Chapter 24
Chapter Twenty-Four
Clover
“Oh my God, we lost her again,” Poppy said and waved her hand in front of my face.
Blinking, I shook my head. My sisters were staring at me from across my parents’ large table. Mugs of hot chocolate rested in front of each of us. The kids were getting entertained by their dads and grandparents, and we got some girl time. “What? I’m right here. I’m listening.”
Poppy pursed her lips. “Then you should’ve reacted when I told you I’m having triplets.”
“Oh my God, Poppy. Really?” How was she going to handle that and run her own business? Would she need help? Would my hands be too full to help?
“No,” Poppy cried.
Lily smirked but did a poor job of covering it. “I think her brain’s back on yesterday.”
Violet nodded. “It’s been on whatever day is Sullivan day.”
“He’s just a friend,” I reiterated for the millionth time. I hated that phrase. It should be banned from the English language.
“Even I can tell that’s not true.” Daisy shot me an apologetic look. “Sorry. I don’t mean to get involved, but it’s hard to see you missing him the whole holiday weekend.”
“I’ve only been here for a few hours.” Not counting the drive down and Dad’s excellent prime rib dinner. How could they evaluate me in that much time?
“Were you thinking about him?” Poppy asked.
Was I recalling the heartbreaking wonder on his face when I got him something completely simple like Pokémon cards? The whole process took some planning, but not that much. The box hadn’t been that big.
Was I thinking about how nervous he’d been when I’d opened his gift? He’d been tense like he was afraid I’d laugh at how stupid it was—it wasn’t—or that I’d fling it back at him like it was a thoughtless gift. He’d shown me how well he knew me with one gift.
“He got me rock Legos,” I said.
“You mentioned that,” Violet said softly. “A few times.”
I had? “It was a perfect gift.”
“You said that too,” Lily pointed out.
I clamped my mouth shut. Heat seared the backs of my eyes. “It was really sweet.” Horror filled me as a hot tear washed down my cheek. I batted at my face. “Hormones.”
“You love him.” Poppy wasn’t asking a question, but I shook my head.
“Of course I care about him. We’re frie—”
“Literally don’t ever say that again.” Lily didn’t usually interrupt like that, but she’d gotten more outspoken with all of us since the divorce from her deadbeat first husband. “You care about Van way more than just a friend, and I’d be willing to bet he feels the same way.”
I chewed on my lower lip. “No.” They all stared at me. “It’s not going to work. Van’s a great guy.” Nice. Thoughtful. Good in bed. But he’s off somewhere private, being a great guy with someone he hasn’t told me about. If he was alone, then he chose that over me. “But he has his own life.”
Violet rolled her eyes. “At Thanksgiving, he looked like he wanted to be stuck all over you.”
“He didn’t come here today, did he?” I snapped. Crap. I was strung tight, and I couldn’t blame hormones. “He’s only had good things to say about all of you, but he still made other plans.” Without me.
“You don’t know what he’s doing?”
A vise gripped my heart. “Nope. Like I said, he’s moved on with his own life. The man is single, and he can mingle all he wants.”
“I’m sorry,” Violet murmured. “But I don’t buy it. It’s been less than a month. He’s not mingling, and he’s not doing it on Christmas.”
“We should’ve made him come,” Poppy said.
I should’ve made him come with me. Just the two of us road-tripping.
“I put the invite out more than once. Trust me, if he wanted to be with me on Christmas, he would be.” My sisters seemed to want there to be some star-crossed love between us.
Maybe I did too, and that was why I had to move on.
“He’s got a lot of business travel coming up.
I’m sure he’s preparing for his pitches. ”
“What if he thinks you’re the one who wants space?” Violet asked.
My ribs closed around my lungs. “I can’t.”
Triumph filled Poppy’s face. “So you do want more?” She threw her hands in the air. “Finally, we’re getting somewhere.”
“We’re getting nowhere.” I folded my hands across my stomach.
“I’ve told you all how it is. Can we drop it?
” My volume ratcheted up. “He’s the best person I’ve met—my family aside.
” The sting was back in my eyes. I blinked back tears.
“He’s focused, and while he takes care of me, he does it because he’s got a big, good heart. ”
Poppy snorted. “Is that all that’s big?”
I tried to glare at her. “Big organs aside.”
Lily snickered and closed her hands around her mug of hot chocolate.
“What if he doesn’t know that you want him as much as he wants you?
” I opened my mouth, but she shook her head, warning me not to interrupt.
“What if you both are pining away and wanting what you think is best for the other person when what’s best is actually the two of you taking a chance. ”
I tried to answer, but no sound came out. The problem was Van was the best guy I’d ever met. He was everything I would want for the father of my baby and for a life partner. The stakes of rejection were higher than they’d ever been. I cleared my throat. “I can’t be rejected. Not by him.”
Van didn’t break the news that way, but it was how I felt.
“Oh, Clover.” Violet leaned over and grabbed my shoulder. “Sometimes you have to put yourself out there. Same with Van.”
Poppy studied me, her lower lip stuck out. I tensed, automatically knowing that I wouldn’t like what she had to say. “Maybe you’re right.”
She might as well have dropped a brick on my heart.
“If neither of you is willing to take a chance on the other,” she continued, “then I guess that means neither of you is the one.”
Van
Being alone on Christmas sucked as much as it always had. In fact, I had the pleasure of finding out it was even worse. I had skipped a boisterous family gathering and a day with Clover to do what? Make a point?
To keep my unspoken promise to be better than my brother.
Yes, and no. To give Clover what she wanted.
Now it was New Year’s Eve, and I was alone again. I could go to the bar, see if I could find that soulmate, but a large part of me didn’t want to look. All of me didn’t want to look.
I was so close to launching my company. New year, new me.
So why was I sitting at my desk staring at my phone? The screen was black, like it had been all day.
Fuck, I needed friends.
I had them, and I had ditched them all on Christmas.
Shoving a hand through my hair, I blew out a breath. Maybe Clover was onto something. Learning to be alone might be critical to how well I’d do at all this. Enjoy my own company when I didn’t have to handle my parents and their narcissistic neediness.
Yeah.
I picked up my phone.
Me: Happy New Year! Partying hard?
I carefully set it down. Why’d I go open that door? New year, new her. New Bean. New niece or nephew.
Several minutes ticked by.
Fuck me. I really did need to be comfortable being alone.
I needed friends—ones I haven’t fucked and obsessed over.
Happy New Year to me.
There was a knock at the door. After dinner?
Frowning, I checked the time. Oh. It was much later. A few more hours and I’d be ringing in the new year.
I brought my phone with me. Was Clover having a blast with her nieces and nephews? Sipping on sparkling juice, having pizza and junk food? Envy tugged at my chest walls. Not for Clover, but for everyone else.
I needed to get a life.
Opening the door without looking, my pulse spiked. “Clover?” I peered out behind her. “Everything okay?”
A smile burst through her pensive expression. I stepped back, gently tugging her inside.
“Yes, it’s fine.” She clutched her mittened hands together. “I should’ve called first. Are you in the middle of something?”
I closed the door behind her. “No, not at all.” Did that sound light enough to play it off like I was a computer nerd who had no friends?
“Okay. It was a last-minute thing. I was talking to my sisters over Christmas…” Her gaze froze on me for a second before she shook her head. “Anyway, I didn’t want to ring in New Year’s Day by sleeping through it.”
Delight filled me like a helium balloon. My night turned around. “I could’ve come to your place.”
“I know. It’s good for me to get out, and it’s been such a slow week.” She took her gloves off and shrugged out of her coat. “A lot of people are out until after the holidays, so it’s quiet even for working at home.”
Her belly under a plain black sweater was even bigger than last time. A weird sense of loss filled me. It’d only been a week. She looked down and winced. “I didn’t change out of the sweats I wore all day. It was kind of an impromptu decision to come here.”
“No problem.” My gray sweatpants almost matched hers. I scratched the back of my neck. “I, uh, don’t have anything planned.”
She lifted the tote she brought. “Sparkling apple juice and Oreos.”
“I can’t think of a better way to celebrate a new start.” I took the tote from her. “Make yourself comfortable.”
In the kitchen, I retrieved a couple of glasses and napkins. I didn’t have champagne flutes, but this would work for sparkling juice.
She was sitting on her normal side of the couch, and a beat of nostalgia went through me. Like usual, I kept all my feelings to myself. That was a lot to put on Clover when she was getting back on her feet.
I handed her a glass, and she held it up until I sat.
“To new beginnings,” she said, lifting it higher.
“Hear, hear.” I clinked my cup to hers.
She folded her legs under her as she drank.
“Good stuff,” I said as I swallowed. I barely noticed the sweet liquid. Her cheeks were still pink from coming in from the cold, and it made her radiant. Her halo of hair would be soft if I ran my hands through it.
“I don’t know if I can go back to champagne. I really like this stuff.”
“I never drank much of it either.”