Chapter 5
Chapter Five
Grace
My mind was officially blown as I stared at my reflection in the bathroom mirror. What just happened? I’d been prepared for Taz to be an incredible lover, but I hadn’t prepared myself for that kind of connection. The way he looked at me, touched me, kissed me… God, that man could kiss.
I drew a deep, cleansing breath, trying to shake this off.
We agreed to a one-night stand. Nothing more.
We weren’t going to date. I wasn’t going to start asking questions he didn’t want to answer.
I’d invite him to spend the night if he was too tired to drive home, offer to make him breakfast in the morning, and forget I ever met him.
That was the plan. And I was all about executing my plans.
He had two pillows behind his head and was typing on his phone when I returned to the bedroom. “Hey,” he said, barely looking up from his screen. “Sorry, just responding to a text from Luc. He wants me to meet up with Avery tomorrow.”
Was I supposed to know what he was talking about? “Uh, no problem.”
He smiled as he set the phone down and glanced at me. “Sorry, Luc Spencer. The owner of—”
“I know Luc, but I didn’t realize you did.” I should have pumped my sister for information about Taz, but it didn’t feel right, asking questions he may not be willing to answer himself.
“I just met him. Your sister and Mav too. Luc asked Mav to talk to me about joining their label and—”
“Wait a second, you’re a musician?” I crawled into bed beside him, keeping my distance, just in case he wasn’t into cuddling.
“I don’t know that I’d call myself that. A buddy posted some videos of me singing online and they went viral. Since then, I’ve been fielding calls from record labels, including Luc’s.” He shrugged. “I don’t know if it’ll go anywhere or if I even want it to.”
I stared at him, raising a hand. “Let me get this straight. Luc Spencer wants to sign you to his label and you’re not sure? Are you serious?”
“I never thought about being a musician. I’ve always had a decent voice and started writing songs when I was in prison, to pass the time. But I never saw it going anywhere.”
“But now it could, so why wouldn’t you want to pursue that?”
I promised myself I wouldn’t go into therapist mode tonight. I wouldn’t try to uncover his secrets or his deepest fears. I wouldn’t ask about his childhood, or his daughter, or what landed him in jail. This was supposed to be casual and I was determined to keep it that way.
“I don’t know, I’ve got a decent life now. Friends, work I don’t hate, re-connecting with my family, fixing up my house… it’s enough.”
A little voice told me to let it go, but I knew people usually suppressed their dreams because of fear and I didn’t want to see Taz miss out on the chance of a lifetime because he was scared.
“And you don’t think your life could get even better if you pursued your dream?”
He sighed. “I just told you, music was never my dream. When I was in prison, my plan was to get out, get a decent job, maybe buy a house and a truck, eventually, re-connect with my family and my daughter, and that’s about it.”
I noticed finding a life partner didn’t even make his list. Interesting. “But you must be talented if your videos went viral and record labels are coming to you. Pretty sure that rarely happens.”
“Look, it’s not that I’m not grateful for the opportunity, I am. Just not sure it’s the right move for me.”
“Can I see the videos?” I asked, glancing at his phone.
He sighed as he reached for his phone, tapped on the screen, and passed it to me.
I was mesmerized watching and listening to him.
His voice was not only as haunting as the story he told with his lyrics, but singing transformed him.
He wasn’t this big, badass, biker-type anymore.
He was a man who’d been through the wringer and had been blessed with a talent that allowed him to share that experience with the world. Not to share it would be a travesty.
“Are there more?” I asked, knowing I could never get enough of listening to him sing.
“Yeah, a couple.” He tapped the screen once more before handing it back to me.
Tipping his head back against my upholstered headboard, he closed his eyes and listened, but I had no idea if he heard what I did. If he did, how could he even question that he was born to do this?
By the time he’d finished singing the second song, my eyes filled with unshed tears.
The lyrics told the story of a father who hadn’t been there to see his daughter grow up, and all the regrets he had about not being the man she could count on.
I would have given anything to hear my own father say those words to me, and I hoped one day Taz’s daughter would hear the words he wrote for her.
Knowing that may be the only way I could convince him to take this risk, I said, “Your daughter needs to hear this, if she hasn’t already.”
He caught my tear with his thumb before it could glide down my cheek. “I doubt it would make a difference.”
“It would make a difference to me, if my father said those things to me.”
“It would?” he asked, sounding skeptical.
“Absolutely.” I pointed to his phone. “You may not realize this, but every father who wasn’t able to be a part of his kid’s life, or every little girl or boy who grew up with a dad, needs to hear that song.
Words are powerful, Taz. And yours are…” I flattened my palm against my stomach.
“Gut-wrenching, in the best possible way.”
He stared at his screensaver. A picture of a young woman, I assumed was his daughter. He’d probably pulled it off of one her social media accounts, which was kind of heart-breaking for both of them, if I let myself dwell on it.
“It’s the only way I know how to get out all the shit that’s eating me up inside, by writing about it, ya know?”
“I do know. I’ve been journalling all my life. And it does help. But being able to share your words, and help others heal, is a gift. If you don’t want to do this for yourself, do it for all the people you could be helping with songs like that.”
He looked into my eyes before asking, “Why do you care so much?”
I leaned back against the headboard, breaking eye contact, and feeling like a fool for pushing so hard. He was right. This shouldn’t matter to me.
“I don’t know. Helping people is what I do. It’s who I am. And I guess I think everyone feels the same way. Obviously, they don’t. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be so pushy.”
“You’re not.” He kissed my bare shoulder. “I like that you’re not afraid to tell me how you feel. And I respect you for wanting to help people.”
“Thanks.” His fingertip was sliding down my arm and I was breaking out in chill bumps all over. If he proposed round two, I was all for it.
“You haven’t asked me why I went to prison, but I’m lying here in your bed, so you must be dying to know.”
When he put it that way, it made me sound crazy. For all I knew, he could have killed or raped or—I shuddered, just thinking about all the possibilities.
He obviously sensed my sudden fear because he linked his hand through mine, staring at my pink manicured nails. “You didn’t ask your sister about it?”
I shook my head. “Your story isn’t my sister’s to tell. It’s yours.”
“I appreciate that.” He sighed. “Seems most women these days check a guy out online and pump everyone they know for information before agreeing to go out with him.”
“I’m not most women.”
He frowned. “But you can’t be too careful, Grace. Picking up random guys and inviting them home—”
“Oh my God!” I withdrew my hand and scooted back on the bed, gaping at him. “You think I do this all the time? Are you crazy? I value my life! I would never just invite some random stranger back to my apartment… and into my bed.”
He raised a hand. “Fair enough. I didn’t mean to imply—”
“That I’m a slut? Well, I’m not!”
“Grace—”
“I think you’d better go.” I was mortified and humiliated. With a few words, he’d turned the best sex of my life into a night I wanted to forget.
“Please, just listen to me.”
“I’m going to have a shower.” I jumped up, grabbing a short terry robe off a nearby chair. “Please be gone when I get out.”
I was driving to work the next morning, when my sister’s name flashed across the screen. Knowing I would have to deal with her questions eventually, I heaved a sigh before connecting the call.
“Hey, you. How’d it go with Taz last night?”
I groaned. “Don’t even ask.”
“Why?” I could tell my overprotective sister was already on high alert. “What happened?”
I pulled up to a red light and took a sip of coffee from my travel mug. I’d tossed and turned all night, after he left, so I knew I’d need a little liquid reinforcement to get through the day.
“We agreed it would be a one and done deal,” I said, shaking my head in disgust. “He was hot, and I was into him. He felt the same way. We’re both single, consenting adults, and I’m sick to death of over-analyzing things.”
“Okay, but obviously things didn’t go according to plan.”
“Things were going great. We talked a bit at the bar. Had a drink, and I invited him to come home with me.”
Codie giggled. “I’m sorry, I still can’t believe you did that. That is so out of character for you!”
“I know, right? I didn’t even do that in college, when everyone was doing it.
” I knew I was venting, but couldn’t help myself.
I needed to get this out before I exploded.
“But sometimes I just get so sick of being the safe, predictable, responsible one. I’m tired of being in therapist-mode all the time. It’s exhausting.”
“I can imagine.”
“So, I saw a hot guy, one who was the opposite of the type I usually go for, and thought, why the hell not, right? Why not do something completely out of character for once, and proposition him?”
“I think it was very brave, sis.”
“I thought so too, until he made the assumption that he was one of many.”
“What do you mean?”
“He thinks I’m a slut, Codie. That I have one-night stands with random guys all the time.”
She gasped. “He actually said that? After you guys did the deed?”
I winced. “Yeah, we were lying in bed after… the best sex of my life, by the way, and he warned me against inviting guys home without knowing their story.”
“Ouch.”
“Yeah, tell me about it. I guess it’s not his fault. He doesn’t know me from Adam, so why wouldn’t he assume if I was so willing with him, I’d be willing with other guys too.”
“Did you tell him you’d never done anything like that before?”
“I may have mentioned it, but maybe he didn’t believe me.”
“Okay, I get that you were offended and embarrassed when he implied you did that all the time, but it’s not like you have to see him again.”
“True.”
I knew I’d put this humiliating experience behind me soon enough.
I’d throw myself into my work, which was nothing new.
I’d find a nice, boring guy to date, like an accountant who wore designer glasses and played golf, and forget I ever met the musician/ex-convict who introduced me to three-peats.
Unless he became famous and I had to hear his husky voice every time I turned on the radio. That would seriously suck.
“But you said it was the best sex of your life?”
After a gusty exhale, I said, “Girl, you have no idea. One word sums it up: three-peat.”
Codie laughed. “I don’t have to tell you, of all people, how rare that is. You sure you’re gonna be able to forget him?”
“I didn’t say that I’d forget him, just that I never want to see him again.”
“Speaking of guys you never want to see again, is Brandon still harassing you?”
“Yeah, he texted me last night, when I was with Taz.”
“God, that guy cannot take a hint, can he?”
“I’ve tried being nice, but I’m just gonna block his number and be done with it.”
“Smart. So, what are you up to today? You wanna grab lunch?”
“I can’t. I’m headed to a weekend seminar in Memphis. Kaitlyn is attending too,” I said, referring to my best friend and college roommate. “So, we’re just going to grab dinner tonight and stay in a hotel, so we don’t have to drive back and forth.”
“Okay, well call me when you get back and we’ll get together.” Before I could hang up, she said, “Remember, Mama’s birthday is next week. We’re thinking about just doing dinner here.”
“That works for me. Just let me know the details and what I can bring.” Mama didn’t know I’d broken up with Brandon yet. He was one of the few men I’d dated that she approved of, so I didn’t look forward to breaking the news to her that we were over.
Mama didn’t take bad news well. She was strong-willed, opinionated, and certain she was always right, especially when it came to her two daughters.
“Sounds good. Love you, sis.”
“Love you too, Codie.” No matter how bad the day, I knew I could always count on my sister to make me feel better.