Chapter 12 #2
Erik could afford it, whatever it cost. But aside from the fact that spending an obscene amount of money on a dress rubbed me the wrong way, Alex might not want to start her marriage in a dress her soon-to-be husband paid for.
It felt too proprietary. Too much like he’d own her somehow, which didn’t exactly make sense, but it was how I felt. I didn’t want Alex to feel any of that.
“I don’t want her to feel beholden to Erik just because he paid for her dress.” Saying it out loud didn’t make it make any more sense.
“She’s marrying him,” said Elena. “They’re going to be beholden to each other.”
“I think it’s kind of romantic for him to buy her dress.” Meredith had that look in her eye. The one that said she’d built a world in her mind full of flowers and beading and buttercream. The kind where people who loved each other acted like it.
“Is it? Or is it just another way to make her feel like she’s second to him? Like he takes care of everything and she just follows along.” I could tell by the expressions on my friends’ faces I was walking a very fine line, but I couldn’t stop myself.
“Don’t we want Erik to take care of Alex? For them to take care of each other?” Kindra was consistently the voice of reason. It was equal parts reassuring and irritating.
“And when have you ever known Alex to just follow along with anything? She’s the least malleable person I know. Present company excluded.” Elena’s look made it clear exactly how big a pain in the ass she thought I was.
I didn’t care. I was right about this.
“How much over is it? Maybe we can help instead of Erik. I don’t mind chipping in.” I didn’t. I loved Alex. I might not understand the wedding thing, but if it was what she wanted, I could throw myself and some of my money behind it.
“Why is it different if you help pay for it instead of Erik?” Meredith tipped her head to the side, watching me.
She was making the cake for Alex and Erik as a gift. It made sense for me to have some skin in the game too. If nothing else, it was a way for me to show I supported my friend. Especially since I was drawing up the paperwork that planned on their marriage failing.
“Because I don’t want anything from her, and he wants everything. Which he should,” I hurried to add before Meredith’s face fell and Elena took my bridesmaid card away.
“About five thousand dollars,” said Elena.
That was a lot. It was more than I spent on my first car, but honestly it wasn’t as bad as I’d imagined.
“Okay,” I said doing some simple calculations in my head. I had about three thousand dollars in a money market account I could afford to part with. “What’s her budget?”
“Ten thousand.”
My mind stuttered over the numbers, trying—and failing—to make sense of what Elena said.
“I don’t understand.”
“Her budget is ten thousand. The dress is fifteen.” Elena spoke slowly as if I were incredibly dense, which, considering the numbers she was talking about, was entirely possible. “It’s not inexpensive.”
I snorted, and she shot me a look.
“But if it’s as perfect as I think it might be, it will be worth it.”
I loved clothes and nice things as much as anyone.
I thought back to the gift from Ford and how good it felt to have the warm wooden muddler in my hand, the craftsmanship obvious in the piece.
That didn’t mean I had any idea what made a dress worth fifteen thousand dollars.
Particularly a dress that by its very nature was only worn once.
“Wait until you see her.” The breathless salesclerk stood to the side of the platform, making room for Alex to step up.
She glowed. The dress was gorgeous—off-the-shoulder sweetheart neckline with three-quarter length sleeves in a silk so soft it looked like it floated over her skin—but it was more than the dress.
My fierce, beautiful friend who’d worked her ass off for everything she had.
..the woman who’d resurrected a career for herself and was brave enough to take a chance on loving someone stood in front of us, looking like a queen.
“This is the one.” Her voice held enough awe to make it clear she was as stunned by her transformation as I was. “This is the dress I’m going to wear when I marry Erik.” She blinked, and I could tell she was tearing up.
Beside me, I heard Meredith sniffle.
“You’ll need a veil but something gossamer sheer.
You don’t want anything to obscure the gorgeous back of this dress.
The tulip flare skirt fits like it was made for you,” said Elena, getting to her feet and circling the platform to take in the dress from every angle.
“We’re going to have to be very careful with the length, but the dress is perfect. ”
“You look beautiful. A queen in her full power.” Kindra spoke with her normal assurance, colored with just enough awe to capture how I think we all felt. “Are you comfortable fitting it into your budget?”
I smiled at the other woman, grateful not to have to be the one who brought up the pesky problem with spending an obscene amount of money on a dress. Alex didn’t hesitate.
“To wear this dress when I become Erik’s wife? Absolutely. I’ll use money from my advance to cover the difference.”
“You can’t do that.” The words were out of my mouth before I had a chance to consider them, a clear indication of how certain I felt.
I always checked myself before I spoke. Except apparently when my best friend decided to spend money she earned from her brilliant work on a load of crystals and silk so she could tie herself to a man who would always make his career more important than hers.
That she was talking about spending her advance before they even said I do meant the subordination was starting early.
“Of course I can. I want to.” She shot me a look that was part confusion, part warning.
Elena’s look was all warning. I didn’t care. My criticism of Erik—even though I hadn’t made it out loud—might not be exactly fair, but I’d seen this scenario play out too many times to believe I was wrong.
A beautiful woman with drive and a career of her own fell in love with a powerful man.
They get married; maybe he gets a promotion, maybe they decide to start a family.
Suddenly her work isn’t as important anymore.
Bit by bit, like the frog getting cooked in the gumbo pot, she starts to lose things.
To give up opportunities in favor of the family.
Until one day she wakes up and doesn’t remember who she is anymore unless she’s serving at the pleasure of a husband and kids.
Or she keeps her focus on her career. Starts a family, balances work and children, putting in the extra effort to make sure she gives both her all and wearing herself out in the process. Until one day she wakes up and realizes the pace is killing her and something’s got to give.
I knew there were couples who’d done the role reversal thing, but the examples I’d seen of that—skewed, admittedly, given my profession—weren’t pretty.
In my experience with one partner at home, working women put in more effort with the kids than working dads.
The best example I had was a family where the dad actually stayed home and took care of things.
He did the cooking and cleaning and childrearing.
She was still stuck in a hotel room on a business trip to South America, sewing patches on their son’s scout uniform.
No one made her do it, but if the genders were reversed, I think you’d be hard-pressed to find a man who’d do the same.
In the worst-case scenarios—the ones that showed up in my office—women supported men who played at being the primary caregiver until they couldn’t stand it any longer, only to realize that leaving him would likely mean continuing to pay him to stay home and in many cases result in her losing custody of her children.
Those guys had a way of turning on the magic daddy charm when their meal ticket was threatened, using their children as human shields to keep their spouse in line.
No divorce was great, but those were the ugliest I handled.
“That money is for your career, not a dress to wear for some man.” I’d gone over a line. I knew it, but I couldn’t seem to pull myself back.
Meredith’s gasp was audible and if looks could kill, Elena’s would have put me in the ground. Under the ground, with a building parked on top like a bad Wizard of Oz reboot. But it was Alex’s expression that pulled me up short. I expected the defiance. I wasn’t prepared for the pain.
“The money is for whatever I decide it’s for. I earned it with my words and my ideas. It’s mine to use any way I want. And Erik isn’t some man. He’s going to be my husband. My partner.” She punched the last word, pinning me in place with her gaze.
Part of me felt ashamed at hurting my friend when she was so clearly excited by her choices.
The other part of me wanted to warn her about all the things that could happen.
All the ways things could go wrong and the pain and heartache it caused.
All of me wanted to salvage this day, to give Alex back some of the joy I’d stolen with my comments.
“I’m sorry.” I couldn’t add you’re right. Not when I wasn’t sure she was, but I could keep my mouth shut. I could trust her to know what she was doing, stay out of her way while she did it, and be there to pick up the pieces if she needed me.
“I can afford this on my own. And I want it for me. This dress—this wedding—is what I want. I have no reservations about it. I mean it, Charlotte. I know lots of marriages fail, but I can’t go into this believing mine will be one of them.”
“Okay.” I nodded, sinking back into my seat and taking a large swallow of champagne.
I wasn’t going to argue. I wouldn’t change her mind and all I’d do was hurt someone I loved.
But just because she couldn’t marry Erik assuming things would fall apart didn’t mean I couldn’t do my best to protect her if they did.