14. Clay
Chapter 14
Clay
So, maybe she’s not evil. I’ve never been more confused in my life. The patterns coming off of her are undeniable. She’s in pain. It’s not the physical kind, which has a sharp, staccato vibe. These are the compacted, uneven patterns of someone betrayed by a loved one. I’m not at all surprised Deanna is involved. I’ll have to remember to send Eli a fruit basket to thank him for watching out for Fiona when I couldn’t.
We eat our late dinner in awkward silence, both of us stewing over what just happened between us. I was going to do it. I was going to kiss her despite how stupid it would be. This woman is still dangerous. She may not be the mole, but she’s connected even more deeply to Infinitum than we thought possible. If I let my guard down, I could wind up strapped to a cold metal table, being brainwashed all over again.
I excuse myself and turn on my implant to speak to the team. I lock myself in the bathroom and turn on the water before I speak. “It’s not her.”
“Explain,” Specter says.
“Deanna drugged her and stole her fiancé.”
“Name?”
“Andrew. I don’t know his last name. He came to the office with Deanna today.”
“Hold on. I’m running facial recognition,” Raven says.
A few moments pass and then Raven curses. “It’s Dr. Chen’s son, Andrew.”
The blood drains from my face.
“He started working at Insidatrex with his father six months ago. He’s slated to take over for Dennis Davenport.”
Dr. Chen was my handler after Candace abandoned me during my captivity. His brand of abuse was far more clinical than Candace’s. If it wasn’t for my ability to heal, he’d be responsible for dozens of scars all over my body. You can’t see them, but they’re still there, burned into my psyche. I squeeze my eyes shut, falling into the breathing exercises Charlie taught me.
“Firebolt!”
I blink at the harsh bark and realize they’ve been saying my name repeatedly.
“I’m okay,” I croak.
Raven curses. “I’ll send Paul to pick you up. ”
“No,” I bark, then take a deep breath, forcing calm into my voice. “No. I can handle this.”
A few beats of silence pass.
“Stay sharp. Signal if you need me,” Specter says, and the line goes quiet. I splash water on my face and stare at the drips as they patter to the sink. Deanna stole her best friend’s fiancé for positioning. But Fiona didn’t only lose Andrew. She lost her father, her home, and her entire world.
My heart bleeds for her. I know what it’s like to trust someone without question, only for them to abandon you at the slightest misstep.
All I ever wanted was for Candace to love me as much as I loved her. One moment of passionate lust towards another woman that she told me to fuck, and it was all over. Charlie told me she did it on purpose to find an excuse to cut me off. So, on my twenty-first birthday when I should have been getting drunk at the bars, I was sobbing my heart out in a tiny cell over the woman who abandoned me. My only crime was trying to please her.
I’m not that sad, scared boy anymore. I’ve learned so much about the truth, I can say with confidence that it wasn’t my fault. The pain will never go away, though. Not when it’s soul deep like that. I turn off the water and dry my face and hands, pausing with my hand on the doorknob when a faint sniffle floats down the hall.
I find Fiona curled up on the couch, a tissue clutched in her hands as she struggles not to cry. Without a word, I scoop her up and carry her to the bed. She looks at me with her big watery eyes and I can tell she wants to protest.
“Truce,” I whisper, and she relaxes. She tucks herself in after I set her on the bed and I turn off the light on the bedside table. She grabs my wrist as I turn to leave and I hesitate.
“I don’t have the right to ask you this, but would you stay with me until I fall asleep? I don’t want to be alone.”
Fuck if I don’t know how she feels. There was a time when I would have done almost anything for the kindness of another human being.
I crawl over her, settling on the bed over the blankets and stare at the ceiling. She keeps her back to me, and I resist the urge to curl up behind her and hold her trembling body against mine. I know from experience just being in the room is enough. It has to be, because if I get any closer to her, I fear I’ll never be able to let go.
I blink my eyes open to the muted sunlight filtering through the blinds. Fiona’s peaceful, unconscious face greets me next and some impulse guides me to swipe her hair off her forehead. Her hand resting on my bicep twitches. I glance at my watch and frown. I slept for seven hours straight. I can’t remember the last time that happened.
I roll out of bed, careful not to wake her, and take a quick shower. When I emerge, Fiona is still sleeping, so I start a pot of coffee in the kitchen. I hear her in the bathroom and room service arrives with breakfast just as she appears from the room. We eat in silence and hit the road to LA. We’re both quiet for a majority of the ride while she scrolls on her phone and I get lost in thoughts of what the hell happens next.
“Thank you for not making jokes or making me feel bad about what happened to me.”
My grip tightens on the steering wheel. “What happened to you is heinous at best. I would never do that, Flowers.”
“I’m starting to believe you,” she says, her tone light. “Maybe we could try to keep the truce going?”
I bite back a smile. “We could give it a solid effort.”
“Maybe we could even try being…friends?”
“Whoa. Pump the breaks psycho. Don’t get clingy on me.”
She laughs and swats my arm, her playful mood giving me an unexpected high. “You’re such an asshole.”
“You love it.”
She rolls her eyes, but I catch her smile.
“So. Friends. Sounds fun.”
She smirks. “Don’t go expecting special privileges, though.”
“This friendship is starting off great,” I deadpan.
“I mean it. Paul and Dylan are nicer to me, so they still get to choose their bagels before you.”
I pout. “But Dylan always takes the cinnamon raisin one.”
She shrugs. “Fair is fair.”
“Do I get dibs on sitting next to you? You smell way better than Dylan.”
“Don’t push it.”
I grin and she chuckles. Her phone beeps and her smile drops when she reads the message. Her patterns shift from gorgeous, happy radiance, to worry.
“Everything okay?”
She chews on her inner lip. “Yeah.”
“We’re besties now. You can talk to me about stuff.”
“Pump the breaks. Nobody said anything about being besties.” She tucks her phone into her purse and turns on the radio. “Besides, I don’t want to hurt Paul’s feelings.”
“Do human boulders have feelings?”
She laughs. “He is pretty big.”
“Trucks are pretty big. Boats are pretty big. Paul is gigantic.”
“He is your bestie, though?”
I rub my jaw, flitting over my memories of Paul. “If I had to choose? Yeah, I’d pick him.”
She smiles, and the happy radiance returns to her patterns, so I table my questions about the text message. “Who’s your bestie?”
“My cousin, Rosalee. She’s the only family that still talks to me.” She stares out the windshield as her radiance dims.
“Is she hot? Single?”
Her eye roll pumps more lightness into her patterns.
“Smoking hot and super single. Paul is totally her type.”
I laugh and she grins. The start of a beautiful friendship, indeed.
I park near Fiona’s car in the empty garage and walk her to the door, holding it open. She chews on her lip. “Thank you for last night. And today. You were right. I needed it.”
I rub the back of my neck. “Listen, about last night…”
“We should just try the friends thing. For now.”
I heave a sigh. “That’s what I was thinking.” That’s not at all what I was thinking .
She nods. “Good. Same page.”
“Cool.”
“Totally.”
“Awesome.”
She grins. “Can I have my door back?”
I blink, releasing my white knuckle grip on her car door. “Yep. Sorry. That’s uh…a good sturdy door.” What the fuck is wrong with me?
She tilts her head. “You’re being weird.”
“I’m weird with all of my friends.” Another lie. I’m only weird with women I find insanely attractive.
She quirks an eyebrow. “Alright then. I’ll see you on Monday.”
“Yep.”
She slides into her seat, and I shut the door. She waves just before she turns the corner and I heave a sigh as she disappears from sight.
“A good, sturdy door? Really?” Paul says, humor lacing his tone. He emerges from the shadows and follows me to the SUV.
“Goodbyes are always awkward,” I say as the vehicle dips and sways under Paul’s weight.
“You should have kissed her.”
“That’s terrible advice.” The SUV hums to life.
“Why?”
“Even if she’s not our mole, I can’t bring her into this life. It’s not fair to her. Once she knows even a crumb of what we’re doing, a target gets put on her back.”
Paul laughs, shaking his head. “Do you even hear yourself?”
I frown as we pull onto the freeway towards Emilia’s house. “What?”
“You sound just like Luke. I’m sure even Garrett or John felt the same, too. But you’re missing the point.”
“Which is?”
“She’s already in this. We’ve been through hell in the last few years, Clay. We’re walking miracles that have no right to exist, but that doesn’t mean we don’t deserve to find a little peace amidst the chaos.”
I glare at him. “You sound like my sister.”
He grins. “I’m taking that as a compliment.”
“Whatever.”
“Can I ask you a question?” he says.
I glance at the serious expression on his face. “Shoot.”
“Do you think you deserve her?”
My grip tightens on the steering wheel as he hits a sore spot. “No.”
“I met someone last night.”
My ears perk up. “Really?”
He nods, staring straight ahead. “She’s Emilia’s yoga instructor. We stayed up talking all night, and then she…”
He trails off and I fight a grin at his red cheeks. “Did you get laid?”
He winces. “I hate that term.”
“Sorry. Did you make sweet, sweet love to a beautiful woman last night?”
He grins and I can’t help but do the same.
“How was it?” I ask.
“Fucking fantastic. We went at it until the sun came up. She guided me through a yoga sunrise greeting thing, and then this tantric thing that I’ll never forget for the rest of my life.”
I laugh at the image of his massive form tied up like a pretzel. “Are you going to see her again?”
He shrugs. “I gave her my number, but we didn’t make any plans. She’s not looking for anything serious, but neither am I.”
“Why not?”
He looks at me. “The things I’ve seen and done…I could never dump that baggage on someone I care about.”
“You dumped it on me and John, and you care about us.”
“It’s different when you’ve got similar baggage. I know you can handle it.”
I rub my jaw while I figure out how to respond. “Sylvie would say that’s bullshit. That everyone deserves to find love.”
“And what do you say?”
Fiona sends my emotions into a tailspin. The guys on our team are utterly whipped by the women they love. Am I starting to understand why? “Fate doesn’t give a shit about what we deserve.”
He smiles, dropping his head back with a sigh. “Sometimes I wonder if fate forgot about me.”
“Nah, she’s just a fickle bitch. One minute you’re being tortured to within an inch of your life, and the next you’re balls deep in a beautiful woman who isn’t trying to manipulate you.”
He laughs, but his smile slips.
“Was it your first time since Candace?” I ask.
He nods. “Don’t make fun of me. Pickings are slim in the bunker.”
“Confession time?” I ask and he quirks an eyebrow.
“I haven’t been with anyone since I was rescued.”
He frowns. “But what about all the strip clubs? And those times you would disappear. Everyone assumes you’re a Casanova.”
I roll my eyes. “One time in a strip club, and I never hear the end of it.”
“But where did you disappear to?”
My face heats, but if Paul is my best friend, he’s the person I should tell all my secrets to. “I would find the nearest music festival or concert and sneak in.”
Paul’s grin widens. “Why didn’t you ever correct them?”
I shrug. “Makes me cool instead of a music geek.”
He laughs and I join in. “You’re ridiculous. Why didn’t Raven stop you?”
“I never asked, and he said nothing.”
“That’s some serious trust right there,” Paul says, and I tilt my head. I never thought about it that way.
“Okay spill. What’s your favorite position?” I ask.
He rolls his eyes. “I’m not giving you any details.”
“Oh come on! I haven’t gotten laid in years and I haven’t figured out how to download porn without Raven finding out.”
His eyes go wide. “Raven knows if we download porn?”
I tilt my head back and roar with laughter.