Chapter Twenty-Four
Yun
The touch of Carter’s lips to my own hurt, but given the way he tensed, probably not nearly as much as it hurt him. I didn’t use my full power, though honestly, I didn’t have much control over it.
It was like some part of me knew I didn’t want to seriously hurt Carter, but my anger meant I wasn’t willing to just give in, either.
Still, no matter how much it must have pained him, Carter didn’t pull away. He didn’t stop the kiss, didn’t end the contact. It was like he was telling me to do my worst, because he wasn’t going anywhere.
That alone managed to cool my temper some, giving me the ability to breathe again. The electricity that ran along my skin—my sole form of self-defense—quieted down until it fizzled away to nothing.
Even still, he didn’t end the kiss right away. It remained gentle, sweet, like some reassurance that both confused and frightened me.
After another moment, he broke the kiss but didn’t let me go, pressing his forehead against mine. “We didn’t go to another guide.”
“I know what I saw.”
“Yeah, but you didn’t see it all. What you saw was me kicking her out.” He spoke softly, but I knew better than to fully believe anything he said. Carter was a consummate liar, after all.
“Why would a guide even be here unless you invited her?” Guides had enough to do without wasting their time on espers who hadn’t shown an interest or need for them.
“Because the Guild has been sniffing around ever since the hotel, trying to get us to break the contract. They’ve sent that guide before, too, but we refused.
I got back here and she was waiting for us inside—probably because they knew you’d be at training.
I kicked her out and told her to not come back. ”
I pulled away enough to stare at him, trying to judge the truth of his words. They sounded true enough, though part of me wondered if that wasn’t just what I wanted to believe.
Then again, I recalled the way the Guild had pulled me aside as well. Did I really believe that they wouldn’t do something that underhanded? That they wouldn’t try to create a division between us?
The more I thought about it, the more obvious the answer.
Yeah, they would, easily.
Suddenly, all that anger and hurt transferred to embarrassment. I thought about what Kaidan had gotten to see, what a few people in the base had probably gotten to see, and my cheeks heated.
I’d acted like a fool, exposing just how much they meant to me. I hadn’t even fully accepted it myself, but there was no other reasonable explanation for my entire meltdown just now, was there?
“You get it now?” Carter asked, his lips sliding in a lop-sided grin, the one that felt more real than what he usually wore. It felt like the smile he saved for me, the one that conveyed actual amusement instead of the threat and broken glass he threw at others.
“You don’t need to look so pleased with yourself,” I said. “I could have fried your brain just now. Don’t you realize how dangerous that was?”
He didn’t appear all that chastised. If anything, he seemed pleased. “You worry too much. Besides, the fact you didn’t do it, what do you think that means?”
“I don’t know.” I crossed my arms over my chest, feeling far too exposed.
“I think it means you actually like me—quite a bit. Otherwise, you could have done what you did to those others. In fact, if I recall correctly, you said we should have made you fall—” He paused, then cocked up an eyebrow, his expression downright giddy.
And we all knew where that statement had been headed, what I had planned to say with it.
The words still perched on my tongue, nearly having escaped. Shouldn’t have made me fall for you.
As much as I wanted to deny it, my little slip spoke the truth. I had fallen for them—fully. It went to show in how betrayed I’d felt, in me not killing Carter, and in the words I’d nearly said.
No matter how much I’d tried to avoid this, how much I’d told myself to keep my wits about me, I’d failed at the end of the day. I’d fallen for these espers, for these men, and I had no idea how to handle it.
I couldn’t trust them, didn’t trust them, but that didn’t change my feelings.
I covered my face with my hands, trying to hide…well…everything. My burning cheeks, my embarrassment, all of it. I wanted to crawl into the smallest hole I could find and pretend the whole day had never happened.
Except of course these four wouldn’t let that happen.
The television turned on, the sound of a movie echoing in the living room space. “Oh, it’s a romance!” Kenyon’s voice was cheery as ever, as though the entire fight hadn’t just happened.
“I went out of my way and got the kitchen to put together a lasagne.” Carter sounded unbearably pleased with himself, like he’d just returned from war rather than the truth—that he probably threatened the staff into making a meal for him. “It’s in the oven. Thirty minutes and we’ll be eating.”
“I like lasagne,” Ingram said, the world shifting around me before I realized he’d picked me up to carry me to the couch.
Seemed as if the overbearing bastard didn’t plan to let me avoid the movie and hide away.
Shear said nothing—he rarely did—and instead simply went to sit in the chair in the living room, his usual spot. Ingram didn’t let go of me before he plopped down, keeping me in his lap. Kenyon went around shutting all the blinds while the oven beeped as Carter got dinner going.
We all sat there, the scent of melted cheese and vodka sauce filling the place. They didn’t ask me any questions, didn’t press me anymore, but the actions alone told me that Carter had probably been telling the truth.
Plus, sitting next to them, I could sense the corruption levels, and they were too high for any of them to have gotten guiding from anyone else.
“Pay attention to the movie,” Ingram whispered into my ear.
“I am.”
“Nah, you’re thinking.” He set a hand on my thigh and moved it up, inching toward the inside. “I mean, if you’re not into the movie, we could probably pass the time in other ways…”
I shook my head in a quick jerk and plastered my gaze to the screen.
He chuckled but removed his hand, leaving us to settle in for the cheesy movie and delicious food.
It made me think that this whole falling for someone thing might not be so bad.
If only life ever stayed this calm…