Chapter 42 #2
It was insane and illogical, and I didn’t know when that switch had flipped, yet I found myself stuck on the sudden hope that his own experiences with being used as an object meant he might be the one person who would understand why I was here.
I wished I didn’t have to keep carrying this burden of a fake identity.
But I did. This wasn’t optional. I couldn’t take that gamble.
I took a step back and swallowed.
“I can take care of myself, but I appreciate the offer.” I dropped my chin, unreasonably dejected by my own words. “If you don’t mind stepping out, I’ll handle it.”
Elio ran a hand over his jawline, disappointment all over his face. “Right, of course.” He slid open the door and stepped out without any further objections, and I should have felt far more relief than I did.
So I distracted my turbulent mind with everything I needed to do.
I got out of my pants and started cleaning myself up.
This old shop didn’t have the state of the art sanitization chambers like we had back home, but with a little hydrogen peroxide from the first aid kit and some cold water, I was able to clean any blood stains that could show up on the material in the wrong lighting.
There was enough gauze in the kit to make a makeshift pad until I got back to my dorm room, though not enough for a pad and boob tape, but one problem was way more likely to give me away than the other, so I prioritized appropriately.
Once I was all tidied up, I double and quadruple checked my reflection in the small, dingy mirror, and I hoped and prayed that I’d hidden all the evidence successfully.
When I opened the door, Elio was waiting for me, patiently leaning against the wall outside the bathroom with his arms crossed and a distant expression on his face.
“All good,” I said with a forced smile. “It was just a scratch.”
He nodded, still looking solemn despite the attempt at neutrality, and then he started down the hall toward the garage where he’d parked his bike.
I flitted after him, not wanting to push the point.
As we neared the storage area, the old man was already in the shop, packing up some parts into boxes.
Elio approached him, while I waited awkwardly in the doorway.
“You’ll install them directly beneath the coils,” Lochlan said, handing Elio a box full of metal. “Run your back unit at full power for three seconds following install, and you should be good. If you have any issues, I expect a full report.”
“Of course.” He walked over to his bike and tapped a panel on the tail to open his storage area to stash the parts. “If I find a way to make them even better, I’ll let you know about that, too.” He offered a teasing wink.
“Alright, alright, cheeky bastard.” Lochlan’s expression was as soft as Elio’s, and it was an odd picture to see these rough men looking so gentle. It felt like one of those cherished moments an outsider wasn’t supposed to see.
Elio grabbed his helmet, then he wheeled his bike out of the shop. I started toward the open door to follow.
“Wait.” Lochlan addressed me. I stopped and turned to face him, not sure why he’d want to talk to me at all. Then he uttered the words, “What’s your real name?”
Ice ran through my veins, and I hoped he meant something completely different from what I thought he was asking. “Vann Isak Callan,” I said, adding Vann’s middle name in hopes he just wanted more information, and absolutely not outing myself on assumption.
“Your parent’s gave you a man’s name, little girl?
” Completely blunt, cutting straight to the point, he didn’t allow me to jump through any further hoops.
His mechanical pupils constricted to the size of a needle point.
“Your Appearance Alteration Module can’t fool these old eyes.
It’s easy to cancel out the illusion.” He made a show of his pupils expanding and retracting again, activating the built in analytical modes.
Technology suddenly felt problematic when the cybernetics out-performed the organics.
“I-I—” I stammered, at a loss for words, not sure where that sentence was even going. My brain was still in fight-or-flight, and I didn’t have the capacity to come up with a new story right now.
He interrupted, “Rather than try to lie to me, how about you just get it over with and tell me your real name. I don’t have many people left in this world who I care about, but I do care about him, so if you have ill intentions—”
“I don’t.” I shook my head. “And it’s Fianna Callan,” I admitted in a hushed whisper that hopefully Elio wouldn’t hear with his helmet on in the alleyway.
There was no point in arguing. Even if I might be able to pass for a boy without my A2, if he had the ability to disable and enable the illusion on the fly, then the visual shift of build and face shape would be obvious.
“Vann is my brother. I took his place in the draft to protect him. I don’t want to hurt Elio in any way.
” Not at this exact moment anyway. As soon as he started making fun of me on the sand bag hike, all bets were off.
“I see.” Lochlan tipped his chin, his expression softening at the admission.
I swallowed thickly, terrified to approach this conversation further, but knowing I had to now. “Are you going to report me?” I murmured, barely audible even in my own ears.
He huffed a laugh at that. “Does he know? Is this a secret or do you have him covering for you?” Every question seemed more aimed at protecting Elio, and less at the crime I was committing, and for some reason, my first thought was that I was glad to see Elio had someone who cared about him like that.
Though I gathered that my answer to this question would determine whether he’d, in fact, be reporting me or not.
I shook my head. “No one does. Fianna is dead according to the records, and I’ve been very careful.”
“How is your sync in a real Shinka?” His next question came out of nowhere, and completely took me aback.
“I do well in VR, but today will be my orientation for the real thing,” I said. “So I guess it’s yet to be determined if my female brain can handle it without melting.” I tried to make a vague hint of a joke, because I was terrified, and that was my default defense mechanism.
“You’ll be fine. The modern units are much more forgiving than the old units.
” The way he said it had a hint of sadness, and I couldn’t help but wonder if that hit a personal note.
“There would be no reason for me to report you. If you can’t sync, you’ll die, and the truth will come out anyway.
If you can sync, then you’re an asset to the cause, and removing you would be detrimental.
” Lochlan approached me and put out his hand expectantly.
I simply stared at it, because I had no ability to read whatever social cue this was.
“Give me your CHRONO. I’ll give you my contact in case you need anything in the future. I know a lot about these machines, and if he cares about you enough to bring you back here to meet me, then I care to make sure you stay alive so he doesn’t end up with another reason to shut out the world.”
I complied, but not without calling out the one part of that statement that was baffling.
“Elio doesn’t actually care about me. This was just a right place at the right time situation.” I felt it important to clarify. I didn’t want him getting any lofty ideas that we were friends or something. “He beats me up and bullies me pretty regularly, actually.”
Lochlan apparently found that funny. “Kids are so dumb.” He said to no one in particular. And my whole expression flattened. “Go on now, He’s waiting for you.”
With one last nod, I headed off to mount the back of Elio’s bike. We took off toward the Academy as the sun was creeping higher and higher over the horizon line
It wasn’t long before Astaroth came into view, and he rode the bike to the storage room. He parked on the lift and it started up toward his third floor unit, where he rode it onto its charging panel.
“You can get off now.” He said as he removed his helmet and shook out the fire and brimstone of his red and black hair.
I got off the bike, and I fixed my clothing, before glancing around the storage unit idly. I couldn’t help but pause when I noticed that there, against the wall, was a roughly made cot that appeared to have been recently used.
“Oh, that’s…” While Elio’s warm brown complexion hid a blush better than my pale, barely-there pigmentation did, I was almost certain that was what I was looking at. I was going to guess that he hadn’t thought this through and didn’t expect me to see this.
“Do you… sleep here?” I asked the obvious question.
His brow twitched. “We can trade if you’d rather.”
He slept here? All these months that I’d been sleeping in our dorm room every night, he was coming all the way out here and sleeping on a portable, disposable bed in a cold storage unit?
“Why?” I asked, but I was in such shock, it seemed like a ridiculous question.
Why didn’t he just kick me out? He could have easily manhandled me and thrown me into the hall if he really didn’t want to sleep in the same room as me to this extent.
Even last night he gave me his bed, and I could only assume he’d either found somewhere else to lay down in the cold shop or hadn’t slept at all.
Elio sighed. “I already told you why. What else was I going to do? You’re a goddamn mouse with no friends and no resources, so it wasn’t like I could lock you out and expect you to find somewhere else to sleep.
I’m not so pathetic that I can’t figure out how to take care of myself when I’m put in a bad situation. ”
“Oh.” Speechless. I was speechless. Guilty, unreasonable, and speechless.
What was I supposed to take from that? He…
had been accommodating me from day one? Technically he was just accommodating for his own issues, but it still felt strangely nice?
It didn’t justify everything else, but it still said something that I wasn’t sure how to interpret.
That only made me feel even worse about being so harsh earlier.
“I’m surprised you didn’t just throw me onto the mats and tell me to sleep there. ”
“I tried that once, remember?” He snorted and shook his head. There was a hint of amusement that was borderline complimentary. “It’s not a big deal. Let’s get back to the room and get changed. We only have an hour, and you’re not allowed to miss orientation after everything you did to earn it.”
The longer I stared at him in stunned surprise, the darker the red in his cheeks appeared.
When I didn’t say anything, he was the one to break eye contact and head for the door.
“Thank you,” I finally said. “Maybe you’re not as scary as I thought you were.”
Elio turned his head so I couldn’t see his face, he paused for a second too long, then he shook a hand through his hair and his whole body seemed to relax.
“Don’t get ahead of yourself. You haven’t had to run drills with me in a real Shinka yet.” He met my gaze again, and there was the taunting smile I was used to. I liked that expression much better. “Now if you don’t mind, I’ll escort you back to your room, milady.”
Not insecure enough to assume he meant that literally for once, I gave him my most annoyed eye roll, and added, “As long as I get to walk on my own this time.”
“Princess treatment was only for yesterday. Now it’s time to march back into hell.” He waved me off, and we headed back to the dorm together.
While Elio got in the shower, I dug for my Sanitary Evac Unit, and I nearly cried tears of relief when I had it in my hand, and I knew everything was going to be alright.
I also blamed the hormones for the overdramatic reaction, but we weren’t going to talk about those right now. They’d fucked me enough for one day.
Gathering up my uniform, I waited patiently for my dorm mate to finish with the bathroom, so I could wash the increasingly gross feeling from my entire body, before I had to endure the day while my insides were starting to churn.
I already felt bloated and hungover and not like someone who was celebrating the greatest achievement of my life.
Thank the stars I still had some of Breaker’s painkillers left.
“Shower’s all yours,” he said, as he returned to the sleeping area with a towel around his waist and another shaking out his wet hair. “If you want, I’ll show you where Orientation is on my way to Basics.”
“Sure, I’ll be quick,” I promised, not wanting to be quick at all, quite frankly, but I didn’t have the luxury not to.
I undressed and got in the shower. I washed out my hair and cleaned up any traces of the morning’s episode, then I got my Evac Unit in place.
It was a simple device that admittedly gave me cramps when I had it in, but it was self-draining without needing full removal, and as long as I didn’t wait so long to get to a bathroom that it overfilled—which sometimes was half a day, and sometimes was forty five minutes—it was the most convenient solution I had for my week long plunge into the shark tank.
Today and tomorrow would be the worst, but then it would be fully manageable.
I wasn’t going to lose the whole game over my fucking period.
Mother nature, the bitch that she was, would not best me.
I shut off the shower and grabbed my towel, before refastening my archaic CHRONO to my wrist. I opened my A2 and was just about to activate it, when the door flew open with a rapid whir.
“I’ve got an extra first aid kit if you need some fresh bandages for… your…”
I clasped my towel over my naked body in a panic, but I was too late to hide everything that was obviously not male. My mouth was open as if I was screaming, but no sound came out.
Elio’s jaw dropped slow, following the blood in his veins as it drained from his face. “You’re…”
“I can explain,” I heard myself stammer out.
No, no I fucking could not.