Chapter Twenty-One #3
“Did you hurt her?” He looked at his hands resting on his legs. “And before you refuse to answer, I will ask a second time. Did. You. Hurt. Her?”
It was my turn to stare at my hands. I gave up trying to ignore him. It would be quicker to answer him. A few intolerable moments of conversation and then I could finally have eternal peace. “I did.”
“Did you enjoy it?”
“Do you really need to ask me that?”
He shifted on the edge of my bed. “Did she forgive you?”
I sucked in a tattered breath. My eyes ached. “She didn’t just forgive me. She understood me.” I cleared my throat. “She accepted me. She—” My voice cut off with a choke. I merely shook my head.
Q glanced at me, seeing whatever I couldn’t hide. Seeing my shame. My sorrow. And every moment I’d been cruel and abusive, all while Ily forgave me.
Finally, he asked gently, “Do you wish you’d died on that island? Are you angry with me for preventing you from pulling the trigger?”
I prepared to lie.
I couldn’t do it.
“You want the truth? I’m furious.” I clawed at the drip, ripping the needle out of my arm, unable to have it keeping me alive when I had no intention of doing so. “Actually, I’m fucking livid. But it’s fine. I’m fine. You can go find your wife and let me rest now. I’m done talking.”
A soft curse fell from his lips. “We might not know each other, Onn Ree, but...let me tell you that you can’t lie for shit. Apparently, when it comes to matters of the heart, I can’t either.”
“Onn Ree. Do you love her? Perhaps finger her and show her how much.”
Blocking my father’s voice out, a savage chill shot down my back. “Don’t call me that. It’s Henri.”
He nodded. “Henri.”
“And I’m not lying. I’m tired, and I want to sleep.”
“You just admitted you wanted to die.”
“Yes well, I didn’t, did I?”
“But you still want to.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Just leave, alright? You have my gratitude. If you agree to contact Paavak’s family and...Il...” Wiping my mouth with a shaky hand, I forced myself to be strong. “If you’ll contact Paavak’s and Ily’s family and give them closure, then I can rest easy.”
“You can die, you mean.”
“No, I—”
“I’ve already contacted Ilyana Sharma’s family. She gave me her name months ago, remember?” His green eyes glinted in the gloom. “On the phone?”
“Yes.” My voice cooled even further. Any colder and he’d be chipping icicles off his floor. “I remember.”
I remembered cradling her close after Victor backhanded her to the floor.
I remembered Victor claiming I had a silly crush when the truth was, I was already unbearably in love with her.
“I contacted her father at the hospital she mentioned that very day,” Q said. “I know I shouldn’t have, but I promised him I would return his daughter.”
“So he’s expecting her coffin to arrive any day now?”
Fuck me, the pain.
The sheer unsurvivable pain.
“I’m hoping it won’t come to that.” He slapped his thighs and stood. “Are you strong enough to walk? I think I’ve made yet another mistake.”
I narrowed my eyes. “What mistake?”
“I need to show you something.”
The thought of getting out of bed...of walking and living when I was so close to being free.
Not interested.
I forced a yawn. “I think I’m just going to sleep for a bit, if it’s all the same to you.”
“Sleep? Yeah right.” He crossed his arms. “I know exactly what you’re planning to do the moment my back is turned.”
I froze.
He towered over me, his sheer presence shoving me against my pillows. “I see it as plain as day in your eyes.”
“See what?”
“That you’re done.”
I jolted.
He’d stolen the words right out of my head.
Before I could deny, he sneered, “I don’t know how you’ll do it, but you will. Know how I know? I know because I’ve been there. I’ve suffered the loss of love. And it fucking butchered me.”
Glancing at the empty doorway where his wife had stood, I scowled. Had he loved another before her? How was that possible? They moved like orbiting planets around each other.
I couldn’t imagine him with anyone else. Loving someone else.
Fury tore through me. “If this is you trying to console me by saying I’ll love someone else one day, save it. Ily was mine. I don’t want anyone else. I will never—”
“I’m not saying that,” Q cut in. “I’m saying I lost Tess because I failed her.
She walked out that door, and I let her.
I planned on drinking myself to death.” Shoving his fists onto either side of my pillow, he grinned, “But I had a friend punch some goddamn sense into me. Just like I’m about to do to you.
Thanks to that little fist-awakening, I went after her.
I fought for her. I did something I didn’t think I was capable of all because of love. ”
“You’re a fucking bastard, you know that?” I shoved him away. Fury turned to rage, and I found enough strength to swoop out of bed and stand.
I almost fell.
I blacked out for a second.
I hurt.
Fuck, everything hurt.
But I only had eyes for my heartless brother.
“Don’t you think I’d fight for Ily if she’d just left me?
Christ, you let Tess walk out the door! But I would’ve gotten on my motherfucking knees to prevent Ily from ever crossing the threshold.
You needed a friend to punch sense into you?
Fuck that, I know what I had. I know how lucky I was.
I know how miraculous and rare our connection was.
Don’t you get it?! I can’t do this without her.
I don’t want to. So how about you leave me the fuck alone and let me get on with it! ”
My knees gave out.
He smirked as he caught my elbow and held me steady. “Alright then. No punching required.”
Nausea squeezed my throat.
I wanted to be sick, not because of something I’d done but because of all the things I hadn’t. What would I give to have such trivial problems such as a misunderstanding or hardship? What would I trade to hold her again?
I knew what I would give.
I’d give my very life because it wasn’t worth a goddamn thing without her.
“Let me go,” I hissed. “Better yet, give me a knife and lock the door. Come back later.”
“I have a better idea.” Q tugged me toward the door. “Death can wait.”
“Fuck you.”
“I’m so glad to get to know you too, brother.” Q chuckled, his fingers pinching my elbow.
I fought his hold.
I tripped and almost fell.
“For God’s sake,” he huffed. “I believe you.” Slinging my casted arm over his shoulders, he clutched me close. “I believe you that you can’t live without her. And I won’t force you to. If you still want a knife after this...then fine. I’ll bring you the sharpest dagger I own.”
I panted hard as the hole in my side screamed.
My whip lashes howled.
But everything vanished as Q whispered, “You say you’re ready to fight for her...then stop fighting me and let me show you.”
The way he studied me.
The flicker in his eyes.
My anger petered out as grief pounced thickly.
I sagged in his hold and nodded. “Show me.”