Chapter 16
Sixteen
C ooper
Sybil lets me into her parents’ place, and I immediately gather her into a hug.
I’m six-foot-two, and she’s five-foot-ten, which makes her a lot taller than most of the girls I’m used to holding, but her height is one of my favorite things.
It suits her take-charge personality, even though right now she feels smaller, sinking into me like she needs my protection.
Like she needs me .
I should let her go, should step away and put distance between us, but I can’t.
For a few seconds, I let myself hang on tight, imagining holding Ethan’s girl isn’t total asshole behavior.
I imagine, just for a moment, I’m my brother—the one she needs to hold her and tell her everything is going to be alright.
I breathe her in, inhaling her intoxicating perfume and the soapy-clean scent of her freshly shampooed hair.
I shouldn’t close my eyes, but I find them shutting anyway, savoring this moment.
I hate to see her so broken and sad; she doesn’t deserve it.
She should know how special she is and how much she’s wanted.
God, if I could tell her how much I want her, have always wanted her, maybe she wouldn’t look so broken-hearted.
The only consolation is she’s obviously showered and gotten herself ready after returning from the airport. I half expected to find her in bed with puffy eyes and a pint of her favorite Ben and Jerry’s, Cherry Garcia.
Does getting ready mean she’s okay?
Wallowing in bed was never Sybil’s thing.
She’s not the type to feel sorry for herself or let someone else pick up the pieces for her.
She’s type-A with her shit together and go-on-with-life attitude, even though she’s hurting on the inside.
Honestly, it’s a miracle she’s letting me hug her instead of pretending everything is fine.
“Are you okay?” I ask in a throaty whisper, stepping back but keeping my hands on her elbows.
She nods, then shakes her head, and then nods again, and my heart aches for her.
“I’m not crying anymore, so at least there’s that.”
Her eyes are much greener than normal—the color of spring grass after the rain and a clear sign of her tears. My aching heart sinks.
“He won’t tell me what happened,” I say with a frustrated growl.
She closes the front door behind me, resignation set into every soft line of her body.
“At least my family isn’t here.” She sighs.
“I’m not ready to tell them. I keep thinking Ethan will change his mind, so why create drama?
I… I might be in denial. I never thought he’d break up with me.
” Her mouth trembles, and I want to deck my brother.
If the man had two brain-cells, he’d be here instead of me. The girl deserves the world, and Ethan was going to give it to her. This shit doesn’t make sense.
I swallow hard. “You don’t have to tell me why, but if you know…” My voice trails off. This isn’t my place, but she leads me into the living room.
The Laurences own property all over, but their Manhattan penthouse is by far my favorite.
It’s the top two stories and rooftop of a historic building.
Massive and ornate, this is the kind of real estate that is only found passed down for generations.
You can’t really find available places like this in New York City anymore, at least not this close to Central Park.
It’s large enough for the family of five and then some, has two kitchens, two offices, two family rooms, and of course, it’s expertly renovated and decorated.
It’s not their main residence, but they use it all the time, so they keep it staffed. But right now? Right now, it’s only me and Sybil, and I’m painfully aware of that fact. We’re rarely alone together… and never like this.
“Come on,” she says, “can we just hang out?”
I nod and follow her to the tv room where she tucks into the corner of the sofa and flips on the television to a home improvement show.
She’s really into home design, so I’m not surprised.
She pats the spot next to her, and instead of continuing to stand around, I let myself sit.
We’re a foot apart, but it feels like we’re closer, the space between us buzzing.
Eventually, she shifts her weight and leans into me, curling up like a kitten.
My body betrays me, cock thickening and muscles tensing at how much I want this woman.
Fuck. I should leave.
But I can’t seem to bring myself to do the honorable thing.
“Are you going to tell me what happened?” I finally ask, no longer able to pretend I’m here to watch television and cuddle.
She mutes the show and lets out a long-suffering sigh. “He thinks I’m not sure about him.”
She doesn’t look me in the eye; she’s still curled next to me, and I stare at the outline of her face, blinking in shock.
Is my brother a complete idiot? I’ve never seen a girl look at a boy the way this girl looks at Ethan.
It’s so clear the two are obsessed with each other, and he’s questioning her?
“Why would he think that?” My tone is too raw, and I cringe internally. I can’t let her know what this conversation is doing to me, how it’s tearing me up inside.
“Because I pretty much told him I wasn’t sure about him.” The world tilts off its axis. “I didn’t mean it the way he took it, but still, I was trying to be honest about my feelings.”
Every nerve ending in my body fires with warning. If she’s not sure about him, then what the fuck have they been doing for four years?
She turns to gaze up at me, those bright green eyes making me forget my own name, and I know I’m in trouble. Her hair is a red halo around her pale face, making her my damning angel in this moment.
I didn’t know there was a world in which Sybil wasn’t madly in love with Ethan. What is she even saying? Does she mean it?
“You’re… not sure about Ethan?”
Her eyebrows furrow with regret, and it tells me everything I need to know.
“Last night he ended things, and I was so mad at first, but now I’m starting to think he was right. I need to figure out what I really want, and maybe it’s not actually our relationship.”
My gaze flicks toward her lips, and I’m such a fucking asshole for it. Those lips are like candy, cherry-colored and shiny and full and kissable. I often fantasized about their taste. I’ve dreamed of them in so many ways, of feeling them over every inch of my body.
Don’t go there.
This is so fucked up. Ethan is my twin brother and best friend.
He didn’t break up with her because he didn’t want her; he did it because she’s confused.
He’s probably still planning to propose once she realizes how much she loves him and is sure about their future.
But what if that doesn’t happen? If she doesn’t want to marry him, if loving him doesn’t reach all the way to her core, then she shouldn’t do it, and having second thoughts before they’re even engaged is a red flag.
“Ethan thinks being single for a while is going to help you figure it out how you feel about him?” I ask hoarsely.
I’m still looking at her lips. I can’t seem to stop myself. I’m a dying man in the desert who’s been searching for water for years, and it’s finally right in front of me.
Fuck . What is wrong with me?
She shrugs. “Maybe he’s right.”
Maybe, but he’s also an idiot. There’s no way I would ever let this girl go if she were mine. Being single means she can do whatever the hell she wants, and he can’t have a say in it. She can kiss other people. Sleep with other people. She can move on.
He could lose her forever, and the fact that he’s willing to take that risk makes me want to scream.
Her eyes flicker to my lips and hold, and my entire sense of the world and of what’s good and what’s right flips upside down, and I forget even my own fucking name.
“Cooper?” her voice trails off as she shifts closer, her body turning so that her chest is brushing against my bicep.
My cock is painfully hard at this point, and I can’t stop staring at her lips. Every nerve ending has turned into a live-wire and every breath feels like an eternity perched on the edge of a cliff.
This woman, the one person I’ve wanted for years, is staring at me like she’s about to kiss me. I can’t let that happen. I can’t not let it happen. I’m completely fucked.
“What?” I’m on the verge of losing control.
“What are we doing?” she breathes softly.
That’s a damn good question. I’m thinking about throwing my morals out the window and taking what I want. While I can’t put words in her mouth, I know what it means when a woman looks at me the way Sybil is, and I know she’s thinking of doing the exact same thing.
“What we shouldn’t be doing,” I answer, hating every word, but knowing it’s the truth.
It’s as simple as that. Just because they’re broken up doesn’t mean shit. It’s fresh, and it would be a huge betrayal. Ethan loves her. He’ll hate me if I cross the line I’m currently sprinting toward. And Sybil? She’ll hate me, too, once she has a chance to clear her head.
But she’s a gorgeous flame, and I’m a pathetic moth, and even though I’ll burn if I get too close, I can’t stop from throwing myself into her fire.
“You’ve never looked at me like this before,” she whispers with a husky vulnerability that’s like a riptide about to pull us under.
But I have, Valentine. You’ve just never looked back.
She shifts her weight even closer, her warmth so intoxicating I could live in it forever. Her eyes dance over my face, indecision in her gaze quickly replaced with resolve.
And hunger.
“Please,” she whispers, and the frail string of my resolve snaps.
“I’ve never been able to say no to you, Valentine.”
Her mouth is on mine first, and I’m quick to respond, pressing hard against her soft lips.
She’s sweetness personified, but our kiss is bruising—a delicious punishment for mutual sins.
I expect her to retreat quickly, but she doesn’t, and I can’t.
She groans into my lips, and I deepen the kiss, our tongues fighting for dominance as I lose all rational thought and lift her onto my lap.
Her knees widen automatically to straddle me, and my cock presses against my jeans, searching for her warmth under her buttery-smooth leggings. I slip my hands under her shirt, greedily running up her back and then down to her ass.
Her hands are everywhere—first my biceps, then fingers raking through my hair, down to cup my jaw, my neck, my chest. For a moment, I wonder if this is what it’s like for Ethan. Does she touch him like this? Is she wild for him?
The thought almost ends this for me, but she releases a long moan and rolls her hips against my erection, setting us both aflame.
I thought we’d be a slow burn, but we’re a fucking wildfire.
We can’t get enough. I bite down on her lip, and she bucks against me, her frantic hands quickly dropping to the button of my jeans.
All we can do is burn and burn and burn.
Nothing has ever felt so right. So inevitable. This woman is a goddess, and if she needs me to kneel at the altar of her body for her to understand that, then watch me worship.
My pants are undone. She did that. I still can’t believe she did that.
She’s about to slide her fingers under the band of my underwear, about to stroke my cock and send me to another dimension, when she cries out against my mouth.
She sounds so vulnerable, like she’s about to cry for real, and ice-cold reality washes over me.
I go completely still, every muscle in my body tight, and force myself to stop kissing her. She whimpers and presses her lips to mine again, but this time I don’t let myself kiss her back. Instead, I lift her from my lap and gently set her on the couch beside me.
Reality is a bitch that slaps us both hard.
I stand, wiping my lips and adjusting my pants. “I’m so sorry,” I plead, hating myself for what I’ve done. This isn’t her fault. She kissed me, but only because she’s hurting. I never should’ve let this happen.
From the horrified look in her eyes, she knows it, too.
“It wasn’t your fault,” she tries. “I kissed you first.”
I shake my head. “The kiss was both of us, but it was my fault, Sybil. You’re vulnerable, and I took advantage.”
“But I kissed you first,” she repeats, insistent this time.
Doesn’t matter. She was in emotional pain, not in her right mind, and as soon as she gave me the go-ahead, I was on her like my brother didn’t exist, and that was my decision. It’s my mistake. My failure.
We’re silent for a long moment, staring at each other. Is she comparing me to Ethan? Is she hating me right now? Her eyes are brimming with tears, and I hate myself for what I’ve done.
The last five minutes may have been the best of my life, but they were the worst of hers. She loves Ethan. Not me. We’ve made a huge mistake. I’m about to ask her how much she regrets this and how much she hates me when she says three words that shatter me.
“Don’t tell Ethan.”
It’s the confirmation I need, as much as it kills me. Ethan is the one she loves most. My stomach roils with shame. I’m going to be sick. Ethan and I tell each other everything, and here’s this horrible secret I’ll have to take to my grave.
I’m a traitor, and I’ve made her a traitor, too.
Sybil is the best person I know, but if I were to step away from this situation and see it for what it is, even I can admit my brother deserves better.
“I won’t say anything, but maybe Ethan was right. You don’t know what you want,” I admit.
Her face falls, and the guilt eats me up even more.
“I’ll go now,” I add. “I promise not to do that again. You—You didn’t deserve that.” I clear my throat and take one last look at the girl, committing everything about the way she looks tonight to memory. “I’m sorry. For all of it.”
I turn and stride away, making it to the door and barreling into the hallway, then down the elevator and out to the city street below. She’s haunted me for years, and this day is going to absolutely wreck me, like a poltergeist of my own making.
We have to leave this in the past, to let it go, to wish it had never happened, even if it’s a lie. Even if regretting a kiss like that feels like a sin.
But I know what’s coming next.
She’s going to get back together with Ethan.
Those two? They’re already on a path not even I can derail them from.
It doesn’t matter that Ethan ended it with her.
I know it won’t last long. Sybil loves him, and she loves her family—and Ethan and her family want them to be together. It’s a done deal.
As it turns out, I’m right. Less than twenty-four hours later, Ethan and Sybil reconcile.
And even though it spears me right through the heart, I tell myself I deserve to feel like shit, and I remind myself everyone wants them to be together. So I keep my dirty secret buried deep and try my best to be happy for them.