Chapter 28
TWENTY-EIGHT
DARBY
The Santa breakfast was a new addition to Passport to the Holidays.
Jim would have loved a holiday brunch, Darby thought as she drove to the hotel.
The five-story brick building was decked out in swags of evergreen and silver balls.
Samesh had talked her into coming the night before.
He seemed to have that effect on her. She found herself agreeing before she had had time to think it through, but all she’d been doing since their romantic Italian dinner was think.
Think and panic and think some more.
His confession had taken her by complete surprise. She wasn’t sure he had made the right choice then, but it did explain why he’d left in such a rush all those years ago.
She still believed that he could have reached out. He could have risked hurting her feelings. He could have taken a risk—any risk.
But that was the past. Things had changed. She had changed. She had lived an entire life without him. They were completely different people from who they had been decades ago. Where would they even start?
And then there was the question she had wrestled with for most of the night—was she even ready to consider dating again?
Could she? Her mind refused to slow down.
It hadn’t since she left the restaurant.
None of the breathing or centering techniques she used with her students had worked when she’d been wide awake at two o’clock in the morning, staring at the ceiling with her heart racing, and wondering if she was willing to seriously consider the thought of moving on.
It had been impossible to think of a life with someone who wasn’t Jim.
It hadn’t even been on her radar. There was no one, not even the Channel 8 weather guy, who had made her this buzzy and slightly out of control. She wasn’t sure she liked it.
The spark with Samesh was undeniable. He put her at ease and made her feel comfortable. Talking with him again made her feel like no time had passed. They had been able to pick up where they had left off decades ago. But was it enough? She wasn’t ready to date yet. It was too soon.
The mere thought of opening her heart, knowing that it was already fractured, sent a wave of nausea rolling through her stomach.
She had said some of this to Samesh when they had lingered, sipping coffee and letting their desserts sit untouched.
Most of it she kept to herself. Hence why her sleep had been restless last night; she had finally given up a little before five and gone down to the kitchen to make a cup of chamomile tea and leaf through old photo albums of her college days.
Reminiscing brought her no clarity.
It was flattering to hear that he wanted to see if there was a chance of rekindling the spark they’d once had.
He had been thoughtful and respectful about her grief.
He was living with loss, too. It was one of the reasons he was convinced that their situation felt like it had been destined in the stars.
She could almost imagine Jim scripting out her next love story from the heavens. Was it fate that had brought her and Samesh together again?
It was too much pressure. Too much to consider. Honestly, she wasn’t even sure what had compelled her to come to breakfast. Hopefully, she wouldn’t regret it.
Darby pulled into a parking space across the street from the hotel.
She smiled, seeing gleeful children dressed in holiday sweaters skipping into the lobby to meet the big man with the red bag.
Darby’s steps were more measured, calculated, intentional. This wasn’t a time for spontaneity or rash decisions. She pressed her hand to her stomach, trying to quiet the swirl of nerves.
Inside, the hotel lobby looked like a scene from a movie.
Two twenty-foot Christmas trees flanked the entrance.
Music played overhead, and the smell of pine and cinnamon enveloped her.
Silver and gold ornaments dangled from the dazzling chandeliers, and hotel staff were dressed in festive red and green.
“Good morning, Mrs. Reynolds,” a familiar voice greeted her.
“Olivia, what are you doing here?” Darby asked, turning to see her star student seated at the welcome table.
“NHS is helping to check people in for breakfast.” Olivia pointed to a tub of candy canes and a stack of tickets. “Then my team has to work on solving the next clue.”
“How’s it going?” Darby hoped that Olivia’s team would win. It would be great for her students to win that kind of cash, especially knowing her plans for putting it to good use.
“Good. Want a candy cane? Here, take a couple. Although after we pull off our prank, we’re probably never going to want to see one of these again.” Olivia held out the tub for Darby, who proceeded to help herself to two of the minty treats.
“True.” Darby unwrapped the striped candy. “I’m running out of hiding places in my classroom.”
“Right?” Olive’s dimples creased as she grinned. “Cass’s mom is worried she has a sugar addiction because she has like forty boxes stashed in her room.”
“I have a feeling we might end up inadvertently causing a candy cane shortage.” Darby winked and took a lick of the peppermint candy.
“Blame me. It was my idea.” Olivia set the box on the check-in table.
“The hunt is going well. We have the first two challenges complete,” she continued.
“I’m pretty sure the next clue involves having our pictures taken with Santa, but we can’t cut the line and push all the little kids out, you know? ”
“Probably not in the holiday spirit,” Darby agreed, tucking the other candy cane into her purse.
“Do you have a ticket, Mrs. Reynolds?” Olivia consulted a printed list.
“No, I’m meeting an old friend who invited me.”
“Let me see if you’re on the list.” Olivia flipped through the pages.
Darby opened her purse. “I’m happy to purchase a ticket, especially if NHS gets a portion of the funds.”
Olivia tapped the sheet with her pen. “Nope. No need. You’re a VIP, Mrs. Reynolds.” She grinned and pointed to her left. “Breakfast is in the ballroom. It’s buffet style, and you are at table four.” She handed Darby a ticket. “Have fun.”
“Thanks.”
Darby took her place in line behind two young couples with overly excited children bouncing up and down in anticipation of seeing Santa. She hated to admit it, but she felt just as eager, confused, and out of her body as the youngsters, albeit for very different reasons.
“Der he is! I sees him! I sees him!” a toddler shouted, standing on his toes to get a better look. “Hi, Santa. Hi, it’s me. It’s me!”
Darby chuckled. The energy in the room was a reminder of how much delight she used to take in the season. Could she capture that again with Samesh? Did she want to?
A swell of guilt made her throat seize up.
How was she even considering a life without Jim?
She gulped hard and found her table. It was marked Reserved and near the buffet station.
Samesh was on the opposite side of the ballroom at the cookie-decorating tables.
The event appeared to be running smoothly.
There were lines for food, pictures with Santa, cookie decorating, and craft tables, but none were long, and families flowed between the spaces.
No one else was seated at her table, so Darby decided to get a cup of coffee and a breakfast pastry. When she came back, she found Hilary downing a mimosa.
Darby could tell from the vacant gaze in Hilary’s eyes and how she kept running her hands through her hair that something was wrong. “Is everything okay?” She set her coffee and gingerbread scone on the table and sat next to Hilary.
“Hey, Darby, I didn’t know you were coming. It’s good to see you here.” Nothing about Hilary’s tone reflected the sentiment of her words.
“Samesh invited me.” Darby motioned to the cookie station.
“Right. Of course. That makes sense.”
Darby wondered what made sense, but she was concerned about Hilary. In the minute since she’d sat down, Hilary had finished her mimosa and reached for another as a waiter passed them with a tray. “The event seems to be going well.”
Hilary gulped the drink. “Sure. Yeah. It’s good.”
“I don’t mean to pry, but you don’t seem like yourself.
” Darby didn’t know Hilary well, but in their previous interactions, Hilary had come across as strong, confident, and capable.
The woman sitting beside her looked ready to crumple into a ball on the floor.
It was a feeling Darby was very familiar with.
“My entire life is in shambles, but otherwise, I’m fine. Just fine.” Hilary let out a high-pitched laugh and tilted the champagne flute to get the last drops of her drink.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Darby broke off a piece of her scone.
“I don’t want to burden you with my issues. I know how hard this time of year and the event must be for you. This was Jim’s baby, after all.”
“True.” Darby nodded. “I’ve also found that holding space for someone else can be cathartic.”
Hilary squinted. Her bottom lip quivered. “It’s been a lot. It’s been a transition year. My twins left for college this fall, and I don’t know why, but it’s been brutal. Like gut-wrenchingly brutal.”
“College is such a bittersweet time for parents,” Darby said sincerely.
She and Jim had never had children of their own, but every year in June, when she watched a new batch of seniors soft launch into the world, she felt the same sense of eagerness and sadness.
“And you’re absolutely right that it’s a transition.
You’ve likely defined yourself as a mother and spent a lot of time being needed.
That shift is a big adjustment. It doesn’t mean that your kids aren’t going to continue to need you; they’re just going to need you in new and different ways.
But what you’re experiencing is real grief and loss. It’s very normal.”
Hilary nodded. “Did you go through this with your kids?”
“Jim and I never had kids,” Darby replied with a touch of wistfulness.
“I will say, though, as a high school English teacher, that I have felt the sting of loss when my favorite students with whom I had a strong bond graduated. It’s not the same as what you’re feeling, but the crux of attachment is that if we do our job right as parents and educators, we give them a foundation and send them on their way.
Our children don’t belong to us. They pass through us. ”
“Oh, that’s beautiful and so true.” Hilary fanned her face, trying to brush away her tears. “Are you sure you teach English? You don’t moonlight as a counselor?”
Darby shook her head, feeling equally pleased to offer Hilary some comfort and like a fraud. She could dole out advice but was completely thrown by Samesh’s declaration last night.
“I’ve been stuck on the twins belonging to me. My husband has been doing a better job of embracing the idea that they pass through us, but now I think I’ve ruined that relationship, too.”
“How so?” Darby scooted her chair closer. She could tell that Hilary needed a listening ear.
“I’ve been pushing him away. I’ve been taking out my sadness on him. I’ve ignored him. I’ve been mean to him for no apparent reason.”
Darby tilted her head to one side. “I don’t know about that. The reason is fairly apparent, isn’t it?” She kept her tone soft and even, void of judgment.
Hilary exhaled and hung her head. “He left me last night.”
“I’m so sorry.” Darby reached her hand out in a show of comfort.
“It’s my fault. I’ve been consumed with work and too self-absorbed to stuff my sadness inside. It hasn’t worked, and now I’ve ruined everything.”
“I doubt that.” Darby patted Hilary’s arm. “Every marriage, every partnership goes through challenges. In my marriage, I learned that communication is the key—being vulnerable. Really opening up. It sounds like you’ve got a solid relationship.”
Hilary frowned. “Why?”
“Because you felt safe enough to be your worst around your husband.”
Hilary sniffled. “But how do I become my best with him?”
“I can’t answer that for you.” Darby gave her a small smile. “I suggest having a conversation, and sharing what you’ve shared with me is a good starting point.”
Hilary waved her hands in front of her face again, blinking back tears. “Thank you, that’s helpful. It feels like a relief to admit how terrible I’ve been out loud.”
“Anytime. I’m here if you ever need someone to listen.”
“I appreciate it.” Hilary blinked hard and composed herself, by rolling back her shoulders and exhaling slowly.
“What about you? I can’t believe how romantic Samesh’s story is.
I’m sure it must be weird, but it’s also one of the sweetest things I’ve ever heard in my entire life.
Our whole staff is rooting for you two.”
Darby frowned. “What story?”
“The story of you guys.” Hilary gave her an odd look. “Samesh told me all about it shortly after he was hired. To be kept apart by his parents when you were young. It’s like something out of Romeo and Juliet.”
“He told you about that?” Darby was confused. Why would Samesh have told Hilary and other staff members at the Chamber of Commerce about their past?
“When Samesh contacted the mayor about relocating here, that was part of his pitch. Everyone was in tears reading his cover letter. It talked about how he had kept tabs on you from a distance and wanted to give you time after Jim died.” Hilary formed a heart with her fingers.
“It’s straight from the pages of a romance novel.
I mean I guess it fits, since you’re an English teacher.
He gives up a high-ranking position and his career and moves over a thousand miles to be with the one who got away.
I wouldn’t be surprised if they made a movie of your love story. ”
Darby’s entire body flooded with heat. Sweat trickled down her neck.
What?
He’d kept tabs on her?
He knew about Jim?
Nothing made sense.
The room felt like all the air had been sucked out of it. She needed to get out of the ballroom—now.
Samesh was making his way toward them.
“Uh, excuse me.” Darby stood, grabbing her purse and leaving her plate and coffee untouched. “I need to go.”
Hilary glanced in Samesh’s direction and then back at Darby. “Did I say something wrong?”
Darby shook her head and stole a glance at Samesh. “No. I’m glad we could talk, and I hope you’ll be gentle with yourself.” She hurried off before Samesh could catch up with her.
He had lied.
About everything.
Their meeting wasn’t by chance. It wasn’t fate or coincidence that had brought them back together. Samesh had arranged it. He’d planned it. Had he told everyone about their past?
He had given up a job and career and sought a position in Bend. Why hadn’t he told her that from the beginning? Why had he pretended? Why had he lied?
This wasn’t fate. It was a complete farce.