Chapter 30
THIRTY
DARBY
Darby was shaking so hard she wasn’t sure she could steer the car home.
She sat in the driver’s seat and tried to steady her breathing, staring at happy couples walking hand in hand in the freshly fallen snow.
Downtown was a blur of bustling holiday activity.
Tingling melodies floated through the air thanks to a group of carolers gathered farther down the sidewalk, serenading anyone passing by.
Shops glowed with a cheery warmth, welcoming shoppers inside.
Samesh had lied to her. She felt betrayed, dizzy, and dazed.
She had opened herself up, albeit slightly, and he had broken her trust—again.
Why? Why had he lied?
She massaged the base of her neck, feeling it pinch as if someone were squeezing it tightly.
He moved to Bend for her?
He followed her life for years?
She could only guess that if her life were a novel they were dissecting, her students would find Samesh’s character arc undeniably romantic.
Darby found it creepy. He had given up on them without much of a fight.
And now he was trying to win her heart by leaving out significant details from his story, like the fact that he knew about Jim’s death and he had intentionally sought out a position in Bend to find her.
Was everything a lie?
Anger bubbled up, rising through her chest and making her cheeks flame with heat.
She gripped the steering wheel, wanting to kick herself for being so silly, so na?ve.
She wasn’t an eighteen-year-old English student.
She was a fully grown woman who had foolishly allowed herself a fragile glimmer of hope since meeting Samesh again.
For the first time since Jim died, she had let herself believe that maybe there was a possibility of life after loss.
What was she thinking?
She clutched her wedding ring.
She’d even convinced herself that Jim was part of a master plan to bring them together.
Nope.
Every bit of their “spontaneous” meeting had been orchestrated by Samesh.
Why couldn’t he have been honest from the start?
Would it have changed her response? Maybe.
But given their history, she might have given him a chance. Now that was over. The worst part was that Darby had confided in him about the long ache of her grief. It was unfathomable that Samesh would risk her heart again.
How dare he?
Heat boiled in her stomach.
It had been a long time since she felt this furious.
Dare she say, it almost felt good to be on fire—to feel this burn of rage.
She was at a loss as to what to do next. She didn’t want to go home.
So instead, she turned the key in the ignition, readjusted her sweaty palms on the steering wheel, and headed for her happy place—the library.
She would spend the remainder of the ruined morning perusing the new release section and finding a cozy chair in front of the large windows to read and watch the snowfall outside.
Samesh had been careless with her heart, but she was strong and resilient. Grief had shown her that. She wasn’t twenty any longer. She was a completely realized version of her younger self and she had no intention of playing Samesh’s games. Those days were long since behind her.
At least she had figured out the truth now. Thank goodness she’d had a conversation with Hilary. She thought that she’d been offering Hilary a listening ear and maybe some perspective from someone who had lived a few more years, but it turned out that Hilary had done her a major favor.