CHAPTER 19
ROXY
Sydney, New South Wales, Australia.
Incoming call (Secure Line): Bonnie Abbott
Worst timing ever.
"Speak, Bonnie. Trouble ahead?"
Rude? Perhaps. With Bonnie, it was about cutting through non-essentials and reaching the core of the matter.
"Most likely. According to my contact in HQ, something's in the pipeline. A major operation. One that requires specific skills. Our skills."
Bonnie was a master at getting the crucial details, employing her specialized interrogation methods.
They might label it torture, and that wouldn't be an exaggeration—yet it's unclear from which angle of truth they'd be speaking.
In contrast, Roxy, as a true fixer, handled more permanent solutions by eliminating issues at their root.
The success of their partnership was due to this complementarity.
"Yours or mine? I… er… I'm kind in the middle of 'Prodigy,'" said Roxy, nervous about Bonnie's response. Bonnie's contacts had never been wrong when it came to predicting the next moves involving her or Roxy.
"We're both on the shortlist. Not official, but it would be a duo mission," Bonnie said. "And if it's the two of us, then it's a big deal. Probably a Ghost Protocol."
"Fuck."
The highly classified nature of Ghost Protocol missions meant that only a small cadre of approximately twenty individuals, trained for such operations, existed across the globe.
At first, the agents felt proud to be chosen, but their enthusiasm waned after their inaugural mission.
Their normal lives were inaccessible to the agents for periods that usually lasted from 24 to 48 hours.
The previous record was four days, and Roxy wasn't aiming to break it this time.
These missions were usually pretty bloody. The mission was one of those that left an indelible mark on the souls of the agents, and Bonnie and Roxy were no exception.
"Take it easy, it's not a done deal. They know you're on 'Prodigy' and I'm on 'Stanlistav.' It's either us or Brixton and White. I'll keep you posted if anything changes, but I'm begging you. Keep a clear head, okay?"
A movement caught Roxy's eye out of the corner of her eye. Ellen was coming out of her house.
"Okay, I will. Thanks, Bonnie. Er… I've got to go. Someone is waiting for me."
Bonnie hung up without saying another word. That was what made her so endearing, but also a bit awkward.
Her eyes met Ellen, who stood with slightly faded jeans and a casually creased white T-shirt, her hair a dishevelled halo that spoke of a defeated effort to tame it. Her whole body shivered for an instant.
What state of mind would Ellen be in?
Was she still angry about the lie?
Had Roxy invited her to a date she secretly wanted?
Was it really a first date?
Had she forgiven her?
Or did she think she was still playing a game?
Roxy got out of the car in a rush to meet her.
"Hey," Ellen said, looking happy and open.
"Hey," Roxy echoed or maybe exhaled. She never felt as stressed as she did right now. Today was a make-or-break situation.
"What happened to 'Sunshine?' What a bummer." Her voice was so smooth and flirty. She tilted her head, eyes fixed on hers with that calm, unshakeable confidence that made Roxy feel like she was the only one in the world.
Then Ellen leaned in and her lips found Roxy's cheek. The contact was brief, yet it lingered. Everything was deliberate and just long enough to overpower every line of defence Roxy had built up.
The heat rose so quickly inside Roxy she felt as if she were going blind and her heart had stopped beating.
The surprise of this contact didn't bother her—quite the contrary. But she didn't understand what bothered her about Ellen's confidence and the way she calmly took control of the situation, as if she knew Roxy wouldn't run away this time.
Her lips finally moved away, but her presence remained.
"Roxy, you're too tense," she whispered in her ear, and when she moved away just enough, her eyes were already shining.
"I'm coming with you willingly. More than willingly, actually.
I've been hoping you'd ask." Her voice carried something that made Roxy's pulse skip a beat.
It was exactly what Roxy needed to hear.
"I am so sorry about the other night, Ellen. I should never have put you in this messy situation. You have every right to be upset with me."
With her eyes still on hers, Ellen approached, gently touched her arm, and said, "I know, and it's okay. Thanks for doing it, but please stop apologizing. Trust me, I'm exactly where I need to be."
Not long after getting in the car with Ellen, Roxy tried to act normal. She clenched the steering wheel with a grip that defied her physical limits. She rolled down her window slightly and breathed in the evening air.
Ellen said something about loving this time of day, and Roxy nodded and smiled when Ellen smiled herself. Roxy was trying hard to anchor herself.
Her mind was still stuck at the moment Ellen kissed her on the cheek, right there on her doorstep. She was concentrating, and at that moment, something within her either changed or unleashed itself. It was like she was buzzing and didn't know who she was anymore.
But the most important for Roxy: Ellen Caldwell wanted to be there with her, even after she messed up the other night.
She tried to stay calm by taking slow breaths as they reached the Harbour Bridge. "So," Roxy said, forcing a composed tone, "my surprise… We're climbing the whole thing to get a sunset view of your life."
Ellen froze, her eyes widening with disbelief. "We're climbing the bridge?" she asked. Then her face shifted, something uncomfortable crossing it. "Roxy, it's like three hundred dollars each. I can't let you…"
"It's fine," Roxy blurted. "I budgeted for this trip. Please, let me do this with you."
"But that's so much money. I feel terrible—"
"Ellen." Roxy met her eyes. "It's covered, okay? Part of my work expenses. Let's say this is about business development."
The half-truth sat uneasily, but her relief was immediate. At least it legitimized something she wasn't even sure she believed in anymore. Yes, theoretically, the 'Prodigy' mission was still ongoing.
Ellen watched Roxy, searching for something—maybe signs she was bluffing, or maybe signs that this meant more than it should. She let out a nervous laugh. "Okay, but if I slip and embarrass myself, you're buying dinner."
"Deal."
Roxy suddenly felt exposed, as if Ellen could see exactly how much she needed her to say yes and how much this meant to her: that Ellen was there, willingly, with her.
***
From Agent Roxanne Powell, the absolute finest at MI6, nothing less than perfection would be anticipated. Who could have guessed she'd make four fatal mistakes within a 24-hour period?
Her initial mistake involved not changing her approach and continuing to blur the lines between her work and personal spheres.
The second mistake she made was suggesting an activity that would involve a one-piece jumpsuit and safety harness, drawing attention to Ellen's body shape—even though Roxy thought the opposite.
She made a third mistake by offering to let Ellen go ahead of her while climbing the bridge, citing a completely illogical justification—whatever excuse she could say without cracking her voice.
She had made such a mess of her words that she couldn't recall anything she had spoken.
The truth was simpler: she needed a buffer between them because she didn't want Ellen to catch her showing any sign of fear.
Roxy's gravest error, her fourth and potentially deadliest, was proposing an activity on a closed loop, offering no escape route should danger, however obvious, arise.
The words "What a colt mistake" echoed in Roxy's mind with every upward step of the climb.
Always be prepared with a way out. In certain situations, the outcomes can be as fatal as death itself.
On second thought, Roxy recognized a fifth mistake: failing to bring Bonnie into her schemes.
On every official mission, Bonnie was ready to step in, whether in person or remotely.
But in this case, Roxy kept Bonnie completely away from 'Prodigy,' for fear that she would do the most logical thing: try to talk Roxy out of it.
While it was certainly the optimal strategic decision, it significantly limited Roxy's desires.
They'd been climbing the bridge for fifteen minutes—out of a total of three hours—when everything started to go wrong.
Every step Ellen took ahead of Roxy was exquisite torment.
The harness cinched tight around her waist, accentuating every line and curve.
The strap traced the arc of her spine, dipping just above her hips.
Roxy tried to focus on anything except Ellen: the sky, the structure, and the guide's voice in her earpiece.
However, her gaze kept betraying her and repeatedly pulled back to Ellen as if she couldn't resist. Her pulse quickened, her mouth went dry, and she clenched and unclenched her fists just to ground herself.
Ellen didn't notice anything—or pretended not to—for at least the first hour, when the wind began to pick up as they climbed higher. As the wind playfully tugged at her hair, it also triggered a loss of control in Roxy, who could barely contain herself. She was absolutely breathtaking.
"Bloody hell," Roxy whispered through clenched teeth. If only she weren't there with ten other people in this group…
"Are you okay, Roxy?" Ellen asked, her voice calm as if she already understood the whole scenario.
Their eyes met, but Roxy quickly looked away.
"Well, yeah," Roxy began with feigned confidence. "Look at that view. Amazing, isn't it?"
One corner of Ellen's mouth quirked up as her eyebrow arched. "Which view are you referring to?" Her voice sounded as if she was daring Roxy to answer.
Roxy could feel all the air being sucked out of her decks, just like a vacuum sealer would. "Oh, um… that one…" she replied, pointing toward the harbour.
"Sure," Ellen teased. "You're watching the curves of the opera. Is everything to your liking?"
Roxy nodded at her.
"Good." Ellen grinned and turned back. "Don't fall over it." Ellen was playing with Roxy big time, and Roxy hated how much she liked it. She hated how Ellen was clearly having fun at her expense and the feelings it brought up for her. She was trying hard not to, but it still made her smile.
As they reached the summit an hour later, the breathtaking views of the city and Ellen spread out before her.
Ellen's eyes locked onto Roxy, burning with longing. "Roxy, do you continue to enjoy the view? Because right now, the scenery before me is the most stunning I've ever laid eyes upon." Ellen's tone alone was enough to completely throw Roxy off balance.
"Aye!" Both turned their gaze toward the source of the sound.
The guide offered, "How about a photo of the two of you? You two are such a lovely couple!"
A hot flush crept up Roxy's neck as she felt herself blushing. "Oh, we're not actually…" she began, the words trailing off.
However, Ellen cut her short. "What a great idea! Right, sweetie?" she said with a wink, and then whispered in Roxy's ear, "You know, just for the thrill of it."
Without a second thought, Roxy put her arm around Ellen's back, and her hand landed on her waist. Ellen didn't move away. Instead, she pressed her cheek against Roxy’s cheek and looked into the camera with the most beautiful smile in the world.
The guide finally snapped the camera's shutter.
No matter what could happen next, Roxy knew she'd never be able to erase that frozen moment in her head.
And then, Ellen leaned in again, her lips now brushing close to Roxy's ear. "It's a shame that's not actually true, don't you think?"
Indeed! It's a real shame. That's exactly what Roxy would have said if she hadn't had that suddenly intense epiphany. She was gay, and Ellen Caldwell had captured her heart.
It wasn't just a phase or some sort of whim. No. It was exactly who she was, just as Meredith had told her a hundred times back in the day. Maybe leaving everything behind to join the Service eight years ago was a way to escape that reality?
She had waited too long, because now, this revelation hit hard and without mercy.
Yet all the signs had been there for so long.
She grieved friendships with girls like breakups.
There was an unusually high concentration of lesbian couples in the series she started.
Her love songs written by Taylor Caldwell.
She knew it, but she had never dared to voice the secret she held. Roxy never needed it until her.
She still wasn't ready for it, not even close. But she couldn't go back either. This was real and hers, and it scared the shit out of her.
Then, in the blink of an eye, all the buzz of the moment faded as a single thought crossed her mind: Charles. Now it was inevitable that she had to break his heart. The thing she had put off over and over again needed to be done, and the blow would be brutal.
Because Roxy's next chapters shouldn't be based on lies.
Well, at least, not this one.