Chapter 17 Willa #2
I sucked in a breath, sympathetic grief hitting me like a fist.
“Thankfully my parents survived,” he continued. “And Cskila. So many orcs lost their entire family. Females were especially hit hard by the plague.”
“God. Eng, I’m so sorry.” I reached across the table and took his hand in mine. He didn’t pull away, so I curled my fingers around his and waited for him to release a long breath and continue talking.
“Gork was little more than a toddler. I’d been surrounded by sisters and was thrilled when he was born. He followed me everywhere, pestered me with a million questions. When he died…” Eng swallowed hard. “When he died, I wanted to die as well. It was so unfair.”
“It is unfair,” I agreed, imagining how horrible it would be to lose a brother, and how difficult the loss must have also been for Eng’s parents.
“Elwenka had found her life-mate and married the year prior,” he went on.
“Life-mates are rare, so her wedding was particularly joyous. She’d left our kingdom as her mate was the chieftain of the Lakwan clan.
My mother received notice of her passing right as the plague began to tear through our kingdom.
Elwenka had been pregnant. Her mate died two days later, as often happens among those with life-mate bonds. ”
Tears stung my eyes and I gripped Eng’s hand harder. He looked up at me, his lips trembling.
“Bacilla…she was a girl on the edge of womanhood. She had such joy, such life, such happiness…”
“Eng, I am so sorry,” I whispered. His eyes met mine and something passed between us, something shared even though I had never experienced a tenth of his grief.
The orc cleared his throat, but still kept his hand entwined with mine. “I apologize. This isn’t a good topic for a date.”
“It’s not a happy topic, but dates are for getting to know each other,” I told him. “I would be devastated if any of my siblings died. I had no idea you’d suffered such a horrible loss. My deepest sympathies to you and your parents.”
My heart actually ached. He’d come across as such an arrogant, cocky, entitled guy that I’d never imagined there was such pain underneath.
“Offspring are precious gifts to orcs. The loss of my siblings only made it more important for me to take my duty to have orclets of my own very seriously.”
I let go of his hand and fiddled with my wine glass. “I hope it’s more than duty that drives your desire to have children.”
He frowned. “What do you mean?”
Pausing a moment to collect my thoughts and words this so it wouldn’t sound accusatory, I replied; “I’m sure it’s just a language thing, but children deserve to be more than a duty.
I meant that I hope you want to have them because of the joy they’ll bring to you, and the love you’ll give to them.
I hope when you think of your future, that children and your family are an integral part of that life, not just a check in a box of what your duty requires you to produce. ”
A muscle twitched in his jaw. I shifted in my chair and drank a gulp of wine. Had I offended him? Had I ruined what until now had been an incredible date? I asked, because having kids just out of duty was a red flag for me, and I didn’t want to be the girl who ignored the red flags anymore.
“I don’t know.” He picked up a roll and started tearing it into small pieces that he dropped onto his plate.
“Until I left home I never envisioned my future with a wife and offspring. I knew I would have those things. Of course I would marry. Of course I would have orclets. I just never thought beyond that.”
Things. He’d called a wife and children “things.” How red could that damned flag get before I stopped torturing myself with this guy.
Before I could reply he tossed the mangled roll onto the table and sighed. “I never expected to have any choice in who I wed. Or in children. Or in my life at all. It’s painful to imagine a future that is beyond your control, so I just don’t bother to imagine it.”
And once more I felt my heart break for this orc.
“If you weren’t born a prince, what would you be? What sort of future would you dream of?” I asked softly.
He shrugged. “I honestly don’t know. I loved spending time down at the docks when I was little. I’d go to the markets and wander among the stalls. I’d look at what the merchants were selling and think about where the goods came from, if they’d been produced locally or came from far away on a boat.”
“Captain of a ship?” I suggested. “A merchant who imports and exports? One of the sellers with a stall of exotic wares from far away?”
He bit his lip, his smooth, white tusks even more visible. “A harbormaster. Or maybe a stevedore.”
I burst out laughing. “How do you know that word? It can’t possibly be in your language app.”
The boyish, slightly shy smile he sent my way set my heart to thudding in my chest.
“I learned it by going to the harbor in this city and by talking to the humans who work there. It’s fascinating to see how you humans move such a volume of products through the port, and all the mechanisms you use.
Everything is organized and efficient. I wish we could implement something similar back home.
It would reduce costs, reduce waste and breakage and misplaced shipments.
And it would allow us to move more goods through our kingdom. ”
I blinked, astonished at the enthusiasm in his voice. “Okay, so maybe you can’t be a harbormaster or a stevedore, but you could update your harbor and your logistics processes. I mean, you’re royalty. Wave your hand and make it so.”
Eng sucked in a sharp breath. For a second I thought he might begin decimating another roll.
Instead he picked up his fork and looked around as if he were hoping the waitress would arrive with our food and end this conversation.
No such salvation came, so he put the fork down and slowly shook his head.
“I don’t have that level of authority. As a prince, I only attend ceremonial functions. That’s the limit of what I am allowed to do.”
Sweet Mary and Joseph. The guy had a title and money, but that was it. He had no place in his kingdom’s governance. He had strict rules about who he would marry, if he had children or not. I’d take my tiny studio apartment and alarmingly small bank balance any day over that.
“Tell me about what you dream of for your future,” he said with a strained smile.
Yes. Time to pull this date out of the depressing murk we’d stumbled into and talk about something light and happy. Which would not be my financial situation or my fears about my career’s longevity. Or about my habit of falling for the wrong men.
“Well, I love my job, but I’ve decided it’s time to try and expand beyond teaching classes and being a personal trainer at the gym.
I enjoy helping people reach their fitness goals, whether that’s being able to walk up the stairs without being out of breath, or breaking four hours in a marathon, or keeping up with their grandkids at the playground.
Honestly, those things make me really happy, but someday I hope to work with a sports team and help them win games, maybe even reach a championship. ”
Our appetizers arrived, but after a quick bite, Eng asked me to tell him about my favorite clients. Then he asked what sort of sports team I might want to work with. Afraid to jinx my chances with the Tusks before I even pitched the owner, I told him I wasn’t sure.
“And how about family?” he asked as the waitress removed the empty plates. “You told me before about the sort of male you want to be with, but do you want marriage? Offspring?”
Now it was me hoping the arrival of our entrees saved me from answering, with the same lack of luck.
“It doesn’t have to be marriage, but I do want a relationship with someone I love, who loves me back. Someone who wants the same sort of things in our lives. I’d like if that led to marriage, and I think I would like to have children someday, but all that feels…kind of far off.”
He tilted his head and regarded me with curiosity. “Why does marriage and offspring feel far off?”
I squirmed. “I haven’t had the best of luck dating so far.
No one yet has worked out long term. Heck, no one has worked out more than a couple of months.
I’d like to see what an actual relationship felt like before I start thinking of a wedding and kids.
You know, a committed relationship that lasts long enough to think about moving in together, or meeting each other’s family’s and spending holidays together first? ”
Our food thankfully arrived, and we both turned our attention to our entrees.
The pork belly porchetta was just as incredible as I remembered, and from the appreciative noises Eng made, he enjoyed it as much as I did.
We were silent as we ate, but as we lingered over the remainder of our wine, Eng restarted our conversation.
“I want to do something more than just attend ceremonies. Someday I will be king, but until then, I need a purpose. I want to perform a job I enjoy. I want to be of value, to better my people and community. And if I am not allowed to do that in my kingdom, then perhaps I should find an occupation elsewhere.”
I nodded, agreeing that everyone should feel that their life had purpose right now, instead of maybe some time in the distant future.
“I do not want to disregard my duty or show a lack of respect for the position I was born to hold, so I will marry and have children. But it feels wrong to make such a commitment to someone only for duty and procreation. I need to respect the female I marry and enjoy their company. And I want to have my offspring when we both are ready, not rush because of my duty.”
As the orc paid the bill I stared at him. Did he mean that I might be princess material after all? Or was this just some sort of philosophical discussion? It had to be the latter. Because great sex and one nice dinner date didn’t make for wedding bells between people so different as we were.
As we left the restaurant, Eng steered me down a few blocks to Vacaros where I taught him the joys of cannoli.
Then he called for an Uber and took me to Mobtown.
Neither of us were skilled dancers, but we excelled at swaying to the music, locked in each other’s arms. And when I rested my head on Eng’s chest, feeling his heartbeat against my cheek, I could almost pretend that this might be forever.
Almost.