Chapter Six
Yun
I found myself outside, staring at the glimmering portal. I’d started inside a trailer, of course. Carter had ensured I had one close enough for them to reach me quickly but also far enough to be safe and not actually have to see the portal.
When the announcement for injuries and casualties had started to come through, I’d exited my little haven without any real thought.
They didn’t list who had gotten hurt, didn’t give the squad names of those who had fallen. Instead, the calls prepared the healers and medics, and warned guides about incoming casualties.
The rest, the names of those who wouldn’t come back, would get released at the end, once the portal had been closed and squads and families notified.
At least, that was the idea of it. Rumors traveled so fast that the news usually spread before anyone officially announced anything.
However, I found myself anxious, shifting my weight from foot to foot. The shimmering of the portal was as ominous as it had ever been, but I didn’t react as I usually did. The fear had lessened, only an echo of the panic from before. Instead, worry consumed me.
Could one of them be the hurt ones? The ones who didn’t make it back?
Sure, I’d felt a speck of this before, but it was nothing compared to how it filled me this time. That went to show how things had changed, didn’t it? I’d been worried before, but this time it was far worse.
It made me wonder what would happen if things kept going this way. How tightly entangled would I be later on?
“The casualty is a stealth esper.”
The words froze my insides, made it feel as though I couldn’t draw breath. I turned toward the man in a Guild uniform, an earpiece over his left ear. “Who was it?”
He scoffed at me, as though I were unimportant to him. “I don’t know. All I know is that he was stealth, and he went after the heart.”
My legs trembled, and I worried they wouldn’t hold.
It couldn’t have been Ingram, right? He’d be someone to go after the heart, of course, but he was far too smart to risk himself foolishly. He knew his own power, knew how to calculate risk.
I shook my head, reassuring myself over and over again that it couldn’t be him, that he’d walk through that portal any second now.
Esper after esper did so. Most wounded, some limping, some carried, but with each one who exited, that fear in me grew.
More figures came through—Kenyon, Carter and Shear. They walked in step, with Shear looking perfect, Kenyon covered in blood but moving in a way that said it wasn’t his, and Carter limping as usual, though appearing rather cheery.
Then again, I suspected he’d look happy even if something had happened to Ingram, given his inability to show his actual emotional response to anything.
Dark shadows became people as another group exited, but it wasn’t Ingram. It was two espers, one missing an arm, the other wounded.
Why would Ingram come later?
A heartbeat before I lost it, I finally spotted Ingram. He walked out, looking no worse than when he’d left, if one could ignore the streaks of purple monster blood. Except it wasn’t just him. Over his shoulder rested someone else, carried as though they had no weight.
He all but tossed the person to a waiting medic, though they stumbled.
I kept myself still, recalling how he’d rebuffed me before. He’d stormed off, not wanting my help. If it had hurt before, it would be worse now. Instead of opening myself up for that sort of pain, I remained in place.
His gaze landed right on me, as though he’d searched for me the moment he’d unloaded his burden. I expected him to walk slowly to me, but leave it to Ingram to do everything his own way.
One second he was there, the next, only shadow remained, and a blink later he appeared before me, having traveled through that space between here and there.
I swallowed hard at the sudden appearance but didn’t pull away, didn’t escape.
“You wanted to help me last time.” His voice came out impossibly deep, as though something else spoke through him.
“You turned me down.”
“Yeah, well, I ain’t doing that now. Last chance for you right now. Say no, and Carter will take you back to the trailer. Won’t hold it against you.”
“And you?”
“And I’ll go handle myself. I’m a big boy, been taking care of my own needs for a long time.
Hurry up, though, I’m not very patient.” The words from anyone else would have sounded full of themselves, even manipulative, but I heard the pain beneath them.
I didn’t understand what he felt, what had hurt him, but that didn’t change that I could hear it.
It was like seeing a person with wounds, covered in blood—I didn’t have to know what caused it to know they’d gotten hurt.
I didn’t have to understand why Ingram felt like this—I knew it was true.
“I’m not running away,” I said.
I expected some quip from him. He was usually good at those, after all, good at twisting the words and making me blush. He rarely spoke unless it was either some sort of perverted come-on or an insult.
Except, neither of those left him.
Instead, he reached out, wrapping his fingers behind my neck and pulling me in close. He put his lips to mine and kissed me with a hunger that blanked my mind.
I couldn’t be scared, couldn’t fall into my own past, into my worries, none of it. I let the way he kissed me distract me, that void inside him pulling me in until I didn’t give a damn about anything else.
Even as shadows surrounded me, as I tasted the corruption on his lips, I only clung tighter to him. The rest of those around us?
I didn’t care, not a bit. None of them respected me as it was, so who cared if I indulged like this? If I acted like a whore?
The fact that he wanted me in this moment was more than enough for me to ignore anything else.
The world disappeared then, darkness surrounding me, but still I only held tighter. I had a feeling that so long as I held onto Ingram, so long as I stayed with one of these men, nothing else mattered.
I’d happily let the darkness take me.