1. Keeley #2
But then the anger was back. He’d done this.
It was his fault. No matter what I wanted to say about Amanda, he was the one who was married.
He was the one who’d made the commitment to me and had shattered that promise by sleeping with her.
It wasn’t just the once either. They were in a relationship.
They’d been trying to have a baby together.
They’d succeeded, and now he was sitting in my kitchen, wondering why I wasn’t happy for them.
A whirlwind of emotions hit me from all angles. I couldn’t catch my breath. I leaned against the cabinetry and exhaled slowly. Then I wiped the tears from my cheeks. I was not going to let them see me cry.
I hated the catch in my voice when I surmised, “You've been cheating on me for a year. Longer if you didn't start trying to have a baby straight away.”
“We'd been together for about six months before we started trying,” Amanda supplied, ever helpful.
Oh, great. Half my marriage then.
Amanda was apparently as book smart as she was beautiful—Si had told me more than once she was going places in the agency—yet she was also completely cruel.
My husband had handpicked her when the interns selected in the firm’s graduate recruitment program finished their rotations.
I huffed and shook my head at the way he’d manipulated my encouragement to hire her.
His excitement over Amanda choosing his department, and in turn him as her senior agent, made a whole lot more sense now.
He'd been attracted to her. He'd hired her, seduced her, cheated on me, and was now starting a family with her. What the actual hell?
I was ashamed of myself. I hadn’t noticed. I hadn’t even believed him capable of cheating. The thought had never even crossed my mind. I thought he loved me. I thought he was a good man, a decent one who kept his promises. I was an idiot for believing his ruse.
“What the hell, Si?” I cried, my voice shaking along with the rest of my body.
He tilted his head to the side and pursed his lips like he was trying to figure me out. He was just as fucking clueless as his… whatever she was.
“You knew I wanted Amanda. You told me to go for it,” he said, his eyes bright and a confused tilt to his brow.
I almost laughed with incredulity. But then it hit me. He was serious. He genuinely thought I’d given him the okay to pursue her. Well, screw that. I wasn’t taking the blame here. This was on him.
“I thought you meant to work with, not seduce! You've never once mentioned that you wanted to date her. Don’t you think that telling me you two were in a relationship, or trying for kids was important? You’re about to become parents. When were you planning on letting me in on the secret?”
“Well, now,” he said, his voice tight. “But I speak about Amanda all the time.”
“As colleagues,” I shot back, much louder than I would normally ever speak to another person. My anger and disgust made my words sharp and my tone cold.
Amanda turned to Simon and tilted her head, regarding him through a furrowed brow.
She was stiff, her back ramrod straight.
Her mouth was drawn in a straight line and her cheeks were flushed.
What a piece of work. He’d lied to her too.
Amanda thought I knew about their relationship; she had no idea she was the other woman.
“No.” He shook his head and lifted his chin defiantly, oblivious to her dawning realization. “I tell you when we've been hanging out, spending time together.”
“They're all work functions.”
“No, most of the time it’s just the two of us, especially when we go out for dinner. I mean, we’re always together when we have a work trip too, but they don’t happen all that often. I thought you were relieved I wasn't going alone anymore. I know how you worry.”
“What do you mean they don’t happen that often? You’re away nearly every week.”
“That’s because I’m staying at Amanda’s.”
“Are you serious right now?” I shouted.
Amanda winced and covered her belly with her hands, sheltering her baby—their baby—from my outburst.
I shook my head in disgust and pointed at Amanda. “You got her into bed within months of hiring her. How are your bosses okay with this?”
The firm had a no-fraternization rule that was written into every contract.
Relationships between staff happened, but not between supervisor and subordinate.
Amanda should have been transferred to a different department, and someone—anyone—should have told me.
Anger simmered in my veins. Cold, hard, destructive rage bubbled beneath the surface, ready to blow like a volcano.
“They don’t know. That would be career suicide for Si,” Amanda stated calmly. But it was a deceptive calm. I could see the storm brewing in her eyes. “I didn’t want to be transferred. But with me going on leave soon to have the baby, we wanted to make it official.”
“What do you want, Simon?” I asked through clenched teeth. “Spell it out clearly. Speak to me like I'm a two-year-old—you'll have plenty of practice with that soon, I imagine,” I spat.
“I want to live with Amanda for a while,” he said. “I'm sorry, but I—"
“Done. What else?”
“Oh, okay.” His smile was quick to appear, and he laughed in relief. “I was expecting waterworks and lots of emotions.”
My nostrils flared as I sucked in a breath and again pressed my nails hard into my palms. It was either that or slap him for real.
“If you think for one moment that I'll shed even a single tear over you, you're sorely mistaken,” I lied.
Anger was winning right now, but it was already draining, leaving a hollow ache in my chest. “You come here telling me you thought we'd agreed to have an open marriage without ever actually having discussed that directly with me even once.”
Amanda looked down and closed her eyes, then exhaled slowly.
She withdrew her hand from his and clasped them on her lap.
It was a subtle rejection, the complete opposite of me.
I wanted to rage, to hurt him, to shatter this illusion he was living inside.
What alternate reality was he living in that he thought his behavior was acceptable?
I reached for the first thing that grabbed my attention—the stupid tide clock he loved.
I ripped it off the wall and thrust it at him, hitting him in the chest far harder than I should have.
With an “Oomph,” he took it from me. The look of bewilderment on Si’s face would have been comical if it wasn’t so appalling.
“You've been cheating on me for half our marriage. I never agreed to the two of you seeing each other. Now you tell me you're having a baby together, and you expect me to, what, cry and beg you to stay?” Never mind that was exactly what I’d wanted to do five minutes earlier. Past me was a whole different person from present me. I didn’t want him back.
I couldn’t imagine staying married to someone who’d deceived me for so long.
Amanda looked like she’d been slapped. Her face paled and she swallowed hard.
Simon opened his mouth to speak, but I narrowed my eyes at him and clenched my jaw. He sighed and I continued, my tone becoming sharper as I held back the desire to physically rip his head from his body Mortal Kombat style. “Do you actually believe I have that little self-respect?”
I went to the cupboard and took out his favorite mug, then shoved that into his hands too. “Get out, Simon. Pack your things and leave. Be gone by the time LaShelle gets here. I'll have divorce papers issued to you as soon as I can have them drawn up.”
“No, don't do that. We can make it work.” He stood up and tried to grasp my arms, but I shoved him away.
“Get out, Simon,” I growled. I didn’t recognize my voice. It was cold and hard.
I didn’t give him an opportunity to argue.
Turning on my feet, I marched straight for the bathroom.
Once I had the door locked and the hot water on, I finally took a breath.
My jaw, shoulders, and neck ached, the muscles there so tense, it felt like they could snap.
Steam billowed from the combined bath and shower, the shower curtain hanging limp as scalding water cascaded down into the drain.
I stripped, then stepped into the tub and hissed as the hot water stung my body.
It took all my willpower not to jump straight back out.
But that concentration was exactly what I needed to distract myself from the man I now called my ex and his apparent girlfriend packing his belongings. The sooner he was gone, the better.
Oh God, this was really happening.
We were done.
Over.
My marriage had just imploded before my eyes.
All those dreams—every time I’d imagined we’d grow old together, sit in rocking chairs on the covered veranda, holding hands while we watched our grandkids run around the yard—all our plans were gone, dissipated like mist on a foggy morning.
Why had he done this? Why had he betrayed my trust?
We’d pledged to be faithful to each other.
Heck, if he’d just been honest with me from the beginning, I may have even agreed.
I had no problem with open relationships.
I was familiar with them and polyamorous ones—Simon knew I’d previously dated a husband and wife couple—but our relationship had never been open.
We’d agreed to be exclusive from early on.
Our marriage was the same—exclusive. At least I thought it had been.
We’d never even discussed opening it up or adding someone else.
Amanda was genuinely beautiful. Under other circumstances, I could have been attracted to her. But not like this. Never like this.
How had he misread my encouragement so dramatically? How had their affair gone on for so long without me finding out? It wasn’t fair. I just wanted everything to go back to normal.
But our relationship hadn’t been normal for a long time, had it?
I’d been living a lie.