Chapter 10 #3
“You’re from Earth? Is everyone golden there?” I might have been staring, but that light brown of his hair that looked almost red in the right lighting, and the layers of greens and tans in his irises really were beautiful.
“Earth has all sorts of colors.” Breaker shook his head, though amusement danced in his expression.
“Mostly various shades of tans, browns, and blacks, I guess. We’re not as vibrant as the rest of the planets turned out to be.
Still, it’s a shame we lost access to it, because it’s incredibly diverse and beautiful if you ever get to see it.
Not just the people, but the world itself.
” He motioned with his hands, as though he was encompassing the whole of the globe.
“How long did you live there?” I’d never met anyone from Earth, and now I wanted to know everything.
“Only until Gehenna took over. Once the Star Crossed Treaty was signed, my family had to either move or defect, so…” He took a bite, cutting off his own story.
He took his time chewing before he continued.
“Protectorate 005 used to be Zircon Station, right?” He asked, casually enough that it was disarming, but insistent enough that it was a clear and intentional change of subject.
“Yeah.” I answered shortly, not certain how much I wanted to talk about the territory formerly known as Zircon while in a monitored military space. This kind of conversation should be fine, but referencing the original station names was often associated with rebellion and noncompliance.
He was simply stating a fact and not asking for my opinion on the takeover or anything though, so I shouldn’t be weird about it. Especially considering he’d just been speaking candidly about Earth of all places.
“Did you have a girlfriend back on Zircon?” The question was one I wasn’t prepared for, and I forced myself not to recoil.
Should I say yes? Would that make me sound more manly?
Or would he start asking about my sex life?
I didn’t want to field those kinds of questions at all, even if it was imaginary.
Plus, I had zero dating experience to speak of, so I wouldn’t have known how to fake this conversation if I was talking woman-to-woman either.
How did guys talk about women—think think think.
Vann was pretty respectful around me, but most the guys in school were fucking gross.
The amount of pride and status they gave themselves over how many places and people they’d shoved their penises in was alarming.
I doubted I could talk like those guys did without visibly gagging on my own tongue, and not even an A2 could cover that up.
I was taking way too long to figure out how to answer that, and I needed to say something before this got any more weird.
Be the change you want to be in the world,
“Here and there,” I said, determining that sounded safe, vague, and adequately male.
Not too emotional but also not completely lame.
Dudes also cared tremendously about how much other dudes have used their penises, so it was better if I pretended someone had wanted my imaginary dick.
That was a triumph or something. “I was more focused on my studies, so I never got into anything serious.”
“So no kids yet?” He asked so casually.
Don’t say fuck no. Don’t make a face. “No, I was saving that for when I had more time. Training to be a medic is pretty all consuming. Once I graduated and could give a wife and child the attention they deserved, I was going to start a family.” Vann’s annoying obsession with settling down was really coming in handy right now, because I knew exactly what he would say to that. “What about you?”
Breaker snorted, as if the question was ridiculous. Which was ironically how I had wanted to answer the question. “No,” he stated without elaborating. “I’m not sure I’m cut out for a family,”
Well, that was much easier to work with. “That doesn’t mean you couldn’t have a girlfriend or three.”
“In Mictlan?” He scrunched his nose briefly, then softened his expression as though that motion had been an accident.
Again, Breaker was speaking my thoughts with his body language.
“It kind of does. Either I’m actively getting those girlfriends pregnant or they’ll be removed and reassigned to someone who will.
That’s someone’s dating culture, but it sure as fuck isn’t mine.
” He half laughed, then cleared his throat as if he’d also realized we were now dipping way into socially unacceptable conversation.
“Be glad you weren’t born a girl then,” I noted, as my own inside joke for myself.
“Can’t say I ever haven’t been,” he said, and I accidentally frowned at that.
I hated that all of the qualities that made women great were the same qualities that were actively used against us.
I didn’t even want to be born a girl in this society, so I couldn’t argue, but if I existed in any other system, there were a lot of things I loved about myself.
I just… wasn’t born in any other system.
“Be a woman and be impregnated by my early twenties, by choice or otherwise, or be a man and age out of the dating pool in my twenties and be forced to choose between never having children or being over thirty and dating practical teenagers. What a time to be alive,” Breaker added sarcastically.
“Not to mention that it’s truly barbaric to expect any of us to reproduce in a nation that forgot to ask for access to salt mines when they were drafting the peace treaty.
” I attempted to move to a lighter and less prosecutable topic for both of our sakes, as I stabbed and chewed another depressing cube.
“You’re so fucking weird.” Breaker snorted but didn’t further qualify the statement.
“H-how so?” I thought I was doing a good job of sounding masculine, but now I was second guessing my every response.
“It’s not an insult. Just an observation.
” He rested his chin on the heel of his hand and looked at me inquisitively.
“I like weird. It’s way too easy to fall into the status quo in a place like this.
” I assumed he meant Astaroth, but I could have said that about the Democratic Territories as a whole.
“A little independent thought is easier to have a conversation with, anyway.”
Was I supposed to say thank you? Like, ‘Thanks, man. Proud to be a notch above the bottom of the barrel!’
I chewed another piece of slab so I had an excuse to not respond right away. I kind of wished he’d just made fun of me. At least I knew how to snap back at an insult. Compliments were so fucking awkward.
Breaker fortunately continued talking without needing my thumbs up.
“You just got here, so maybe that’s hard to process.
You’ll understand what I mean eventually.
” With that, he slid his tray over to me.
“Now eat up. You’re going to need all the protein you can get if you want to get stronger.
” He stood from the table and offered me a cheeky wink.
“If one slab is nutritionally complete, just imagine how complete you’ll be with two. ”
I stifled a laugh which turned into choking into my fist, as I’d been mid swallow at the time. Breaker grinned as he headed off with a wave.
I got a hold on myself, then looked down at the second steak-thing I would now feel guilty for not eating.
He’d taken all of two bites before he couldn’t stand it anymore.
Odd, considering he’d theoretically been at Astaroth for at least two years, so I imagined he’d at least be kind of used to it by now.
Though if he was from Earth, he likely has experienced herbs and flavors that I’ve never even heard of.
Maybe he had some other food source here.
When I got back to my room, my red headed roommate was nowhere to be found. I’d still not learned his name, but I appreciated his absence as I threw myself into my bed and curled up under the thin blanket.
I appreciated it more when I woke up in the middle of the night with an audible gasp, as the usual nightmares played vividly in my mind over and over again, and there wasn’t anyone there to be woken up by my panic.
I didn’t really want to explain. The last thing I needed was to come off as any more weak and pathetic than I already did.
I had hoped that being here would be enough to chase away the bad dreams, but if anything, my anxiety was at an all-time high trying to exist in secret.
Sleep was my only chance to stop worrying, so naturally the brilliantly designed human brain decided to use that window to relive every traumatic event I’d ever experienced in my short existence.
Truly the pinnacle of evolution, humanity.
I’m in so far over my head.