Chapter 8 I Don’t Wanna Hurt No More
EIGHT
I Don't Wanna Hurt No More
The weatherman gave every New Yorker the same warning: cold, snow, stay home.
However, he was always wrong. How bad could it really be?
Either way, the office wouldn't be packed today, only those living close enough would make the commute.
Instead of my usual blazer and heels, I pulled on a cashmere sweater and jeans.
Then my heavy coat. For my trek, I reached for my waterproof snow boots, sat near the door, and laced them up.
When I was done, I hesitated, my pulse quickening as though something might bite the moment I stepped out.
The hard part wasn't leaving; it was finding the courage to do it.
Even though my personal life was a mess, I wasn't about to let Amoré Nights suffer. I reached for the knob. You can do this.
On adrenaline and false confidence, I strutted to the elevator, steps away from my front door.
By the time I hit the lobby, the doorman's mouth dropped open.
"Morning, Jarvis. I'll see you later."
He blinked. "Ms. Ortega, you're headed to the office? I thought you were the boss."
"The snow will probably stop falling soon," I said, then walked through the door he held open.
Plus, that was exactly the point. If anyone needed to set the example, it should be me.
Some of my employees could not work from home, which made showing up important.
It was nearly the end of January; the whole reason we wanted to launch Amoré Nights now was so women would credit my little app for getting them the best Valentine's Day ever. February was days away.
As I slowly made my way toward the office, the few blocks from my condo now felt like a trek up Mount Everest. The wind whipped snow against my face, stinging and blinding me as I stumbled forward, barely able to see more than a few feet ahead.
Damn, for once the weatherman was right. I hated men!
Eventually, I made it. Stomped the snow from my boots and went to the elevator. I needed coffee, something warm. Minutes later, I walked into Amoré Nights and was shocked to find the place full.
A smile tugged at my lips, then spread wider. The majority of my staff were here, in sweaters and jeans, clicking away.
"So, none of you trusted the weatherman, or are you just the best employees I could ever ask for?"
"Both," someone said.
Another voice yelled, "Who would've thought he'd get one right."
Laughter rippled through the office, and Eliana pressed a hot cup of coffee into my hands.
"Bless you," I said, taking a sip immediately. "OK. If you're all going to work, I'll get started. Can't have it said I'm slacking."
After offering my staff one last warm look, I hurried to my office and went in.
"We have to talk."
The corners of my mouth fell when I spotted Bruno at my desk. I looked back at the door to make sure it was shut.
Then, in a low pleading voice, I spoke. "Why are you in here?"
Silence.
Carrying a dejected expression, Bruno didn't answer. I removed my coat and hung it on the hook. "I have work to do."
"So, that's it? You'll pretend we never happened," he said, voice tight.
Out of reflex, I was ready to defend myself. "I don't need to explain myself to you."
Bruno stood. "Running from California and hiding in your condo all weekend. What's that going to achieve? The old Alex would face challenges head-on."
"The old Alex is gone. Isn't that clear by now?"
He gave no sign that he'd heard me. "Let's talk now like adults."
I stared at him in disbelief. "This is my place of business. Amoré Nights launches soon. I don't have time."
"Make some," he ordered, and that tone wasn't one to use with me. "Let's meet after work at the coffee shop next to the building."
Was he not listening?
"Bruno. The other night, I was drunk. I'm not changing course in my life because I couldn't hold my liquor."
He flinched. "It was more than that, don't pretend…"
"Leave my office. Do not pretend to know how I feel better than I do. If I say nothing comes from it, then that's it."
Before he could get another word out, I yanked my office door open. "Mr. Gasol. Please excuse me. I need to get back to work."
Bruno closed the distance in fast, long steps, his jaw tight and his eyes burning with anger. When he reached the door, he glared at me.
"You're so fucking stubborn," he snapped before storming out.
Naturally, the whole office heard his words and now stared at me. Frustrated, I slammed the door shut with a sharp echo.
Eventually, the snow stopped, streets were plowed, and many of the sidewalks were already shoveled.
The possibility of legal consequences keeps every New Yorker with property careful about clearing the sidewalks, afraid of fines or lawsuits.
So, I offered my hardworking employees lunch at the ramen restaurant nearby.
I gave Eliana my credit card and told them to go ahead.
I wanted to finish up a call with Olivia, who for the last six minutes had scolded me about screwing Bruno.
"Didn't we say he was trash?" she reminded me.
It brought a smile to my face. "Yes."
"So, why are you eating from the trash when you own a dating app, with endless options?"
Leave it to my friend to make things sound so simple. "I was drunk, I wouldn't willingly dumpster-dive."
"Well. Protect your heart." Olivia said exactly what I'd been thinking since that night.
Even through the anger, I could no longer pretend I lacked a heart. Once, it had been full of love for Bruno. A year of steady effort had drained those feelings, and going back now felt impossible.
"I'm on it."
After that assurance, she hung up, and I left my office to meet the team for lunch. I was paying, so I might as well eat. I pressed the elevator button and smiled when it opened instantly. However, when the door completely opened, among the riders I spotted Bruno.
I took a deep breath before entering.
"Alex."
Oh God, please tell me he didn't plan on having this conversation for all to hear.
"Now isn't the time," I said flatly and pushed the lobby button.
Ignoring the desperation in my voice, Bruno spoke. "Earlier wasn't a good time, and we were alone in your office."
I spun around, glancing from him to the people. Through gritted teeth I spoke. "Not now."
"When!"
Everyone gathered in the elevator only needed a tub of popcorn, and they'd be ready for a show. Only one guy pretended to have hearing loss and kept his eyes glued to his phone screen.
Lowering my head and voice, I whispered, "Later."
"Let's do it after work at the diner nearby," Bruno said, then waited for me to lift my head. Before I could speak, he warned, "Either then, or I camp out in the lobby of your condo building."
God no, my neighbors were all stuck-up rich society folks, so that would be a nightmare.
"Fine, let's talk then." One look at Bruno told me he didn't believe me. As the elevator door opened and everyone filed out, I followed, then turned around to face him. "We need to get this over with. I'll be there."
"Six-fifteen?" Bruno asked with one brow raised.
Sighing, I rolled my eyes and turned to walk away. "I'm going to eat lunch. See you later."
Behind me I heard him clearly. "Alex, don't chicken out this time. Let's put everything on the table, and if you still want to never see me again, I'm gone forever."
Forever. Such a long time. So permanent.
Weirdly, it felt like a threat.
I stared at the clock all afternoon since lunch, and it felt like it had a personal vendetta, its minute hand sprinting around the face like it was late for something, dragging my sanity with it.
"See you tomorrow," Eliana said, and I looked away from the clock on the wall and gave her a smile.
"You OK?" she asked softly.
Eager to have her gone, I rushed to my feet. "Yes. I have a meeting. See you tomorrow."
My secretary lifted an eyebrow. "A meeting? There was nothing on your calendar. Do you need me there?"
"If I could, I'd have you go in my place."
Eliana's brow knit as she tilted her head. "What?"
"Forget it. Have a good night, see you tomorrow." I walked out of the office and headed to the elevator; might as well get this over with. Once Bruno and I spoke, we could go on with our lives, and that's what I wanted. Right?
It's what I've been doing for a year very successfully.
Five minutes later, I walked into the diner, paused at the door, and scanned the place.
All around, people ate, drank, some even smiled; clearly no one else was there against their will.
Then I spotted Bruno, already seated with a plate of food and a steaming cup of coffee.
I sighed, slipped off my coat, and sat across from him.
"I'm here as promised. Let's just get this over with. "
My choice of words wasn't planned, but now that they were out there hanging between us, we both looked at each other.
"Alex. I don't want us to be over."
My throat tightened as I promised myself not to interrupt, to let Bruno say it all, as this might be the last time we spoke.
"That girl came on to me, and since you were pushing me away, out of anger I took her up on the offer."
I bit my lip to stay silent. Really fucking hard. But my face and eyes tightened, so Bruno noticed he wasn't making any progress.
"No. Don't get me wrong. I'm not excusing what happened. I was an asshole."
My body relaxed; finally, he said something we could agree on.
"Be fair. I didn't technically fuck Monique. Yes, I let her give me oral sex in a moment of weakness."
Not replying to that weak moment line took effort.
"We never did more than that. She was nothing compared to you. That day, I went to your dorm ready to fight for us, and the little psych major worked me over.
"She told me, 'You are a handsome man. You do not need to beg any woman to stay.'
"After everything you had been saying and the way you had been acting, it got to me. I am not proud of how quickly I gave in, but you wanted space, to be with other men. That is how I interpreted it," Bruno said.
As I sat there, his words had an annoying ring of truth. Well, partly. Still, when you get an eyeful like I did, no explanation can fix things. Bruno has always owned up to his betrayal, but his one moment of weakness wasn't completely his fault.
Monique's eyes always sparkled when Bruno entered the room, but he was a good-looking man.
At the time I didn't fault her for noticing.
Shit, all my friends called him handsome, but I knew none of them would fuck him.
Stupid of me for thinking all the women I came across would be just like the three I treasured…
The week Bruno cheated was a bad one for my family.
My mother was all the way in Spain sobbing into the telephone about Padre's deceit.
He'd secretly fathered not one, not two, but three children with a woman who'd showed up at my mother's gate to ask for a larger weekly allowance.
He was away on business, and according to his mistress, that didn't mean her children should go without.
Imagine the fucking nerve. If I were home, she'd get the hose turned on her.
In my ears, mother sobbed but wouldn't acknowledge the advice I'd repeatedly given since the start of this conversation.
"Leave him."
At the beginning of our chat, I was seething with anger at Padre's betrayal and embarrassment, but the longer Mother ignored me and I realized she wasn't going anywhere, my anger turned on her. "Why don't you just let them move in?"
"?Qué? (What?)"
"Well, for years, he's been cheating, and you've never done anything; at least this would save him the time going from one house to another."
"Alexandra!"
"What? You're staying, aren't you? Are you leaving him?"
Silence.
"I can't listen to this anymore. Since I was five, all you've ever told me about were Father's affairs. You're a broken record. Keep getting cheated on, but doing absolutely nothing."
"You're too young. You don't understand."
I'd ended the call. What was there to understand? If a man cheated on me, I wasn't staying.
All week I'd been a raging bitch. Arguing with all my girls, but nobody got it as bad as Bruno did. He was a man, and while I couldn't curse my father out, Bruno would do just fine. I didn't like how he looked, smelled, the way he kissed, or even chewed.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?" he'd demanded.
Silence.
I knew I was wrong; it wasn't right to take this out on him, so I took a deep breath and gave what I thought was a good way to get some time. "I need a break."
"Break? What? All week you've been a pain in the ass because you want to break up with me?"
That's not what I meant but for some reason stayed silent.
"A fucking break after three years."
"Bruno, my head is all over the place. I'm feeling a bunch of things. All I'm asking is for a little time to breathe and think."
I thought it was a reasonable ask, but he stomped out of the room and slammed the door. Honestly, I took a few things for granted. Bruno would never give up so easily, and I expected to see him the very next day. However, when I did, Monique was enjoying him.
And now Bruno's eyes glistened. No tears slipped free, but the hurt there made me wish that trip to California had never taken place.
The sight stirred the heart I had insisted was numb and forced a painful awareness I did not want to admit.
Then I remembered all the times I watched Padre crying as he apologized to Madre, and my body stiffened.
Shit, a lot of guilty men cried. Demetria once said she could not believe how many men needed a box of tissues after they were caught fucking cheating on her.
What about my tears, not just over Bruno, but the disappointment of realizing all the men in my life weren't worth shit?
"Bruno, it's too complicated. We can't go back."
I shot up from my seat, heart slamming, and rushed out of the diner, desperate for fresh air.