Chapter 32 Eng
ENG
“Ozar is going to kill you if you mess around with Jordan’s friend,” Ugwyll said as he looped the towel around his neck. “Actually that human female will probably kill you first. Half the team are afraid of her and the other half are ready to propose.”
Fury burned through me at the thought of another male in Willa’s furs.
I pushed down the anger and tried for sarcasm. “Would Ozar kill those other team orcs as well?”
Ugwyll chuckled. “No, because Ozar doesn’t hate them.”
It was a fair comment.
“I’m not messing around with her.” I stopped, not sure how to explain what was happening between me and the shrew.
Ugwyll snorted. “You were kissing her. And the only reason I’m not punching you into that wall right now is because she was kissing you back. When females climb a male like a tree and plaster their bodies against him, it generally means the female is a willing participant.”
“I don’t want the other orcs to know.”
“Then maybe don’t kiss our team trainer in the gym where we work out,” Ugwyll replied drily.
“I am not joking, Ugwyll.” I took a step closer to him and glared. “This is her job and it’s very important to her. I do not want to have her career at risk because you told everyone you saw us kissing.”
Ugwyll blinked, his eyebrows slowly raising. “You…you are worried about her losing her job? You are worried that the others may no longer treat her with respect?”
“Of course I’m concerned about those things! Willowyn has always wanted to be the trainer for a professional sports team. This is an important opportunity for her.”
“Willowyn?” Ugwyll gaped at me. “You called her Willowyn?”
“She and I…we have spent time together. I care about her. That is why I am asking you to keep your mouth shut and not tell anyone you saw us.”
The other orc stared at me for a few minutes, then slowly nodded. “I should at least tell Ozar. His mate is good friends with her. He should know.”
“It is not his business to know,” I shot back. “This is between Willowyn and me. If she wants to tell her friend, and her friend tells Ozar, then I will accept that. If she does not want to tell anyone, then this should remain secret.”
Ugwyll nodded again. “Fine. But if this explodes and we are all covered in dung, it will be your head we are tossing back and forth instead of those medicine balls. Do not make that female angry.”
Too late.
“I will do my best not to anger her.” That was the most I could promise. I was unable to resist her. And while I didn’t regret kissing her, I worried that it might have put the nail in the coffin of any chance I had of getting her back.
As soon as Ugwyll left, I went to the locker room, retrieved my cell phone and texted the shrew.
Eng: Ugwyll will not tell anyone. He is an honorable orc and I trust his word.
I waited a few seconds. When there was no reply I sent another text.
Eng: I am not sorry for kissing you. I will never be sorry for kissing you. But I apologize for doing something that could have put your job at risk. Ugwyll will say nothing, and he knows you were not at fault. Anyone who implies otherwise will find my hockey stick up their ass.
The little dots on my screen came and went, then came and went. Just as I doubted she would reply, words appeared on my phone’s screen.
Willa: Thank you.
Six elderly humans stared at me, reproach coming off them in waves so thick it nearly choked me.
“Boy, you done messed up big time,” Benny told me, breaking the silence. “You seriously thought you was gonna go away for two weeks for work and not call your woman, and she was gonna be waiting for you when you got back?”
“Um-hum.” Edna nodded. “I’d ‘a found myself a new man and made sure you saw me all over him at that bar. You’re lucky she just yelled at you.”
I felt my shoulders sag. These elderly humans were the ones I trusted most to give me advice.
Most of them had been married or with their partners for a long time, and their experience and knowledge was invaluable.
If they thought this was hopeless, then it probably was.
I’d still try, because a prince didn’t give up at the first sign of adversity, but I wanted at least a slim chance of success to motivate me in my efforts.
Piotr patted my shoulder. “There will be another woman, Enzo. And you’ll do better with her.”
“I don’t want another woman.” Mountain gods, how that sounded whiny. “I did not know I’d done wrong, but I’m working hard to do better and to win her back. She is the woman I want to marry. She is the one I want to be my princess.”
They all nodded, but their skeptical expressions told me how they truly felt about my chances of success.
“I know her name, and I have spent hours ensuring I can pronounce her difficult family name correctly. I spent two hours crawling around the dusty floor of the room in my hovel known as a kitchen to find a slip of paper with her phone number on it that had fallen off and slid underneath a large appliance. I have texted her apologizing. I have sent her texts reminding her of the wonderful dates we shared. I have gifted her with meat. Should I text her and invite her to dinner? Should I send other gifts to her house?”
“Gifts first,” Helen advised. “Send one gift, then another one the next day, then call her the following day. If she doesn’t pick up, leave a message, and text her that you are very sorry and would like to take her out to dinner as a very small step in your efforts to make it up to her.”
Frank nodded. “That sounds like a good plan to me. Helen knows her stuff. Listen to her.”
I was absolutely listening to Helen. And the rest of them as well.
“What kind of gifts should I send to her?” I thought of when Ozar was wooing his mate. “More meat? A Starbucks’ gift card? One of my teeth in a box?”
Mountain gods, I hoped not a tooth in a box because I really didn’t want to have to yank out a tooth to win the shrew back.
I’d do it, but I wouldn’t like it. Could I gift her someone else’s tooth instead?
That would prove I was a skilled warrior in addition to being a prince, and I was sure I could accost a drunk human and pull a tooth from his mouth before he managed to call for help.
They all stared at me again. Edna made a choking noise.
“I’m gonna recommend flowers,” Benny said. “The most expensive flowers you can afford.”
“It’s a good breaking-the-ice gift, but you need to have the flowers come with something more personal,” Edna told me.
“Like a tooth?” Mountain gods, please not a tooth.
Helen let out a soft laugh. “There are not a lot of women who a tooth would be a good gift. What hobbies does she have? What does she like?”
“Sex,” I immediately said.
They all groaned. Piotr grinned and punched me in the arm.
“That’s a good thing. Women might not admit it, but the fact that she likes sex and likes it with you is important.
But I’m sure everyone here will agree with me that you naked on her doorstep isn’t going to work at this point in your relationship. ”
“Even if I’m holding a pizza?” Those magazines I’d read seemed to advocate that approach as the perfect way to win a female over.
Edna made another choking noise.
“Son, that only works in pornos,” Frank told me. “Whatever you do, do not show up at her house naked and holding a pizza. At least not until you’ve got a ring on her finger.”
“Does she like jewelry?” Helen asked. “Crochet? Does she have a dog or a cat?”
I thought for a moment. “She wears little gold rings in her ears, but seldom wears other jewelry. I don’t know what crochet is, and she does not have a dog or a cat or any other animal pet. She has very little room in her apartment. She enjoys physical activity and spending time with her family.”
“Bingo,” Frank shouted. “You need to run a charity race with her, or take her kayaking, or hiking or something.”
“Just because she likes working out doesn’t mean she wants to go hiking or kayaking or running a race,” Helen told Frank. “Some women just like to take a spin class three times a week and go to the gym. Not all of us are into sweating it out in open water or with bears chasing us.”
Outside of copious amounts of flowers, I’d been given no good suggestions so far.
Helen was right. Willa spent a lot of time in the gym, but I didn’t know whether she’d enjoy running with me or kayaking or hiking.
I knew so little about her, and that twisted my stomach in a way that made me want to throw up on the grass.
“Well, she sounds a lot like my granddaughter,” Piotr said. “So I’m going to say your second gift should be tickets to a local gala—preferably a charity benefitting event.”
“The auction for the animal shelter is next month,” Edna said. “Buy your own ticket, and gift her with two tickets telling her to bring a friend. That way it’ll be casual, and no-pressure.”
“That’s the one with the runway walk, isn’t it?” Benny asked.
“Runway walk?” I asked, completely in the dark about this supposed gala.
Orcs weren’t much into balls. That was more of a fae thing where everyone danced and ate and drank so much they ended up having sex with random partners in the middle of the ballroom.
Orcs were all in favor of parties with food and drink, but we preferred to have sex somewhere private, preferably with someone we at least knew in passing.
Orc parties usually involved feats of strength where winners received a prize, and recitation of poetry about famous battles or death, not dancing.
“Locally famous people walk down a raised platform with an adoptable dog or cat,” Dave said. “Helps a lot of the animals get a new home, and seeing the mayor, or one of the Ravens’ players is a big draw.”
“People dress up,” Helen said, patting me reassuringly on the knee.
“So get a tuxedo. And send a limo to pick up your lady and her friend. The food is really good, and there’s beer and wine and mixed drinks.
They’ll do the runway thing during dinner, but before when everyone is milling around eating appetizers and drinking, they’ll bid on the auction items. You get a bidder number when you go in, and you run around like a crazy person, trying to write down a higher bid than someone else on the items you want. ”
Edna laughed. “Lordy, I musta spent ten times what it would cost to buy a bushel of crabs at Phillips ’cause that Betty Whitmore was determined to outbid me.
A couple of dirty martinis and some unhealthy competitive spirit and I was throwin’ down the credit card like there was no tomorrow.
Those crabs were good, though. And all the money went to help the animal shelter. ”
I frowned. “I think Bwat is volunteering at the animal shelter.”
Not that I had any bad blood from getting punched last night.
Hell, I probably deserved it if he thought I was making a move on a female he was interested in.
I was just thinking that Bwat might be able to help me get these tickets, and give me some clue as to how to navigate what seemed to be a significant human event.
Piotr nodded. “Then Bwat is a good guy. We’re all proud of our local shelter.
They never refuse to help an animal in need.
They’ve taken in some horribly abused and neglected dogs and cats and saved their lives.
Plus they offer vaccine and spay/neuter clinics, and have programs that provide food and medicines that help poor families keep their pets. ”
I didn’t understand the human fascination with furry mammals. We had dogs and cats, but they served a purpose different from the emotional companionship humans had with their pets.
“I’ll buy tickets for this pet-event. And jewelry. And flowers. But not a tooth.”
The group of elders nodded in approval.