Chapter Thirty-Six #2
“Hush. Let me finish.” She narrowed her eyes.
“I love you. Unconditionally. That means I love all of you. All the scars you try to hide. All the needs you pretend you no longer feel. I love you, Henri. Every tiny piece. Every perfect and imperfect piece. And I need you to trust me when I say I see you. I know you. You don’t have to hide.
No part of you will ever turn me off. I trust you to protect me and punish me, and I wouldn’t be honest if I agreed to be yours, all while you’re preventing yourself from being the very man I fell madly in love with. ”
“That man has so many faults.”
“That man was alone and lost, but now he’s not.” She ran her thumb over my cheekbone. “You don’t have to be afraid anymore. You can’t hurt me—not in the way you fear, because you love me.”
“I love you more than anything in this world.”
“I know. And that’s why I want you to be free. Be with me, Henri. Love me in your own way. I want it. I need it. Just as much as you.”
I shivered as her promises soaked into the carpet around us.
For a while, I couldn’t say anything.
She gave me time.
She watched me cycle through fear and indecision and hope and shame and need.
Collapsing over her, I kissed my way down her neck, licking gently at the scar left from Victor’s knife. “Thank you. For loving me that much.”
She smiled. “Always. Forever. No matter what.”
“Are you sure?”
A soft giggle fell from her lips. “I was sure the moment I saw you in the club. I knew the moment we whispered in the library, and I thought you were a cop. And I knew it the second you made me touch the stars when you pleasured me and—”
“Hurt you.”
She nodded gently.
I sighed heavily as the black knot in my heart slowly unfurled. Soul-shaking hope bled through me. “Say that I agree to your terms.”
Her eyes instantly lit up. “Go on...”
“Say I punish you and use you—”
“Oh God.” She shivered dramatically. “Yes please.”
I chuckled under my breath. “Now who’s interrupting?”
“Sorry. Please...” She smirked. “Continue.”
“Say I rule you right here, where no one can see you writhe for me, and I trust that you’ll stop me if I ever go too far.”
She blinked as I looked down at her.
“Say I do all that.” I dragged out the moment. “Will you...squirt for me?” I snickered. “Like you did in Sapphire Scars?”
Her eyebrows shot up. “Why you—” A blush tinged her cheeks. “I take it back. Get off me.”
I laughed again and pinned her wrists above her head. “Too late, little nightmare.”
She squirmed beneath me as I rolled my hips between her legs. A tattered moan escaped her. “God, you’re so annoying.”
“I’m also horny.”
She groaned indecently. “Then do something about it.”
“Oh, I plan to. But first, I need to iron out the fine print.”
“What fine print?”
“The soul-binding contract that says you know exactly what I am and what I need and that you need it too.” I tore my heart wide open, letting her see every flawed piece of me.
“I can’t erase what I did on that island, and I can’t deny how it made me feel.
I’m...” I swallowed hard. “We both worried we’d grown addicted to those games and...
I’m a little afraid we have. But the difference is.
” I kissed her softly. “Those games were full of despair while ours...they’ll drip with desire.
I want us to be free. Together. I want us to play.
For the rest of our lives. That’s the fine print.
That’s the truth. I want you so fucking badly, Ily, in every humanly and inhumanly way possible. ”
Her blush deepened. “You already know I’d like to be free together. And...you also know what happens when you play with me in that way. I’ve never felt the levels of pleasure I do when we give in to the burn between us.”
“Alright then.”
She smiled. “I’m glad we’re on the same page—”
“We are but I still need you to say it.” I laughed, having way too much fun teasing her.
“Say what?”
“I need you to say that if I agree to be the Master you want. If I agree to mark you, fuck you, and adore you for the rest of our days, then you’ll...”
She ducked her chin again. “Henri.”
I chuckled. “Go on, don’t be shy.”
“Ugh, you’re the worst.” She pursed her lips. “I can’t. It’s too embarrassing.”
“But I bet it feels really good.” I nipped her bottom lip. “And it makes me feel so damn powerful knowing I can get you off in that way.”
“So this is an ego trip, then?” Her eyes twinkled, teasing me back.
“It’s me needing validation that you actually want this. That I’m not going to push you into old memories. That we aren’t wrong for wanting to play like this. That Victor’s games didn’t ruin us. That we’re okay.”
I hadn’t meant to say such things. I hadn’t even been aware I felt them, but the truth scattered around us, and she sighed softly.
“We aren’t wrong for liking pleasure with a dash of pain.
And we’re completely normal for playing whatever games we consensually want to play.
” Kissing me softly, she whispered, “We’re okay, Henri.
More than okay. And yes, I want you to push me into those extremes.
I want to share mind-shattering pleasure without an audience or threats.
I love you with all my heart. I trust you with all my heart and if you need me to say how hard you make me come when you’re truly yourself then fine... ”
I trembled, my heart glowing. “Fine what?”
She sighed dramatically but it twisted into another wonderful giggle. “Fine, I’ll...squirt for you.” She dropped her eyes, adorably embarrassed.
My heart fisted.
I fell even harder.
“There’s my good girl.” I dropped my head and kissed her.
I wasn’t ready for her reaction.
The absolute melting.
The whole-body submission.
It woke every black creature inside me, and I launched off her.
Vaulting to my feet, I struggled to hold back the darkness.
Ily blinked at me from the floor. “Eh...where are you going?”
Grabbing her hand, I yanked her upright and held her hips as she swayed.
With shaky fingers, I dragged my thumbs in those familiar little circles that I used to do under Victor’s nose.
Every time I stroked her like this, it was our little secret.
I’d hurt her and made her scream, all while tracing her in the softest worshipping way.
She shivered as she recognised the touch. She swooned into me. “Want to know what I call those little circles?”
“What?”
“Morse code. A language just for us.”
“It is a language just for us.” I bent my knees and kissed her deep. “We can speak to each other without words, mon c?ur.”
“In that case.” She eyed me. Stop talking.
I laughed and stepped back. Your wish is my command.
It hurt to stop touching her. My body felt wrong to be apart. The monster snarled to grab her, maul her as my hands went to the hem of my beige cable knit jumper.
After what’d happened with Peter and the trials we’d all survived. After his joy at coming back to life. Of my own joy at earning a twin flame and brother. I had too many blessings not to enjoy every element of my life.
She trusted me.
Wanted me.
Unconditionally.
Every flaw, every fault and fumble and fuck-up.
She loves me.
Darkness would always be a part of our life. It’d scarred us right to our soul, but...in that darkness, we’d also found the missing piece of that soul.