Chapter 25 #2
I loved that she was brave enough to cut to the chase. “I could never hate you. In fact, I understand why you did it. I don’t think I would have liked sharing my mama when I was your age either.”
She looked thoughtful as she chewed. “I guess being a therapist makes you a lot more Zen that most people, huh?”
Laughing, I said, “I don’t know about that. I’m an emotional mess a lot of the time.”
“Really?” She sized me up. “Because you sure don’t look like it to me.”
“I don’t have to tell you, some of our biggest messes are on the inside.”
“Hmm.” She seemed to consider that for a minute before asking, “Do you want to marry my dad?”
I’d been taking a sip of wine, and had to swallow before choking on it. “Um, I love your dad. He has talked about the future, but I wanted to wait until you and I met before…” I shrugged. “I don’t know, before I let myself hope for too much, I guess.”
She frowned. “Why would you have to meet me before deciding whether you want to marry my dad? Either you love him or you don’t.”
I understood it was black and white from her perspective, but there were so many gray areas from where I stood.
“It’s not a question of wanting to marry him.
Of course, I do. I love him. But from the day we met, he told me re-building his relationship with you was his top priority, and I respect and admire that. ”
“He actually said that?” she asked, seeming dumb-founded. “The first day you met him?”
I nodded, curling my hand around my glass as I rested my back against the counter.
“He did, and it was kind of the reason I fell for him, to be honest. He was rougher than the guys I usually go for, talking about the time he’d been in jail, and all the mistakes he’d made, but when he talked about you, there was a softness that told me he had a huge heart.
It was his heart I wanted to get to know better. ”
“He does have a big heart,” she said, popping a cracker in her mouth. “Too big, sometimes. He let me take advantage of him.”
I was surprised by her admission, but wanted to hear more. “How so?”
“My Mama felt like he owed us because he’d been gone so long and left us to fend for ourselves.” She stacked smoked meat on a cracker and popped it in her mouth, chewing slowly.
“I can understand why she might have been angry. She was certainly entitled to those feelings, under the circumstances.” I knew it was important for me to acknowledge both sides of Quinn’s story, so she might eventually learn to trust me, but I promised myself I would always be completely honest with her, even when she didn’t want to hear what I had to say.
“I guess.” She shrugged. “But Mama tends to stay stuck in those feelings, ya know? She never tries to get past them. Taz has been doing what he can, ever since he got out of prison, but she still hates him, and is encouraging me to get whatever I can out of him.”
“Hmm, does that make you feel like you’re stuck in the middle?” My heart went out to her. She felt loyal to her mama, who’d raised her, but was learning to love the father who she’d been told abandoned her.
“Sometimes.” She cleared her throat before reaching for her water. “But it won’t matter much once I turn eighteen.”
“What do you mean?”
“Taz won’t be responsible for me anymore, financially, so Mama won’t care what happens to me.”
I wanted to give her a hug, but knew that would be totally inappropriate, since we’d just met. “Honey, I’m sure that’s not true. Your mama will always care about what happens to you. She’s your mama. And I can tell you, mine is still all up in my business, every chance she gets.”
“Maybe she really loves you,” she said, fixating on her plate. “Mine has always seen me as a burden.”
My chest was tight with sympathy when I asked, “Has she told you that?”
“All the time.”
“I’m sorry, Quinn. That sucks.”
“It is what it is.”
I could tell she was trying to be brave, and downplay her feelings, but it had to cut deep, hearing those words from the only parent you’d ever been able to count on.
“Is that why you became a therapist?” she asked me. “Because of your messed-up childhood?”
I smiled before reaching for a cracker. “I suppose so. My mama always did the best she could, and I love her for that. But she’s a lot. By the time I became a teenager, I was pretty lost and confused, and I just wanted to make sense of… life.”
“Yeah, I kind of feel that way too.”
“Taz mentioned you’re interested in music therapy. That’s pretty cool.”
She blushed, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “I don’t even know if I’m any good. Taz says I am, but he’s gotta say that, right?”
“If I’ve learned one thing about him, it’s that he’s brutally honest.” We shared a knowing smile, before I said, “If you weren’t good, he’d be trying to help you get better, so you could pursue your dream, I’m sure of that.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” She bit her lip. “It must be fulfilling, knowing you’re helping people.”
I would have described Quinn as an old soul, someone who’d lived and learned a lot in her short life. She was clearly a deep thinker, like me, who understood the importance of processing her feelings instead of ignoring or repressing them.
“It is. I love what I do.”
“That’s what I want… to find something to do that gives me purpose. So far, my life hasn’t had much purpose, but I think it could.”
“Just being you is enough, Quinn.” I looked her in the eye, hoping she felt my words. “You don’t have to do anything to give your life purpose, but I really admire you for wanting to help people.”
“Thanks.” She propped her chin in her hand as she looked at me. “I didn’t want to like you, but I do.”
I laughed. “That’s good to know, because if you didn’t, it would have thrown a serious wrench into my happily ever after with your dad.”