he is told he must help a group of strangers save a family-owned ski resort. Instead, he bitched and complained because he wanted to go home, but he goes anyway so he wouldn’t let anyone down.
What he wasn’t counting on was the fiery red head who would put him in his place, challenge him, and make him see he’s worth more than what his past tried to make him think, or at least he believes. ”
My tears spill down my face, and Noah wipes them away. I swallow, the sound echoing in the silence. This is too much, too much inside my small car. Space, I need space, if only to breathe for some time so I can think straight.
“Noah…please…not yet,” I beg, closing my eyes as tears escape from under my lids, my eyelashes catching some of the drops, soaking in the salty tears.
“Don’t cry,” he whispers.
“It’s too much.” My words are barely audible, my bottom lip trembles.
“Please wait to drive until you’re able to focus, Red. I’ll be devastated if something were to happen to you.” Noah’s warm lips press gently against my forehead, then his hands slip from my face.
The passenger door opens and shuts in a swift motion, and I’m afraid to open my eyes to see him walking away. I cover my face and cry, my shoulders shaking with the rough inhales of every sob that pours from my body.
Eventually, I control myself enough to focus solely on the road. The traffic leaving is brutal, forcing me to remain in this tight space. I refuse to put on music or even call someone to block out the silence, instead drowning in it and accepting my fate.
Home is where I have to parallel park too many times to fit into a tight parking space, cursing my shitty landlords who have oversized trucks.
Heaviness weighs on my chest as I unlock my door, finding my space exactly as I left it weeks ago, how everything remains the same, untouched, yet a reminder of what can change if you let someone new in.
Someone you least expect and has you awake at odd hours of the night, wondering if they feel the same.
I slink over to my bedroom, landing face-first on my messy bed, my eyes sore from crying. Maybe if I just lie here, all my problems will go away, and maybe Noah will forget about me.
About…us.