CHAPTER 28 #2
Charles took a few seconds to recover from this confusion before his face changed completely. He obviously didn't expect to see a ghost of his past tonight.
"Well, isn't she alive and showing her face?" Charles grumbled. His words hurt her heart, but she deserved it. Maybe it was the start of a storm he was trying to hold back for Roxy or for himself. "I assume you want to come in?"
"Yes, please, I'd like to talk to you," said Roxy, unaware that this might not be the best thing to say to a man who had been ghosted for two months when all he wanted to do was talk.
"Oh, because Miss Powell wants to do the talking now." Still, he moved aside to let her in.
Two months had not been enough for the house to become unfamiliar to her. Most of the little details she had brought were still there, subtle reminders that she could also be a normal woman before being a spy. It was like visiting a time capsule of her own life.
"You've got thick skin to show your face like that. Have you ever heard of a phone?" he snapped, shutting the door behind her.
"Please, let me explain," she pleaded, her voice trembling, but he cut her off mid-sentence.
"Two bloody months, Roxy. Fuck, I thought you were dead. Do you know how worried I was? But hey, the money for the mortgage kept coming in, so I figured that you just didn't want to talk or see me."
"Charles…"
He stepped back, eyes blazing and insulted, as he had never been before. "Oh no… Don't 'Charles' me. I have given you every benefit of the doubt, every ounce of patience I had…"
"STOP!" Roxy yelled at him, on the verge of tears. "Please, just stop."
Charles stopped dead in his tracks, having never seen Roxy in such a state before. His gaze softened for a moment. "Hey, what's going on?" That was the Charles she knew.
"Charles, I'm employed by the British government," she choked out between sobs. "For the MI6, Charles. I am a spy."
A heavy silence fell upon the room. Charles was now gazing at Roxy as if she was insane. "What? No! Roxy, please don't joke. Not now."
"I wouldn't joke about this, Charles. I could get several years in prison just for telling you," Roxy replied. "I never worked as a consultant. Why do you think I travelled so often? You never wondered why I was always so evasive about my job?"
Charles seemed to be holding his breath, trying to take in everything that had just been said. Roxy heard him mumble a "what the fuck, Roxy" as he slowly sat up. He couldn't rely on his legs anymore, putting him in a tough spot.
"Okay, so that's why you vanished away for two months?"
Roxy nodded at him. "I've been undercover for the last two months," Roxy said, "and no contact was allowed. It's never usually this long, and I don't think anyone in the organization expected it to be either. I am sorry, Charles. I know it was the worst timing ever."
"Worst timing indeed," he said, somewhat disillusioned. "And how long have you been with them?"
"For the last eight years. The MI6 recruited me in 2017 while I was serving in the Army. It was at the very beginning of our relationship." Roxy let out a weary sigh and confessed, "I'm not sure I have the strength to continue."
His head dropped into his hands. "So… you lied to me all these years." Roxy could see that he was hurt by this shocking revelation.
Kneeling before him, she gently rested her hands upon his knees. "It's true I lied about work, but what we shared was real, but I was lying to myself in the first place."
"Are you expecting me to trust your word on that?" Charles asked her. "What makes you think I can believe anything after... that?"
There was nothing left to say, and Roxy conveyed this with a silent nod. What he said was true. She was not worthy of Charles's trust. For a long time, she'd been fooling him.
"But thank you for telling me, honestly," he finally added. "Can I ask you something?"
"Yes, Charles, anything."
"What did happen between you and Meredith? Why did you leave her life so abruptly?"
"It's complicated, Charles," Roxy whispered. "You wouldn't understand."
"Try me," Charles said defiantly, but strangely welcoming too.
"Nothing happened between her and me. She's always been the sister I never had, and I miss her so much." Feelings washed over Roxy.
"I don't understand. Why did you keep me in your life if they recruited you after we met? But not her?"
"We were starting to build a relationship together, so I had the room to be creative with the truth," Roxy continued.
The memory of her relationship with Meredith was a burning pain for Roxy.
Roxy betrayed another person who trusted her.
"Meredith was a whole other ballgame. She knew me like the back of her hand.
There was no way I could keep secrets from her without putting both of us at risk.
She would have known right away that I would lie to her," she confessed, and after a moment, "I wouldn't let myself believe her when she swiftly figured out I wasn't straight at first sight—that's the best example.
That is, until Ellen walked into my life. She knew me to that point."
"Right." Softer than before, he said, "Um… Speaking of Ellen. I need to tell you something. She came by six weeks ago. She was looking for you."
Roxy froze. "What…? How was she?"
He leaned back, exhausted. "Are you really asking me this question? Come on, Roxy. I don’t know what the fuck you did to her, but she looked terrible.
She lived in the hope that you would open the door and show yourself to her.
There was so much hope in her eyes. If only I knew what to say to comfort her, but I just didn't know anything. "
Each word was like a bullet from a semi-automatic rifle, destroying everything in its path. "I'm sorry you had to do this. It was so unfair to you."
"You have no idea how much I agree with you on that," he said with a subtle, well-deserved anger on his face. "Being sorry will not give you a Monopoly 'Get Out of Jail Free' card. It's not that easy. My trust in you is broken. Do you get that?"
It might seem cowardly, but this burden was killing Roxy, and she couldn't stay there with her shame. She got up and headed for the door, crying, as if she was being chased. Her guilt stuck to her skin like sweat. She ran down the stairs and crossed the street without looking back.
"Roxy!" She turned and saw Charles running after her, calling out her name like it was the last time. "Wait," he said, catching up. "Just—wait."
Without hesitation, Charles hugged Roxy.
It wasn't a gesture of pity, but rather something genuine and powerful.
Roxy felt Charles's familiar arms wrap around her.
It was so overwhelming that she collapsed deeper into his embrace, unable to hold herself back any longer.
She had no control over herself and sobbed against his chest. She hadn't felt this way in years.
Many years. She mumbled, "I'm so sorry, Charles. "
"I know," he whispered. "You should've told me."
"I was so afraid that you would leave me if you realized what kind of monster I am.
I've done horrible things, Charles. You have no idea of what they make me.
" She could've dwelled on all the people she killed and the collateral damage, but nah.
The only terrible thing Roxy could think of was her treatment of Ellen Caldwell.
He stepped back, his gaze meeting hers. There was pain, but there was also something else: empathy.
It was as if he still cared for her, despite everything.
"Well, you may have lost me as your partner, but not as your best friend.
Somehow, I still want to be that, and you're still mine. I am truly relieved you are alive."
Roxy's tears streamed down her face and her hands were still shaking. "Now," he said, "go find her. Tell her the whole truth. Whether she stays or not—give her that much."
"She's going to hate me."
His voice held a sorrow that only came with knowing love, as he said, "Probably. But you owe her the chance to decide for herself."
Roxy nodded, or at least tried to, but the movement barely registered. "Thank you, Charles."
He let out a weary sigh as he wiped a tear from the corner of his eye with the back of his hand. It had all been a bit much for him today. He finally gave Roxy a tired, wry smile. "Don't screw up, Roxy. I think she could be the right one for you… if she still wants you."
***
Roxy sat in her car parked outside Ellen's house with her hands clasped on the wheel, trying to find the nerve to get out of the car and knock at her door.
How would she react?
She wouldn't blame Ellen if she wanted nothing to do with her. Roxy was unsure that she would be anymore forgiving if the roles were reversed.
Charles was right. Roxy had to do this. She whispered to herself, "Alright, Roxy, grow a pair. Oh, great! Now I'm talking to myself. Everything is fine and getting better."
Without a second thought, she went up, took a deep breath, and knocked. Then quickly, the door swung open, which gave Roxy a massive mindfuck.
Not only had the door opened much faster than she would have thought, but she was speechless at what stood before her: same face, same eyes, same body but with tattoos snaking up her arms.
Shit.
The woman in front of her wasn't Ellen at all, and it certainly didn't match how Roxy imagined meeting Taylor Caldwell for the first time.
"Um… Hi. I—can I…" Taylor stepped out before Roxy could finish speaking. She closed the door behind her with deliberate calm and stood in front of it, arms crossed and eyes sharp, as if she were a bouncer.
"Hi, Roxy," she said, too calm. "I'm Ellen's sister, Taylor."
Of course, she already knew who Roxy was. "Uh… yeah. I figured it out. Is Ellen here?"