Chapter 23 Kali
KALI
They were not letting him come until the countdown reached zero.
And something protested in me the six times the man had swallowed him.
“Would you like to be there instead of him?” Gedeon spread his legs as he reclined in his seat, dressed in what I supposed was not the first or last black t-shirt in his endless supply of them.
“What?” I sputtered. There was no way I was going up there.
Except, the concept of it soaked my panties. Thank the gods I was wearing leather and not cotton.
He jerked his chin toward the stage. “Watch the fireworks.”
Zion’s head dropped back again, but this time, the woman didn’t stop her duo’s partner. Zion’s mouth parted as he came down the man’s throat, the claps and whistles absorbing his groans.
The light above the stage went out and Jayla announced a break. Chatter and clangs of glasses filled the space as workers carrying trays brimming with refreshments spun between the tables.
“So, how did you like the first part?” Sadira adjusted a loose clip on her dark red overalls, almost exposing her breast in the process, and pinned Ezra with a look. “The show is over. Breakfast delivery for a week is mine. I’ll start taking my payment tomorrow.”
“The first part?” There was more?
“You didn’t expect Zion to be the entire show tonight, did you? It’s just the beginning.” Ryder ordered another round of drinks from a passing worker.
Jayla appeared out of nowhere and beamed at me.
“Did you like it? Please tell me you did. I worked so freaking hard to get him up there. Well, okay, not that hard. He owed me for telling Gedeon what he wasn’t supposed to.
One day, I’ll get Gedeon to go up there.
” She sighed dreamily with a hand on her chest. “That will be the highlight of my work.” Gedeon gave her a dirty look, and she pointed a finger at him. “I said one day, not today.”
“Pretty birdie!” Zion navigated between the tables toward us.
Oh, no.
A sheen of sweat glistened on the planes of his chest, but at least he’d pulled on the pair of black sweatpants the man had torn off him on the stage.
“He’ll carry you up there if you don’t run,” Ezra remarked.
Zion licked his lips as his hungry gaze scorched a trail up my bare thighs and to the high slit of my skirt. He dropped to his knees and roughly spread my legs apart, bringing me to the chair’s edge as I sucked in a breath.
Instinctively, I clutched at his bare shoulders, a little sticky from his sweat. His hot skin challenged my resolve to pretend I didn’t want to sink my teeth into his muscles.
“I could eat you up.” His nose skimmed up my inner thigh, pausing mere inches away from my panties. From how his blue eyes flicked to mine and back between my legs, he hadn’t missed the wet spot. My core tightened with the wish that he’d rip the fabric off.
Which also caused confusion to swirl in my stomach. From my experience, undressing often meant a transaction was about to begin. But Zion’s behavior contained not a trace of it. The lack of it jumbled up my senses into a knot.
“See? She already has him on his knees. I told you she belonged here,” Ezra drawled.
No, no, no.
I didn’t.
I did not belong here.
This was wrong. I was wrong. Everything was wrong.
I was not supposed to stay.
I was not supposed to live contentedly.
I was not supposed to entertain the idea of enjoying Zion’s body.
Shoving him away, I leaped out of my seat and bolted toward the exit.
“Wait, Kali, I’ll come with you!” Eislyn’s plea pierced the noise of customers lounging away during the break between the shows.
Darting between the tables to escape her, I hit a corner of one, and glass shattered on the floor, the sound as harsh as the yells from the customers.
But I rushed, not daring to see how far away she was behind me.
I knew I’d break down if her gentle voice flowed into my ears and her kindness knocked on my heart.
I didn’t stop outside. The crisp air wasn’t enough.
I ran and ran and ran. The burn in my muscles pushed me farther, and I moved faster, taking random turns in the streets until a familiar one spread before me and I cut a corner, emerging at the edge of the grassy field leading to the surrounding forest.
Panting, I paused under the foliage of an oak tree. I plucked a leaf from a tiny branch and rubbed it between my fingers, hoping the roughness of its veins would ground me.
The faint illumination pouring from the windows of the closest buildings brought out the leaf’s darker shade of green. I crushed it. The color was too similar to the wristbands in Ilasall. The one Alora wore. The one I was supposed to wear.
The one I was free of. The one she still carried.
I’d been here a week and had already forgotten about my plans. I’d known I was selfish, but staying here had been a mistake.
Someone shouted in the streets on the other side of the field I’d crossed, and I flinched. I couldn’t let them find me.
I sprinted, ducking under the low-hanging branches and jumping over overlapping tree roots, thankful for the moss absorbing my heavy steps. Drops of dew dripped on my bare shoulders like arrows carrying whispers on their tips.
Drip.
You left her behind.
Drip.
You left all of them behind.
Drip.
She suffers because of you.
Drip.
They all suffer because of you.
No, I wanted to shout at them.
But I had left her behind. I’d left everyone behind.
In the clearing, I fell on all fours and gagged.
Air whooshed in and out of my chest so quickly my head spun.
The blanket of greenery leeched the last drops of my energy, and I slumped, rolling onto my back.
Nature’s moisture coating my exposed legs, waist, and arms elicited shivers to slither up my spine, and I welcomed them.
No stars shone in the night sky, and I knew, I knew the clouds had decided to harbor the gods. I had fallen from their ranks. Because how could a spineless human be worth standing among them?
A guttural scream erupted from deep in my throat, and my neck arched as it ripped me apart and filled the otherwise quiet expanse.
I’d had a plan. A way. An opportunity. A chance for revenge. On the rulers of Ilasall. On myself.
I could’ve poisoned them all. I could’ve given the people an opening to overthrow the government. I could’ve plucked Alora out of our vile city. I could’ve blown life into her. The same one I’d stolen from her. Just like I’d been stolen by Gedeon and Zion. Snatched out of my life.
Yet I stayed. For days and nights, I slept in their bed, ate their food, talked with their friends. Had laughed like I’d done with Alora during our childhoods, quivered when they’d touched me, and not from fear, and dared to dream of more than this miserable life.
Had the nerve to think I deserved more.
When the first tear reached my temple, I counted.
One. I was rotten. I had effectively destroyed the closest person in my life. And she’d kept the secret to herself. Hadn’t revealed it to a single soul. She’d paid for my freedom. At thirteen-years-old. And so, during the next thirteen years, I’d survived in relative freedom.
Two. Two people had utterly erased my previous life, my dreams, and my goals. They made my hands tremble and my teeth ache and my blood boil.
Three. I’d never felt safe in my life, not before I’d been brought here.
Four. I’d never felt so free as these last days.
Five. I’d never trusted anyone. And trust flowed with each person’s name here, their kind words, and bright smiles.
Six. I’d forgotten the promise I’d made to Alora. It’s all going to be okay. We’ll be okay.
Seven. I didn’t want to go back.
Eight. I wanted to stay.
Nine. I wanted to live.
Ten. I was broken.
I had to be.
What could I be otherwise?
A coward, a flickering star of a god answered as the clouds parted on their command.
An atrocity, the wind brushed its murmurs over my damp skin, the chill pricking me like a mass of needles.
A tormentor, the foliage rustled along the tree line.
Their responses licked me with flames of ice and fire. My betrayal and her gift. My promise and my failure. But my tainted heart glued my mouth shut, and no pleas left my tongue. Why would they? I hadn’t earned them.
And they weren’t what I craved.
Was I a terrible person to stay? To leave her behind? To let everyone suffer for only those gods knew how long simply because I’d been offered a way out? And because I wanted it?
As if my wishes were more important than getting Alora out of the life I’d forced upon her.
I curled up in a ball and begged the earth to soak up my traitorous tears. I wished to become one with the dirt, with the blades of grass poking my chin and nose, with the night’s dew hugging me like a blanket.
I wished to become one with nothingness.