Chapter 47
FORTY-SEVEN
DARBY
Darby stood in the corner of the ballroom.
This was silly. Why had she come? She had made up her mind not to come, and then something pushed her forward.
She couldn’t come up with a reason not to show.
Samesh’s heartfelt explanation had lingered with her.
She couldn’t stop thinking about it. What did she have to lose? She had already lost one love.
Before reconnecting with Samesh, she would have said she was okay being alone.
She would have (and did) tell people who asked she was content to remain single.
Why risk it again when her first relationship had been so good and solid and easy?
She would have claimed she had nothing left to give someone new.
Those were the stories she told herself late at night when the house was filled with nothing other than pervasive silence and the occasional sound of snow falling from the roof.
Every year, she taught a lesson on trusting narrators in literature, showing her students examples of untrustworthy narrators, which always produced lively discussions about the storyteller who lives in each of our heads.
She had been her own unreliable narrator about her grief.
It wasn’t simply that she had cocooned herself in after Jim’s death.
Sure, she needed that at first, but grief had become her crutch, her way of denying herself happiness.
For what? As a penance for Jim getting sick? Or was it that she was afraid?
If she loved again, she would have to accept that she might lose again.
It had been easier to lie than to accept that hard truth.
But Samesh had changed that. She had seen the pain, the regret, the longing in his eyes like he was holding up a mirror for her.
It was time for her to make a choice. She could either continue to remain buried under her blanket of grief, or she could wrap her grief around her shoulders and wear it like a cape.
The vision made her laugh. Jim would have told her that her blanket of grief was her cape—her superpower. She had loved long and hard, and she could love again.
Samesh caught her eye from across the ballroom.
He was dressed for the occasion in a tailored three-piece, light gray suit, made of subtly texturized fabric.
A forest green tie added a pop of color.
His dark hair was slicked with a touch of polish to highlight the sharp angles of his jaw and his well-trimmed beard.
They locked on to each other.
He moved toward her with an effortlessness and yearning that made her feel slightly dizzy.
Darby’s heart fluttered like it hadn’t in years. She could feel the perspiration of desire beading on the back of her neck. Everything moved in slow motion, the dancers circling the floor, the violinists’ bows, the snowflakes cascading from the ceiling.
Darby placed her hand over her heart as Samesh cut straight through the crowd. “You came. I didn’t think you would come.” His voice was breathless.
“I didn’t think I was going to come either,” she whispered.
“What made you change your mind?” He searched her face.
She smiled. “A student.”
“A student?”
“Mm-hmm.” A dreamy quality washed over her like she was floating on air.
“Your student deserves an A.” Samesh held his hand out for her. “I think I’m going to write your student a note of thanks. I had given up on us. I thought I had ruined things for good.”
Darby put her hand in his. “You didn’t. I’m glad that things turned out this way. You made me reflect and think about my future, which I haven’t done since Jim died.”
Samesh squeezed her hand in a show of solidarity. “I would never ask you to forget about Jim. I hope you know that?”
Darby nodded. “I couldn’t even if I tried, but I’d like to give us a chance, too. I’m ready to think about what might be next for me.”
“And it includes me?” His eyes brightened as he tipped his head to the side eagerly.
“We’ll see,” she teased.
“Could it include a dance now?” He linked his fingers through hers.
“Yes. That sounds like a perfect start.” Darby walked with him onto the dance floor. She melted into Samesh’s arms as he kissed the top of her head. Tears escaped her eyes, but this time they weren’t simply tears of sadness; these were tears of hope.