22. Clay
Chapter 22
Clay
I can open up to Fiona about the darkest parts of my past, telling her things I’ve never voiced out loud, but I’m too much of a coward to allow myself happiness. What right do I have to find joy, when my mother only knew pain and suffering in her last moments because of me? I murdered the only woman I’d ever loved. What right do I have to fall in love with Fiona?
Raven told me to trust my instincts, and over the past few days especially, they’re telling me that Fiona is one of us. They betrayed and abandoned her, just like they did to me. I can confide in her because she understands.
Our short time at Reilly Tech was all fun and games. Our attraction to each other caused an addictive push and pull that I couldn’t get enough of. But here, faced with reality, I can’t give into my desire for her. It wouldn’t be right. I told her about Candace, and she let it roll off her back, explaining it away like it wasn’t the scariest, darkest day of my life to kill the woman I loved. She doesn’t understand what it really means to be a killer.
But maybe I’m more terrified of the fact that I’d never be able to kill Fiona if she betrayed me. I once believed down to my bones that Candace was the only woman I’d ever love, and I feared that it would be true forever. But now, Fiona gives me hope. Dangerous hope.
I love her spunk, her tenacity, and especially the way she goes toe to toe with me. She’s a strong, independent woman. I pulled back the curtain on the darkest parts of my soul, and she didn’t run away screaming. In fact, she seems even more drawn to me. I haven’t forgotten the instinctual way my powers reacted to her before I even laid eyes on her. Was it a warning or a recognition of something greater than me?
When I push away the doom and gloom and it's just her and me, I get a tantalizing glimpse of the happiness we could share. Resisting this pull she has on me is agony.
A full week cooped up in the bunker isn’t helping. I need fresh air to clear my head before I do something stupid, like fuck her against the wall like I’ve been daydreaming about for the last few days.
I fold our load of laundry at the table while she reads a book on the couch. Her face is relaxed, with her eyebrows scrunched. Her tongue peaks out between her lips every once in a while, prompting more dirty daydreams. She’s so fucking beautiful I don’t know what to do with myself.
“Do you want to go for a swim in the lake?” I ask.
She looks up with a gorgeous smile and I swear my heart swells so big it's going to burst out of my chest. “Can we leave the bunker?” she asks.
I nod. “I think we’ve earned it.”
“Are there bathing suits?”
“No, but we can wear our underwear.”
She looks away, and I grin. She puts a piece of paper in the book to mark her place, and I glance at the cover as she disappears into the bedroom. My eyebrows rise at the bare chested man. She’s folded the cover over to hide it from me, but I can’t help but chuckle. Vera must have inspired the AI to stock romance novels.
She emerges with two clean towels. “We’re probably going to freeze our asses off,” I warn, and she shrugs as she follows me to the ladder.
I confirm with Nova that the coast is clear before I open the door. Fiona puts her hands on her head to catch her breath. “All that technology and nobody thought about a damn elevator?”
I laugh and unzip my hoodie. “Whiny baby.”
She sticks her tongue out at me, and my heart lightens at the childlike gesture. We kick off our shoes, and I watch her undress with open appreciation. She crosses her arms, her nipples hardening in the cool air through the too-small sports bra.
“Get your fill, creep?” she asks, and I smile as I yank off my shirt. Her eyes widen and I flex my pecs.
“Who’s the creep now?” I ask.
“Shush. No talking. Don’t ruin this for me,” she says, licking her lips as her gaze travels down my torso. I bark a laugh, startling the birds nearby. She squeals as I grab her around her thighs, hoisting her over my shoulder. I hiss as my feet hit the near glacial water, but I’m committed now. Besides, it only takes a small pull on my power to heat the water around me now that I have practice with thermal energy. Thank you, Skye Reilly.
She wriggles, scrambling to get out of my hold but shrieks when her foot hits the water and switches to crawling higher onto my shoulders.
“Clayton Fox. You better not dunk me in this freezing water if you want your balls to remain attached to your body.”
She’s cute when she’s angry.
“Sounds kinky.”
“Clay!” she yells when the water reaches my waist and I show no signs of stopping.
“Calm the hysterics, Flowers. I’ve got you covered.” I hover my hand at the surface, taking the edge off before I toss her into the deep end.
She comes up spitting mad, glaring at me like a drenched alley cat with all the rage she can muster. It’s the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen, especially when her eyes narrow as she contemplates her revenge.
Her teeth chatter and I extend more warmth towards her. She frowns. “I swear to God if you just peed, you’re a dead man.”
I laugh and swim closer to her. “Don’t be gross. I just used some thermal energy to help us out. But speaking of, don’t pee in here. This is our drinking water.”
Her look of disgust has me laughing again. “It’s filtered.”
I take her hand and place it on my shoulder and her face relaxes. “You’re so warm.”
She moves closer, and I wrap my arms around her, ignoring the voice telling me to not get any ideas. I’ve got lots of ideas. All of them involve my mouth on her body.
“I thought you controlled lightning?”
“It’s more of an energy manipulation. Electricity is kinetic energy. My abilities extend to other forms, like thermal energy.”
“Nifty,” she says, wrapping her legs around my waist. I can’t touch the bottom, so I keep treading water to keep us afloat.
“Super strength, super heating, super speed. Is there anything you can’t do, lightning boy?”
I purse my lips. “Firebolt. And sure, there’s stuff my teammates can do that I can’t.”
“Like what?”
I pause, contemplating how much I can tell her. “We’ve got a guy who can teleport.”
She huffs a laugh. “It’s so hard to believe any of this is real.”
“Trust me, I get it.”
She chews on her lip and rests her arms over my shoulders. “You remember that secret community I told you about? I created it. It’s a secret online forum for people who’ve been excommunicated like me.”
My eyebrows raise, but my gut sinks. “That’s dangerous, Flowers. If Infinitum tracks–” She cuts me off by placing a finger over my lips.
“Don’t forget how smart I am. I take lots of steps to make sure everyone remains anonymous and untraceable.”
My shoulders relax and I let out a sigh. “That’s what you were looking at.”
“What do you mean?”
“We hacked into your laptop, but Raven couldn’t see what you were doing sometimes.”
She flattens her lips. “Good to know my security measures worked.”
“So you guys talk about agents?”
She nods. “Nobody in the lower levels of the church had any proof that you existed. We played along when we were in the church, but it's a huge red flag when you’re on the other side.”
“So what does it mean for you, knowing it’s real?”
“It means Infinitum is far more insidious than most of us can comprehend.”
Her skin rubbing against mine is an enormous distraction, so I swim closer to shore and drop my hands to her lower back once I can touch the bottom.
“I’ve been thinking about what you said the other day,” she says, chewing her inner lip. “I haven’t trusted anyone in a long time, but I trust you.”
I search her face as my chest tightens.
“There’s something between us, Clay. Something I can’t explain. Do you feel it?” She puts her hand over my racing heart.
I nod. “It scares the hell out of me.”
“It scares me, too. But I have a theory.”
I smile. “What’s your theory?”
“We’re two people who’ve had our world torn apart. So even though you don’t know me, you know me.”
“I’ve noticed the similarities.”
“And I know you. Let me help you bring your world back together.”
Hell, if that isn’t the most enticing offer ever. But she’s forgetting something important. My fingers graze over the raised jagged bumps of her scars and she stiffens.
“I would have scars like this if I wasn’t a super soldier.”
“I hate them.”
My hands slide up her legs and I unwrap them from my waist and spin her around, pressing my lips to the newest scar on her back.
She shivers and I add more heat to the water. “What are you doing?” she asks.
I find the next one and kiss it, too. “Showing love to them, so you won’t hate them anymore.”
I slide my lips to her other shoulder.
“I want to hate them. They’re a reminder of the worst part of my past.”
“They also represent how strong and resilient you are.”
“You don’t have to put a silver lining on it. They are what they are.”
“You’re right. No matter how much love I show them, they don’t change. They’ll always be there to remind you of your past. There’s nothing I can do to heal them or make you forget they exist.”
She sighs and I massage her shoulders.
“It doesn’t mean I don’t want or appreciate the love you show them.”
“No, but it means there are some things you can’t fix.”
She spins to face me. “I don’t want to fix you, Clay. My scars don’t make me unloveable. They don’t mean I don’t deserve to be loved. Can’t you see? You deserve to be happy. We both do.”
God, she’s beautiful. I drag my knuckle down her face and tuck her hair behind her ear. Is she the universe’s way of telling me it’s my turn? Is fate smiling down on me? Probably not, but I did my best to keep my distance. I should have known it was pointless. Fiona drives me insane with need, and I can’t deny it any longer. Not with her half naked and pressed up against me, looking at me like she’s the answer to all my prayers. She thinks she can scoop all the darkness out of me. The way she glows in the afternoon sunlight glittering through the trees, her pink lips parting with anticipation and want, makes me wonder if she can.
I slip my hand behind her head and her gaze drops to my lips. “This doesn’t mean we can be together,” I whisper.
“Shush. You’re ruining it again,” she whispers.
I smirk and pull her against me, kissing her with all the fire of my pent up frustration. Her grip around my shoulders tightens. With her in my arms, I experience true peace. She makes the fear and doubt disappear. A calm washes over me and something deep within me stirs. Energy rushes into my body. The water steams and I gasp, pulling away from her and putting space between us.
“What’s wrong?” she asks, following me, but I put a hand out to stop her.
“My powers…they haven’t always been under my control and sometimes they try to take over. It’s hard to explain.”
She frowns. “You’d never hurt me, Clay.”
I shake my head. “Not on purpose. But years ago, when Charlie was deprogramming me, I lost control. If Charlie wasn’t in the room, I would have killed my sister.”
“But that was years ago. You’re stronger now.”
It stirs again, and I suck in a lungful of air as something snaps. It’s not the uncontrollable torrent I expect. Fiona’s eyes widen as she gapes at the light surrounding me.
“It’s beautiful,” she whispers, her eyes watering. And that’s when I see my reflection in the water, and the patterns that surround me, mimicking the electrical waves that I can read off of Fiona. They’re identical, down to the intricate flowers.
My powers reacted to her because they recognized her. We’ve both been through hell, both been betrayed, both had to navigate a lonely world while trying to maintain some semblance of humanity.
I speed away, creating a wave in my wake. I don’t go far, staying within shouting distance of her with my enhanced hearing.
Breathe. You need to breathe. Sylvie’s voice finds me from the memory of that awful day. I lean against a fallen tree and perform the breathing exercises Charlie taught me.
Since the moment our eyes locked, there’s been a tether between us. The more we resist it, the tighter it gets. My powers are more connected to my emotions than ever before. It’s like being around her has opened up the tap on their intensity. More and more pours out until I’m scared it will consume me. Why, though? Why can’t I control myself around her?
Oh God, am I…falling for her? Is this what it’s like? Liv’s connection to Luke was so intense, she infiltrated his thoughts. John turned into a literal monster when he fell in love with Sylvie. Garrett couldn’t stay away from Vera, even after she betrayed him. Sure, it took years, but normal people would take the hint and move on. But not Garrett. Skye was in love with Jordy for over a decade. She gave up a piece of herself to bring him back to life and they’re connected in a way nobody understands yet. Paul, Specter, Charlie, and I function just fine, but our powers aren’t as strong as the rest of the lovebirds.
Is it possible that being in love strengthens us? I blow raspberries into the quiet air and shake my head at myself. That’s ridiculous.
The sun dips below the tree line, and I curse, speeding back to the lake. I find Fiona bundled up in her clothes and mine, both towels wrapped around her like a burrito, her angry glare keeping me from smiling.
“Fuck. I’m sorry. I forgot you can’t get in the bunker without me.”
Her body shakes and I slam my palm on the hidden panel. The door slides open and she struggles to her feet. I dig my hands into the towels and she shoves me away.
“Let me warm you up.”
“I’m f-f-fine.” She strolls into the corridor, and I follow her with a sigh.
Once the door is closed, I warm the air, and she frowns at me. “Stop it.”
“You’re shivering. Don’t be an idiot.”
“I’m the idiot? You’re the one who left me to freeze to death.” She stomps towards the stairs and I chase after her.
“You seem to forget that I’m not like you. I’m just a human, Clay. I can’t survive being exposed to the elements.”
“It would have taken at least another hour for frostbite to set in. You’re being dramatic.”
“All because you had an existential crisis? Did something touch your foot? Or maybe you had to take a dump? Whatever the reason, that bullshit will not fly with me. You can’t just abandon me alone in the middle of nowhere. I don’t have anyone else.”
I take in her sprinting heart rate, the flush of her cheeks, the waver in her voice, and the truth hits me like a ton of bricks. We may share the same scars, but she’s had no one to look out for her. I have Sylvie, Charlie, Raven, and the rest of the team. Who does she have? Right now? It’s just me, and I’ll be damned if I end up on her long list of people she can’t rely on.
“You’re right. I’m sorry.”
She opens her mouth, then blinks as she closes it and tilts her head. “I think that’s the first time you’ve ever agreed with me.”
I shrug. “Don’t get used to it.”
She rolls her eyes and makes for the stairs. “Immature assh–” Her foot slips, and she plummets forward. I grab her just before her face smashes into the stone wall and spin her so she’s in my arms. I speed us the rest of the way to the bunker, and she teeters away from me when I let her go, so I grab her hand to steady her.
“That was an option the whole time?” she complains and I grin.
“Exercise is good for you.”
“That’s the last time we take the stairs,” she says.
“I guess we’ll just have to come up with alternate ways to get your heart racing.” My signature grin drives her mad, and I use the full force of it now. On cue, her heart beats even faster and the flush to her skin intensifies. I love having that effect on her, only because she does the same to me just by breathing.
“You’re insufferable,” she spits as I back her against the wall next to the bedroom door. She thuds against it and drops the towels to the floor.
“I know.” I grab the hems of the two shirts and pull them over her head.
“You’re an asshole,” she says, her tone a smidge softer. Her gaze dips to my naked torso.
“I know.” I slide my borrowed sweats and the yoga pants down her smooth legs, and she steps out of them.
“You’re arrogant.”
I smirk as I gaze up at her from my crouched position, sliding my body over hers as I stand. Her breath catches as I drop my lips to her ear.
“I know,” I say, and press my lips to the delicate skin of her neck.
She gasps, her hands grabbing at my shoulders.
“You’re…Wh–What are you doing?”
“Being an asshole.”
“No, you’re being a hypocrite.”
I nuzzle her neck, kissing down to her collarbone. “I already told you I’m not a good man.”
“What’s your plan here?”
I chuckle, pulling away to meet her gaze. Her pupils grow as her lazy patterns wrap around me, inviting me closer.
“I plan to make you forget how much you hate me.”
“I don’t hate you,” she whispers.
I put all of my arrogance, challenge, and bravado into a sly grin, just the way she likes it.
“Prove it.”
She hesitates, searching my face, and I give her all the time she needs to make her choice. She dips, slipping under my arm and tossing a heated, sultry smile over her shoulder as she disappears into the bathroom. A …firebolt of lust rockets to my groin and I’m helpless to resist. She leaves the door open so I get a front row view as she undresses. I grip the doorjamb, which groans under my extra strength. This is dangerous, reckless, and hot as hell.
Her little striptease is my undoing as she pulls the sports bra over her head and her heavy breasts fall with an enticing bounce, her pink nipples pebble with arousal as she watches me with hooded eyes. She slips out of her panties and opens the glass door, letting it fall shut behind her as she turns on the taps.
She doesn’t face me again until the steam prevents my view of her soft curves. It’s then that I realize my revelation in the woods was one million percent accurate. I’ve never responded this way to anyone. I’m hyper aware of everything about her. The cadence of her breathing, the thump of her heartbeat, the sound of the water sluicing off her soft skin all have me in a trance I’d rather die than break. I can’t wait to hear what sassy remarks come out of her mouth or what challenge she has for me next. When she’s not around, I feel like I’m missing something important. Fuck me . I’ve fallen in love with her.
“Are you just going to stand there and watch?” she asks, and I grin, moving to lean against the sink.
“I think I am.”
Amused, she shrugs like she couldn’t care less. “Suit yourself.”
She grabs the washcloth, lathers it up, and slides it over her breasts. I’ve never been more jealous of a piece of cloth in my entire life, but if she wants to play?
We’ll fucking play.
A soft pull on my power pushes the heat between us to the side and the steam parts like the red sea.
She pauses, then chuckles as she continues to caress her gorgeous body. It’s more perfect than I could ever imagine. My lip works its way between my teeth as she teases me. When she lowers the cloth down her belly and over the hair between her legs, I send a soft buzz of energy into the heat of the cloth, and it vibrates.
She gasps, her lips parting as she inspects the cloth, then me. Her curiosity turns to understanding, and she slides the cloth between her legs. This night is going to ruin me. I can’t fucking wait.