CHAPTER 38
ROXY
Sydney, New South Wales, Australia
During her Service career, Roxy masterminded diverse operations, including secret assassinations, recruiting informants, dismantling extremist cells, and undermining hostile nations' agendas.
None of this heightened her anxiety as much as her weekend's crucial task: introducing the authentic Roxy to the woman she desperately wanted to win back with no distractions, no secret assignments and no lies.
Roxy meticulously prepared for every possibility, devising plans A through D and even specifying the coffee choice, ensuring she had a backup in case Ellen disliked her initial selections.
Overkill? Perhaps. But Roxy didn't want to miss out on her second—or third, depending on the perspective—chance with Ellen Caldwell.
Her plan was ready to be executed at precisely 7:56 a.m. as she stood two blocks away from Ellen's house. Close enough to be punctual, but not so close as to appear eager.
She got the engine going at 7:59 a.m. and moved forward, her heart doing weird things behind her ribs. The closer she got to her house, the more she saw her.
Ellen was already waiting for her at the bottom of the sidewalk. She stood with her arms crossed lightly, her weight on one hip, face turned toward the street.
At first glance, everything was there to reassure Roxy. Ellen seemed relaxed, which was good—very good. She wore pale linen trousers, a dark cropped jacket, and a crossbody bag. Her hair was up, but loosely, with two strands slipping free near her temples. Softer, perhaps?
God, she was beautiful.
Then, their eyes finally met, and a magnificent smile appeared on her face, which automatically triggered one on Roxy's face.
Roxy didn't even have time to get out of her car before Ellen walked up to her, wrapping her arms around Roxy's shoulders, and pressed her body against her in a comfortable hug, like they never did before.
It was as if she was allowing herself to do something she had dreamed of doing for a long time but never dared to do because she knew Roxy was in a relationship. The awkwardness about it seemed to have disappeared now that Roxy was single and fully here for her.
Roxy couldn't help but see how perfectly they fit and how safe they were together.
She felt Ellen's breath against her collarbone.
Maybe she needed to calm Roxy down, or maybe she needed to calm herself down.
Roxy didn't ask her and just held her close.
Nothing in the world could pull Roxy out of her arms right now.
"Hey you," Ellen said, her voice low against her skin.
"Hi, Sunshine." Ellen tightened her embrace around Roxy when the latter mentioned the word “Sunshine,” a term that had arisen from the edges of a grin that Roxy couldn’t help but reveal. "I am happy to see you."
Ellen pulled back but stood her ground, a genuine smile gracing her lips. "Roxy, did you buy a new car?" she asked with an amused smile.
"No, why?" She let out a little laugh, and Roxy let herself get caught up in this little bit of madness taking hold. "What?"
"It's just perfect. I just hadn't noticed that you're a lesbian driving a Subaru. Can you be more cliché than that? Your subconscious has evidently been proactive."
Roxy shook her head, smiling. "Guess I should've listened to it sooner."
"Maybe," Ellen said while giving her a lovely wink.
Ellen continued to stare at Roxy for a few seconds, giving her time to fully register her gaze and notice how exhausted she looked, yet strangely not at all guarded. Roxy noted the change, not because she was worried, just stating a fact, "You seem different today."
Ellen said, "You told me you'd be yourself around me, so I just want to do the same."
Her honesty touched Roxy deeply, like a warm sensation beneath her ribs. "Well," Roxy said, "let's see where this takes us."
Ellen nodded as Roxy opened the passenger door for her. She settled in slowly and deliberately. Roxy walked around the car, settled herself into the driver's seat, and exhaled softly. It was time to hit the road and face their destiny.
***
Traffic was surprisingly light on the M4, just as Ellen seemed particularly calm. Roxy couldn't help stealing a few glances in her direction. In fact, she was much more interested in watching her than on the road, which could be quite a problem.
Occasionally, Ellen shifted her seat and adjusted her seatbelt. She freed her hair from her collar and glanced back at the passing scenery outside. Silence fell between them, but it was a comfortable silence, a feeling of peace that settled into the present moment.
At some point, Ellen brushed against Roxy's arm, reaching to unzip her jacket. "Sorry," she murmured with a tiny smile, definitely not disappointed by the physical contact she had just created.
Roxy kept her eyes forward on the road and said gently, "Don't be.
It's not unpleasant." She caught a glimpse of Ellen's faint smile tugs at her lips in the side mirror.
She reached for the stereo. "I made a playlist," she said, trying not to sound nervously excited. "If you want to know me better."
"I do," Ellen said. "Please." Roxy pressed play, and the first few songs played out in a series of relaxed, hushed moments. Ellen tilted her head once and said, "You have good taste."
Then, suddenly, the first chords of "Obviously" began quietly with her sister's voice signing the most beautiful lyrics Roxy had ever listened to.
Ellen didn't move at first. But Roxy could sense how important this song was to Ellen simply by the way she closed her eyes to listen to it.
"Even fourteen years after Tay wrote it right in front of Jessie and me," Ellen said, lost in the song's melody, "This song still moves me. It describes exactly how I felt when I came out."
Roxy looked away from the road for a moment and toward Ellen. "Oh, but I thought it was about Taylor coming out."
"Ah, my dear, that's one of SNARL's best-kept secrets," said Ellen, smirking. "As you know, 'Undivided'' is one of the most beautiful songs my sister wrote about me. 'Obviously' isn't about her coming-out, but ours."
Roxy felt completely lost. She must've played that song like, hundreds of times, and had no idea it was about the girl she loved today.
Ellen noticed it and didn't let her linger any longer. "Tay and I came out to each other the night of our seventeenth anniversary. I remember it as if it were yesterday. We were in her room, and Tay did her big reveal to Jessie and I."
It was a bit unrealistic for Roxy to hear Ellen speak about Taylor Caldwell, one of her favourite artists for years, simply as 'Tay.'
"It wasn't a shocking revelation to me, but I completely froze and had a panic attack. My sister was so brave to tell us so freely when I wasn't able to."
Roxy turned the volume down just slightly to get her full attention with her—and on the road.
"I had my first girlfriend when I was fifteen, hiding it from my parents and sisters. Until Jessie caught us kissing in my room, and believe me, it was nothing to be misinterpreted." Ellen let out a little laugh. "I remember begging her not to tell anyone, not even Tay."
"She didn't?"
"No, but Tay didn't need her to figure it out. We relate to a unique bond. I feel what she feels, and vice versa, no matter how far apart we are. We are each other's other half."
Roxy remained silent, simply letting the road curve ahead of them. She just wanted to listen to more of Ellen's story.
"So, the night of our coming out, Tay held me as I was shaking and was pissed at myself for ruining her moment," she simply said.
"She just said to me, 'You didn't ruin anything.
You made it ours.' That's where the chorus of the song comes from, and that's why the song matters.
Only the Caldwell sisters know its true meaning.
Everyone will understand that this song is about one person coming out, but in reality, it's about two halves coming out. "
"Whoa. I'm speechless."
She smiled at Roxy. "But you know, Roxy, Tay and I are just the first and second parts of the Caldwell Queer sisters' trilogy. Jessie is bisexual," Ellen said, very proud of her sister.
"But the fans don't know that."
"We know there are rumours circulating online, mainly on gossip sites, about whom she might be dating. But generally speaking, the fans respect her privacy."
"Is she in a relationship at the moment?" asked Roxy. "Or maybe I shouldn't ask."
"No, it's fine. She doesn't hide it, but she doesn't broadcast it either." Ellen smiled at her. "Blake Voss."
Roxy blinked. "Wait? Blake Voss?"
Ellen laughed under her breath. "I was serious when I told you that Blake was family to me. If it hadn't been for her, I would never have asked you for a rain check to go to LA in January. But I couldn't go."
Roxy let out a low whistle. "Wow. To be completely honest, I didn't make the connection as to who she was that night at Baxter's. Let's just say I had other things on my mind," she admitted. "But wait, if your sister is dating Blake Voss. That makes me her…"
With a mischievous grin, Ellen teased, "Potential future sisters-in-law."
Roxy smiled and felt a small, unexpected ache at her phrasing.
Her "potential." The words lingered in the air, testing Roxy.
She glanced at Ellen, and for a moment, it almost felt real and tangible.
It was like a future Roxy was now allowed to imagine.
"Wow," she said again, softer now. "I mean… that's actually kind of amazing."
Ellen nodded, more thoughtful this time. "It is. Jessie has been through a lot. She lost her parents, was adopted by my family, and got an ugly divorce last year. She rebuilt everything from the ground up, even her sense of self."