Chapter 50
FIFTY
HILARY
Hilary couldn’t contain her nerves. She kept walking from the living room to the kitchen and back again in a loop. Marissa was due to arrive any minute. She was bringing the holiday feast and decorations. Hilary had given her creative license but had asked her to make Ben’s favorites.
Ben loved tradition. And there was nothing like Christmas for tradition. She requested Marissa blend her modern boards with classics like Yorkshire pudding and spiced gingerbread with fresh whipped cream and cranberry sauce.
The menu didn’t fall into Marissa’s traditional cheese boards, but she had seemed eager to accommodate Hilary’s requests, and Hilary was glad to give her the business.
She felt terrible to have to disqualify Marissa.
When she had told William about Parker turning them in, she could tell he had been genuinely shocked.
She had the sense he would do everything in his power to make sure that Marissa booked many more events around town. That was such a Ben move.
Ben.
Ben, she sighed and began pacing again.
Would he show?
Especially after she had taken the mayor’s call the other night, she had taken a page from his book and dialed up the romance.
Ben was the one in their relationship who had planned date nights and brought her flowers.
It was her turn to reciprocate. Instead of texting him, she had designed a formal invitation to dinner and dropped it off at the gym.
The invitation requested he arrive in formal attire.
Hilary had bought a new dress for the occasion and had her hair and nails done.
It made her realize how much she had taken their relationship for granted. Prepping and primping for their dinner had made the spark that she was worried had gone out, fully ignite. It felt like this was their first date.
The doorbell rang, causing Hilary to startle. She laughed at her nerves and went to answer the door. Marissa was right on time. She was dressed in corduroy overalls, snow boots, and a Yes, Cheese apron. Her hair was tied in a ponytail and her arms laden with boxes and bags of delectable treats.
“Good evening, dinner has arrived.” She held up two giant bags that smelled so good. Hilary wanted to tear them open and dive right in.
“Can I help you unload?” Hilary offered, smoothing down her silky, low-cut emerald green dress, trying to quench the quiver of nerves in her stomach.
“Nope. I’ll do it all. Just direct me where to set up.”
Hilary breathed in the scent of garlic and fresh-from-the-oven bread. “Wow, that smells amazing.”
“I hope you love it. This theme was so much fun.” Marissa beamed with pride.
Hilary showed Marissa into the dining room.
She put on an old-school holiday playlist with selections from Rosemary Clooney and Frank Sinatra while Marissa arranged her incredible food display.
The dining table quickly transformed. Romantic flickers of candlelight cast long shadows on festive bundles of cinnamon sticks wrapped with red ribbon and bowls overflowing with cheery clementines, their bright citrus scent mingling with the warm spice.
Hilary carefully set out their Christmas china—creamy white plates rimmed in gold with sprigs of holly.
A gentle, inviting glow spread over the room and through Hilary’s body.
Was it going to be enough to impress Ben? To show him how much she cared?
When Marissa finished, Hilary sucked in a breath. “It’s spectacular. This completely exceeds my expectations. You are truly talented. William wasn’t exaggerating.”
“William?” Marissa stuck out her chin. “What does he have to do with anything?”
“Oh, didn’t I mention that?” Hilary’s honesty and directness had gotten her in trouble, but this time she intended to harness that energy for good.
If she had a second shot at love tonight, she wanted to pass it on.
“William showed me your work, told me how talented you are, and basically said I would be an idiot not to hire you.”
“He did?” Marissa fumbled with a box of supplies, nearly dropping it on the floor.
Hilary nodded while writing a check for the balance. “He’s your biggest fan. You should come to the closing ceremony tomorrow. He’ll be there. You won’t want to miss it.”
Marissa gave her a confused look. “What do you mean?”
“I’ve been sworn to secrecy, but seriously, come.” Hilary handed her the check. “Let’s plan a time to get together after the holidays. I’d love to discuss hiring you for our monthly Chamber breakfast and other events.”
She could tell by the way Marissa’s eyes glowed and her wide smile that the news William had recommended her was a surprise.
“Promise me you’ll show up tomorrow?” she said when she walked her to the door. Marissa was clearly confused, but she agreed.
Her matchmaking duties were complete; now, she needed to convince her husband that she was truly ready to invest in their future.
Ben’s invitation had requested that he arrive at seven. When seven came and went, Hilary’s nerves went into overdrive. She couldn’t sit down. She paced from the living room to the dining room and kitchen and back again in an anxiety-infused loop.
What if he was done? What if she had pushed him away for good? He had made every attempt to show her how much he cared, and she had ignored him. She had given away his flowers and put him last. She understood why he wasn’t coming, but it didn’t make it any easier.
The clock ticked forward. A half hour later, she wondered if she should eat without him. It was a shame to let Marissa’s hard work go untouched. But then a soft rap sounded on the front door. Hilary practically skipped to the door.
She pulled it open to see Ben standing on the porch wearing a navy blue suit and holding a bouquet of Christmas roses.
“Sorry I’m late. There was an accident on the highway.” He handed her the roses with shaking hands, his voice growing husky. “You look amazing. New dress?”
Was he nervous, too?
“Yeah, you look fairly dapper yourself.” Hilary scanned his body from head to toe. “Are you okay? Were you involved in the accident?”
Ben shook his head. “I’m fine. I witnessed it, so I had to stick around until the police arrived.”
“Come in. You must be freezing.” Hilary moved to the side, feeling oddly formal.
It was weird to have Ben enter the home they had shared for twenty years like a stranger. She put the flowers in water and set them on the kitchen island. “Are you hungry?”
Ben glanced around the kitchen. “Did you cook?” His voice sounded wary.
She laughed. “Well, not exactly. You know my culinary skills leave a lot to be desired, but I do have a surprise.” She motioned for him to follow her with what she hoped was a seductive two-fingered wave, intentionally swinging her hips and giving him a long smile. “Come into the dining room with me.”
“The dining room?” Ben raised one brow suspiciously. “When’s the last time we ate in the dining room?”
He was right. They had rarely used their formal dining room when the twins were at home, short of Thanksgiving, or when they had each of their extended families for visits.
“To what do I owe the honor?” Ben asked, pulling out her chair for her, letting his lips briefly graze the nape of her neck as he pushed her in and sat next to her.
“I hope you’ll take this dinner as an apology…
a first step toward a new start.” She swallowed hard and met his gaze.
“I know I’ve been terrible. I know I should have talked to you and opened up, but instead, I just became consumed with this job in hopes that it would make me forget about how sad I’ve been.
Instead, I pushed you away. You were right, I realize that now, and I’m so sorry, Ben. I really am.”
Ben didn’t answer right away. He sat solid, unwavering with candlelight glinting in his eyes as he studied her, all of her—her nervous hands, the quiver in her voice, and the hopeful curve in her mouth, trying to stay steady.
The room fell quiet except for the soft sound of the holiday music and the faint crackle of her breath.
Finally, he reached for her hand, his voice softer than she expected. “Hilary, this looks like a set from a movie. Are those Yorkshire puddings?”
Hilary nodded, her breath freezing in her chest. “All of your favorites.”
He smiled slowly, his fingers massaging the top of her hand. “You didn’t have to do all of this to say you’re sorry, but I’m glad you did.”
Her fingers curled into his. “I did, though—we need a fresh start, yeah?”
His thumb brushed against her knuckles. “Yeah, a new start. But this time we don’t do it alone.”
She shook her head, unable to speak.
“How did you do this? For real?” Ben released her hand and gave her a playful scowl. “You can barely boil water.”
Hilary let her jaw hang open while she poured them glasses of wine, happy to be flirting with him again. “Hey, I make a mean boxed mac and cheese.”
“Yeah, right. You remember the first time you made it and didn’t realize you had to drain the noodles after boiling them, so we had mac and cheese soup?”
“You said it was the best mac and cheese soup you’d ever had.”
“I lied.” Ben winked.
“Sit. Help yourself to appetizers.” Hilary ran her hand over the veggie, fruit, and cheese platter in the shape of a Christmas tree.
“I need to know your secrets. Have you been holding back on me and learning to cook?”
“Not even close. I’ve got a source. A cheese source.”
“Your source is impressive.” Ben held up his glass in a toast.
“I have been holding back on you, Ben.” Hilary shifted the conversation back to them.
There was more she needed to say. “I’ve been reflecting a lot these past few days.
I miss you. I miss you so much. I wish I had been more open.
I think I spiraled downward, and I guess you just seemed to be handling it so much better.
You’ve been upbeat and going about your days like nothing has changed, making me feel even worse about myself. ”
“I didn’t mean to make you feel worse, Hilary.” He strummed his fingers on the table.
“No, I’m not blaming you. I’m taking ownership of my role in this. I pulled back. I wouldn’t let you in.”
He ran his finger on the edge of his wine glass. “I miss them, too, Hils. Every single day, I miss them.”
A tear ran down her cheek.
Ben glanced slowly toward the window, his gaze landing outside where the twins used to build snow castles.
Then he turned back to her, his eyes full of something unspoken.
“I’ve been trying to connect and stay positive for you.
This is our new reality. It’s you and me.
Our time as parents with kids in the house is gone, and that phase of our lives is never coming back. ”
His words made Hilary cry even harder. “Yeah, that’s the hardest part for me. It went by so fast. Why does no one tell you how fast it’s going to go?”
Ben scooted his chair closer to her. “I don’t know. But it’s a blur. I feel like just yesterday we were chasing after them everywhere, having to babyproof the house, and then—poof. They’re out in the world making their own lives just like we did.”
“It’s what we want for them, right? But it’s brutal.” He wrapped his arm around her, squeezing her shoulder tight, caressing her softly.
Hilary didn’t try to hold back her emotions.
Ben met her in the moment. For the first time since the twins had left for college, they shared their collective sorrow over the changing relationship with the babies they had raised within these walls.
It was cathartic to cry and reminisce and even begin to imagine a different future—one with adult children.
It didn’t fully mend the ache in Hilary’s heart, but she could feel it shifting, which was a very, very good start.
“Ben, I love you so much,” she said, brushing away a tear, feeling her body pull toward him with a new, tender longing that she hadn’t allowed herself to feel for a while.
“I love you, too,” he whispered, his voice warm against her ear.
He cupped her face gently as he tilted her chin and kissed her, slowly, softly, and with such deep familiarity that Hilary wanted to melt into a puddle and stay there forever.
The magic, the spark was still there, maybe even stronger.
Hilary couldn’t believe she’d been worried that their flame had gone out.
As their kiss deepened, she suddenly realized that this wasn’t the end of anything. It was the beginning.