Chapter 18
“WHAT IN THE WORLD HAVE you been doing in here?” Elena moved around my house, putting things away. She knew where everything belonged, maybe better than I did.
What I’d been doing was an embarrassingly deep stalkerish dive into Ford Landry’s social media accounts. Twitter, Instagram, Facebook. I’d been through all of them, scrolling back through years of posts, trying to convince myself that he wasn’t the man I thought he was.
All the accounts were curated. His Facebook one was the most branded and had the least personal information.
It was mostly cocktail recipes, photos of his bars, and the occasional event or gala, interestingly never with the same woman at his side.
The photos were rich, beautiful, sensual things but they could have been posted by anyone.
I’m sure he had a service that handled it for him.
There was overlap with his Twitter and Instagram accounts, but in addition to the branded photos, there were glimpses into Ford’s life and his home, things he must have posted himself.
I devoured those, searching the account for anything that would show me he was a workaholic, lying asshole.
Anything to support my choice to walk away from him.
I hadn’t found anything. Instead, I found pictures of him goofing off in a kitchen he clearly cooked in, pictures of books he was reading, his feet hanging out of a hammock in his backyard.
There were images of him at restaurant openings, but also in quiet cabins in the woods and secluded beaches.
If I had to distill it down to one thought, it was balance.
Ford was intensely sensual—I already knew that part—but he was also balanced. And I was a fucking idiot.
“Hey.” Alex put her hand on my arm, pulling my attention back to the present.
I’d managed to put my friends off for two days before they demanded entry into my home.
They were all here now. Meredith with a box I really hoped held cupcakes, Kindra and Alex looking concerned, and Elena looking disappointed at the mess I’d allowed to creep into her creation.
I didn’t think I was ready for any of them, but if I had to choose, I’d go for Meredith’s bakery box.
“So Friday night was pretty intense.” Alex watched me as if she wasn’t sure of my reaction, which was probably fair, considering.
I’d answered her text after the gala so she’d know I was okay, but I’d put off explaining anything about Ford. I imagined he and Erik had filled her in after I left, which reminded me. I finally had a legitimate reason to be pissed at Erik.
“That’s one word for it.” Not the word I’d have chosen, but my brain was too crispy from Halo Top and screen time to come up with anything better.
“Why don’t you tell us what happened, honey?” Kindra sat next to me on the sofa.
Rather than banishing memories of Ford and me on the sofa, I’d decided to wallow in them.
Pretty sure Kindra had an opinion on the nest I’d created for myself but the therapist in her kept her from commenting.
Instead, she smoothed out the blanket covering me and waited for me to speak.
I knew from experience; she’d wait as long as it took.
“I’ve been seeing someone. It was supposed to just be sex.
It turned into something more.” That much at least was true.
“When I realized we were getting too emotionally involved, I left before anyone got hurt.” That part was a big fat lie.
I’d hurt both of us. “He and Erik cooked up some scheme for him to be my date to the gala.” Alex opened her mouth but didn’t object.
“I thought he was a bartender. He’s not. ”
“That’s an understatement.” Elena looked up from the coffeemaker.
Coffee and cupcakes almost made talking worth it. Maybe.
“How could you have been dating Ford Landry—the Ford Landry—and not realize it?” Elena shook her head and I felt the disapproval all the way from the kitchen. “Serious question. It’s not like he’s hiding. He’s a public figure. He probably has fifty thousand or so Twitter followers.”
“Sixty-five thousand. I looked.” May as well come completely clean. “We didn’t exchange last names—my idea. We were just supposed to be an extended one-night stand.”
“How long did you date?” Meredith opened the box of cupcakes—yay!—and set them on the table in front of me.
“About a month.” The collective gasp from my friends made it clear how pathetic my normal dating life had become.
“What happened, honey?”
I looked up and met Kindra’s gaze. “I fell in love.”
“And Ford?”
“Him too.”
“So you fell in love with him and he fell in love with you, and you broke up with him.” Alex looked at me like I’d grown an extra head.
“There was the part about him not telling me he wasn’t just a bartender.” I sounded defensive because I was.
“But you didn’t know about that before you snuck out of the hotel room in the middle of the night.” Clearly Ford had been talking to Erik, and Erik had been talking to Alex. “So that’s not the relevant part, is it?”
I wanted it to be. I wanted to hold onto the lie of omission. To throw myself on that so I didn’t have to deal with the harder part.
“No.”
“Hell, Charlotte, half the time when you’re picking up guys, you pretend you’re me.” Elena put a cup of coffee in my hand.
It didn’t smell like Ford’s homemade orange liqueur, but it still smelled delicious.
“I thought you liked that.” She’d seemed okay with it when we joked about it in the past.
“I am. I’m fabulous. I can see why you’d want to be me.” She rested a hand on my head and I turned in to her touch. “I’m just pointing out that maybe you want to cut him some slack. You’re prickly about career stuff. He had reason to believe you might not handle it well.”
I dug around in the box for one of the chocolate mocha cupcakes so I didn’t have to answer right away. I hated being wrong about stuff. But maybe not as much as I hated feeling like this.
“You’ve been telling yourself a story about relationships—understandable considering what you do. I’m wondering if that story still serves you. If you might not want something different than what you’ve let yourself have.”
Having a therapist for a friend was a mixed blessing. Having a baker for a friend was all blessing. I took a bite of the delicious cupcake and weighed my options.
“I think I fucked up.”
––––––––
I’D DEBATED TURNING Erik down when he asked me to have the co-ed bridal shower for him and Alex at my bar, but I owed him.
It wasn’t his fault things with Charlotte flamed out so spectacularly.
I couldn’t say I was looking forward to the emotional cutting of seeing her again, but I couldn’t look away either.
I could have delegated setup and service to a handful of people. Instead, I’d been at the bar helping get things ready since four in the afternoon. Every time the door opened, I looked up expecting to see her and feeling that pit-of-my-stomach disappointment when it wasn’t her.
“You must be Ford.” A polished powerhouse of a woman strode toward my spot at the bar. If she wasn’t in charge of something, she needed to be. Competence rolled off her. She offered her hand and I took it, still trying to figure out what was going on.
“I’m Elena. Bridesmaid and makeshift wedding planner. I’ve been dealing with your chef about the details for tonight. Is everything ready for us? Is there anything you need from me?”
She was Charlotte’s friend. I could think of half a dozen things I needed from her, none of which would matter if Charlotte was still sure loving each other wasn’t worth the risk. I hadn’t realized I was still holding out hope until I had the thought.
“No, we’re ready. Come on. I’ll introduce you to the chef so you can go over any last-minute details.” I motioned her around the bar and led her through the door to the kitchen
I found the chef going over appetizer prep with the sous chef and introduced him to Elena. When I turned to head back to the bar, she put her hand on my arm, stopping me.
“Be easy with her. She’s trying and she’s worth it.”
“I know she’s worth it. I’ve known it since the moment I met her.
But I can’t make her take a chance on love, and I don’t want to live with less.
” It might have been okay before, but now that I’d seen what it could be like, I wanted the whole thing.
Two people looking out for each other, building something together.
Eyes light up when you see each other, you’re my person and I’m yours kind of love.
I still wanted all of that with Charlotte. Settling for less would hurt us both.
Elena tipped her head to the side, considering me.
“You’re an interesting man. I can see how you got her twisted up.
I’m not saying you should settle; just be patient with her.
And if you ever lie to her again—lie or omission or whatever—we have no problem disposing of a body.
” She winked at me and let go of my arm.
Under other circumstances, the implied violence, deserved or not, might catch me, but my brain stuttered over everything she’d said about Charlotte.
Hope I hadn’t known I had set up residence in my chest. I opened the door to the bar and saw Charlotte sitting on the same stool she’d been on the night we met.
“Bombay Sapphire martini dirty, right?” My voice didn’t shake, which was a miracle considering the way my heart was hammering.
She was so beautiful. Her hair was a cascade of soft waves around her shoulders and the slip of a dress was modest enough for a party but sexy as hell. Especially since I knew the body under it. But it was her blue eyes that held me captive, held the promise of everything I hadn’t known I wanted.
“Actually, I want to take a chance on something I haven’t had before. Do you have any suggestions?”
“A lifetime’s worth, actually. What did you have in mind?” I held my breath, waiting for her answer.
“I love you, Ford. I’d like to learn to trust that. To see what we can be together. If you’re interested?”
I was around the bar before I realized how I’d gotten there; then Charlotte was in my arms and nothing else mattered. Nothing but finding a way to show her what she meant to me.
“I love you too, cher.”
Ignoring the wolf whistles coming from across the room, I bent and kissed her, lost in the woman in my arms.