Chapter 36
THIRTY-SIX
HILARY
Hilary gaped at Ben. “What are you doing here?”
“I’m staying here.” He folded his arms across his chest in a protective stance.
Why hadn’t she checked the hotel first? Ben had been at the same hotel the entire time she’d been frantic to find him.
It made sense. It was downtown. It was close to the gym, and they had stayed there on numerous special occasions—their anniversary, date nights, and holidays.
It was just like Ben to choose a place with sentimental value.
“You’re following me, Hilary?” He kept his feet planted firmly on the floor, shooting her a challenging look.
“No. I was working here. We had the Santa breakfast this morning, remember? The mayor has been threatening to shut the event down for days, and I’ve been trying to find ways to make him feel like he’s a big part of Passport to the Holidays to keep him off my back.”
“I saw the signs for the Santa breakfast and saw all the kids running around.” Ben’s voice was flat and monotone.
“Ben, what is going on with you?” Hilary didn’t like the piercing tone of her voice. “I cannot believe you involved the kids in our problems.”
“You didn’t give me a choice.”
“What? That’s not true.” Hilary clenched her jaw.
Every muscle in her body twitched. “I can’t believe you’re doing this now.
This is the most important time in my career.
You know that. I’ll admit that I’ve been gone a lot.
I apologize for that. But things have been busy, and then everything blew up with the mayor.
I was planning to come home and talk about it, but you took off. ”
Ben hung his head. “Don’t put this on me. You left our marriage months ago. Maybe not physically, but emotionally.”
His words stung. Hilary batted her eyes to try to hold back hot, salty tears. “What is that supposed to mean?”
“Do you want to do this here?” Ben motioned to the lobby.
“Do what? Talk to my husband?”
Ben exhaled and pressed his lips together.
“Hilary, you know I love you. I’ve loved you since the first day I met you, and I’ve never stopped, but you’ve shut me out.
You’ve shut down. I’ve tried everything I can think of.
I’ve given you space. I’ve cheered you on.
I’ve pulled back. I’ve cooked and left you sweet notes and tried to distract you, but this is so much more than a bunch of flowers can heal. I realized that last night.”
“Ben, listen, I’m sorry I gave those flowers to Darby. Honestly, I am. I’m so sorry. It was just in the moment I was stressed.”
“No, it’s more than that. I see how you treat me. I see how you look at me with pity.” He brushed a strand of hair from his face, meeting her eyes. “I haven’t stopped loving you. I never will, but you stopped loving me, and it’s more than I can bear.”
“I didn’t,” Hilary started to say.
Ben held up a finger. “You did.” With that, he exhaled and walked away.
Hilary stood, watching him go. She didn’t run after him.
Why?
Was he right?
Was that the problem?
Could it be that her sadness hadn’t been about the twins leaving and her role and identity as a mother shifting? Could it be that she wasn’t in love with Ben?