Chapter Eighteen #2
Her eyes widened. Her tears stopped. She went to dash past me, but I grabbed her around the middle, pressed my lips to her soft cheek, and captured that salty droplet.
She inhaled sharply.
I used her shock to grab the chit and wrench it from her hold.
Letting her go, I marched away. My blood singing from her taste.
“Henri...” She charged after me, following me into the bathroom where I’d flushed one lot of shame already tonight.
She skidded to a stop beside me just as I tore up the piece of paper until it resembled a million tiny squares. Without a word, I flushed it.
Together, we watched the scraps swirl around and around before vanishing.
Neither of us spoke for the longest moment.
Ily made a choked noise, wrenching my gaze to her as she tripped backward and crashed into the towel rail. “Even with it gone, the cameras...”
I nodded. “He knows.”
I’d seen this woman argue with Victor, stand up to Masters, and endure a hundred awful things, but I’d never seen pure terror on her face.
Until now.
Clawing at her collared throat as if she couldn’t breathe, her knees buckled—
Darting forward, I caught her.
In a moment of insanity, I scooped her into my arms and cradled her ever so close.
My world righted.
My darkness paused.
Christ, she felt good.
So, so good.
I could barely breathe as I carried her into the bedroom and tucked her into bed.
Her chest rose and fell, her eyes glazed with panic.
For a moment, I forgot she hated me, forgot she feared me as she looked at me for comfort and safety.
Tucking black hair behind her ear, I bent over her and whispered, “You’ve walked on eggshells around me all month.
You’ve kneeled for me when I didn’t ask you to.
You’ve tried to seduce me when I’ve done my utmost to give you space.
You’ve turned into one of them—a broken obedient jewel—and now...
now you think I would happily cash in a voucher that gives me the right to murder you.
” Inhaling her perfect scent, I sighed, “I knew you hated me, nightmare, but I had no idea how deep that hatred goes.”
Grabbing my hand, she shook her head. “It’s not like that. I—”
“Go to sleep.” Wrenching my fingers from her hold, I swallowed back another wave of darkness. “Don’t touch me, don’t fear me. I’m the winner of that prize, and I’m not going to use it, okay? That’s the end of it.”
Before she could say anything I couldn’t survive, I turned on my heel and left.
* * * * *
The knife dripped black with blood.
My blood.
I dropped it, and it tumbled into shadow.
The wound in my leg kept growing, growing.
The shadows kept creeping, creeping from my puddling lifeforce on the floor. Every heartbeat, the shadows grew thicker and taller, sucking all the light from the room.
A chasm, not a room.
Rock all around me, cold and entombing like a crypt.
My crypt.
Someone walked toward me.
Someone with light for blood and sunshine glowing eyes.
“Ily...” I stepped toward her, yanked to a stop by shackles made of shadow.
Luminous tears rolled down her cheeks, glowing brighter and brighter. “You have to set me free, Henri. Let me go before you’re completely swallowed.”
I kicked at the shadows restraining me and marched toward her.
Fingers of black jerked me back before I could touch her.
“Help me,” I whispered. “Kiss me.”
She cried harder. “You wish to kiss me? That’s all you have to offer me after everything you’ve already taken?”
“A kiss is worth far more to me than anything else.”
“A kiss from you is death.” She hung her head. “But perhaps...that’s the only freedom I’ll earn from you.” Her skin kept glowing—a perfect star lighting up all my blackness. She stepped into me and tipped up her chin. “Go on then. Kiss me. Kill me.”
Darkness swamped both of us. If it wasn’t for her light, we’d be blinded by my night.
“I’d never kill you, Ily.”
I.L.Y.
I love you.
“You already have.” Another iridescent tear rolled; I longed to drink it down.
My neck bent.
Our noses brushed.
So close.
So fucking close.
Stop!
I jerked back.
Kissing her wouldn’t kill her, but it would kill me.
I’d die from the want, the need, the heartbreaking desperation that made everything so damn hard. “Wait—”
“No.” Catching my cheeks with her luminous hands, she tugged my head down. “Do us both a favour and end it.”
“Ily, don’t—”
She kissed me.
A thunderbolt crashed.
She screamed.
She dropped to my feet, open-eyed and...dead.
Pain I’d never felt before crushed me.
Every memory. Every horror. Every loneliness.
Shadows shot down my throat.
Love broke me into pieces.
Ily’s corpse broke into light-bright fractures, shattering into stardust.
I dropped to my knees.
My heart turned to coal.
I howled—
“Henri! Henri!”
My eyes snapped wide.
Ily sat on top of me, her thighs straddling my waist, her hands shaking my shoulders.
S-She’s still alive.
I wasn’t responsible for my actions.
For the blistering thankfulness and motherfucking tears stabbing behind my eyes.
Just a nightmare.
Thank fuck, just a nightmare.
Jack-knifing up, I grabbed her around the waist and tossed her onto the bed. I rolled over her. Trapped her beneath me. Imprisoned her where she belonged. Where she would always belong.
With my mind completely gone and my heart utterly broken, I nuzzled her neck, kissed her cheek, then smashed my mouth to hers.
She froze.
She cried out.
She couldn’t stop me.
Another kiss.
Another stolen moment where I didn’t know which one of us would die.
My arms coiled around her until she gasped in pain.
Her slenderness, her heat, her strength—everything about her shattered the forcefield around my depressed-crippled heart, and I couldn’t do it.
Couldn’t handle loving this woman all while she hated me.
Couldn’t kiss this woman all while she accepted my abuse instead of fought me off.
As suddenly as I’d covered her, I ripped myself away.
Breathing hard, I shot out of bed and rubbed sleep and nightmares from my eyes. With trembling hands, I wrenched open the bedside table.
There.
Just where I’d left them.
Two birdcage cufflinks.
Snatching them into my fist, I charged for the door.
I ignored Ily’s sharp question about where I was going.
I did my best to shut down the sickness inside me.
As I bolted down the stairs, the evening came spooling back.
I’d ripped up the Diamond Kiss chit.
I’d left Ily before I could shatter and prowled around the castle all while a few early Masters reacquainted themselves with their chambers.
Victor hadn’t returned.
I hadn’t been summoned.
I’d waited until two a.m. before going back to her, grateful to find Ily asleep in our bed.
She’d faced my side.
Hugged my pillow to her chest.
I’d slipped under the covers and stared at her. I’d memorised every eyelash, then fallen asleep...
I shuddered.
My other nightmares had been of sisters I couldn’t save.
Mothers I’d abused.
They’d been absolutely agonising, but this one? This one tore me into motherfucking pieces.
She chose death over me.
She hates me.
I sucked in air.
I gagged on oxygen.
Smashing my way out of the fortress, I broke into a sprint toward the battlement wall. Moonlight splashed so bright, it lit up the gardens like a silver midday. Pewter shadows and monochrome grass blurred as I ran faster, faster.
She hates me.
Hates me.
Said my mind.
You love her.
Love her.
Said my heart.
Make it stop.
Make it stop.
Begged my soul.
Only one person could do that.
Only one brother who’d promised to end me.
I was ready for peace.
I wanted it over.
Reaching the wall, I sucked in huge heaves of oxygen and searched for the cameras.
No blinking red lights.
No guards and their snipers.
With all my strength, I hurled the cufflinks over the wall.
Victor’s satellite probably covered this entire island.
The cufflinks would most likely never send out their coordinates.
But if there was a chance.
A minuscule, microscopic chance.
I needed to try.
Because...I’m done.
Come find us, brother.
Save her.
Kill me.
Find us both...
Dropping to my knees, I sucked in gulps of moonlight.
My final act on this earth would be to get Ily the fuck out of here.
And then...I could die and finally be free.