33. Michael
Irose and walked away from where Sarah sat on the bench. I knew in my heart when I came home from London that Savannah had to be my home forever. Every part of me screamed for the adventure of moving to a new country, starting a new life. But I loved her too much to break her heart and my own by leaving when what we had was so real.
The fact that she had seemed hesitant made me frustrated, and I reacted poorly to her emotions about it, snapping to judgment and probably making her think I was going to take this job. But while I had a lot to think about regarding London and my dreams and my hope for the future, deep down, it had never been an option. Not once I had her back in my life.
“Dr. Lawson here…” I held the phone to my ear as I watched my little girl digging in the sand with the other kids.
Never in my life had I imagined that love could feel so strongly. Sure, I felt that “love at first sight” feeling with Sarah when we first met, but this was different. I’d have done special things for Sarah, gone the extra mile, and maybe even stepped in to save her from a mugger or something risky, but when it was all said and done and she never contacted me, I didn’t go through a mourning period. But with Emily, I knew I would walk across fire, brave the elements, die a thousand deaths to protect her and make her smile.
Taking a job in London meant leaving without her, because Sarah was right. Emily needed her family around her. I could never put her on a plane and fly thousands of miles away from the only people she’d ever known. And I didn’t want to. I wanted to be a family, her, me and Sarah.
“Dr. Lawson. It’s Lila Hoopert. I’m calling from London General. How are you doing today?”
I was expecting this call, but I wasn’t expecting the emotions I was feeling as I listened to Lila’s voice. “I’m doing okay, Lila. Thank you for calling.”
“Of course, of course.” She sighed and continued. “Well, we’ve all had a chance to talk about things, and the board has unanimously agreed to offer you the position with a starting salary of a half-million pounds a year. Of course, you’ll have full medical, dental, and vision. Private insurance, of course, to supplement our national healthcare plans. And you’d have six weeks of paid leave to use at your convenience.”
Everything she said sounded great. I listened intently as she went on about a moving stipend as well as full airfare paid and a hotel suite for the first six months to ease my transition, but my heart just wasn’t in it. In fact, I found myself wandering back toward Sarah as Lila spoke. Her eyes watched my every step, but my eyes watched hers.
“That is very generous of the board to extend this offer. Thank you.”
Sarah’s eyes drifted upward toward mine, and I could see the tears brimming. The dried tear streaks on her face from earlier tempted me to reach out and touch her face, but I stopped a few feet away and made sure she could hear every word I said when Lila finished talking about the advantages of moving quickly on this offer.
“Ms. Hoopert, I’m going to have to apologize, and I don’t mean to cut you off. You see, I’ve met this woman.” I paused, watching Sarah’s expression shift a dozen times in under a second. “She’s the smartest woman I’ve ever met. She is probably the most beautiful woman in the world, though I haven’t seen all eight billion people. And let me tell you, she has a way of making me see things from a new perspective that I’d never been able to see before. And man, is she an incredible mom, too.” I grinned at her as she covered her face and started crying.
Lila was silent for a second and then answered in the only way possible. I knew my speech, which was meant as a rejection of the offer but also as a means of letting Sarah know where I stood, probably hit her where it hurt.
“Well, Michael,” she said with her thick London accent, “I can’t say I blame you. I wish perhaps I’d made the same choice as you. But as you Americans like to say, ‘hindsight is twenty-twenty.’ I wish you all the very best of luck with your beautiful partner and hope you find what you’re looking for.”
“Thank you, Lila. Take care.” I barely hung up the phone when Sarah came off the bench and wrapped her arms around me in a bear hug. She sobbed into my chest, and her whole body shook.
I held her, squeezing her against my chest as I gripped my phone, and pressed my lips to the top of her head. This whole situation probably wore on her and stressed her out for the past few months, maybe even longer, given how old Emily was and how long she’d kept this secret. I wouldn’t even begin to assume that I knew what she was feeling, but I had my own overwhelming feelings to navigate.
“I’m here. I’m not leaving. You are my world, you and Em. And even if by some freak chance we don’t work out the way we should, I want you to know that I will always be here for our little girl. I understand why you don’t want to move away, and I’m okay with that. Just take me to see the world until we’re so old we can’t travel anymore.” I kissed her head again, and she cried harder.
“Hey, Michael. Not make Mommy cry.” Emily pushed on my leg gently, and Sarah pulled away, scooping Emily into her arms.
“Oh, baby. Mommy isn’t said. Mommy is really, really happy.” I could see how difficult it was to get the words out, but her smile was genuine.
“Why you crying, then?” Emily asked, her face screwed up into a confused scowl. It made both of us chuckle even as I wrapped my arms around both of them and sighed contentedly.
My little family was whole, and my heart felt whole too, for the first time in as long as I could remember. The desire to travel would always be there, but it had been trumped by a greater desire for this. I was a father, and I resolved to be the absolute best father in the world.
“What do you think, Emily? Should we go have dinner? I heard your Grandma makes some really yummy food.” I pulled away and smoothed Sarah’s hair down her back.
“No, she not Grandma. She Nana, and I don’t like food. I want to play at the park.” I could tell Emily got her feistiness from me, and probably a good stubborn streak too. She crossed her arms over her chest and narrowed her eyes at me in a deep scowl.
“We can come back to the park another day, baby. We have to go eat. Now, tell Michael goodbye. We’ll see him at Nana and Pop’s house.”
Emily had a pout on her face as she buried her nose in the crook of Sarah’s neck. But I wasn’t content with that goodbye. I rubbed her back and said, “I’ll see you soon, Emily.” I turned to Sarah and pressed my lips to her forehead. “And I’ll see you soon too, Momma.” It felt good calling her “Momma” like that.
She smiled and walked away carrying my heart with her.
I had turned down the job of a lifetime for that woman and I didn’t even regret it. In fact, I looked forward to dinner with her tonight, and tomorrow, and every day for the rest of our lives. Maybe it was too soon to discuss marriage, but if I had my say, we’d be at the courthouse tomorrow afternoon tying the knot. I’d made up my mind about Sarah Bennett years ago, and that had never changed. And now, on the verge of meeting her family and taking the leap into fatherhood, I still felt the same way. I loved her, and I wanted her to be my forever.