Landon #4
“Yeah,” I whisper, turning my attention back to the ceiling. “Thanks.”
“So?” Julian pushes. “How was it?”
“We argued,” I confess. “And then didn’t. And now I’m just waiting.”
“Waiting?”
“Yeah. He has some truths to give me. I think they may be hard ones, though, so he’s taking some time first.”
“And you’re not going to fuck him until he tells you, right?” Julian asks.
It’s kind of hilarious how we’re always on the same page. Two sides of the same coin, or some shit. But then his words truly register, and I grimace.
“I don’t, uh, I don’t fuck Nate,” I tell him, turning to see his expression.
Julian is grinning, wiggling his eyebrows at me. “Oh, yeah? Is that more of his department?”
I roll my eyes, shoving at him again. Which, of course, just means he shoves my good arm, getting me right back.
“What, you telling me Atlas fucks you?” I tease, which makes Julian release a loud, cackling laugh.
“Could you imagine?! I think he’d kill me if I asked!”
“And you’re okay with that?” I press.
If Julian’s needs aren’t being met, then that’s a problem.
But he just sighs wistfully, dropping his head onto his arm against the bed. “Yep. I love everything about Atlas, even his permanent bottom mindset.”
We sit in a comfortable silence after that, listening to the sound of our hearts beating so close together in this quiet room, which is incredibly comforting.
“I’m happy we’re okay,” I whisper, keeping my eyes trained on the ceiling.
“Me too, Lan. I missed you so much.” His hand finds mine, and I squeeze it right back.
“Does Atlas know you’re down here? Or that we used to…” I would die if, right as I’m happy for the two of them, I were the cause behind their breakup.
But Julian nods. “Atlas knows everything. I haven’t been able to deny him an answer or an explanation from the moment we met.”
“You really love him, huh?”
“Of course,” he says. “So much so that he’s not even a bit concerned that I’m in here right now. Although, to be fair, I kind of did a huge gesture to prove myself to him.”
“A huge gesture?” Maybe I shouldn’t have been so distant because I really missed out on seeing that.
Julian sits up on the bed, his expression one of caution as he debates answering. And it feels shitty if I’m honest, because we’ve never really hidden things from each other.
Well, other than my gift and my depression.
The one perk of losing coercion is not having to hide it, I guess.
“Listen,” he starts, fiddling with the strings of his sweatpants. “I’m going to tell you parts of it, but it’s truly not my story to tell, so I can’t give you everything.”
He must be referring to Atlas, that this is his story. Didn’t Nate say that he was cured of his sickness?
“Alright,” I say softly.
“Atlas had a condition, and this is going to sound fucking insane, but to cure him, I had to jump from the cliff out back.”
I just stare at him, trying to sort out if this is an elaborate joke or not. But Julian’s face is serious, his black hair pushed back from his forehead, and his lips set into a thin line.
“That makes no sense,” I finally admit, sitting up to face him.
Julian sighs. “I know. But bear with me, okay? Basically, I jumped from the cliff, and it cured him, but I died.”
“You what?!” I screech. “Are you a ghost right now? Oh my god, can you not even leave this castle?”
Every fantasy I’ve ever read or seen is circling my brain, and I reach out a hand to touch him, relishing the fact that I can.
“No.” Julian chuckles. “Barfred brought me back to life.”
“N-Nate did?” The information being thrown at me is making me feel crazy, and the idea of Nate saving Julian’s life is so comforting for some reason that I can barely stomach the sappy emotion.
“Yeah. He pulled me from the water and gave me CPR until my heart started beating again. It was a crazy day.” Julian is smiling like he’s looking back on something beautiful.
As if dying for Atlas was the best thing he’s ever done. It occurs to me that Julian might have a savior complex, and his entire life now revolves around making sure that boy stays happy and healthy.
“Wow, Julie,” I breathe out. “You really love him.”
It’s contagious, this feeling he’s exuding. I can practically taste how committed and obsessed Julian is.
“I have never loved another person this much in my entire life,” he admits happily.
“That’s good. I’m glad.”
A part of me feels less horrible about keeping my own secrets now, because what the fuck? I wonder if anyone here knows about Nate’s illusion.
And I am curious about this condition Atlas had and why the fuck Julian’s death was the solution. But I guess on some level, if there was something horribly wrong with me, I wouldn’t want everyone and their homeboy knowing about it.
Though it does sound a little magical, a little unreal.
“Well,” Julian says, standing from the bed. “I’d better get back up there. Atlas doesn’t like falling asleep without me.”
“That’s so sweet it’s disgusting,” I tease, and Julian just smiles. “Have a good night, Julie.”
“Yeah,” he says quietly, reaching over to ruffle my hair. “Night, Lan.”